Hello! The destruction of a marriage is a real test for both spouses. But we must understand that the stress experienced by a man and a woman has its own differences. Women, after a divorce, try to convey their experiences and emotions to others. Therefore, outwardly a stressful situation looks more frightening. But this is not always true. After a divorce, a man experiences everything deeply in his soul, without showing his experiences publicly, thus, his recovery process lasts much longer than a woman’s.
A man's psychological reaction to divorce
A man’s feelings and first reaction after a divorce can be different and depend on his character and psychological characteristics.
- Many divorced men choose defiant behavior. With their posturing they try to prove that divorce is easy to go through, and they do not regret what happened. In reality, a person hides constant reflection. This contingent often resorts to alcohol and drugs.
- After a divorce, some men become lost, withdraw into themselves, are offended by the world, and cannot restore peace of mind. The ex-husband is haunted by a feeling of guilt; he replays the episodes in his memory, regretting that he did not understand in time how to behave correctly with his wife. This is a dangerous situation; it is advisable to consult with a specialist who can help you get out of this state.
- A man may experience the opposite feelings. Bitterness and rage appear, he accuses his wife of all mortal sins. At the same time, left alone after a divorce, a man loses his bearings and does not know what to do or how to live further. Such instability undermines self-confidence. The result is depression and loss of interest in life.
- Sometimes a man pretends that nothing has changed. He internally does not accept his wife’s decision to divorce and tries to maintain familiar relationships. This position is typical of men whose spouses were afraid of divorce in any conflict situation. Against his will, the ex-husband assesses the situation as a habitual manipulation of his wife. Overcoming self-deception is difficult; the reasons lie in the subconscious.
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Regardless of all behavioral reactions, divorce is painful for any man; it takes time to stop worrying, get used to new conditions, regain peace of mind, and start living from a new starting point.
Second dream5
The new chosen one will be very different from the ex-wife. All her thoughts will be aimed at surprising her lover with unearthly sex, gourmet cuisine, comfort and coziness.
In reality, a new friend, even if she was white and fluffy at the meeting stage, very soon shows her true colors. Material requirements were added to personal characteristics, outlook on life, and habits. The man understands that he will not be able to maintain the bar he raised during the candy-bouquet period for long, either physically or materially. The result is reproaches and exorbitant demands. The fact becomes clear that much of what he was running from in his previous marriage overtook him in his current relationship.
How can a man build a life after a family breakup?
Modern psychology offers various recommendations on how a man should behave to get out of a mental crisis after breaking up with his wife, and what should not be done during the period of adaptation to a new life.
Communication
You can't withdraw into yourself. In need of communication, a man after a divorce should discuss the circumstances with an attentive, intelligent person.
- We need to find an interlocutor who can empathize, jointly analyze what is happening, and draw conclusions.
- You shouldn't turn yourself inside out, but it's good to be emotional.
- You need to tell your counterpart your innermost experiences, listen to his thoughts.
A man going through a divorce should not be embarrassed to accept help from friends and relatives. This could be a frank heart-to-heart conversation, household services, an invitation to visit again.
Work and hobbies
To live means to be active. A man must show the will to find something to do. Throw yourself into work, find a hobby.
In a critical illness, it may be difficult to concentrate on a serious problem that requires close attention. Do less significant work, even minor mechanical ones.
It is important to change at least something in your life:
- change your image, wardrobe;
- overcome dull everyday life;
- expand your circle of acquaintances;
- diversify your activities.
Relationship
Life goes on, but it is wrong to rush into a new deep relationship. After divorce and separation, you need to take a break, wait until the unrest subsides and the memories fade. Easy connections and easy acquaintances are attractive. But it’s wiser to control yourself. Casual relationships are powerless to have a long-term positive impact.
A man needs to try to maintain contact with his wife. This is sometimes difficult; a man’s psychology after a divorce requires him to interrupt communication with his former wife. But overcoming the initial resistance, the divorced man will win in the future. In addition, maintaining a relationship with your ex-wife after a divorce becomes completely inevitable if you have children.
USEFUL INFORMATION: How to return your ex-husband to the family after a divorce - advice from a psychologist
Breaking of marriage bonds - sadness or joy?
The divorce process will require a lot of strength and mental energy. It seems that men go through divorce easier because they don’t shed tears into their pillows, don’t cry in front of all their friends and acquaintances, don’t walk around with bags under their eyes, etc. However, this opinion is wrong. If women show the whole society how they suffer, then men are forced to hide their feelings and experiences, since such behavior is considered a manifestation of strength. It seems that the man is rejoicing, but in fact the severance of the marriage bond makes him very sad.
The divorce process itself is an unpleasant event, since it suggests that all hopes and plans for a wonderful future with a particular woman will never come true. Everything you have tried and worked for must now be destroyed.
If, after the destruction of a family, the issue of determining the place of residence of common children is still being decided, then this will also require a lot of effort. Disputes may still arise regarding the division of joint property, where the opinions and desires of the former spouses will clearly differ. Thus, you should prepare for the fact that it will be very hot and unpleasant, since all disputes may be accompanied by insults and further criticism of each other.
How should we feel about what is happening? In order to survive the period of divorce from his wife and emerge victorious, a man should focus not on what is happening, but on what he will ultimately come to when everything is over.
Suffering begins for men if they become fixated on their feelings because their wives have cheated, they will have to get a divorce, divide children, property, decide on meetings with children, listen to reproaches and see women in companies with their lovers. However, you shouldn't do this. You can understand that it is unpleasant for you that your wife has cheated and now comes to you to meet with her lover. Never mind that, though. You have decided to break up with a woman who is no longer “yours.” Let her be “dragged” and used by everyone who wants it, since she is so greedy.
Look at the divorce process as an opportunity to start a happy life. Remember all those unpleasant moments when you had to suffer because of criticism, insults and constant dissatisfaction with you from your wife. Think that now you will come home where no one will criticize or humiliate you.
You relieve yourself of responsibility for the preservation of relationships that may have long since outlived their usefulness. Otherwise, the wife would not have gone to the left if everything in your relationship was smooth.
You now have the chance to meet other women and sleep with as many ladies as you want. You don't owe them anything. You are not cheating on anyone. Finally you can feel like a real man.
Imagine how much free time and energy you will have that you previously spent on your ex-wife. Now no one will stop you from fishing or hunting, watching your favorite shows and spending your evenings the way you want. There are so many advantages that result from divorce - family is not worth your energy if your significant other no longer needs it.
Help from a psychologist
If you cannot overcome the oppressive situation of divorcing your wife on your own, and the available auto-training methods do not help you live a full-blooded life, it makes sense to consult a psychologist. Nowadays there are many professionals who can provide effective assistance.
In what situations do you especially need qualified support?
- When it becomes difficult for a man to carry unresolved issues within himself, he does not cope well with loneliness.
Friends, relatives, and colleagues often do not know how to correctly understand the problem, and men themselves are reluctant to talk about divorce and about their defunct family. It is easier to reveal yourself to a stranger during a consultation, especially since he adheres to professional ethics.
- If after a divorce the spouses cannot distance themselves, they continue to live in the same apartment, and the ex-husband hopes in vain to restore relations with his wife. A person, being captive of illusions, makes one mistake after another and sooner or later falls into deep depression.
- In case of unsuccessful attempts to create a new relationship after a divorce. Trying to find a replacement, a man unwittingly chooses a new companion in the image of his ex-wife, both in appearance and behavior. This dooms him to repeat the past. Without understanding himself, the reasons for the divorce, and not understanding how to build his life further, a man will not avoid a bitter ending again.
About care and homemade food
Before the divorce, life was arranged in a certain way, everything in everyday life was simple and clear. Russian women, as a rule, take on the entire burden of housekeeping, leaving men with only a few light responsibilities.
Do not miss
- Do not miss
My ex writes to me: why is he doing this, and what to do with him?
Now the bachelor has to independently cope with a mountain of dirty socks, unironed shirts, unwashed dishes, stale bed linen, a mess in the closet and empty pots. Unfortunately, borscht itself is not cooked, and cutlets from the nearest hypermarket taste more like softened cardboard.
Of course, over time, issues are resolved with the help of laundry, cleaning services and food delivery, and a man learns to cope with some things on his own. But it takes some time to fine-tune the process, and now all this is an expensive pleasure.
Timur, 32 years old
“To be honest, after the divorce I was boasting that I could afford a housekeeper. But now I understand that this strange woman cannot give me the most important thing - comfort in the house. And, I’m afraid to admit, I miss it...”
Stages of experiencing misfortune
People go through several stages when they experience a life disaster, which includes divorce.
- Cold. The person is in a daze, apathetic, and does not make contact well.
- Negation. The ex-husband does not believe that he is in a different status.
- Fear. A man lives with a feeling of fear of remaining alone forever.
- Fury. Negative emotions, expressed in expressive form, predominate. Anger and aggression are directed at oneself and the ex-wife.
- Despair. There is a sense of melancholy and loss of spirit. They are haunted by thoughts about an unfulfilled life, about their uselessness.
USEFUL INFORMATION: Causes of divorce in Russia: statistics
After overcoming the peak of despair, the man gradually comes to his senses and finds calm. He adapts to living without his wife and enjoys his newfound freedom. Understanding of the experience gained comes. The way out of mental turmoil is characterized by agreement with one’s new situation, a willingness to live without looking back at the past.
Psychological support methods have been developed for each phase; at all stages, a competent psychologist can provide significant, effective assistance. Having studied the situation, he will give advice, teach self-hypnosis techniques, and tell you how to avoid wrong actions.
Dream one4
Hooray! Freedom! A man enjoys the opportunity to live as he sees fit, without obligations and unnecessary problems.
But the realities turn out to be less rosy than he expected. All household little things for caring for himself fall on his own shoulders (when his wife was busy with this, he did not notice them). Along with everyday disorder comes a feeling of abandonment and uselessness.
Pros and cons of dating a man who has gone through a divorce
Realistic approach
He is aware that family is not only continuous holidays, but also hard work. A divorced man understands: if partners do not build harmonious relationships, they will separate. In addition to love, a family idyll requires patience, balanced joint decisions, and the ability to compromise. In everyday life, a man’s ability to negotiate with a woman is important.
It will not be a discovery for him that the tastes of the spouses do not coincide. He won't faint if he finds out that you don't like his habit of getting up at 6 am, don't like fishing and don't approve of his political views.
Family life experience
No matter how long the previous marriage lasted, he was there. Even a short stay in a married state provides invaluable experience for the future. The obvious advantage of a divorced man is that he knows: in addition to romantic dates, there are harsh family everyday life. He gained valuable practical skills: how to pay utility bills, buy groceries, take out the trash, hunt for mammoths...
The main thing is that he managed to survive the consequences of the shipwreck, is ready for a new relationship, and is not afraid of serious obligations to a woman. Knowing that anything can happen along the way, he is ready to take risks. Remember the advice: “You learn from mistakes.” There is a chance that the family ship under construction will be stronger than the previous one!
The negative aspects of marriage with a “used groom” are individual. A common disadvantage is the following. Anyone who has survived one divorce will prepare in advance for the possibility of another, so don't be surprised if your partner suggests you enter into a prenuptial agreement.
How should a woman behave with her ex-husband?
Out of respect for her choice at the time of marriage, out of memory of something positive that happened during the years of family life, in order to preserve the parent-child relationship of her children with their parents, a woman needs to follow these tips:
- Communicate smoothly and without negativity regarding the upbringing and maintenance of children,
- Do not ignore the holidays of loved ones, to which your ex-husband is also invited,
- Do not spread gossip and rumors about your ex-husband,
- Do not disseminate unfavorable information and secret information about the life of your ex-husband,
- Do not try to sue your husband for every ruble and every towel purchased together simply out of principle, and not out of necessity.
