How to behave after your husband cheats: what to do and how to react

Useful tips

In our modern times, cheating on a husband is not such a rare occurrence. Most representatives of the stronger sex consider this to be quite normal and, without a twinge of conscience, cheat on their other halves right and left.

After any betrayal of the husband, family relationships become no longer as stable as before. They become very shaky, even though the husband has changed his behavior and began to behave completely differently.

How to determine if your husband is cheating or not?

Most women are designed in such a way that they are accustomed to looking for reasons for jealousy even where there are absolutely none.

This behavior, as a rule, does not have the best effect on relationships, since a husband, tired of endless nagging, can suddenly leave his restless wife once and for all.

However, there are details by which you can determine whether your husband walks to the left or not. Not noticing such obvious signs will simply be to the detriment of every woman, so take a closer look at them:

1. Constant control by a man and suspicion of her infidelity.

Why is he doing this? As practice shows, a man who cheats on his wife begins to behave the same way towards her, that is, he begins to be pathologically jealous of his wife for every post.

2. If you find that your spouse looks down during a sensitive conversation.

, and answers questions only with the same type of phrases, usually going into a defensive position, then this is also one of the signs that your man is not faithful to you.

3. Another sign is a change in your once active sex life.

If your husband has become somewhat cold towards you, and there has been almost complete calm in intimate matters, and your husband is constantly looking for reasons and denies, avoiding you, it’s time to think carefully about what is happening. Perhaps he really did have another woman on his side.

4. Your spouse began to constantly delete all browser history from his phone

and constantly hides the phone from you? This is another sign that he is hiding something from you. He began using an assistant to remember passwords to log into his pages on the Internet.

Previously, all his social networks were freely accessible and always open, including for you, but now they are not.

And he cannot give a clear answer as to why the husband now began to tinker with passwords.

The husband also began to constantly hold his mobile phone in his hands, not letting it go for a minute, as if he had become an integral part of it: to the toilet, to the kitchen, to the balcony, or to take out the trash.

5. If you suddenly begin to notice

that the husband, instead of sitting in front of the TV in the evenings, began to go to the gym, and also began to shave every day and take care of himself, then this is also worth thinking about. Perhaps he is trying to look good specifically for the new woman.

6. You began to notice that your husband has new words in his vocabulary.

, such brave and completely unusual phrases? Such new expressions could easily have appeared in him from a new passion.

7. If unexpectedly the husband, who devoured your signature and so favorite roll with great pleasure

, suddenly stopped eating it, and the pies dry lonely on the table, it is likely that now he is fed no less tasty in another house.

If your spouse suddenly starts staying late at work, this is not at all a reason to suspect him or panic.

Maybe he really is moving forward in his career or has started devoting much more time to his own business. However, if, lingering like this, your husband does not pick up the phone or respond to SMS, and later, when questioned, avoids direct answers, then you should seriously think about this situation.

Signs that a man is cheating

Wives feel betrayal intuitively, even without good reasons and reliable evidence. A woman feels the fact of betrayal especially acutely if she and her husband have a close emotional connection. But you can’t always trust your assumptions, remember this! If your husband has been late at work for the second week, maybe there really is a blockage there? Or is Lena from the contact list really an elderly buffet employee? How can you tell if your husband has a permanent mistress?

The main evidence is behavior that is unusual for a husband.

This manifests itself in everything: in intimate life he can suddenly cool down or, on the contrary, demand new poses, images, moods. Telephone conversations will take place outside the room, under the pretexts of “business conversation”, “you can hear better in the kitchen”, “I don’t want to disturb you, rest”, etc. A different attitude towards the phone will appear - if before it was lying around, now it is will be kept strictly in your pockets, on silent mode, or a password will appear on it. Any attempt by the wife to touch the gadget will be accompanied by insults, scandals, speeches about personal space and mistrust. Yes, it will still be empty in all histories: calls, correspondence, browsers.

A husband can dramatically change his appearance and habits - shave his beard, change his hairstyle, give up sportswear, run in the morning, eat only squirrels for dinner. At work, a man will increasingly become an “irreplaceable employee” who is responsible for the work of the entire department. There will definitely be inconsistencies in wages (you need to pamper another woman too), as well as marks in the car or on clothes (smells, objects, a strangely wrinkled collar).

Advice! Reject attempts by “well-wishers” to give you news that your beloved is cheating. This matter concerns only your family, where there should be no place for outsiders.

How do you know if your husband is really cheating?

According to psychologists, these things should not be ignored, but it is better to take a closer look at them:

1. Usually this happens when your partner begins to make scandals for you, provoking you into quarrels in every possible way, accusing you of all the “mortal sins” and far-fetched actions.

Such scandals are created, as a rule, in order to successfully leave the apartment, turn off your mobile phone, and then not talk about where he was at that moment.

2. When the salary began to decrease significantly, or his expenses quickly began to rise.

Note: in order to bring your beloved into the open, it is strictly not recommended to use various listening devices, bugs and other spy accessories. Such actions, as a rule, are resorted to in the most extreme cases, when, for example, a husband threatens his wife or categorically refuses to give her a divorce.

Reasons for betrayal

Any action has its reasons, and betrayal is no exception. To understand what to do in such a situation, the first thing you need to do is figure out why your husband did what he did. This will help you understand his motives and, if suddenly you somehow contributed to this, then not make such mistakes again. Let's look at the main reasons for male infidelity:

Personality deformation since childhood. This could be some kind of trauma, improper upbringing towards women, etc. That is, from childhood, men developed a distorted idea of sexual life and women in general. Such men become womanizers and feel confident only when they constantly change women.
Depravity. Such men are obsessed with the sexual theme, this is their meaning in life. And they don’t stay in a relationship with one woman for long. They often like various perversions. Such men are not capable of normal relationships.
Negative environment. These are friends who love to go to saunas, nightclubs, and lead a cheeky lifestyle. Among such friends, cheating is considered normal; they congratulate each other for victories on the love front. In such an environment, it is difficult for a man to remain faithful, because he does not want to stand out and betrayal is inevitable.
The man is convinced that cheating is the norm. He believes that men are polygamous, they change everything. Therefore, he sees nothing wrong with this. He is sure that every normal man should have both a wife and a mistress.
Forced relationships. A man can start cheating on his wife if she forced herself into a relationship with him; he didn’t want to marry her, but it happened that way. She could get pregnant or was constantly nearby, but he didn’t find someone he could love, so he got married.
Escape from family problems. When a family is beset by problems (financial difficulties, illness of children, constant stress), a man can rush into the arms of his mistress, so that at least somewhere he can forget about the problems and have fun.
Drunkenness. If a man likes to drink, then when he is drunk he can easily cheat.
Middle age crisis. If a man understands that by his age he has achieved practically nothing, he can begin to assert himself at the expense of young girls.
Wife's Misbehavior:
She herself is unfaithful.
She does not respect her husband, often humiliates and insults him.
Tolerates the unworthy attitude of her husband (insults, humiliation, betrayal, neglect, etc.). He believes that he can do whatever he wants, and she will still be with him. In this case, why should the husband remain faithful, the wife will not escape from him anyway?! He doesn't respect her and doesn't care about her feelings.
She expects her husband to cheat, constantly suspects, doesn’t trust, remembers. Sooner or later, the husband may get tired of this and actually cheat.

What to do when you know your husband is cheating

Tolerate

You can choose the option for yourself - endure. This usually happens if you love your husband very much and are unable to part with him. Or you are completely dependent on him financially and you don’t have your own home. You will have to be patient, at least until you can support yourself.

Forgive

You can forgive infidelity if it happened once, since it is usually attributed to quarrels in the family or the weakness of the man. But if this becomes a pattern, then think, are you ready to live such a life? After all, even the greatest patience comes to an end sooner or later; in the end, you will still break off such a relationship, only by that time you will be completely exhausted and broken.

First, try to separate for a while, live separately and see how your relationship develops. If the spouse does not intend to take any conciliatory steps towards him, then it is better not to stir up the past, gather all his pride into a fist and let him go on all four sides. If he wants, he will return.

Breake down

If there is no strength or sense to endure constant betrayal, then it is better to end such a relationship once and for all, and simply break up. And when starting new ones, you should take into account all the mistakes made and try not to repeat them again.

Is it possible to catch a husband cheating and is it necessary to do so?

Depending on the result you want to get, the answer to the question of whether it is possible to catch your husband cheating and whether this should be done will be individual.

It can be easy, but is it necessary?
If there is a chill in your relationship and you well understand that a homewrecker has appeared, you must clearly decide for yourself whether you are ready to break off the existing relationship or agree to put up with the fact of the existence of an affair on the side. If the solution to breaking up is acceptable to you, then you should be as attentive as possible to what your man says and does. You can check all the inconsistencies. Sometimes the reaction to the fact that a secret is revealed can be unpredictable. If you know your man well and his answer will not be a surprise to you, of course, tell us about your suspicions and patiently listen to subsequent excuses and repentance. But it may happen that instead of a frank conversation, you will hear the bitter truth with accusations against you, or even an excuse that the suspicions are groundless. Very often husbands themselves are not ready to admit it, maybe out of pity or cowardice. And you, with your “I know everything,” will only untie his hands. With the words “I’m glad that I no longer need to hide,” he will rush into the arms of the homewrecker. It is very difficult to live knowing about betrayals and remain silent. However, if you are not ready to hear the bitter truth and this person is dear to you, maybe you should pretend that everything is fine. Try to work through the situation, turning it in your direction, find a common language and build a trusting relationship. After all, you once had such a relationship. This is very difficult and in some situations no longer possible, but it’s worth a try. In such a situation, I recommend turning to a professional psychologist who will help you understand your desires and capabilities and direct your thoughts in the direction you need.

What absolutely should not be done when you find out that your husband is cheating

Suffer

You should not pretend to be a victim and constantly keep silent about the fact that you are aware of the betrayal. Having, for example, a weak psyche, you can torment yourself to such an extent that health problems may even begin, including prolonged depression.

Complain

If you start complaining to everyone, then your relatives, friends and other “well-wishers” may advise you of various nonsense, for example, to cut off from the shoulder and file for divorce without finding out all the circumstances and reasons. After all, you need to take into account that the people to whom you complain will definitely be on your side, which means they will not be able to assess this situation objectively.

How to behave with a husband who cheated: 6 absolute no-nos

1. Ignore the problem

If the ostrich hides its head in the sand, the lion will still not disappear. Ignoring is not the best way to solve problems.

2. Blackmail a man

“I will forbid you to see your children if you...” Such statements are like an atomic bomb that will destroy all life, including your relationships.

3. Blame yourself

If you were cheated on, it doesn't mean you're bad. It’s just that the man’s moral compass and self-regulation skills are not good. What he did was his responsibility and choice. Family psychologist Gary Newman cites the following figures: 88% of husbands sleep with women who are no more attractive than their regular partners.

Data from dating site Ashley Madison showed that men aged 39 and 49 are the most likely to cheat. The upcoming anniversary brings sad thoughts, and men want to prove to themselves that they are still oh-so-ho

4. Communicate with your lover

This will not help, but will only irritate the mental wound. You can, of course, show up to a homewrecker with a chainsaw in one hand and a gun in the other, but the criminal code does not approve of such actions.

5. Revenge

The principle of “an eye for an eye” will not add peace of mind (except for five minutes), and it will not cure resentment.

6. Use what happened as an argument in disputes

It happens that ten years have passed, but a woman, at every convenient, and more often inconvenient, occasion, remembers betrayal - they take out a killer trump card to solve any problem. The goal is to make the husband feel guilty and break down resistance. There is zero constructiveness in this. Forgiving forever or leaving - there is no middle ground here.

Revenge

You must understand that now the main thing is to concentrate on the relationship with your husband, determine the reasons that led to this result and try to patch up the holes in them, and not think about your rival or the place with her. Never compare yourself to her and don’t even think about dating her. This chance will give her some advantage over you.

Throwing tantrums

If you make a scandal and throw tantrums at your husband, then such destructive behavior will definitely lead to an inevitable breakup. Even if you are in unbearable pain, still try to talk to him calmly, without presenting any ultimatums to him.

Feel sorry for yourself

If you begin to feel constant pity for yourself, then this will be the most terrible thing that can ever happen. Try to be an independent and self-sufficient woman, one with whom a man can overcome any obstacles. It is precisely such women that attract men, and not whiny ladies, as is usually thought. Therefore, wipe away your tears and never show them to your man.

Nervous stress

Some women experience nervous stress after betrayal. And they even have thoughts of killing themselves. This is the worst thing that can happen. Try to understand that everything in the world is interconnected and this test was not given to you by chance.

Perhaps it was sent to appreciate the new life partner who will definitely appear to give joy and happiness. If it’s difficult to get rid of bad thoughts and you don’t know how to get out of depression after your husband’s betrayal, visit a professional psychologist. A specialist will help restore peace of mind.

Remember that divorce will not save you from pain. It takes time to heal.
We haven’t yet come up with a way to survive betrayal quickly.
You can try to speed up the process in yoga classes. They relax well and return peace and tranquility to the soul.
If your current situation is like a terrible dream, and you dream of waking up and returning to your past life, you need to forgive all the insults to your husband and start all over again with him. When he wants the same thing, restoring the family is not difficult. You just need to be honest with each other and explain yourself directly. Listen to your spouse’s wishes, voice yours, and try to make family life such that the thought of cheating never enters a man’s mind.

How to behave for a woman whose husband cheats on her, but does not leave the family

© Joaquin Corbalan/Getty Images

Cheating on your husband is a huge challenge for any woman.

If your husband continues to lie to you even after his infidelity has been completely proven, you must adhere to some specific rules:

1. Try to convey to your beloved

that a lie can destroy everything and this is not a clear foundation that can withstand any test of strength.

2. Explain to your spouse that the crisis you have experienced related to infidelity can sometimes even strengthen the relationship.

According to statistics, most couples who experienced adultery claimed that their relationships became better and stronger.

3. As a rule, most Russian women are accustomed to throwing hysterics with breaking dishes and using obscene language.

These methods usually lead to calm, but only temporary. Usually, the exploits of men after such hysterics only resume with even greater force.

4. Because keeping negativity to yourself is also not worth it

, it is best to give your spouse a thrashing, but in words, carefully choosing each expression behind the stream of abuse, without losing its essence. It is best to clearly and balancedly formulate your claims to him and, as the injured party, put forward a number of your demands to him.

The main thing is to under no circumstances take it out on your children, friends and relatives, since they have absolutely nothing to do with and are not to blame for your spouse’s infidelity.

What to do if the husband walks and does not leave the family?

The answer may seem quite strange, but!

Any wandering husband will be perfectly influenced by a counter lie, which, as if in a mirror, will allow him to look at his own behavior. Moreover, you may not even take revenge on your spouse with some kind of retaliatory betrayal.

It's enough to have a party with your old friends

or even just spend the night with your girlfriend, but when asked where you spent that night, tell the same tales that he usually tells you.

Important! If a woman knows about her husband’s infidelity, but prefers to pretend that this is not happening, due to her cowardice or lack of willpower, then, as a rule, this leads to disastrous consequences and certainly will not help strengthen the marriage bond.

Should I forgive my husband's betrayal?

It is important to understand that no advice from a psychologist on whether to forgive or not should be taken by women as a guide to action. This is just an expert opinion. To forgive or not, to divorce or not to divorce is a purely personal decision of the deceived wife, which she must make on her own, after carefully weighing and considering everything.

Neither friends or relatives, nor psychologists have the right to interfere in her decision. Moreover, dictate or put pressure on a woman in order to force her to make a decision.

If a woman decides to break up, then she definitely needs to completely leave this relationship. Do not maintain any loving (intimate) relationships with your ex-spouse.

The mistake of women is that, having not found enough strength in themselves to forgive, they also do not have the strength to leave, erasing the man from their lives. Then the problems begin. Living under the same roof, a woman torments her husband and herself with constant reminders of the betrayal that happened, making life together unbearable.

How to make the right decision

First. Try to be honest with yourself. Consider these questions:

Will you be able to truly forgive your cheating husband completely and without further reminders?
Won't you reproach him at every convenient or dubious occasion?
Will you be able to continue to trust him when everything calms down or, for example, he starts staying late from work?
Aren't you going to torment him and yourself with suspicion?
How realistic is it for you to restore trust in your husband and intimacy with him?
How to live on after your husband’s betrayal and his lies?
How to talk to him, explaining your feelings?
What will be better for the children - a divorce or a preserved family with a father who loves them but cheats on their mother?
Will you find yourself on the brink of poverty after a divorce?
Will her husband’s infidelities negatively affect the psychological state of the children if they find out about them?

Honest answers will show whether it is worth saving the relationship or whether it is better to break it off in order to start everything from scratch. Is a broken, abused relationship worth all the sacrifices on your part? Maybe it would be better to give them up for the sake of future peace of mind, and perhaps even better future relationships with an honest person?

Second. To decide whether to forgive your husband after cheating or not, you also need to take into account whether he repents or not? Does he regret what he did and how much? Does he admit his guilt or blame his life partner for his betrayal? If a husband blames his wife for his infidelity, then it is unlikely that trust in him will be restored.

The marriage is doomed if:

The husband did not calm down, but continues to cheat, trying to hide it more carefully.
He blames his life partner for his infidelity, allegedly because of her shortcomings he began to cheat.
At the slightest reason (conflict), he threatens with new love affairs, intimidating or manipulating his life partner, wanting to achieve something from her.

These cases show that the man has ceased to value family relationships with his wife and does not think about saving the marriage. Cheating for him is like a sport or a hobby, which means there is no need to forgive him.

Gradually, life with this individual will turn into constant hysterics and feelings of inferiority for the deceived wife.

But if a man has a negative attitude towards infidelity, and he himself succumbed to temptation and now bitterly regrets it, then he can be forgiven. But this is decided by the injured party, who has the right to forgive or end the relationship.

If you decide to get a divorce, then find out what will help you survive the divorce from your husband and not go crazy?

How to survive your husband's betrayal

The first female reaction to betrayal is shock, then prolonged hysteria and withdrawal. The woman cries, does not leave the apartment, she may have thoughts of suicide or a thirst for revenge, she is so hurt and lonely.

How to cope with all this and move on with your life?

The first step is time distance

Having learned about betrayal, it is best to do nothing at all for the first 24 hours, much less try to sort things out. Put aside thoughts like: “I’m still getting a divorce or I hate him.” In the heat of the moment, we often make wrong decisions. For example, in anger you can shout so many complaints that a man will break down to the point of no return. This will lead to a break in the relationship.

The husband may believe that only now he has learned the real contents of your heart, and he, who is blind, did not see this before. That your love and care were just a habit or a pretense, since now you are “crutching” him with angry words. With these thoughts, a man tries to find an excuse for his infidelity, without thinking that this is a woman’s reaction to shocking news.

Psychologists say that it is much easier to survive mental pain in temporary separation (you can go to relatives). It helps you think about what happened, calm down, put your thoughts together and decide what to do next? Avoid prolonged loneliness. Your goal is not to dwell on thoughts of betraying your marriage partner.

Left alone, try to talk to yourself about all your painful feelings about the situation. Speak into the recorder so that after the wave of angry emotions overwhelming you has subsided a little, you can listen to your words. So you can make a decision more calmly, having considered whether it is possible to forgive him, and if so, how to forgive your husband’s betrayal and move on?

The second step is to seek support/comfort

Ask people you trust to help you get through the first time of suffering. It will be difficult, you won’t want to see anyone, but this must be done so as not to become isolated on yourself and your grief. Try to communicate with them on abstract topics.

This support should be a reasonable person (relative, colleague or psychologist). This must be a person who will not simply wash the bones of a traitor. He should understand your feelings, listen carefully, and then try to console you by saying something positive.

When they turn to you for support and understanding, then your goal is to help a woman get rid of the oppressive feeling of guilt. Try to choose words in your conversation that will help the injured party calm down and gain peace of mind.

Consider when not to start conversations about the grief a woman has experienced. Also offer your help in finding a new home or job, or childcare. This way the woman will see that she is not alone with her grief, which means it will be easier for her to survive her husband’s betrayal.

The third step is an analysis of what happened and the decisions made

Don't blame yourself for your husband's cheating. Neither relationship difficulties nor family tensions can justify infidelity, both male and female. Especially if the marriage partner was not constantly denied intimacy. At the time of marriage, both spouses swore to remain faithful both in difficulties, sorrows, sorrows and in joys.

Try to understand (get to the bottom of) the reason that led to the betrayal in order to avoid infidelity in the future. Your goal is to understand what you need to fight with - your husband, your rival, or the situation that led to the betrayal?

If a woman liked to insist on her own way or refused to have intimacy with her husband, then she needs to take part of the responsibility for the betrayal of her marriage partner. This means she needs to change her behavior with her life partner.

Let your spouse know that you feel very bad, but you are not thinking about divorce yet. You just want to be alone to recover. After all, you are suffering and don’t know how to proceed, what to do?

We recommend reading this article: How to bring your husband home when he left for someone else?

Step Four: Dealing with Negative Thoughts and Feelings

Drive away negative thoughts. Offended feelings will again and again return you to depressing thoughts about your spouse’s betrayal and your inferiority. Therefore, sometimes you will have to literally force yourself to think about something positive. This needs to be done to take your mind off your own problems.

Some women who found themselves in a similar situation were helped to distract themselves from the oppressive state by listening to cheerful music and watching funny videos about animals. This helped them to withstand everything, survive and realize their own weaknesses, which they now successfully cope with.

What else can you do?

When memories are overwhelming and there is a strong desire to talk about everything that is painful to your cheating husband, then the best method that can be used is the “empty chair” method.

Place an empty chair in front of you, maybe even with a photo of your spouse. While no one is watching, you say out loud everything you want to tell him about your pain and his actions.

Then, after your husband returns home, having already calmed down, having spoken out, you will meet him calmly, showing attention and care to him.

Step five - building new relationships

Use all the communication skills you have, even if they are not ideal. Learn to listen carefully, and not just hear your partner's needs. Listening is a form of communication in which one partner listens, considers, and responds to what the other is actually saying. He is in no hurry to give ready-made answers or solutions.

Psychotherapist Tina Tessina, author of Money, Sex and Children, says infidelity often contributes to therapy for marital partners. Trying to improve relationships, they learn to communicate on uncomfortable topics. For example, sexual satisfaction, emotional needs or ulterior motives.

“Being able to discuss what went wrong in the relationship, apologize or make changes gives both partners much more insight into themselves and their marriage. It helps make their relationship more secure in the future,” says Dr. Tesina.

Restoring physical and emotional intimacy.

It is difficult to restore the old relationship when it comes to emotional or physical reunion. So start getting to know each other again to feel more comfortable. Gradually developing physical and emotional intimacy.

Weekly lunches at your neighborhood café or bistro won't ignite your passion, says Arthur Aron, a professor at Stony Brook University in the US. He says that novelty is the spice of life and the key element of a good marriage. In addition, the couple does not need to give up their usual activities, but it is worth adding new hobbies, interests, and habits to their lives.

Traveling, outings in the country, working out together at the gym, doing a fitness class, or even going on rides at an amusement park can all add newness to a relationship. Just choose something you've never done together before (or have done for a long time). Rewarding experiences will flood your brain with dopamine, which boosts the mood associated with the presence of a mate, says Aron.

Compliance with the rules in family disputes. To resolve conflicts without damage, you need to learn to choose the right words. Interesting results were obtained from research conducted by Benjamin Seider (a graduate of the Department of Psychology at the University of California at Berkeley).

If during disagreements we use the pronouns “we,” “us,” “our,” instead of “I” or “you,” then couples will experience less stress and negative emotions. These pronouns help to unite as one team, and not be opponents to each other.

To summarize what has been said, watch this video in which you will learn how to move on after cheating.

The behavior of a man after the fact of betrayal or an affair

It is not at all difficult for a man to determine whether a man is cheating on his wife. Moreover, the longer his affair on the side continues, the faster and more successfully he can be identified.

Strange actions

It is impossible not to notice that the man’s behavior becomes completely different. If earlier he scattered his socks around the house, and it was almost impossible to train them to put them in the dirty laundry basket, now he not only throws them in the washing machine, but also carefully hangs them out to dry.

Or another case:

completely unexpectedly, right in the middle of the week, a husband who is very far from romantic relationships suddenly brings a bouquet of gorgeous flowers and your favorite wine after work, although he had never done this before, even on your birthday. Maybe your spouse began to spend more time with you, help you around the house, and even watch movies with you that he didn’t like before.

Unfortunately, these facts may indicate that your man is behaving the way they usually behave after cheating.

Lack of tenderness

Your spouse began to show less and less attention and tenderness to you in private, in an intimate way. Why might this be observed?

As a rule, this happens because a man is tormented by his conscience

and he feels bad about the fact that he betrayed you. This is precisely what can prevent him from getting together at the most crucial moment and being a sincere and affectionate partner with you.

Closedness

After a spouse commits adultery, it can greatly affect his behavior as he is tormented by remorse when he returns home. He may become withdrawn or have a bad mood and all this is the result of some stress and painful experiences.

Therefore, you should be careful with certain conclusions

, because this does not mean at all that your spouse continues to cheat on you.

A man is bored

Being next to you, a man begins to frankly get bored, especially if he has always had fun and at ease with some other woman. And the longer all this continues, the more noticeable the complete indifference towards you will be.

If your spouse is not interested in you at all

, your hobbies or some holidays, it doesn’t hurt to think about what exactly happened. And the whole point is that the man, having probably cheated on you, received a surge of such vivid emotions that he certainly wants to experience again.

He became unstable

After adultery has occurred, your spouse may behave irritably and unrestrainedly towards you. It can start up just like that, out of the blue, and constantly makes various comments to you. Quite often scandals and quarrels began to brew between you.

In this case, there can be only one solution for you

- once again, do not anger your spouse and, having shown the lion’s share of patience towards him, try to behave quite calmly. You can even show all your tenderness, affection and attention. If in this case your husband’s behavior does not change in any way, then he probably has another woman on his side.

How to behave as a wife after her husband cheats in order to save the family

It's a completely different matter if you decide to keep your family together. There is hard work to be done on the relationship, but the results are worth it. Your actions depend on how exactly you found out about the betrayal.

If your husband admitted his infidelity himself, you don’t have much maneuvering to do. But there are many more options for what to do if you have obtained evidence and have not yet spoken to him.

It will be difficult, but the result will be worth it.

The husband admitted it himself

It all depends on the manner of recognition:

With a challenge, in an attempt to offend you, in passing. He is sure that you are not going anywhere or is trying to deliberately put pressure on the sore spot. Think again - do you want to forgive such a person? Find out why he is talking about cheating and what he is trying to achieve. Most likely, he wants to break up because that’s not how you communicate with loved ones. There will be no constructive dialogue here.
In an apologetic tone, with a guilty look, a voice full of remorse. He may cry from an overabundance of emotions. When a husband behaves like this, he is really worried about his mistake. Be sure to thank him for admitting to cheating himself. Don't forgive right away. Make it clear that this seriously hurt you, but you are ready to forgive your husband’s betrayal over time. But only one. There will be no second chance.

You need to discuss what happened. Having learned firsthand that your husband has cheated, you may be taken by surprise by this situation. Especially if you didn't have any suspicions. He admitted it himself, which means he feels guilty and wants to save the marriage.

If necessary, ask for time to think. Tell him that you don’t want to see him now and you need to be alone. The method is not important - you can send your husband to live with friends, or you can go to your parents. The main thing is to come to your senses.

Only when you feel that you have moved on from the offense, offer to talk. Alone in person or, if you find it difficult to look at him, through messengers.

“I didn’t expect this from you. I trusted you completely. I can’t discuss this now, I need time to cool down.”
“I felt that something was happening, but I didn’t believe that you could do this to me.”
“Apparently, your betrayal is also my fault, I didn’t add something. Let's discuss what prompted you to cheat and how to avoid a repetition."
“I’m pleased that you decided to admit everything yourself. I can't promise I'll forgive you, but I'll try. I need more time".

It is impossible to suggest how to react correctly to such recognition. There are men from whom such behavior is expected, but from others, cheating is a stab in the back.

It can be difficult to get through this. But he has already taken a step towards you, admitting to treason. Try to find a common language, find out the reasons for his actions and try to make changes in the relationship.

There is no need to behave as usual. He doesn't expect this.

Talk only about everyday topics.
Sleep in different rooms.
Give up the pleasant surprises that you usually received: your favorite dishes for dinner, complete order in the house, a massage in the evening, etc.

But at the same time, there is no need to be rude, deliberately put pressure on feelings of guilt, pity, or demand gifts and services. Move away from the situation at a speed that is comfortable for you.

If you yourself found out

The situation is completely different if a man does not know that you are aware of his infidelities. You can say that you know everything and discuss the current situation. Then you will have more leverage, and it will be easier to understand the reason for his cheating.

“I found out that you are having an affair with another woman. You can't deny it, I have proof. Why did this happen? I am ready to discuss the reasons and try to find a solution. I value our family, I want to save it, and only through joint efforts can we do this.”

On the other hand, you don’t have to tell him anything. Especially if you know what the reason for his cheating lies. For example, you often denied him intimacy, neglected your appearance, immersed yourself in your child and did not pay attention to your husband.

You have the opportunity to change yourself. Bring back the passion, get yourself in order, pay more attention to your husband. Over time, the husband will notice that at home is no worse than on the outside, and will return. And instead of direct confessions, use hints.

“I feel like we are moving away from each other and I don’t like it. Let's spend more time together, let's find something to do together. I asked the parents to babysit tonight, so you can start now.”

If you don’t know why your husband is cheating, try to find out in conversation:

“I see that you look at me differently and are not in a hurry to go home after work. What changed? How can I improve our relationship?

Over time, you will notice that it will change and become familiar again. Before returning from work, pampering, declaring your love and giving compliments. Due to the feeling of guilt, he can become even better than he was before all these betrayals.

How should a woman behave?

If it so happens that you are left alone, then perhaps it’s time to do a lot of internal work on yourself.

First of all, you need to accept your pain. Let all your negative emotions come out in any way you can. This will allow you to pacify them later. And this will be the beginning of your new journey.
Concentrate completely on something positive, drive away all resentments and thoughts, both about your rival and any negativity in general, try to completely let go of the resentment. Try to forgive your offenders. This is very difficult, but also very important, first of all for you.
Try to continue to live a full life no matter what. Play sports, go for a walk for a fresh break, meet friends and enjoy life.
Don't make excuses for your husband's behavior. Just accept what happened. This is what your experience in life should have been. You got it, now move on to get a new one and don't think about anything.

As soon as you feel the strength to live on, break off or restore the relationship, everything will immediately go as it should.

Women need to remember

They say a man is the head, and a woman is the neck, but you have to move your neck skillfully. When getting married, women need to remember that ringing the man you love does not mean that you can turn into a whore. Try to be different, surprise him and let him be afraid of losing you. Look after yourself, develop, be self-sufficient. Interesting, well-groomed, smart, thrifty, sexy, a wonderful wife and an excellent mother - these titles should be combined in you. Difficult? But for a happy family life you need to learn this. A man who is happily married will rarely commit adultery, much less divorce. Passing hobbies don't count. Nobody forbids you to have small affairs either, but nothing more. Just keep your man in good shape - let him remember that there are more than enough people who want to get you, but you love only him and are faithful to him. Love, compliments, affection - men need this no less than women. Let him feel and realize that only you can love and care like that. Help him be a real man next to you, praise him and admire him. Be passionate, constant, but unpredictable. Men love it.

Important advice from psychologists on what to do for a woman who has experienced infidelity

Start improving your self-esteem. After all, if a woman does not love herself, no man will ever love her. You need to start respecting yourself, pampering and cherishing yourself. Buy yourself a new dress or shoes, ring or underwear. For better results, you can wear new things even at home.
Clean up your head. Seriously. Start putting things in order there. First, you need to at least talk to someone. This doesn't mean you need to complain or vent. No. Just talk to a good person about your plans, your interests, or just about the weather.
In every situation you can find some advantages. Try to find them here too. Perhaps you have been wanting to renovate for a long time? Great. Now you have a lot of time for this. Start actively moving furniture with your husband, tear off old wallpaper. Joint work ennobles and brings people together.

A man cheated: how to behave and what is considered cheating

If, as in a bad joke, you return early from a business trip and find your husband with a guilty face and a naked woman in bed, the diagnosis is clear. There was sex - adultery in person. Although there are possible options here too.

For example, Bill Clinton, in his story with Monica Lewinsky, argued that oral sex is not really sex. There are heroes who do not consider a drunken night to be treason: they fell, woke up, and are not responsible. Or here’s another question: Is secretly watching porn infidelity or an innocent hobby?

A recent study published in the journal Evolutionary Psychology found that most women are more upset by emotional infidelity, while men are more upset by sexual infidelity.

What if intimacy in the traditional sense didn’t happen at all? But there were meetings, intimate conversations or correspondence on social networks. Why are you upset, my dear? I was dressed! And, by the way, in the tie that you gave me. For such stories there is a term “emotional betrayal”, when a person shares his thoughts, feelings, interests not with his partner, but with someone else.

So what is real betrayal? There is no right answer. You have the right to your own author's definition of this concept. And it is important to voice it to your partner “on shore.” For example, let your loved one know that you will be uncomfortable if he starts flirting on Facebook with former classmates or regularly drinking at a bar with the same female colleague.

Do not miss

Do not miss
They asked a psychologist: is it necessary to tell a friend that her husband is cheating on her?

Is it possible to forgive betrayal?

There is a lot of debate about whether it is worth forgiving infidelity or whether you should immediately file for divorce. You can forgive betrayal, but it’s unlikely to be forgotten. The betrayal of a beloved husband always leaves an unhealed wound on the wife’s heart; in many cases, trust in the family is forever lost. Even after many years, a woman can remember the pain of betrayal at any moment. If you decide to forgive your husband, then you need to do the following:

Sit down and calmly talk with your spouse, find out his thoughts and point of view on the current situation. Not all men repent of what they have done; they are ready to repeat their trips to the left more than once. Therefore, it is important to make sure that his repentance is genuine.
Get confirmation through actions. I talked about this in previous paragraphs.
Forgiveness should not be confused with humility. If you cannot forgive your husband, then you will not build a happy relationship with him.
After forgiveness and resumption of the relationship, never again remember his betrayal and do not reproach him for it. If you try to forget everything and improve your relationship with your spouse, then a happy family life is still possible.
If you can’t forgive your husband, then you don’t need to stay close to him. I don’t have the strength to forgive the betrayal, I have to leave and file for divorce. You should never live with a cheater for the sake of children or well-being; this is the death of a woman as an individual.

If you have forgiven the betrayal, then:

Build a family from scratch, don’t leave everything as it was before the betrayal. Start studying the psychology of relationships.
Do not tolerate communication between your husband and his mistress and meetings with her. He must completely break off relations with her.
Do not tolerate even a hint of other women.
Don't blame yourself for his betrayal.
Don't remember your husband's betrayal and don't expect the next one to happen.

Remember the main thing! You can only forgive the first betrayal, never the second.

The sacrifice of some ladies is amazing, because they are ready to forgive their errant spouse even after numerous betrayals. This is definitely not necessary. Such relationships are always full of pain; the wound in the soul will bleed throughout your life.

What to do if your husband left for his mistress?

In the life of a married woman, one of the most terrible blows is the departure of her husband for another. Especially when there was nothing to indicate this. If the wife was not perspicacious enough and did not notice the appearance of her husband’s mistress, the pain from the breakup may be too strong. However, there is no need to despair. Your husband's departure for his mistress may not be final if you behave correctly. What to do in this situation:

Do not interfere with his departure. If he wants to be with his mistress, let him go to her. He is an adult to decide for himself what to do.
Don't call or write to him. You must disappear from his life.
If he calls or writes himself, communicate only about business or children. Don’t ask him anything, don’t be interested in his life. Always end the conversation first, you are always busy and have no time to talk to him.
Refuse meetings, but do not prohibit seeing your children. Ask your children not to say anything about you.
Protect yourself from information about him, do not go to his pages on social networks. You don't need to know how he lives with his mistress.
If things get bad, you definitely need to cry and talk it out. People who love you will be able to listen to you.
Fill your life with interesting events, take up hobbies, sports, go on a trip. Spend more time with positive people. Work on your self-esteem. Difficult events lower our self-esteem. An article on how to increase self-esteem will help you with this.
A few months later, your husband will begin to have the first friction and quarrels with his mistress. After all, we are all human and we inevitably have disagreements. And your husband will most likely begin to compare you at these moments. He will understand that a mistress is not an eternal holiday, but an ordinary woman with her own advantages and disadvantages. And more and more often he will begin to wonder whether he did the right thing by exchanging you for her. There is also the realization that he could lose you forever.
As a result, he may decide to test the waters to see if you can return to him if he wants. If your husband starts asking you about it, be cold and stop talking.
After this, he will understand the irreversibility of the situation. And he will need to make a choice between a wife or a mistress. According to psychologists, most often a man makes a choice in such a situation in favor of his wife. After all, the mistress is nearby, but the wife is not. Only in rare cases does he stay with his mistress. This happens when he never loved his wife; she only causes him unpleasant feelings.
If a man makes a choice in favor of his wife, then he will begin to return her by all available means. He will pursue you, refuse to divorce, beg you to forgive and come back. It all depends on you. You can forgive, goodbye. If not, then file for divorce. Just don’t forgive right away, he must prove his desire with his actions.
If you decide to forgive your husband, then set the conditions to leave your mistress right now, leaving your things with her.
And if a man decides to stay with his mistress, then during this time your pain will subside, and you will be able to start a new life.