I fell out of love with my husband, what to do: advice from a psychologist - is it worth leaving and how to save the marriage

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Over many years of living together with your husband, has he suddenly become a stranger and no longer evokes tender feelings? Moreover, your husband annoys you, and thoughts of separation come to mind more and more often. This condition is familiar to many women. I stopped loving my husband, what should I do? Psychologist's advice in such cases it comes in handy. Maybe it just seems so, but how to understand this and correctly interpret your own feelings? Let's understand the most complex of all human feelings - love. We will understand whether this is the case, or whether you have become completely indifferent to the person you once loved. We’ll also talk about whether it’s worth saving a loveless marriage or whether it’s better to leave.

Why the wife stopped loving her husband: reasons

To understand the question of how to save a family if your wife has fallen out of love, you must first soberly assess what is happening and understand the reasons that motivate her. Feelings never go away suddenly, which means that some kind of push contributed to this. Most often the reasons are:

• financial difficulties, insolvency of a man, inability to support a family;
• frequent quarrels that develop into huge scandals, complete misunderstanding of partners;
• heavy losses, bitterness, for which spouses may blame each other;
• the routine of life, monotony in relationships, lack of passion, flirtation, romance;
• lack of attention, care, any manifestation of feelings in her direction;
• lack of sexual desire, when sex becomes an obligation rather than a desire;
• neglect of it, selfish behavior, preference to mind “your own” affairs;
• lack of communication, spending time together, common interests;
• abuse of bad habits, for example, alcoholism, drug addiction;
• violence from a man, both moral and physical.

Expert opinion
Elena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.

To maintain love in family relationships, it is important to spend time together, communicate as much as possible, and have common hobbies. Women need attention, compliments, romantic pleasant actions, and help in difficult situations. A caring, loving man will not have a question about how to return his wife’s love, which means you did something wrong.

How to save your marriage and family?

Family is a union of two loving people.

However, it often happens that one spouse’s feelings pass, while the other still strives to preserve the relationship and marriage.

1. Understand the cause of the problem. Why did the feeling go away? Before this there was some kind of traumatic event, stress, betrayal, a period of crisis began in the family.
2. Discuss with your spouse why this happened and what complaints he has. Dialogue is a step towards better understanding each other and assessing whether it is worth continuing to live together.
3. Analyze what you heard. If you are partly to blame for the fact that the feelings have passed, then think about how you can change and become more interesting to your spouse.
4. Spend time together, go on vacation. Monotonous life, financial problems, scandals and reproaches directly affect emotions.
   The spouse might not fall out of love, but be in a state of stress and fatigue.
5. Find common hobbies. Hobbies and similar interests unite us and help us get to know each other better.
6. Become more interesting to your spouse.
7. Do an unexpected and pleasant act , fulfill a long-standing desire, arrange a surprise.
8. Diversify your intimate life. Over time, sex becomes a duty, the partner no longer evokes the same desire and passion as before. Take the initiative, add variety to intimacy, show a different side of yourself.
9. Help, support your spouse , show your participation, but do not impose yourself if it is unpleasant for the person.
10. Change your priorities. You devoted your time only to your family – take up your career. You spent too much time working – remember that you have a husband or wife, children.

When trying to save a family, it is important to be sure that your partner needs this too . Marriage is the ability to compromise, the ability to understand another person, to see when he needs support and help.

Feelings are destroyed by indifference, selfishness, and consumerism.

Signs of cooled feelings

In order not to part with the woman you love, it is important for you to identify the problem in a timely manner before it goes away. If she does not directly say that she has stopped loving you, the following signs will be alarming:

• she regularly refuses intimacy;
• communicates with other men, shows interest in their successes;
• sharply changes priorities, increasingly spends time outside the home with friends.

Simply put, a woman becomes cold, uninterested in the affairs of her husband, and shows warmth and care less and less. There are a lot of indirect signs that indicate that feelings have subsided:

• she no longer hides her shortcomings;
• ignores your presence;
• shows unreasonable jealousy;
• shows irritability over small things;
• demonstrates rudeness, selfishness;
• pays less and less attention to household chores and cooking;
• prefers to make any important decisions independently.

This behavior does not always mean that she has fallen out of love, has fallen in love with another man and is going to leave for him. But in any case, all signs are an indicator that the relationship needs rehabilitation.

Will you try to get your wife back after betrayal?

Not really

Reasons for cooling feelings

Love passes. Cases when a couple keeps their feelings throughout their lives are very rare. There are several reasons why a wife can stop loving her husband. Each of them can manifest itself at different stages of relationship development:

1. Wedding. Before marriage, lovers do not see any flaws in each other; each of them is fascinated by their other half. When the passport is stamped, love gradually recedes, especially if the young people did not live together before the wedding. This is due to the overwhelming everyday problems and inability to distribute responsibilities. Petty quarrels inevitably take away the charm.
2. First year. Spouses get to know each other better, and shortcomings become obvious.
3. Second year. The husband ceases to be ideal, the wife notices more and more of his negative traits. The spouse’s behavior, his manner of speech, gestures, and outlook on life begin to irritate. Quarrels arise over trifles, and money often becomes the cause of conflicts.
4. Third year. Relationship crisis. Conflicts arise more and more often, differences in views appear. Scandals arise from even small disagreements; spouses often hear nagging and criticism directed at them. Psychologists often consider this period to be a turning point; many couples separate after living together for 3 years.

After a quarrel

Quarrels and conflicts are a common cause of cooling feelings for a husband. If spouses constantly argue, then even a person with a stable psyche will sooner or later get tired of it. And fatigue from a partner greatly extinguishes feelings.

The other side of this coin is resentment. During a quarrel, the husband will consciously and not very much express complaints and criticize his wife, which will certainly humiliate and insult her. Such moral violence will not strengthen the relationship in any way. Some couples benefit from such emotional releases because they end in a stormy reconciliation, but this is the exception. Most often, the wife endures in silence until a certain moment, but one day the bubble bursts and everything that has accumulated spills out into the light.

A minor quarrel will never cause feelings to cool down. But if this happens every day, and the resentment only accumulates, then the next major scandal can put an end to the relationship.

After the baby is born

When a couple has a child, the marriage faces a major test. In this case, it does not matter at all whether the spouses have been together for one year or ten. A baby is happiness, but the joy of his birth is often overshadowed by everyday difficulties and growing expenses of the family budget.

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In addition, the child requires constant attention, especially from a woman, gradually displacing the husband into the background. Frequent illnesses of the baby, sleepless nights, educational games, walks for the mother turn into a real test, her only task is to ensure maximum comfort for the offspring. Feelings for her husband gradually cool down, because there is almost no time left for him, the spouses are increasingly moving away from each other.

Men rarely take an active part in raising children, so women often blame them for lack of help and lack of attention.

The wife constantly feels tired if her husband does not provide enough support. It begins to seem to her that he has fallen out of love, resentment arises, and, as a result, love begins to fade.

Other options

Different couples have different reasons for cooling their feelings.

Among other options why love passes, the following can be noted:

1. Lack of romance, monotonous relationships, boredom. Marriage turns into living together in one apartment. The spouses no longer have the desire to get to know each other, and spiritual distance occurs. There is no point in staying together.
2. Outside interference in the lives of spouses. “Caring” parents of a husband or wife constantly strive to help with advice, make comments on how to live correctly, raise children, and build relationships. Yes, they have experience, but it applies to their relationship, and a family of children is a completely different battlefield, different rules apply here. It’s good if parents live separately, then there is an opportunity to protect yourself from their annoying attention. Spouses who live with the older generation in the same living space are doomed, because over time such increased attention will become simply unbearable and will provoke insoluble conflicts.
3. "Dictatorship" of the husband. If a man is powerful, especially when he occupies a leadership position, he often transfers this model of behavior into the family. This is manifested in a commanding tone, a disdainful attitude towards his wife, constant demands without the desire to give something in return. This type of behavior is disrespectful to your spouse. Gradually she begins to despise her betrothed, eternal grievances accumulate. One day the moment comes when a woman realizes that this person is not her beloved. Instead of love, hatred appears.
4. Treason. When a man cheats, it hurts a woman’s self-esteem. The wife receives a treacherous blow from the person she loves most, after which she subconsciously ceases to perceive him as such. If a woman starts a relationship on the side, most often this indicates that her feelings for her husband have already cooled down, living together has become a habit and does not bring joy.

Is it worth returning your wife if she has fallen out of love?

Not in all cases, returning the wife is an advisable solution. So before you take any action, ask yourself whether it's worth returning it at all. If not only her feelings, but also yours, have cooled down, then it’s better to get a divorce. Controversial situations may be the following:

• you live together, but she wants to leave - first find the reasons for such a desire, make every effort to keep her, and if it doesn’t help, resign yourself;
• if you have children together , this is a good reason to try to keep the family together, if at least one of you still has love;
• there is acquired property - often spouses are hampered by such a situation when divorce is not so easily allowed by issues of division of property, which means this is your chance to gain time.

The first signs that a husband has stopped loving his wife

If you think that your man has stopped loving you, you should pay attention to how he behaves towards you and how he communicates with you. Study his behavior carefully before jumping to any conclusions.

How to understand that feelings have faded:

Communication. The first thing your wife should pay attention to when it seems to her that her husband’s feelings have faded away is the amount of time he devotes to communicating with you. If your spouse's priority is watching TV or chatting with friends instead of family conversations before bed, you might want to consider

Also pay attention to how he reacts to your attempts to start a dialogue. If he answers your questions in monosyllables and does not try to maintain the conversation, and can also make a rude remark to the simplest question, it is obvious that he is not interested in communicating with you. If such communication has been going on in your family for a long time, this indicates that you have practically lost the connection that happens between close people. Unfortunately, lack of dialogue and rude attitude can serve as reasons for divorce, so be sure to have an open conversation with your spouse.

Tactile communication. In any relationship, touch is very important because it feeds it with warmth and emotion. Remember how often you hugged and kissed each other at the very beginning of your relationship: you were intoxicated by the aroma of your loved one and wanted to cling to him more and more tightly over and over again. After a few years of marriage, the so-called “chemistry” wears off, but you need to work on the relationship every day. This also applies to physical contacts: every day they become less and less, and after some time we catch ourselves thinking that we haven’t hugged for a week, or maybe a month. If you notice such a gap in your relationship, urgently hurry to correct it. Take the initiative and kiss and hug your spouse yourself. If all your attempts are rejected, your husband does not want your hugs and tries in every possible way to avoid you, this is the first sign that his feelings have come to an end.

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Pleasant trifles. At the initial stage of a relationship, a man presents a woman with a large number of small surprises: these could be flowers, sweets or other pleasant little things. If you had an early marriage, you will be especially sensitive to various gifts due to your young age. After the wedding, signs of attention change, and the man tries to demonstrate his feelings differently: tidy up the apartment, cook a delicious dinner, or propose a trip together for the weekend. If your spouse does not show any initiative, prefers to shrug off all household responsibilities and does not try to please you, most likely his feelings for you have passed.

Pastime. To understand whether your spouse remains interested in you, sometimes it is enough to observe where and how he usually spends his time. Of course, each family member can have their own personal time to meet with friends, but if these meetings are daily, and your husband is constantly looking for a reason to run away from home to the garage, to work or for other errands, he is clearly uninterested and uncomfortable with you . Many men even prefer the company of their mother, and often the strained relationship between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law also causes discord in the family.

Emotions. If your husband stops loving you, you will immediately notice how strange he behaves. He won’t laugh at your jokes, won’t smile at your “Good morning, honey,” and won’t strive to express his emotions in any way. If there are no feelings for a person, then the emotions either disappear completely or become negative.

How to return the feelings of your beloved wife

Relationship psychology teaches that any problem in a relationship between a man and a woman is always the fault of both. Therefore, if your wife decides to leave you and declares a lack of feelings, find the reasons, and then build on them to find ways to save the family. You can return its location in several ways:

1. Frank conversation - choose a moment when you are both calm. After this, try to discuss the problem, analyze the relationship, identify the reasons, but so that it does not develop into another scandal.
2. Apology - if you know what kind of offense offended your wife, led to a cooling of feelings, apologize. You can organize a pleasant surprise. Even if you once decided to cheat on your spouse, the chances of forgiveness are slim, but it’s worth trying to beg for forgiveness.
3. Make her fall in love with you again - remember for what actions and qualities she once fell in love with you. Try to demonstrate all this again, help her in solving any problems, show interest in her and her life.
4. Listen to criticism - try to bring your wife into a frank conversation so that she directly expresses all her complaints against you. After listening to all this, you will be able to soberly assess whether it makes sense to maintain the relationship, whether you can change for her sake.
5. Break up - if she wants to leave, give her freedom. Let her live alone, think through all the pros and cons of loneliness, so that she has something to compare with. And after some time, you can meet and discuss whether it’s worth getting together, or whether you’re both comfortable separately.
6. Consultation with a family psychologist - specialists save about 60% of married couples. Try to persuade her to go to a psychologist together. If not, visit it yourself to find answers to any questions.
7. Let go - if she fell in love with someone else, went to him, demonstrates in every possible way how happy she is in a new relationship, give her freedom. You can say that you are ready to take her back, but you shouldn’t interfere with her new life.

In any case, the surest path is to improve yourself, to work on yourself. Whatever decision you both make, do everything to transform yourself for the better, both externally and internally. Eliminate all shortcomings that led to a cooling of feelings.

What to do if your wife has fallen out of love: advice from a psychologist and effective recommendations

If the spouse openly says that her feelings have faded away, or there are all signs of this on her face, the question arises of what to do if the wife has fallen out of love. Here it is important to decide whether it makes sense to fight to preserve the relationship. Living with a person who has fallen out of love is worth it only if you have a firm intention to revive his faded feelings. Otherwise, such an alliance is doomed to failure.

So what to do if your wife has fallen out of love? The psychologist’s advice and recommendations in this regard are as follows:

• Find out what a woman doesn't like about you. To do this, you need to talk frankly without quarrels and scandals. Even if you don’t like what you hear, try to calmly perceive the information and listen to your spouse’s position;
• Do not put pressure on your wife or beg her to save the marriage. It is important to tell your spouse that the relationship is very important to you and you do not want a divorce, but the choice is still hers. For a while it is necessary to let her go, to do the so-called reboot of the relationship;
• Change and start improving yourself. To reawaken your wife's interest, you need to remember what attracted her to you at the beginning of the relationship. It is likely that you have changed a lot now and are completely different from you a few years ago. Try to awaken in yourself those qualities that your wife once liked so much. Also, start improving yourself. Sign up for a gym or swimming pool, learn a new profession or start doing something you've always dreamed of;
• Try to eliminate the reason that led to the fading of feelings. Here the actions depend on each specific situation. For example, if a man earned little, and most of the conflicts arose due to lack of money, try to look for a higher paying job. It may be worth taking advanced training courses or radically changing your field of activity. It is important that the cause be eliminated permanently, and not for some time. Otherwise, your spouse will become even more convinced that you are not the person she needs;
• Bring romance back into your relationship. Treat your wife to a romantic dinner or take her on a date to the place where you had your first kiss. Give flowers for no reason, shower the woman with compliments, show that she is still interesting and desirable to you.

Getting your feelings back if your wife has fallen out of love and wants a divorce is not so easy. This process can take quite a long time. The woman must believe that you have really changed and are ready to start the relationship from scratch.

For a number of reasons, it sometimes happens that a woman’s feelings for her own husband fade away. You can notice this without waiting for the moment when the wife declares her desire to get a divorce. The sooner a man recognizes the signs that his wife has fallen out of love, the greater his chances of saving the marriage. Before thinking about what to do if a wife has stopped loving her husband and wants to divorce, it is important to understand whether the relationship is really worth fighting for, or whether divorce would be the most reasonable way out of this situation.

Author: Olga Vasilyeva. Photo: Instagram, Infastar, YouTube. If you are the author of one of the photos and do not agree with its publication, contact the administration and we will correct the error.

How to behave if your wife leaves

A cold marriage will sooner or later lead to the spouse leaving. Breaking up can also cause betrayal on her part. What to do if you are determined to renew your marriage? Establishing relationships requires the following measures:

• give time to both yourself and your wife, don’t run after her, causing scandals, and especially don’t drag her back home by force;
• leave her alone, perhaps she left temporarily to take a break from you, the routine of family life, everyday life, and a change of environment will benefit the relationship;
• if she declares that she is not satisfied with the relationship and specific behavior on your part, hear every word she says, realize her misdeeds, work on yourself to prevent this from happening in the future;
• if she lives with another man, don’t try to get her back, become a better person, behave with dignity, there is a high probability that very soon she will realize the mistake and come back;
• restore normal communication in order to maintain contact with her, provide assistance in every possible way in any matter, take an interest in her life.

A kind, attentive, sympathetic attitude towards her will help to quickly return your spouse home. Try to do everything to show awareness of your mistakes and the ability to change.

Is it possible to return your wife's love?

Love is a very complex and subtle feeling. In fact, it is difficult for a man to be completely sure that his wife has stopped loving him: the woman herself sometimes cannot understand what is happening to her feelings - whether they are gone forever or temporarily dulled.

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True love is not forgotten, it only fades a little or is temporarily replaced by anger, and you can try to rekindle its flame. However, there are situations when the most important feeling in a person’s life can be lost forever. The reason for this may be betrayal, which causes pain and wounds the heart so much that it simply closes itself off from any feelings. Let's hope this is not your case.

And, no matter how sad it is, you cannot return what never happened. Alas, not every feeling, even one that greatly grips two young people, can be called the sublime word “love.” Love comes and goes unless everything possible has been done to make it something more. If for your wife small everyday problems serve as a reason for abandoning feelings, then is it worth moving mountains for the sake of these feelings? Think about it. And be honest with yourself.

In some cases, the only solution is divorce

When does staying in a relationship when you fall out of love make no sense? It's only a matter of time before divorce is imminent. There are several signs that a relationship cannot be saved:

1. Wife is cheating . If we are talking about a systematic relationship with another man for whom you have feelings, it is unlikely that your attempts to save the marriage are justified and appropriate.
2. Moral, psychological violence . If one of you is constantly being abused, sacrificing for a fragile peace, and facing humiliation, the relationship is doomed.
3. No compromise . Does your wife blame you for everything, but does not see her own guilt, although it is obvious? It is unlikely that such a policy will lead to harmony; sooner or later the marriage will collapse anyway.
4. Different visions of the future . If your plans for your future life diverge radically, everyone sees their future in their own way, the relationship is doomed.
5. Lack of any contact . When there is no communication, interaction, tenderness, tactility and even sex in a couple, with a great desire to preserve a fragile peace, this will be impossible.

Well, the main indicator that the solution should be divorce is mutual indifference, lack of respect. Neither children nor common property will be able to keep you together for long.

Why doesn't my wife love me? Possible causes and appropriate actions

People tend to doubt throughout the long years of their lives. A family is a system that is constantly developing, experiencing ups and downs, therefore, the feelings of the spouses may change. A husband and wife may experience misunderstanding and even disgust towards each other. Women especially experience difficult situations, as they often take failures to heart.

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Psychologists advise a man to pay more attention and care so that his wife feels his love.

It’s also worth taking care of yourself - start going to the gym, update your wardrobe. Let your wife know that you shouldn’t leave your kind and handsome husband! In this case, do not forget about common interests and aspirations.

The reason for the cooling of relations may be the lack of care and attention of the husband

Or a situation where attention and care are not shown in the form in which the spouse would like

Women are very sensitive and emotional, so they need kindness and affection from their husband. A husband can earn his wife’s love with the help of kindness, care and tenderness.

Action is important

Try to serve a delicious dinner on the table every evening and clean the apartment, thereby showing concern for your loved one. When your wife appreciates this, she will feel love for you and will be against leaving the family.

Also watch this video:

Advice from a psychologist on getting your spouse back and building relationships

The main assistant in matters of maintaining relationships is a psychologist. He has all the information about what reasons ruin marriages, what causes feelings to pass, and what ways they can be renewed. Tips for getting your wife back and building relationships will be as follows:

• change everything - if before you paid little attention to your wife, now show her the opposite attitude, give her compliments, help, show concern;
• give up accusations - any reproaches lead to disputes, scandals, because of which cooled feelings go away even more; on the contrary, praise your wife for any even insignificant act, support any decisions;
• revive romance and flirting - arrange dates, pleasant surprises for her, arrange such meetings with which you once won her heart at the stage of courtship;
• don’t let the bed get cold - surprise her as much as you can, show how good she can be with you in sex, take the initiative;
• establish trusting communication - only in this case you will always be able to express dissatisfaction and complaints without scandals, and also learn from her in a timely manner what you can do to offend or upset your companion.

How to understand that you have stopped loving your husband

Lack of love is manifested by the fact that you don’t want to please a man, to please him. It's annoying:

• manner of behavior;
• speech;
• cloth;
• way of doing life;
• the way he spends his money;
• laziness.

It’s worth thinking about if intimacy becomes a mere formality, a marital duty and does not bring any pleasure. An alarm bell when thoughts and dreams arise about another man, perhaps even a desire to have an affair on the side and. If you really want this, we wrote how to prepare for betrayal: who to choose as a candidate, where to commit adultery, how to hide your tracks.

If anything, the site has a very detailed article with tips on how to... She will help you not get confused in your feelings and make the right decision.