Divorce after many years of marriage: 10 most common reasons

Recommendations from psychologists on how to survive a divorce from your husband: 5 main tips

Take divorce as a step towards a new life, a bright future.
American psychologists give five basic tips on how to survive a divorce:

Say No to Negative Emotions! In any situation, it is important to maintain dignity and not behave aggressively. You need to do everything possible to calm your anger. You should not tell the details of your life together with your husband to others. This will not solve the problems, but will make them worse.
Take divorce as a step towards a new life, a bright future . Making clear plans for life, drawn up in writing, will help you survive the period of separation. You need to think about unfulfilled dreams. Now there is a great chance to learn a foreign language, go abroad, visit a friend or relatives in another city, change your image, the atmosphere in your home.
Make the separation from your husband as painless as possible for the child . To help your son or daughter psychologically cope with the feeling of pain, it is important to look good in front of the child, not shed tears and say what a scoundrel the father is. The baby must be sure that everything will be fine. You should devote more time to the child, giving moments of joy. At first, it is necessary not to cross out the past, to maintain familiar family traditions: walking in the park, attending football matches, playing with the dog.
Do not interfere with communication between father and baby. On the contrary, involve him in solving issues related to the child, be it attending parent-teacher meetings or buying clothes.
Refrain from new relationships for a while . There is no need to rush headlong into the pool. You need to take a pause so that you don’t have to grieve later.

Symptoms

Every little thing can explode the external calm of the family and provoke a huge family scandal. Moreover, the content of the conflict will be disproportionately far from the root cause that caused it. This is simply an excuse to unleash a barrage of negative emotions, mutual claims and reproaches on each other. Neither side is ready to try to understand and hear its opponent. However, barbs are still perceived and only increase the resentment towards the other half.
Aggressiveness. The intensity of passions is increasingly reaching an unacceptable boiling point. There are no words left that can express the partner’s state, and then physical force is used.

Sex becomes something fantastic and incredible, but in the worst way. He practically disappears from the family life of the spouses, because the attraction to the partner disappears.
Concerns about appearance fade into the background. You become so addicted to your partner that you no longer want to be beautiful for him, especially at home.
Making joint decisions comes with enormous difficulty. Now it’s incredibly difficult to come to an agreement with your significant other. Everyone is mired in their own problems and is busy solving them.

Another milestone

Each family crisis is unique and unique. It is brought about by the unique situation of family development that has developed over a certain period of time. After all, she, like a person, has its own stages of formation, maturation and fading. It develops according to the cycle inherent in it.

Five years is a critical point. Here the spouses can either find lost mutual understanding or reach a final break.

Household chores become the prerogative of the wife. She mainly takes care of the child and housekeeping. The husband drops out of the family life a little. Work takes up a lot of his time. After all, he is entrusted with the task of providing material support for three people. The wife understands this, but emotionally it doesn’t get any easier. Then she begins to think that her husband is resting at work, leaving her alone with the baby. The man has a similar opinion about his beloved, believing that she spends all day playing games on the computer. In the evenings, because she is bored, she makes scandals for him.

This is how mutual claims accumulate. Both are tired of everyday worries and dissatisfied with each other. The main problems remain unresolved. This forces you to closely and deliberately examine your partner’s actions and look for malicious intent in them. Naturally, there is one, and the avalanche of negative emotions and the list with the heading “you’re wrong” is rapidly growing.

How to behave after a divorce?

When in a state of shock, women often make mistakes. There are a number of simple recommendations on how to maintain health and survive difficult times:

You can't hold back negativity. Any unexpressed emotion will find a way out, and it will all end in a nervous breakdown. Unexpressed anger and resentment often lead to the development of psychosomatic diseases that are practically untreatable with conventional medications. Don't be shy about your feelings. After a breakup, you can cry, sob, do the dishes, destroy your ex-husband’s things, tear up photographs.
It is necessary to realize that the light did not fall like a wedge on your ex-husband. It is necessary to understand that divorce opens up new opportunities for meeting a worthy man who will love and respect.
It is important to believe in yourself and stop being discouraged. We need to expand our circle of acquaintances and find a new hobby. Frequent meetings with friends will ease the condition. You can have fun and not think that your husband will start a scandal at home.

How to start a new life?

Separating from her ex-husband opens up many prospects for a woman, and the questions that were ruining her life disappear. There is no need to report, restrictions disappear, and there is no need to coordinate actions with your husband.

Realize and accept what is happening now

Your ex-partner will no longer be jealous. A woman has the right to use her free time as she wishes.

Advice! You shouldn't become isolated. You need to spend time with nice people, get new experiences, go to the cinema, museums, cafes, relax, sign up for training courses.

What is better not to do?

Excessive emotionality is the cause of big problems.

There are a number of mistakes a wife makes after a divorce:

Sex with your ex-spouse . This can only temporarily delay the moment when a woman finally understands that there is no turning back. As a result, the pain will intensify. To start something new, you need to let go of the past.
New relationships . The first months after a breakup are the most painful. During this period, it is especially dangerous to make casual acquaintances. Women do this in order to show who their ex-husband has lost, but as a result, the power of suffering increases.
Spreading false rumors about your ex, throwing mud at him. The breakup pushes you to tell the whole world what a scoundrel your ex-husband is. This information may not be of interest to friends you know on social networks. The one who looks decent after a battle is the one who remains calm, has self-esteem and does not wave his fists.
Blaming yourself for what happened . In a divorce situation, the blame lies on both sides. The behavior of both partners led to the separation. You need to realize and think about mistakes in order to prevent them in the future.
Spying on ex-husband . Modern technologies and gadgets provide opportunities for round-the-clock monitoring and surveillance. Knowing where and with whom your ex-spouse spends time will only increase pain and anger.

Division of property after 3 years from the date of divorce

If one of the former spouses, a few years after the divorce, decides to file a claim in court for the division of property, then the procedure, except for a number of small exceptions, awaits him as standard.

Firstly, to begin with, he must draw up a claim according to all the rules set out in Art. 131 Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation. Secondly, you must pay the state fee. Art. will help in calculating the required amount. 333.19 Tax Code of the Russian Federation. Then the plaintiff must submit a statement and evidence that he had reasons not to go to court earlier. Those. prove that he learned about the violation of his rights much later than the moment of divorce.

If the judge considers the arguments justified, then the plaintiff will be able to divide the common property and receive his share in it. The chances of such an outcome are high. Especially when it comes to dividing an apartment or other real estate.

For example, one of the spouses took out a mortgage loan shortly before the wedding. The main amount was paid jointly by the spouses, and he registered his wife in the apartment. After the divorce, the husband created another family and moved to live with his second wife, while the first remained to live in the apartment. After 5 years, the ex-husband divorced his second wife and decided to sell the mortgaged apartment, because... officially he was listed as the sole owner. And accordingly, he demanded that his ex-wife vacate the living space. And if the plaintiff in this case provides evidence that all the years since the divorce she continued to use the apartment (for example, testimony from neighbors), then they will be considered significant arguments. Then the division of property will be carried out through the court without taking into account the fact that more than 3 years have passed since the divorce.

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Features of the divorce situation

Sometimes during a divorce, circumstances arise that aggravate the situation.

Experiencing divorce with children

In a situation where a woman is divorcing her children, it is first of all important to put things in order and stabilize her condition.

You need to follow simple tips:

Realize and accept what is happening now. There is no need to entertain yourself with vain illusions that your husband will come to his senses and return. This happens, but in rare cases.
During the first months, do not make drastic decisions: they may be impulsive. We need to calm down.
Dose out the negative . The essence of the method is that a woman devotes several hours a week to expressing negative feelings. You are allowed to immerse yourself in thoughts about life, memories, experiences, etc. If there is a strong desire to indulge in negativity at another time, you need to learn to stop yourself and return to a clearly established time period. This technology helps maintain vigor, physical and moral strength.
Focus on events happening here and now . You can start to look at what is happening outside the window, pay attention to what the trees look like, what the weather is like. Opening the window, you need to feel how fresh air fills your lungs. Exercise will help reduce anxiety and distract from sad thoughts.
Do not refuse outside help and try to be useful to others. The feeling of support will lift your spirits, give you vigor, and fill your life with positivity.
Keep your body in shape. Physical activity helps to distract yourself and recharge with positive emotions. It is necessary not to forget about good nutrition, healthy sleep, alternating work and rest.
Sign a contract for pleasure . To fill your life with hormones of happiness, you need to make a deal with yourself. The essence of the contract: a list of things that bring pleasure is drawn up, and one of the points must be completed once a day. This will give you a feeling of joy and happiness.

When a woman has helped herself, it is important to do the same for her children.

In a situation where a woman is divorcing her children, it is first of all important to put things in order and stabilize her condition.

Tips on how to deal with a child during a divorce:

Don't talk badly . The child perceives himself as part of mom and dad. If you speak badly about your ex-husband, the child will take it against him. In the future, he may develop a feeling of guilt and an inferiority complex.
It will convince the child that he is not to blame for the separation of his parents. You need to discuss with your child his emotions, fears, and feelings. If your son or daughter wants to talk about what happened, then you should not be afraid to talk.
Provide an atmosphere of safety and comfort in the home. If children see a tearful mother in a state of depression, in anger, this depresses them. A woman should be calm in the presence of a child.

Features of rupture during pregnancy

When a woman has helped herself, it is important to do the same for her children.
One of the most difficult cases of divorce is separation during a period when the woman is pregnant. This is a very strong emotional blow, psychological trauma that can harm the unborn child.

It is important to try to remain calm by following simple recommendations:

Avoid the thought of abortion. You need to go through a difficult period. Time will pass, the pain will subside, and the most dear person in the world will be nearby. If a woman decides to take a terrible step, then she must remember that her conscience will constantly torment her. If this is your first pregnancy, then there is a high risk of infertility in the future.
Remember the legal aspects of divorce if your wife is pregnant. A marriage can be officially dissolved when the child turns one year old. It is possible that during this time the couple will be together again. Often the birth of a child brings spouses together. If there is a great desire to separate, then the law does not prohibit doing so during pregnancy or until the child reaches one year, if the claim is filed by the child’s mother.
Find moral support, don’t be shy to ask for help, turn to your parents, sister, close friend, colleague. These should be close people who can help mentally and physically.
Don't focus on the problem. It is important to maintain a socially active life, communicate with people who evoke pleasant emotions. If you are feeling depressed, you can take up a new hobby. A fun activity will help you take your mind off difficult memories.
Always have a mobile phone at hand. It will come in handy if your health deteriorates, your ex-spouse behaves inappropriately, or simply when you want to have a heart-to-heart talk with someone.
Come to terms with the situation. You should understand that it will not be possible to return the past. Parting should be taken as a chance to start a new life and find a worthy father for the child.

What is the statute of limitations for division of property?

The statute of limitations in law determines the time period during which the injured party has the right to count on the protection of its violated rights in court.

Family law does not regulate issues related to the timing of filing claims in the courts. Therefore, it is worth turning to the Civil Code. Yes, Art. 196 of the Civil Code of the Russian Federation establishes a general period of three years. Most believe that the countdown should start from the moment of divorce. However, if we turn to Art. 200 of the Civil Code of the Russian Federation, then the law gives a different starting point. The countdown of 3 years should begin from the moment one of the parties learned of a violation of its right to property.

After all, the following situation is also possible. Spouses, having lived together for a sufficient number of years, decide that during a divorce they should not divide property, they trust each other and will use things together. For example, a car or a summer cottage, which upon purchase was registered in the name of only one of them, but in fact belongs to joint ownership. After 4-5 years, one of the spouses finds out that the one in whose name ownership was registered has sold or leased the property. From the moment the other party learned that its rights were violated, the statute of limitations, limited to three years, should be counted.