Men's lives after divorce: how they change

For every person, family, children, and a cozy home are associated with happiness. When harmony reigns in the family, both the man, the woman, and the children feel calm and protected. But often alcohol abuse, assault or infidelity become the reason for the breakdown of relationships. People who so recently considered each other family decide to separate forever. The question of how to get out of depression after a divorce most often worries the former spouse for whom the decision of his other half came as a complete surprise. In some situations, the initiator of divorce also experiences severe stress and needs psychological support from others.

Symptoms of depression after divorce

Few people manage to feel normal after the divorce. In such a situation, a depressed mood is considered a normal state. But, if a person experiences acute mental pain that does not go away for too long, it is necessary to take measures to prevent depression from developing into neurosis or another mental disorder.

Increasing depression can be identified by the following symptoms:

a feeling of irreparable loss. A person is sure that he has lost something that can never be replaced or found;
acute feeling of resentment;
the unfortunate person is overcome by anxiety, hopelessness and fear - “how to live further, what will happen to me now?”;
loss of interest in current events and surrounding people, apathy;
acute perception of criticism or advice from others;
low self-esteem;
depressed state, loss of the ability to enjoy ordinary things - delicious food, watching your favorite TV show, sex with other partners, communicating with friends.

Some people, trying to get rid of strong emotional experiences, strive to completely immerse themselves in work. This allows them to feel needed and busy, but over time the person begins to experience physical exhaustion and realizes that work does not bring moral satisfaction.

For other women or men, depression after divorce, on the contrary, manifests itself as a loss of ability to work due to the inability to concentrate. Constant mental anguish leads to memory deterioration and problems in professional activities.

Often, unfortunate people try to drown out mental pain with alcohol or drugs, and in the most severe cases, with a prolonged depressive state, suicidal thoughts may arise.

How long do men go through divorce?

Most couples finally experience the breakdown of their life together after about 2-3 years. At this time, each of them is again ready to start interesting projects, create another couple, even have children. Ladies reach psychological balance somewhat earlier than gentlemen. This is due to a number of reasons, the main one of which is a stronger emotional shock, but with a short recovery period.

The stronger half of humanity traditionally has a larger range of interests that can distract thoughts from an unpleasant situation. Many people are interested in hunting, fishing, sports, love to tinker with equipment, etc. Such an arsenal contributes to constant employment and the presence of a large number of interlocutors and fellow travelers. It turns out that there is simply no time to be sad. But herein lies the problem. Over time, the emotional experience is greatly delayed. Sometimes the discord lasts for more than 10 years.

Repeated unions occur after about 5 years. About half of all divorced men become convinced bachelors and supporters of casual relationships. Negative marriage experiences create serious fears and reward excessive caution. Many are afraid of being disappointed again, so they are simply afraid to start a serious relationship. Communication with children left with their mother is also not always successful. Unfulfilled paternal ambitions give rise to some lack of self-confidence and a feeling of being lost.

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Stages of the post-divorce period

You need to know that depression after divorce in men and women occurs in approximately the same way. Psychologists identify 5 stages that absolutely every person inevitably has to go through after a breakup. Understanding the processes occurring in the soul helps to survive the post-divorce period easier. If a person knows that the negative emotions he is currently experiencing are absolutely normal, then it will be easier for him to realize that this state will not last forever and will soon pass.

Denial - occurs due to the fact that the body is trying to protect itself from severe mental shock. At this stage, a person seeks to devalue the broken relationship, complains to others about the shortcomings of his ex-spouse, and tries to give a rational explanation for the fact of divorce.
Bitterness - following the stage of denial, an embittered state arises. Resentment towards a former partner manifests itself as aggression towards his personality. If former spouses have to communicate during this period, then any communication ends in quarrels and mutual accusations.
An attempt at application - when strong emotions, aggression and resentment pass, a desire appears to restore the relationship. This period is considered one of the most difficult, since in most cases the desire for reconciliation arises only in one of the partners.
Depression - at this stage there is a clear awareness of what happened. A person understands that a broken relationship cannot be restored. He is overcome by a feeling of despair, fear for his fate and the lives of his children. Depression after a divorce can be especially acute for a woman who is on maternity leave and cannot work to provide a decent life for herself and her baby. If the divorce was initiated by a wife who was tired of her husband’s constant drunken brawls, then depression in a man is manifested by an awareness of his own worthlessness, guilt and helplessness. The duration of depression can depend on various factors; this indicator is individual for each person. It is when depression drags on for too long that it is necessary to take measures to combat this dangerous condition for emotional health.
Adaptation - after a period of depression, the understanding always comes that life goes on despite broken relationships, and you need to start adapting to new conditions.

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If your loved one has not yet decided on his life’s work, try to support him and help him understand: who he is, what he wants and how he sees himself in a few years.

Therefore, you should not solve a man’s problems for him, wipe his tears, give practical advice or push him to action.

It happens that a sister practically observes how all stages of a divorce go through: at first, the husband and wife become dissatisfied with their relationship, often quarrel, but they fail to make peace, even with the help of children, relatives and friends.

The “cell of society”, filled with shared, emotionally charged events, is overturned.

People meet, fall in love, get married and... get divorced. Yes, this happens often. Sometimes a divorce concerns a close relative, he suffers, and you want to support him with all your might.

Of course, all people are different, as well as situations, so it is difficult to give one recipe that would always suit everyone. But it is possible to identify guidelines that will guide a person and tell him what and how to do.

In addition, even communication with other representatives of the opposite sex is perceived not as an attempt to restore your life, but as a reason to spread gossip that in fact the fault for the divorce lies with you. And it is at this moment that the support of a close, reliable person who will help you survive the divorce is extremely important.

You should also not give unrealistic hopes that everything will work out on its own, that you will come to your senses, that the dark streak will end and complete absolute happiness will come. It is better to teach a person to accept life in all its fullness, with sorrows and joys, ups and downs. This will give a person the opportunity to stand firmly on the basis of reality and act, and not live in illusions and expectations of a miracle.

How long does depression last?

The answer to the question of how long depression lasts after divorce in women and men depends on various factors. The severity and duration of each of the above stages may vary depending on the reason for separation, the age of the spouses, the presence or absence of children, and financial security.

An important role in successfully overcoming the post-divorce period is played by the support of loved ones and friends. As a rule, the crisis period lasts no more than 2 years, although under favorable circumstances it can pass in just a few months.

Why is help after a divorce from your husband/wife so important?

When leaving a relationship, a person loses several aspects of life that are significant to him. Among them are :

Object of emotional attachment.
Habitual lifestyle (if the partners lived together).
Feeling supported in life.
Plans and dreams that have ceased to be relevant.
In the case of codependent relationships, one can even talk about the loss of the “meaning of life.”

A person is not always faced with a complete list of losses. And the degree of painful experiences is also not always the same. But what remains common here is that a person is in a non-resource state. He doesn’t have enough of his own strength to get out of the emotional hole. And he needs outside help.

This is not about “saving” a person. The task of the one who supports is to create temporary support and provide a resource.

And most importantly, you should not be fooled by the “picture” that a person can portray with all his might. Not everyone is ready to admit that they are in pain . Not everyone is ready to ask for help. And everyone experiences it differently.

How to overcome depression after divorce?

How to cope with depression after a divorce, if life has lost its meaning and suicidal thoughts appear? In such a situation, it is urgent to contact an experienced psychologist who has sufficient experience working with divorced spouses.

Advice from an experienced specialist will help you quickly get rid of negative experiences, significantly shorten the post-divorce period, and find a new partner. Thanks to this, it will be possible to quickly return to the normal rhythm of life.

If depression after a divorce does not manifest itself as severe complications, then you should try to normalize your state of mind on your own. To do this, psychologists recommend following these tips:

Do not limit yourself in communicating with friends and loved ones. You should not lead a secluded lifestyle and avoid people - this will only worsen the condition. Even if you stopped communicating with old friends because of a divorce, this does not mean that you cannot make new acquaintances. Chatting with friends is one of the best ways to at least temporarily escape from difficult thoughts. Advice from loved ones will help you more adequately assess the situation and understand how to live further. If previously you spent most of your time on arranging your family life, now you can spend time with peace of mind among friends with similar interests.
Engage in physical activity - it helps to activate the production of happiness hormones, helps you cope with depression faster, and distracts you from negative emotions. Regular exercise teaches self-discipline and increases self-esteem. And besides, physical activity will help give your body tone and a great appearance.
Take care of yourself. This advice is relevant not only for women, but also for men who do not know what to do with depression after a divorce. Often, plunged into depression, representatives of the strong completely lose interest in their appearance - they forget to shower, shave, and change into fresh underwear. During depression, people are depressed and have little desire to preen themselves. However, following basic hygiene rules, buying new things, or changing your hairstyle will help increase self-esteem and recover faster.
Proper nutrition. Before the divorce, the wife prepared delicious lunches and dinners, fed the family, and then cleared the table. After the breakup, everything changed dramatically for both spouses. A woman may lose the desire to cook for a family that no longer exists, and a man often simply does not know how to turn a piece of raw meat into an edible dish. But we must remember that for the normal functioning of the body, including the nervous system, it is necessary to eat well. The diet should contain meat, fish, fruits, vegetables, cereals, dairy products - in no case should they be replaced with fast food. Vitamins, microelements and beneficial substances contained in “healthy” foods will help you recover faster, improve your emotional state, and quickly get rid of depression after a divorce.

How can a man build a life after a family breakup?

Modern psychology offers various recommendations on how a man should behave to get out of a mental crisis after breaking up with his wife, and what should not be done during the period of adaptation to a new life.

Communication

You can't withdraw into yourself. In need of communication, a man after a divorce should discuss the circumstances with an attentive, intelligent person.

We need to find an interlocutor who can empathize, jointly analyze what is happening, and draw conclusions.
You shouldn't turn yourself inside out, but it's good to be emotional.
You need to tell your counterpart your innermost experiences, listen to his thoughts.

A man going through a divorce should not be embarrassed to accept help from friends and relatives. This could be a frank heart-to-heart conversation, household services, an invitation to visit again.

Work and hobbies

To live means to be active. A man must show the will to find something to do. Throw yourself into work, find a hobby.

In a critical illness, it may be difficult to concentrate on a serious problem that requires close attention. Do less significant work, even minor mechanical ones.

It is important to change at least something in your life:

change your image, wardrobe;
overcome dull everyday life;
expand your circle of acquaintances;
diversify your activities.

Relationship

Life goes on, but it is wrong to rush into a new deep relationship. After divorce and separation, you need to take a break, wait until the unrest subsides and the memories fade. Easy connections and easy acquaintances are attractive. But it’s wiser to control yourself. Casual relationships are powerless to have a long-term positive impact.

A man needs to try to maintain contact with his wife. This is sometimes difficult; a man’s psychology after a divorce requires him to interrupt communication with his former wife. But overcoming the initial resistance, the divorced man will win in the future. In addition, maintaining a relationship with your ex-wife after a divorce becomes completely inevitable if you have children.

USEFUL INFORMATION: How to return your ex-husband to the family after a divorce - advice from a psychologist

How to find personal harmony after divorce?

Depression after divorce occurs differently in women and men. So, women usually worry a lot during the first year. During this period, they cry a lot, complain to girlfriends and parents. Men do not allow themselves to show excessive emotions, they try to keep them inside themselves. As a result, a heavy emotional load leads to a constant state of depression and apathy, which often lasts about 1.5-2 years.

It is worth noting that in the first months after a divorce, ex-husbands may feel a state of euphoria, joy from a new, independent life. However, over time, a state of melancholy comes, the new life no longer seems so cheerful and carefree. In addition, if the marriage had common children, a few months after the divorce the man will fully realize how difficult it is not to be able to see them every day.

How to get out of depression after divorcing your wife?

Since men tend to hide their own feelings from others and deny their state of depression, a constantly depressed state can develop into a psychological disorder.

To avoid this, ex-husbands are advised to adhere to the following tips:

Avoid excessive and frequent consumption of alcoholic beverages.
Try to accept the fact of separation and the need to start a new, independent life.
Don't ignore meeting new women.
Chat with friends more often, try to sit alone at home less.
Take up a favorite hobby that your ex-spouse may not have previously enjoyed. For example, you can buy a used car and repair it, or buy an expensive fishing rod or fishing boat.
Take care of your body - sign up for a gym. This will help you stay organized and always look great.
Take measures to increase your own financial status - this will help increase your self-esteem.
Don’t keep all your experiences inside yourself; be sure to share them with a loved one - a friend, brother or parents.

Divorce from my husband: how to survive depression after separation?

After a divorce, women's self-esteem noticeably decreases. This means that in the process of struggling with depression, they need to try to learn to respect and love themselves again. The advice of experienced psychologists will help you understand how to get out of depression after a divorce from your husband and how to restore self-esteem.

Realize that from now on you are not obliged to devote several hours a day of your own time to cooking, washing, cleaning and other activities that made you a “good housewife”. Now you are your own boss.
Spend more time relaxing and communicating with friends. If you don't have small children, try to stay at home as little as possible.
Make acquaintance with a new man.
If you want to cry, don’t be shy to do so. Crying promotes emotional release. Just make sure you smile more during the day rather than cry. Don't turn crying and whining into a chronic habit.
Change your image, spend more time on your appearance.
Watch your figure.

Both men and women need to remember that depression after divorce is normal. But there is no need to drown in negative emotions. You have to fight for a happy life. Remember that every person is the architect of his own happiness. If you cannot do this on your own, contact a specialist, for example, psychologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin.

IMPORTANT! Informational article! Before use, you should consult a specialist.

Help from a psychologist

If you cannot overcome the oppressive situation of divorcing your wife on your own, and the available auto-training methods do not help you live a full-blooded life, it makes sense to consult a psychologist. Nowadays there are many professionals who can provide effective assistance.

In what situations do you especially need qualified support?

When it becomes difficult for a man to carry unresolved issues within himself, he does not cope well with loneliness.

Friends, relatives, and colleagues often do not know how to correctly understand the problem, and men themselves are reluctant to talk about divorce and about their defunct family. It is easier to reveal yourself to a stranger during a consultation, especially since he adheres to professional ethics.

If after a divorce the spouses cannot distance themselves, they continue to live in the same apartment, and the ex-husband hopes in vain to restore relations with his wife. A person, being captive of illusions, makes one mistake after another and sooner or later falls into deep depression.
In case of unsuccessful attempts to create a new relationship after a divorce. Trying to find a replacement, a man unwittingly chooses a new companion in the image of his ex-wife, both in appearance and behavior. This dooms him to repeat the past. Without understanding himself, the reasons for the divorce, and not understanding how to build his life further, a man will not avoid a bitter ending again.