Recommendations from a psychologist: surviving a divorce from your husband

Divorce for a woman who dotes on her beloved husband becomes a disaster. Often, representatives of the fair sex cannot start life anew. And when divorcing her husband, in this case, a woman needs a psychologist or qualified psychological help.

As a rule, only the lady herself can overcome the consequences in such a situation. Your loved ones won't be much help here. But the psychologist’s advice on how to survive a divorce from your husband helps restore peace of mind. They are based on consistent actions that help you understand, accept the situation, and finally let it go. And this is exactly what is needed in the case of a severe psychological condition.

To accept, you must first understand. So why do people get divorced?

Common causes of divorce

The reasons for divorce are different. But it is important to identify among them those that cause a woman a lot of pain.

Divorce at the request of the man himself. Any reasons (another woman, cooled love, new hostility, etc.). In this case, the wife suffers very much. Her self-esteem drops (“I was abandoned”). Perhaps she did not expect anything like this at all, and then this misfortune still falls out of the blue.
Divorce initiated by a woman. The reasons are different (the inability to tolerate infidelity, bad habits of the husband, etc.). Here, too, there can be a situation of stress, especially if a woman is forced to take this step, but she still loves her husband or is simply used to it and cannot imagine her life without a man.

If everything went as usual towards a divorce in their life together, then the wife is usually more or less ready for such a turn of events, and it no longer causes her pain and grief. But if the separation occurs unexpectedly, then the woman needs to be helped to survive this period. Here it is important to know and understand the sequence of awareness of the events taking place.

Attitudes towards divorce of family members

Psychotherapy takes into account the different attitudes of family members to the situation and the various stereotypes that exist in our society:

a woman often feels guilty for not being able to preserve the family home; close relatives and friends also usually hold her responsible for breaking up the marriage;
a man will need the help of a psychologist more after a divorce, often his communication with the child is sharply limited, in addition, the male population has a greater tendency to drown the problem with alcohol;
It is very important as a parent to explain to the child what is happening in the family. And the help of a specialist is simply irreplaceable! Sometimes a pediatric professional may be needed.

Help from a psychotherapist during a divorce and seeking advice from a specialist is the most sensible thing to do. Advice from those closest to you is usually biased and subjective. The psychologist is constructive and objective:

at the first stage, the psychotherapist will help to identify the causes of family breakdown and, possibly, help the parties not to divorce;
if a breakup is inevitable, it provides an opportunity to understand and accept the situation.

Psychological assistance after a divorce is considered complete if it helps a person survive this event. Despite the end of the official separation procedure and paperwork, the person remains emotionally dependent on the partner and has strong feelings for him. It can be love or hate. A good divorce psychologist will provide tools that will relieve the client of intense emotions and reconcile him with the real state of affairs.

Turning to a psychologist in Moscow allows a couple to make the right decision - whether it is worth turning their destinies in different directions or avoiding divorce. You can make an appointment for an individual consultation with a psychologist during a divorce in any convenient way - you can call or fill out an application form on the website. Therapy will help you recover from a difficult period.

Stages of grief during divorce

Psychologists distinguish several emotional stages:

Shock, denial

First comes the reaction of stupor. The woman does not understand well what is happening. She cannot believe that this happened to her, so the shock provokes denial of the situation. At such a time, a woman is not herself, but she still does not fully understand that she is left alone. At the same time, the lady is not distinguished by her sanity. As a rule, at such a moment it is very difficult for her to control her own emotions. It is at this stage, being in an absolutely inadequate state, that a woman can decide to act rashly. Therefore, her loved ones need to accompany her everywhere, to be with her. The shock passes and denial sets in (“This is not happening to me”). That's when the first calm comes. True, it is false, because it is built on a myth, not on reality.

Negativism (resentment, anger)

This stage of separation is characterized by manifestations of resentment and anger towards your ex-spouse. The woman begins to remember what bad things her husband has done throughout his life: where he offended, when he humiliated, what else he was guilty of before her. All this results in anger and rage, in accusing him of all sins (“I am for you, and you are for me...”, “you always thought only about yourself...”, “how did I not notice before...”, etc. .). At such moments, the wife remembers what previously seemed normal. She seems to see the light and begins to look at things differently. This stage is dangerous because a woman may come to the conclusion that she wasted her time on her ex-husband and begin to blame herself. And this leads to inevitable depression. Close people need to understand the specifics of such a period and try to convince the woman that life goes on as it goes. Nothing happens for nothing. This means that this period of her life together with her husband was supposed to happen, but now it’s over. And there is nothing tragic here.

Blaming yourself

See also:
Custody and divorce: what happens to the ward child in the event of a divorce?

Then, when the anger and pain subside, an equally dangerous stage for the woman begins - blaming herself. But these are no longer the same accusations when she decided that she wasted her time on her ex-husband. Here the woman begins to remember the good moments of life together - this happens to almost everyone. And it occurs to her that she is also to blame for the divorce. But everything could have been different if not... And then it begins. “If only I had been a little more compliant!”, “It would have been better if I had behaved differently then (and then)!”, “I shouldn’t have worn that dress, he didn’t want to!” etc. Yes, yes, it even comes to that! Endless self-blame can lead to the fact that a suffering woman begins to think about how to return her husband’s old feelings and what else can be done for this. At such moments, she even decides to call him or look for a meeting with him. And under no circumstances should you do this. Such a reaction will lead nowhere. Most likely, the ex-husband has been living his own life for a long time. Divorce for him is final. And a woman, of course, should not humiliate herself and ask for anything. Therefore, it is important for close people to be close to her during this period, to distract her from thoughts about her own past failure in marriage, about the fact that everything can be returned.

Adoption

When the period of self-flagellation is over, the woman gradually begins to come to her senses. She becomes calmer and thinks more clearly. And finally, she realizes that she has an ex-husband and accepts herself as a divorced woman. On the one hand, in such a period real depression can begin, because she fully realizes her role, her new position, and this makes her even sadder. On the other hand, illusions are behind us, and a meeting with reality is inevitable. And the sooner this acceptance of the situation as it is, the better. When a woman accepts herself as a divorcee, oddly enough, it becomes easier for her, and she is already on the way to a new life, although, as a rule, she herself does not yet understand this.

Getting out of negative emotions

It is at this stage that we get rid of all the negativity that accompanied the woman throughout the breakup and divorce. It happens that she seems to scream out, for a moment becomes devastated, and then comes to life again. And ready to return to life. The good point here is also that the woman comes out of the negative, anger, resentment, anger, hatred and other similar feelings leave her. This is how full acceptance begins, based on awareness of the real situation. And the woman understands that this is only a segment of her life, that this is what happened and that’s all. And no one is to blame for anything anymore.

Help from a family psychologist during divorce

Life is such that both young families and decades-long unions can fall apart. Divorce is always a difficult process for all parties.
The help of a family psychologist during divorce is aimed at going through this process as painlessly as possible. A psychologist helps to cope with depression, feelings of insecurity and uncertainty, fear of loneliness, and feelings of guilt.

The help of psychologists is necessary throughout the crisis period in a relationship. From how the decision to divorce is made, throughout the divorce process and after it, to the moment when the former spouses can comfortably live independent lives.

You can come for a consultation with a family psychologist as a couple
or
individually
(without a partner).
In our psychological center, consultations are carried out in person
or
online
(by phone, Skype, e-mail).
You can make an appointment with a psychologist at a convenient time by phone.
The center is open seven days a week.

Help in the divorce process

Regardless of who initiated the divorce - you or your partner, it is in any case a very strong emotional shock. Stress and anxiety are off the charts, and at this time you have to make difficult and serious decisions related to the divorce process. A psychologist helps you cope with stress, work with your emotions, and not let them control you.

Help after divorce

After the divorce process is completed, former spouses are often still connected by joint children, a common business or property. The help of a family psychologist during divorce is aimed at distancing oneself from this, coping with depression, starting to treat oneself with love and respect, and gaining confidence in the future.

Psychologist help for children

A separate and very important area of work for a psychologist is helping the children of a couple who are divorcing. Children need to be protected from family problems as much as possible. The experiences a child experiences during the period of parental divorce can leave a serious mark on his psyche. What is important here is how the parents explain what is happening to the child, and how they will behave towards him. To choose the right course of action, it is enough for one of the parents to visit a psychologist. The specialist will give practical advice on what parents should do in order to traumatize their children’s psyche as little as possible. Child psychologists work with these issues.

Divorce is always a difficult period in life, but timely and qualified help from a psychologist will help you get through it easier. Our center employs family psychologists with more than 13 years of experience

. You can see reviews of working with our specialists in the “Reviews” section.

How to survive a divorce?

Pay attention to these recommendations from psychologists, they will make your life much easier:

Accept the breakup with your partner

To do this, you must avoid hopes and false expectations from the very beginning of the breakup. Do not make forays into spying on your ex-husband. Do not humiliate yourself, begging to return your old feelings and promising to do everything as he says. Try to immediately understand that there is no return to the old relationship. Then you will go through the path of separation faster and start a new life sooner. At least you will be ready for it.

Main:

do not ask your husband for anything after learning about the divorce;
if possible, do not talk about anything;
find those who are close to you;
do not meet with your spouse for any reason (with the exception of common children);
try to suffer through this as soon as possible (cry, etc.).

Focus on the present

Don't remember the relationship. It's about not getting bogged down in memories of the past. Neither bad nor good. Bad thoughts will most likely lead you to thoughts about how wrong you were. And the good ones will begin to act depressingly: you will blame yourself for what happened and think that if it weren’t for you, this would not have happened. In both cases, the outcome is the same - you will constantly remember your ex-husband, and this is precisely what leads you to depression.

Don't think about the problems that divorce can bring you. This way the situation will escalate, and you will get even worse. How to deal with these problems? Understand that now thinking about them only bothers you. “You will think about it later” - let these words be your motto.

Solve current problems. This is not only a way to get away from thoughts about your ex-husband, but an attempt to continue life as if nothing had happened. After all, it is often by solving everyday affairs and overcoming minor obstacles that a person recovers from stress faster.

Think about the future only in a positive way

Never see yourself as a victim of circumstances. You have a happy future ahead of you. And don't look at him any more. It's joyful and that's it. A positive perception of your future life will not carry you away with vain hopes, but will give you the opportunity to quickly forget about what happened to you. In addition, if you think about your future life in a positive way, you will begin to attract pleasant moments and new people. The sooner this happens, the higher the likelihood of ending the period of depression after divorcing your husband.

Take care of yourself

If your self-esteem has decreased, change your image. Do not consult with anyone except cosmetologists and makeup artists. Change yourself the way you wanted, but you didn’t dare. Or so that you see yourself in a new light. Or maybe you will become something you have never been before. Play sports. Anyone. It's seriously distracting. Overcome yourself 2-3 times, and then you will get used to receiving such a charge of vivacity.

Don't be alone

Help from a psychologist after divorce

Very often, many couples do not complete their relationship after a divorce. Legal divorce and even separation of spouses does not mean that a psychological divorce has occurred and the relationship has ended. However, unfinished relationships prevent us (and especially women) from building our personal lives further.

While the heart is occupied with old love, it is impossible to meet a new one. But it is possible to find surrogate love (a similarity to old love) and once again step on the same rake, but with a different person.

Why is this happening? Because the conflict from an unfinished relationship is transferred to new psychological and sexual relationships and is played out again with another person. Moreover, in this case, the new partner is often similar to the previous one. And, as a rule, just as traumatized by previous relationships as you are. Perhaps the new relationship may be even worse than the previous one.

Wise people say: “When you leave, go away.” If you are divorced, then completely separate, separate from each other, and do not get stuck in a state of divorce. Then you can open the door to a new life.

Very often, couples find themselves trapped in psychological self-deception. It seems to them that they have completely separated, but in fact, in the soul of each of the former spouses (or one spouse), feelings for their partner and hope for restoring the relationship still live. For example, after a divorce, some couples continue their sexual relationship for several years. Many people believe that they remain only friends; in fact, this is self-deception. In most of these cases, the relationship is not consummated. In this case, I recommend that you seek the help of a psychologist to understand this situation.

Indicators of unfinished psychological relationships are the fact that you cannot leave each other and live in the same house, that you cannot divide property. Sexual attraction to your partner, the desire to take revenge on him, jealousy, envy of his success, pain, resentment, anger and any other feelings towards your ex-partner indicate that you have not completed the relationship.

At the post-divorce stage, I suggest you undergo an effective short-term program of psychological assistance from a psychologist during divorce. This program will help you end relationships, separate, separate from each other.

Don't be afraid of new relationships

Often women begin to shun men if they have gone through the drama of divorce. But it's not right. Life is going. And a woman needs to love and be loved again. An unsuccessful marriage is not a reason to avoid the stronger sex in the future. Your man is waiting for you somewhere. Remember this. If something didn’t work out for you (not through your fault or anyone else’s!!!) with one person, it doesn’t mean that now it won’t work out with anyone. Live and be happy. Flirty with new men, make new friends. And you will definitely meet someone with whom you will feel good.