What to do if your wife has fallen out of love and wants a divorce

The root of the breakup in most relationships lies in the loss of feelings of one of the partners for the other, which often occurs for very specific reasons. Every man who asks himself the question “what to do if his wife has fallen out of love,” who wants to return his wife’s former feelings and prevent divorce, must make every effort to understand these reasons and, if possible, eliminate them.

How do you feel?

Before you begin to win your spouse's heart again, analyze the situation and your own feelings and answer the following questions.

How sure are you that your wife really stopped loving you? Perhaps this opinion is based on emotional statements or behavior of your other half, caused by a serious quarrel or resentment? If this is the case, simply resolving your conflict, perhaps by making concessions, will be enough, and you will see that you began to panic early.
Do you really truly love your wife, or is the desire to return her love and affection dictated by wounded pride?
Imagine that you will not be able to reconcile with your spouse and revive love and warm relationships. How will you feel about this: despair, fear, hatred, resentment, or perhaps relief?
If you are sure that your spouse no longer loves you, but does not talk to you about separation or divorce, can you continue to live with her, knowing that true marital happiness is no longer possible?
Remember how your wife’s feelings manifested themselves at the dawn of their married life? Was her love bright and inspiring, or was she always quite cold, rather allowing you to love her?

Some men, living alone for some time, wonder who their spouse was for him - a source of inspiration and joy or a burden.

What to do if your wife wants to file for divorce? 6 tips

Get ready to act

If you seriously want to prevent a divorce, you should try not to fall into the blues and not go on a binge, but instead calm down and draw up a plan for your actions. Remind yourself of the positive qualities you can bring to your marriage and figure out how to show them off in all their glory. Very soon you will begin to believe in yourself more.

Notice that we wrote “show” and not “show and tell.” Let your actions speak louder than words. Self-praise is unlikely to help you. Instead, try to praise your spouse and thank her from the bottom of your heart for the things you are truly grateful for and appreciate her for.

Find out what you need to change about yourself

Make a list of all the comments your spouse has made to you in the past, as well as everything that upset her about your behavior. Most likely, by doing this she was trying to prevent a divorce. Now discuss this list with her. Make sure you don't miss anything, but at the same time keep a neutral tone, as if you were just checking your grocery list before going to the store.

Once you've discussed this list, think back to your family and try to understand if any of the behaviors arose from observing the actions of someone you grew up with. Was this behavior characteristic of a parent or perhaps an older sibling?

For a given strategy to act or react, it is not always easy to find an identifiable source. But the more accurately you can determine where and why you learned your negative forms of behavior, the more effective your fight against them will be.

Then create an action plan to eliminate each item on the list. You may need to see an individual psychotherapist. Don't be shy, this is completely normal. This way, work on already established behavior patterns will go much faster and more efficiently.

Look your best

Appearance, as well as the effort you put into your appearance, can be an important factor in rekindling romantic feelings and ultimately ending the divorce process.

Now is not the time to let yourself go! Get a new haircut that you like. Pay attention to the clothes you wear, throw away those baggy old sweatpants and the stretched T-shirt that annoys your wife.

This is important not only to remind your spouse how good-looking you are, but also to feel confident in yourself and your own attractiveness.

Discuss all old grievances

Find out what grievances your spouse has against you and how much they influenced her decision to file for divorce. Ask her to make a list of all the moments she remembers with anger or bitterness. Also create your own list of grievances against her. Then go through each item on both lists together, one after the other, to “find the errors.”

This means that each of you must understand your own role in the misunderstanding, misperception or conflict. At this moment, no one should comment on the partner’s actions. Instead, try to understand what you yourself did that unintentionally contributed to the problem. Apologize for this.

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Then discuss what you can change in the future to prevent the bad situation from happening again. Mistakes are necessary in order to learn. If your marriage is currently on shaky ground, you and your spouse probably haven't learned enough from it.

Learn the skills anyone needs to be a good partner

Even if you have not behaved in the best way in the past, but your wife is willing to give your marriage another chance, you are quite capable of changing your behavior for the better and becoming a more caring and understanding partner.

To do this, it is worth mastering four skills necessary to maintain a healthy love relationship:

talk to each other;
look together for a compromise that will suit both of you;
Don’t take your anger out on each other;
Bring more positivity into your relationship while minimizing negativity.

As you can see, there is nothing supernatural in this list. However, be patient and monitor your thoughts and behavior until these four skills become habits.

Seek help from a specialist

And one more important step that can help save a marriage is a joint trip to a family therapist.

But here it is important to emphasize that in addition to the wife’s consent, in this case, individual meetings with a specialist may be required for each of you separately, as well as a focus on results, a willingness to work on yourself and change negative habits and attitudes.

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If you admit that you were wrong in the past, want to become a better partner for your wife, and she believes in you, then there is a good chance that after this crisis your marriage will become stronger and happier. The main thing is to believe in yourself and strive for changes for the better!

Author: Maria Minaeva

Why did the wife stop loving?

If you are serious about preserving your family and improving relationships, you should understand the reasons for the fading of feelings.

First of all, you need to think about your own behavior and sort out your mistakes. Perhaps your spouse did not receive enough attention, or she is very offended or offended by your behavior or words. Women differ from men in their patience and are able to accumulate grievances for a long time and not say a word in response. However, when the cup of patience runs out, even a very loving wife can simply force herself to give up the most wonderful feeling and leave her husband and/or file for divorce.
Another reason for the weakening of love and the breakdown of relationships is the husband’s employment. In the race for family material well-being, some men do not devote time to their wives and children. Perhaps your wife has already gotten used to doing without you, and her feelings gradually faded away due to the fact that they did not find use for themselves.
The reason could also be an outside hobby. Today's opportunities for communication on the Internet attract many people. Wanting to receive bright emotions and inspiration, women meet other men who, through communication, give them these emotions, lift their spirits, and create a false feeling of new love or infatuation.

You should not blame your spouse for everything: if your wife stopped loving you, having become carried away by another man, perhaps she really did not receive in marriage what every woman urgently needs - attention and emotions.

It is possible that there was no love from the beginning. What you and your wife thought was love was actually just infatuation, affection, or even sexual attraction. Of course, love could have arisen already in the process of family life, grown out of mutual respect, tenderness and understanding, but in your case this did not happen: the sprouts of love did not sprout on unprepared soil.

If it is difficult for you to figure out on your own the reason for the coldness or breakup of the relationship and understand your spouse, try seeking help from a specialist. You need to carefully try to find out the reason from your wife, so that your spouse understands that your motive is reconciliation, and does not take it as an accusation of all sins.

How to dissuade your spouse from divorce?

First of all, it is necessary to find out why the wife filed for divorce or is just planning to do so. Analyze your behavior, reconsider the reasons for divorce and think about how acceptable they are in your case. If you don’t see a clear reason for divorce, then calmly and as frankly as possible talk with your spouse and try to dissuade her. You can also seek help from a family psychologist. He will analyze the situation and give advice that will help save the family and tell you what to do next.

Become different. If you decide to save your marriage and don't want to let your wife go, then you need to change. Very often, women talk about divorce (if there are no apparent reasons) when they are tired of the daily routine. The wife does not want to feel like a housewife; it is important for her to remain a desired and beloved woman. In this case, you can dissuade from divorce by simply relieving your wife of some household responsibilities, or going on vacation. The spouse will again feel like a desirable woman, and most likely will forget about the divorce.
Become a man. Nobody needs a man who is a doormat. A married woman wants to feel fragile and weak, to hide behind her lover’s back from all adversity. Therefore, no self-respecting woman can stand a weakling or a man-child for long. The main thing here is to find the middle - to be independent, but to listen to the opinion of your wife and take it into account, to be strong, but not callous and rude. Therefore, if your spouse has filed for divorce, pull yourself together and try to peacefully and tactfully find out what exactly does not suit her, and only after that, think about how you can correct the situation and dissuade your spouse from divorce. You can tell her the following words: “I am a man, trust me, I take responsibility for our family, trust me, and I will prove to you that I can fix everything... etc.”
Become more caring and gentle. Women in marriage very often lack tenderness and warmth. This is why many women declare their desire to get a divorce for no apparent reason. Therefore, if you are not ready to lose your spouse, change, become more affectionate and attentive, remember the time when you just started the relationship. A trip to the cinema or a restaurant, small gifts, compliments and words of gratitude will help you dissuade your wife from divorce.
Start earning money.

The wife may not have enough money. And in this case, it is unpleasant for her to watch her husband who does not want to do anything, does not move up the career ladder, but simply lies on the sofa. Do not allow your woman to solve the problem of lack of money, deprive herself of small things, or take on debt. If you decide that your wife filed for divorce due to financial reasons, then try to find a new better-paying job or work overtime.

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Show your spouse her importance in your eyes. If your wife says that she stopped loving you or filed for divorce for another reason, try to show her importance. Try to give your spouse more attention, talk more often about your devotion and love. If you don't have children, tell her that you wish she were pregnant. If your wife has not stopped loving you, then she will definitely stay and refuse the divorce, because with these simple actions and words you will show her how important and valuable she is to you. This is one of the most effective ways to help dissuade your spouse from divorce.
Remind her how it all began. Women live by emotions. Therefore, remember those times when everything was fine for you, when your romance was just beginning. Take your wife to her favorite place, give flowers, light candles, open a bottle of wine, in general, reenact the actions of the past. There is a high probability that in this revived atmosphere, your spouse will understand that she has not stopped loving you, but is simply tired of routine and everyday hassles, and she will most likely abandon the idea of divorce.
Live separately. If your wife does not want to understand you, and you cannot dissuade her from divorce, then offer to live separately. Leave your shared apartment for a while (rent a separate place for yourself), but under no circumstances disappear from your spouse’s life. Allow your wife to cool down and take a break from family responsibilities. But at this time you must do things that will prove your love and desire to save your family. Give small gifts, make surprises, for example, send flowers or a fruit basket. The main thing is not to come to her in person, so that she has time to get bored, relax and think about everything. Your wife will see your romantic mood and her heart will thaw.

These rules should only be used if you really have feelings and your wife means more to you than just a “stove.” These 7 simple tips help solve almost all reasons for divorce.

Is it possible to return your wife's love?

Love is a very complex and subtle feeling. In fact, it is difficult for a man to be completely sure that his wife has stopped loving him: the woman herself sometimes cannot understand what is happening to her feelings - whether they are gone forever or temporarily dulled.

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True love is not forgotten, it only fades a little or is temporarily replaced by anger, and you can try to rekindle its flame. However, there are situations when the most important feeling in a person’s life can be lost forever. The reason for this may be betrayal, which causes pain and wounds the heart so much that it simply closes itself off from any feelings. Let's hope this is not your case.

And, no matter how sad it is, you cannot return what never happened. Alas, not every feeling, even one that greatly grips two young people, can be called the sublime word “love.” Love comes and goes unless everything possible has been done to make it something more. If for your wife small everyday problems serve as a reason for abandoning feelings, then is it worth moving mountains for the sake of these feelings? Think about it. And be honest with yourself.

Reasons for the fading of feelings

The most difficult years of family life are the first three. In the first year, the spouses decide whether they should continue living together and get used to each other’s characteristics. By the third year of family life, a child appears in the family, and the barely established way of life is turned upside down.

Three years is a considerable period of time during which life becomes stable. In many families, stability is replaced by monotony, and a monotonous routine can make even the most faithful and loving partner irritable and tired. Behind a series of boring daily actions, the negative sides of the spouse become clearly visible. If earlier the wife could only affectionately scold him for sloppiness, forgetfulness or passion for computer games, then by the third year annoying habits can be pointed out with rudeness and scandal.

Otherwise, the woman suffers in silence. She, as always, does her usual housework, cleans, cooks, smiles reservedly at her husband, but in her head she has long been hatching a plan to leave for her lover or her parents.

External negative factors influence the decision to leave. Living with parents or their constant interference in the personal lives of spouses, financial difficulties, the loss of a close friend or relative can turn a woman’s mind upside down and make her grow cold towards her husband.

The reasons for loss of feelings can be very diverse. The spouses themselves should gather in them or do it together with a specialist. However, breaking up a family relationship, especially a long one, is a serious step, and it is not always worth following your heart, especially since feelings can only fade away temporarily. Let's turn to the advice of a psychologist: what to do if a wife stops loving her husband.

How to get back your old feelings?

Having firmly decided to save the marriage and return love to your family, look for the causes of discord in the family, and, like a true strategist, think through a plan of action and options for eliminating them.

If the reason for the quarrel is clear to you, and you want to correct your mistakes and save your marriage, try to surprise your beloved. Remember that women love real men, and show what you are capable of in order to be with your beloved.
If your wife stops loving you, tired of your destructive behavior, for example, alcohol abuse, unreasonable jealousy, deal with your bad habits, try to solve the problem together with a psychologist.

Sometimes, in order to get your loved one back, you have to change yourself.

Surround your wife with unobtrusive attention - if your spouse secretly suffered from a lack of attention, she will appreciate your efforts. A great option is to invite her to your first date and give her a beautiful bouquet of her favorite flowers. Start a conversation about feelings, remember words that no one knows about except you. Call her in the middle of the night and confess your feelings.
A frank conversation with each other often helps to resolve any misunderstandings that have arisen and preserve the relationship. Let your spouse also be honest with you in conversation.

The conversation should be structured in such a way that each of the couple can listen to the other without interrupting him, otherwise everything may end in another quarrel.

Try to remember the pleasant moments that you probably had a lot during your marriage. It helps you get closer and forget about bad situations. Let your spouse know that you are willing to change for the sake of your love and tell her what attempts you have already made to do this.
Perhaps feelings just need a shake-up, there is love, but it is hidden under the burden of dull everyday life. Find a way to change the situation at least temporarily, go on a trip together, go on a date with your own wife.

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Helping men from the psychological side

If you failed to dissuade your wife from divorce, and she filed an application, but you still have feelings, then it is best to seek help from a psychologist.

Men hide their feelings, and male pride plays a big role. That is why, during a divorce initiated by a woman, a man falls into deep depression, he becomes vulnerable and has many complexes, which has negative psychological consequences.

Problems that a psychologist helps solve

In a divorce, a man is deprived of important moral values. He loses his beloved woman, he has some restrictions in communicating with his children, and to some extent he loses the right to raise his children. Also, a divorced man is faced with everyday problems that were previously the responsibility of his wife (cleaning the apartment, cooking, keeping the wardrobe in order).

When faced with everyday problems, a man begins to realize how many difficult issues a woman solved, gave him care and created a comfortable environment and coziness. Because of this, a divorced man begins to feel loneliness and discomfort.

On the one hand, after a divorce, a man no longer has responsibility for the entire family, but at the same time, he begins to realize that he is not even able to cope with responsibility for himself.

Bachelor life, of course, has a lot of its advantages, but after having had enough fun, a man understands that it is better to live in a family than to be completely free. In addition, after a divorce, many men go to extremes - they start drinking a lot, overeating, and succumbing to the temptation of unprotected sex and other entertainment. Of course, every man has the right to live his life after a divorce the way he wants, but a psychologist will still help you avoid some serious mistakes.

What do psychologists advise?

Psychologists advise men after a divorce to give up drinking and unprotected sex. Set a goal for yourself and try to achieve it. You can devote all your free time to work or start learning a sport. First of all, you need to remain a man and not go to extremes.

It is also imperative to analyze your entire family life, identify your mistakes that led to the divorce, and draw conclusions. A new serious relationship should only begin when you have completely let go of your old life.

How to get your wife back from another man?

If your wife left you for another man, first think about whether it’s worth returning her, because she fell in love with another person.

Rarely in such situations do men try to return their beloved, because betrayal is rightfully considered a real betrayal. However, if a firm decision is made, you need to try to prove to your spouse that she is the whole meaning of your life.

You should never try to win a woman back by threats or blackmail; it is better to surpass your rival in something. Sometimes a neutral attitude towards a woman works; realizing that you are indifferent, she can return to the family on her own. The weak half of humanity likes strong men, and your possible humiliation can only make things worse. Therefore, there is no need to beg her to return and instantly forgive the betrayal.

A henpecked man may be very convenient, but it’s not at all interesting. There are often cases when a woman leaves an attentive, helpful and forgiving husband for a kind of macho male, so with all your boundless love for your wife, do not lose your masculinity.

“My wife stopped loving me”

Alexander, hello. Cooling on the part of your wife is most likely caused by the fact that your family is now going through a difficult period, which in psychology is called the “crisis of 12 years.” This is the time when spouses are faced with several problems at once:

The beginning of a midlife crisis, which occurs earlier in women than in men;
Problematic adolescence in children and conflicts with parents, which also causes misunderstandings in the family;
Getting used to your partner, clearly seeing all his shortcomings.

It is worth noting that women often experience crisis moments more painfully, withdrawing into themselves and moving away from their spouse. But this does not mean that your wife has stopped loving you. She needs your love, care and attention now more than ever. To improve your relationship, listen to the tips below:

Have an open conversation with your wife in a calm environment without accusations or reproaches. Perhaps she is offended by you or has some problems that she is afraid to tell you about, and this is the reason for her coldness and isolation.
Show concern for your spouse. Take an interest in her affairs, well-being, and mood.
Do something romantic for her: give her a huge bouquet of roses, have a candlelit dinner, dedicate a poem to her, or order a hand-drawn portrait of your wife.
Take over household chores that your wife usually does. It is quite possible that the spouse is tired of daily problems and everyday life, and she needs rest. If you help her regularly, she will have more time for herself and for you.
Also, you both need a distraction. Organize a trip to another country or to the sea. Traveling together tends to refresh and improve the relationship between spouses.
Spend more time together: visit the theater, cinema, concert of your favorite performer and the exhibition of your wife’s favorite artist.
Visit places where you were once happy more often. Perhaps, even at the beginning of the relationship, you loved to go to a special place for both of you on the river bank or in a park. Be sure to check it out again to bring back the feeling of happiness from your relationship.
Give your wife gifts. These don't have to be expensive gifts. Even a pleasant little thing can bring a smile to the face of the woman you love. But this is what you are trying to achieve, isn’t it?

Show care, love, tenderness and attention to harmonize your relationship with the woman you love. She now so needs your support and understanding.