What to do if your wife cheated on her husband: advice from a psychologist on how to behave

Cheating on your wife is one of the most painful topics that experienced psychologists discuss with their patients. Strong, brave, self-confident men are often lost in such a situation and do not know how to behave, what measures to take, how to act. It is difficult for them to imagine that this could happen.

After all, a wife’s betrayal is a betrayal of the closest person. In many families, spouses have lived in perfect harmony for decades, and the man has never had any reason not to trust his wife. Having learned about what happened, not every man is able to soberly assess the situation on his own. A psychologist's advice will help you make a decision by understanding what to do. An experienced specialist will tell you what actions to avoid.

What to do immediately after cheating?

What to do after cheating
A woman after cheating may not show that something wrong happened. She may also begin to try to manipulate or smooth over the situation.

To maintain the adequacy of thoughts, it is recommended to use the following algorithm:

Loneliness. You need to move away from your wife for some time. This will allow you to accept the situation and be left alone with your emotions. It is not recommended to buy alcohol and other substances that affect consciousness. The result could be dangerous.
Good vacation. Needs to let off steam. Sports activities are ideal for this. Even if earlier in life sports were noticed only during school years, it’s time to throw out all the energy.
Work. It is necessary to use maximum energy to feel tired and physically exhausted. To do this, you can work in the country, remove snow in the yard, or help a friend with a car. Don't constantly focus on the situation that happened. Nothing good will come of this.
Achieve your goals. If you have long wanted to take up a new hobby, fix your car, or introduce sports into your life, now is the time to make your dreams come true.
Turn on the timer. This will allow you to determine how long it takes to return to an adequate state. The result may be pleasantly surprising when it becomes much easier the next morning.

When you find out that your wife is cheating, you should not take rash actions and react to what happened. For several hours or days, you may be haunted by the desire to take revenge, break off relationships, or take it out on others. However, such behavior never brings positive results. From this you can only expect negativity and the consequences of mistakes.

Just don’t change the answer...

Having become 100% convinced of adultery, a man wonders whether this sin can be forgiven or whether family relationships should be terminated. But the first thought of many is the desire for revenge. Please note that the expression “knocks out a wedge with a wedge” does not apply to your case.

Cheating on your spouse out of revenge will not lead to the desired relief. Rather, it will become even heavier on the heart. It's like a car accident. If you are hit by a car, you decide to take revenge on it, run away and crash into the vehicle again. Will this make you feel better? Hardly!

It’s better to try to analyze the reasons for female infidelity and, if possible, forgive. In case of reconciliation, try to devote more time and attention to your spouse in the future, pamper her more often, and then she will not have the desire to cheat on such an ideal spouse.

Reasons and background

Reasons for betrayal
Every action is a consequence of a reason. A woman cheated on a man for a reason. She had reasons for this, maybe one or several. Determining what may have triggered the desire to have sex with another person requires a relationship analysis.

Attitudes towards the opposite sex are formed in childhood. The child looks at his parents and tries to live according to the established example. The problem can also arise if the child was raised by only one parent.

If he made mistakes, in adolescence a person may have the wrong opinion about relationships between people. This entails negative consequences in family life.

If a woman as a child watched her mother lead a dissolute lifestyle and did not hesitate to cheat on her father, this example will haunt her for a long time. In this case, the person is sure that such behavior is the norm and there is nothing wrong with it.

However, there are quite a few cases where upbringing became the cause of betrayal. Often women are looking for an outlet as a result of accumulated negativity in family relationships. For a long time they didn’t like something about their partner, which led to a love affair with another person.

There are several reasons that influence the desire to change.

Sex life

Women are not as polygamous as men. Ladies only need one sexual partner whom she loves and who satisfies her. If this is not the case, the woman does not get an orgasm, she does not like the man’s behavior, and soon she may break loose and satisfy her needs with another.

Spouses need to regularly discuss sex life, sharing with each other both open desires and dissatisfaction. This will create harmony and eliminate problems in sex.

Lack of emotional connection

Women love to feel that their partner needs them, that he is interested in them and wants to spend as much time as possible with her. If a man after work is in a hurry to play on the computer, relax with friends or watch TV, his wife will be unpleasant.

Ladies like to communicate with their partner, have a good time together and feel warmth. If she doesn't have it, she will solve the problem by finding another man.

Inability to talk

Domestic problems arise in all families. However, some are able to come to compromises, while others are not. As a result of constant quarrels, after which nothing changes, negativity begins to accumulate. There can be many reasons for a woman's dissatisfaction. This includes refusing to help with cleaning, throwing clothes around, etc.

Partners must hear and respect each other's opinions. If a man refuses to find a compromise on principle, a woman will find someone who understands her.

A lack of money

The man is the breadwinner. If previously the responsibility of bringing food fell on the shoulders of the stronger sex, now he is required to support the family. This does not include the need to become a millionaire in order to present your wife with jewelry and expensive clothes. Here we are talking about standard well-being, when a family has enough money for household needs and regular rest.

If a man does not try to move up, only promises “mountains of gold” or systematically refuses to work, a problem arises. For a woman, he becomes an uninteresting person who has no goal and desire to provide for his family. Some women do not see this as a problem, while others want regular growth and material happiness for their children.

Ordinary

Sooner or later, most families come to an emotional crisis. They become bored with each other, common topics of conversation disappear, and a desire arises to add variety. Some try to inflame feelings through quarrels, intrigues and scandals, while others prefer to commit treason.

Revenge

Men are less emotional and have a different attitude towards various problems than women. If he systematically annoyed his wife, did not try to solve the problem, and cheated on himself, she will try to take revenge on him.

What to do if you have children?

Often men, when they find out that their wife is cheating, simply cannot cope with the betrayal and end the marriage. However, before you leave, you need to think about the children. Their upbringing and perception of the world will be negatively affected by the departure of one of their parents, as a result of which problems will begin to arise.

What recommendations exist for men:

Communication with the spouse is necessary for the child. He should not live with one parent. It is important for children to see that parents communicate with each other, make joint decisions, spend time together and behave like a regular family. Additionally, you need to discuss with your spouse how the child will be raised.
Softening the blow. Even if the marriage is dissolved, the child should not suffer from this. This requires constant communication. It manifests itself in the little things. This includes an unobtrusive call in the morning with a good morning wish, regular walks, discussion of school problems and other everyday situations. A child should not be exposed to a stressful situation because his parents separated on an unpleasant note.
An example in education. This method is suitable for teenagers. If a child finds out the reason for his parents’ divorce, it is recommended to present the situation correctly. He should not treat one of the parents better or worse. However, he can see an example of what not to do. He must understand that betrayal of a loved one can negatively affect family life. However, during conversations you need to be as tactful as possible.

Children should not suffer from their parents' divorce. As a result, they should receive no less happiness than those who live in two-parent families.

Common Mistakes

If a wife cheats, what should a man do? - do not make mistakes and do not stoop to her level. Often men, in a fit of rage and emotional instability, behave inappropriately, which negatively affects his condition, children, and wife.

What mistakes are not recommended to be made:

Beating up a lover. If the husband found a lover and beat him, this will not solve the problem. The lover might not even know that he began communicating with a married lady. As a result, the husband will make a mistake and lose self-respect, but the fact of betrayal will remain. It is not recommended to give vent to emotions and go to fight with everyone who was involved in treason. First of all, the partners themselves are to blame for this.
Educational conversations. Often men try to prove to their spouse that she is wrong. Screams and broken dishes will put a man on the negative side and only show his weakness. In this case, the woman will once again be convinced that she did the right thing.
Trying to start the relationship over again. Moments from the past cannot be returned. They remained young. Teenage romance and happy moments after the wedding are already behind us. The partners are faced with a problem that simply cannot be solved. Attempts to restore your former life will be useless. The woman had reasons, a desire to experience new emotions and passion with another person.
Revenge. If a woman has stopped enjoying family life and decided to cheat, revenge will not bring anything good. The wife is unlikely to react in any way to her husband’s betrayal. If there is a high probability that a man will feel more lonely and unwanted.
Sympathy from relatives. You should not try to solve a family problem by talking to your spouse’s parents. Firstly, it’s quite stupid to take quarrels out in public. Secondly, the wife's relatives will always be on her side. They will understand that she did it for a reason and that she had reasons for it.

Such mistakes put a man in a bad light and only lead to more losses.

Examination of the female body

The behavior of a cheating wife is characterized by a lack of access to her body, wardrobe and other personal belongings. The wife behaves like a friend or sister, the flirting disappears, because after the betrayal there is a subconscious fear that the husband will be able to “smell” the crime.

Upper body:

Scratches from men's unshaven cheeks on the neck, face, and around the ears;
Irritation or swelling in the back of the neck and shoulder area.

Mid body:

Bruising or redness on the buttocks and sides of the waist;
Blood under the nails (every third woman, in a fit of bliss, scratches her partner’s back);
Scratches from one's own nails due to drops of sweat dripping from a man's head onto a woman's sensitive skin of the neck and shoulders.

Lower body:

She shaves her legs and intimate area more often, but shows no interest in bed with her husband;
Bruises on the knees (if the act occurred on a hard surface).

As for the intimate area, the main aspect for analysis is the difference between the genital organs of the husband and a possible lover. If the length and width do not differ, then you will have to understand this when entering. Dryness of the female genital organ, if not due to age or illness, will indicate sexual intercourse today.

Among the oddities that indicate betrayal, psychologists also note:

Upon arriving home, he runs to the shower (if he didn’t have such a habit before and didn’t change his place of work);
Or, on the contrary, she came home from work fresh, as if after a shower, with new makeup and changed clothes;
There was an embarrassment to show the body (to change clothes, he goes into another room, locks himself in the shower). However, this can be caused by negative change and not accepting your body, check this option first.

When it's pointless to try to repair a relationship

Hope dies last, but in some situations it is better to let go of your spouse and move on with your life. There is nothing wrong with this if the marriage has been dissolved. Every person always has a chance to start over with a new partner.

In what cases should you not try to restore a relationship:

The man was made to blame. If a woman justifies cheating with statements like this: “Didn’t pay attention to me,” “Didn’t see me as a gorgeous woman,” “Didn’t earn money for a country house with a balcony,” “Few stars on your uniform,” “You think only about yourself,” “Transformed me.” into a housewife” - there is no point in resisting this. The woman did not try to solve the problem, so she went to another man. In this situation, she did not try to stop her emotions and desires. She became uninterested in her previous relationship and started a new one.
The marriage initially had no prospects. Some couples do not marry for love. Some were influenced by relatives, others signed at the registry office because of the child. Under such circumstances, people will not be able to live together for long. In a relationship, partners should feel comfortable, love and be loved. If initially the spouses did not want to live together, there is no point in getting back together.
There were attempts to restore the marriage. Often partners tire of each other because they have fallen out of love. Previously, they tried to return everything to its original places, but it didn’t work. As a result, mutual hostility arose, a desire to find someone else on the side, and a feeling that it was time to end the marriage. You shouldn’t try to persuade your wife to come back and try to start over from scratch. Her betrayal showed that she did not want her old life.
The romance dragged on. When a woman has been dating another man for a long time, not only sex is important to her. She found a partner with whom she is happy with everything. And all that remained was to count the days when she would finally no longer care about her husband and would not hide her adventures.

It is not always possible to return what is lost. Perhaps this is exactly the moment when there is every chance to start a happy life. There are many women, and there is a high probability of finding a better person.

Wife-daughter

This is a playful, active, cheerful woman. She looks at her husband with adoration and admiration. I am ready to undoubtedly accept his views and hobbies. She never argues with her husband. They told her to cook the sausages, so she would cook them, but if they didn’t tell her, she wouldn’t cook them. In a word, he looks straight into his husband’s mouth.

Men are, of course, flattered by this behavior, but also obligated to do a lot. Such women are infantile and quite dependent, they cannot stand up for themselves and therefore constantly need a man’s strong shoulder. The husband is their hope and support. Such a wife will never forgive indecision, laziness and financial insolvency.

How to make a decision?

Making a choice after betrayal is quite difficult. There is a feeling of loss and discomfort. The wife may become disgusting, and it will be unpleasant to be with her even if she has repented. Of course, you can get used to everything or forget it, but the fact remains a fact.

To make a decision, you need to pay attention not only to your feelings, but also to your spouse’s behavior. This may take time. You should not make a decision quickly and unconditionally. It is recommended to calm down, accept the current situation and spend time thinking.

There are several ways to ease mental pain and make the right decision:

Dialogue on the topic of explaining the reasons for betrayal. You need to talk to your wife and ask her to explain the reasons for her action. Perhaps this was the fault of the man himself. In this case, you should not be offended by yourself. Next, you need to ask all your questions. After the conversation, it should not be that some problems were not discussed.
Communication with loved ones. It is easier to accept and let go of a problem if you give it verbal form. To do this, it is enough to share your feelings with your brother, father, friend or other loved one. However, it is not always worth listening to people who are deliberately trying to convince you to leave your wife. An outside view is not always objective.
Thoughts alone. You need to sit down alone and analyze the relationship. It is necessary to identify all the problems that led to the betrayal. Consider your shortcomings and actions that could affect your spouse. You should also think about how the relationship began, whether someone was initially against it, and whether there are sincere feelings for your wife. Absolutely everything needs to be thought through.

You need to focus primarily on your feelings. It is necessary to objectively assess the situation. This will not be easy, but you can leave at any time. Maintaining a relationship after cheating is harder. You may need to change something in yourself, but this is not always necessary.

There are also situations when a woman got everything she wanted, but her selfishness did not allow her to restrain her feelings and emotions. In this case, there is a chance that the betrayal will happen again. She understands that her husband will not go anywhere and she can afford to date other men.

You shouldn’t be spineless and attached to one person. A man must be confident in himself and his capabilities. You can always find that woman with whom your relationship will gain happiness and harmony.