Procedure for communicating with a child after divorce: meeting schedule, time, hours

Author of the article: Anastasia Ivanova Last modified: January 2021 19032

The Constitution and the Family Code of the Russian Federation give spouses the same rights and responsibilities in relation to their young children. Citizens who decide to divorce can independently agree on accommodation, as well as determine the procedure for communicating with the child after the divorce. If there are no disputes on these issues, the parties have the opportunity to draw up a peace agreement. In the event that an agreement cannot be reached, the former spouses are forced to resolve the problem in court.

Right to communicate

Expert commentary

Gorchakov Vladimir

Lawyer

Article No. 55 of the Family Code states that a child has the right to communicate with mom and dad, grandparents, brothers and sisters. According to the court decision, he remains to live with only one of the spouses, but the second parent can visit the child at any convenient time.

It is possible to limit the parental rights of a spouse living separately. The reason for this decision may be immoral behavior that causes trauma to the child’s mental health.

Other grounds for limiting meetings with a child are:

Chronic alcoholism or drug use, as a result of which meetings are impossible;
Manifestation of cruelty towards a minor;
Psychological influence on a child with the aim of turning him against the other parent.

Former spouses living in different cities can communicate with children by phone or Internet.

Baby and divorce: let's talk about children's feelings

Every child is strongly attached to both parents. For a baby, a mother is the physical embodiment of love, care, and tenderness. It is next to her, under her wing, that the child learns to live, realizes what good and evil are, and makes his first decisions. The father is a protector, a provider, a strict but fair teacher who will always support and judge all problems. When mom and dad separate, the baby experiences the deepest shock. His world is collapsing, and due to his age, he simply does not know what to do. The psyche of a child, no matter how old he is, cannot withstand stress. And such colossal stress knocks any child out of balance.

When does parental separation have the least consequences?

There are a lot of divorces in our country. Do all children who experienced this event experience psychological trauma? Of course, all kids experience their fair share of negative emotions when their parents break up. But some manage to avoid serious consequences. Divorce has the least impact on children if:

They have brothers or sisters. Imagine this picture. Mom and Dad are arguing again, and one of them can be heard shouting something about a divorce. The baby lies in the next room, covered with a blanket over his head. He clutches the toy and the turned-on flashlight with his small hands. He is scared, and his only thoughts are for this to stop as soon as possible. Or another option. Mom and dad quarreled, dad is packing his suitcase. Their teenage son tried to talk to them, and in response he heard something like: “Leave me alone, there’s no time for you now!” Then the child got ready and ran away from home, looking to go for a walk at night in the seedy places with the same unfortunate and dysfunctional friends. It is unknown what will happen to him, how he will overcome his anxiety. Perhaps he will start drinking or using drugs, which is especially dangerous at a young age. It is very difficult to bear such stress as the separation of parents alone. In both of these cases, the children did not have a sibling with whom they could share their experiences, receive support, and come up with a plan of action. If there were more children in the families of our heroes, it would be much easier for them to cope with emotions together. This is why divorce has a minimal impact on those minors who have brothers or sisters and can trust them.
The parents separate peacefully. Constant shouting, insults and fights from parents aggravate the child’s stress due to the impending divorce. Unfortunately, few adults, in a fit of anger, think about the consequences of these incidents. The baby doesn’t want to go home, he’s always scared, he’s waiting for it to finally end. When the separation has already occurred, he does not get better. After all, he remembers how mom and dad fought, and he no longer wants to see anyone, communicate, and sometimes even live. In general, a peaceful divorce is something out of fantasy, just like normal relationships between ex-spouses. But exceptional cases when people are able to come to an agreement and contain negativity after a divorce for the sake of a child still exist. Wise parents who know how to shut their mouths in time and stop throwing mud at their ex-partner allow their children to live this period more calmly and minimize the negative consequences for their psyche.
Parents take care of the baby even after a divorce. After separation, mom and dad should try to behave the same way as before, that is, see the child often, take care of him, and have fun. If, for example, after a divorce, the father does not want to know about the baby, but only pays alimony, then, of course, it will be very difficult for his son or daughter to survive such changes. In such a situation, the child will begin to feel guilty or generally worthless, which is very dangerous for his self-esteem in the future. Therefore, even after a divorce, it is very important for mom and dad to continue to love their child and show him this love even stronger than before.

See also:
Custody and divorce: what happens to the ward child in the event of a divorce?

It’s good when the divorce is peaceful, and the former spouses can be together in the same room without turning their noses up at each other. Then they will be able to raise their children, despite the official separation. And their children will suffer minimally as a result of the fact that mother and father no longer live together. However, such cases are quite rare. Most often, divorce has a strong impact on the psyche of children. The negative consequences are very different and largely depend on what age the baby was when his parents separated.

The impact of divorce on the child’s psyche depending on the child’s age category

Many parents think that their children will not worry in the event of a divorce. They think that kids shouldn't understand anything. Teenagers are already adults, and in general they are constantly snapping and being rude, so they don’t care at all about the separation of their mother and father. How cruelly these men and women are mistaken, because divorce for a child of any age does not pass without a trace. In addition to the mental problems that will certainly appear in the event of a difficult and stormy separation of parents, children may develop physical illnesses. After all, problems of the nervous system provoke disruptions in the functioning of the body as a whole. Psychosomatic illnesses occur when a wounded soul tries to scream through the body.

At each period of life, a child perceives the separation of mom and dad in a special way. And the consequences of such an event are very different depending on age. Let's look at the age categories of children and the typical problems in each of them when their parents divorce:

Children under 3 years old. It seems that kids don’t understand a lot of things and are more accepting of quarrels and scandals in the family. It is possible that due to their age they really cannot understand the reasons for their parents’ divorce and its consequences. However, kids definitely feel the lack of love and attention. Disruption of the usual way of life also provokes severe stress. As a result of such a negative event as divorce, changes in behavior occur and nervous diseases appear. Many parents after a divorce note that their children under the age of three have trouble sleeping, become irritable and tearful, and often experience enuresis.

The most sensitive children can develop attention deficit disorder, the symptoms of which are expressed in hyperactivity and pronounced aggression, both towards themselves and towards others.

Children often have digestive problems, because a nervous state provokes disruptions in the functioning of the intestines. The whole bouquet of diseases acquired at such an early age is very difficult to treat. Parents will have to spend a lot of time and effort before their child gets better.

Children from 3 to 5 years old. During this period, children already realize themselves as individuals, often idealize their parents, and live in their own world - kind and almost ideal. When mom and dad separate, their usual way of life collapses, and the children are completely unprepared for this. During such a period, they are characterized by demonstrative negative behavior: they take everything with hostility, do not listen, stop doing what they could do before (eat on their own, go to bed, get dressed, go to the potty). The notorious hyperactivity and attention deficit syndrome may appear. For parents, who are also having a hard time, it seems that their kids have simply broken loose. Children who have always had a calmer disposition may withdraw into themselves and stop communicating with friends, which lowers their self-esteem.

There is a possibility that a naturally phlegmatic child will become completely apathetic. Nothing will interest him: neither new toys, nor trips to interesting places, nor sweets. Then parents should definitely sound the alarm and contact a child psychologist.

Children of primary school age. Children aged 6–9 years already understand and realize a lot, but the real reason for the separation of mom and dad is often considered to be their own bad behavior, for example, failures at school, whims. When mother and father quarrel for a long time and then divorce, the child becomes anxious (all the time waiting for something else to happen, afraid that he will be abandoned). The impact of divorce on children of primary school age is enormous. As a result of constant worries, nervous tics, apathy and even childhood depression can appear. The little man is simply not ready for such an emotional burden as his parents’ divorce, and his psyche begins to malfunction.
Children aged 10–12 years. They already have a clear position on their parents’ divorce and choose which side they will be on. A “good” parent remains their friend and ally, but with a “bad” parent, children can stop communicating altogether, rejecting any attempts at contact. This development of events has a very negative impact on the child’s psyche.

At the age of 10–12 years, a parent of the opposite sex is the prototype of his child’s future partner, and lack of communication with him will then cause difficulties in choosing a wife or husband.

After the separation of mother and father, the child feels that he was betrayed, left to the mercy of fate, without thinking about his feelings. As a result, the student will experience distrust of the people around him and will not be able to communicate normally in a group. This problem can be aggravated by “well-meaning” classmates who can easily turn a child of divorced parents into an outcast. Increased anxiety with all that it entails is guaranteed.

Teenagers. Already almost an adult, but with a childish, vulnerable soul, it is difficult to cope with such an emotional shock as the separation of mom and dad. A teenager after his parents' divorce may fall into bad company or even run away from home in order to attract attention. Also, the child is capable of slipping in his studies, constantly arguing and swearing, and not fulfilling household duties. Such demonstrative behavior is a protest against the separation of parents, an attempt to reconcile them with each other. Subconsciously, the teenager believes that his mother and father will unite against him and, perhaps, begin to live together again. The most negative consequence of divorce for a child 12–18 years old is depression and accompanying suicidal thoughts. There may be no visible signs of such a problem, or a parent who has just experienced the collapse of a family may not notice changes in the child. This is the main danger of depression. Acute forms of the disease cause severe mental suffering in a teenager, which often leads to the decision to commit suicide. Parents must be very vigilant and not miss markers of the disease.

Children Agreement

A peace agreement is the best way to avoid traumatizing a child during a parental divorce. An agreement on children is concluded between the ex-husband and wife in writing, after which it is certified by a notary office.

The document indicates all controversial issues that may arise between parents:

Place of residence of the child;
Questions regarding the maintenance of joint children;
Holidays with a child, trips abroad;
Selection of educational and medical institutions;
Communication with grandparents and other relatives;
Duration of the agreement.

A meeting schedule allows you to organize communication with your child. It is drawn up by two parents, indicating the place of visit, duration of visits and days of visits. If the spouses cannot agree on a schedule, the court will establish the order of communication with the minor. When making a decision, the judge takes into account the position of the guardianship authorities, the child over 10 years old, as well as his emotional attachment to each family member.

Communication between child and father

Most often, the baby stays after a divorce from his mother. At the same time, the father has parental rights that allow him to:

Participate in solving educational issues;
Represent the interests of a minor in government bodies;
Be aware of the child’s health status;
Receive and issue permission to travel outside the country;
Communicate and visit your child at any time.

If the frequency of meetings was not established by the parents themselves, and the schedule was drawn up by the court, the mother does not have the right to interfere with visits to the father. In addition, she cannot violate the conditions without a good reason.

Meetings between the child and the father can be organized in any territory. The law does not prohibit a father from taking his children to his home even if he has another family.

If the father refuses to visit the child

There are often cases when, after a break in family relationships, fathers stop communicating with their children. As practice shows, the reasons for this behavior are:

Reluctance to see your ex-wife;
Entering into a new marriage, having other children;
Lack of parental feelings.

Expert commentary

Kamensky Yuri

Lawyer

It is impossible to force a father to communicate with a child after a divorce. However, the law obliges him to participate in the maintenance of his own children until they reach adulthood. The ex-spouse can file an application with the court for alimony. If during the process a man refuses to participate in the life of his offspring, he will be deprived of parental rights.

Deprivation of parental rights due to refusal to meet

The main responsibilities of parents are the maintenance and upbringing of the child. A man who ignores meeting with a child for more than six months and does not participate in his upbringing may be deprived of parental rights at the request of the mother. Exceptions are cases when communication is impossible for acceptable reasons: illness, disability.

However, a man has a chance to resume communication if he changes his attitude towards the child. This opportunity is provided by Article No. 72 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation. The decision is made in court. The father will need to prove that he has eliminated the circumstances that prevent him from meeting his children.

How will divorce affect the child's future?

Divorce is often the ideal solution for a family in which both partners are unhappy. Recovering from a separation takes time for both ex-spouses and their children. If the mother and father continue to communicate normally outside of marriage, raise their children on equal terms and pay enough attention to them, then there is no need to worry about the children’s future. In other situations, when one of the parents left the family and does not want to communicate even with their children, the divorce will certainly affect them in the most negative way. A grown-up child will most likely experience the following consequences:

Problematic relationships. In childhood, the future scenario of family life is laid out. The baby looks at how mom and dad behave in relationships and subconsciously reinforces this example as the only true one. If parents constantly quarreled and then divorced, then a child raised in such an environment will feel that a destructive relationship with a bad ending is the only right solution. As a result, an adult with a wounded soul will find a partner who will bring him the same suffering. He will take the position of a victim or a tyrant and recreate a model of dependent relationships. After all, this is exactly what such a person has been accustomed to since childhood.
Distrust of others. Stress after a parent's divorce is not easy to describe in words. The child is experiencing mental pain, because the people closest to him betrayed him. As a result, he is afraid to trust anyone and does not allow anyone close to him. In the future, it will be difficult for such a person to make friends, fall in love and start a family: what if everything happens the same as with his parents? Distrust of others spoils life in all areas. With such an attitude towards people, it is difficult to build a career and create your own family.

Many men and women who have experienced a parental divorce give up having children altogether. They are afraid that their offspring will suffer in the same way if the scenario repeats.

Low self-esteem. Divorce continues to impact children well into adulthood. The parents separated, and the child blames himself for it. He thinks: “If I behaved better and studied normally, then mom and dad would argue less,” or “If I weren’t there, my parents would live without problems and swearing.” Such thoughts have a detrimental effect on a person’s self-esteem, and the problem does not disappear with age. Grown men and women continue to consider themselves, deep down, guilty and worthless. They often become outcasts in society and allow themselves to be ridden. It is difficult for such people to find a mate and become happy. Their soul is gnawed by an all-consuming feeling of guilt for that same parental divorce, even though it happened many years ago.

Communication between grandparents and grandson

According to Family Law, close relatives of former spouses can communicate with their joint child.
Visits are agreed upon with the parent who lives with the minor. If it is impossible to agree on meetings, grandparents have the right to write a statement to the court. The claim is considered jointly with the guardianship authorities. The court decision will oblige parents not to interfere with the child’s communication with close relatives. Exceptions are cases when such meetings negatively affect the physical and emotional health of the baby. Based on the results of the court hearing, a schedule of visits to the grandson by the grandparents will be drawn up. If the mother does not comply with the court order and continues to hide the child from her ex-husband’s relatives, the applicants can turn to the bailiffs. FSSP employees forcefully organize a meeting.

How to determine the order of communication between father and child through the court

If during the divorce process the spouses did not enter into an agreement about the children, the order of communication and the schedule of visits will be determined by the court. The decision affects the interests of the minor, therefore the guardianship and trusteeship authorities are invited to participate in the hearing.

A child over ten years old can voice his opinion about communication with each of his parents. When considering the case, the judge pays special attention to the characteristics of the former spouses, as well as the degree of their influence on the minor. If a woman proves that during meetings the father manipulates the child and turns him against her, the authority may allow him visits only in the presence of the mother.

In order to determine the order of communication, it is necessary to provide the court with:

Claim with meeting schedule;
A photocopy of the divorce certificate;
A photocopy of the child’s birth document;
Documents confirming the facts specified in the claim;
Applicant's work schedule;
Characteristics from the place of employment and residence;
Request to call witnesses in the case under consideration;
A written description of the apartment where the defendant lives with the child.

An application for approval of the schedule is sent to the court at the defendant’s registered address. Before making a decision, the court will examine:

The level of attachment of the child to the applicant;
Schoolchild's daily routine;
The defendant's living conditions;
Work schedules of former spouses;
The distance between the residential addresses of children and their absent parent.

The order of communication between a child and his father after a divorce

If the parents manage to agree among themselves and find a compromise, this will be the optimal and only correct decision for the child and for themselves. If, however, certain frictions and disagreements exist, it is best to conclude an agreement in writing.

When drawing up a document on the procedure for communication between a child and his father after a divorce , the contents must describe in detail all the points relating to this issue, which would take into account the interests, desires and daily routine of the child as much as possible. Among other conditions regarding upbringing and participation in his life, the agreement should indicate :

meeting place and time of communication;
their duration;
the possibility of the presence of third parties;
separately - the number of days for a joint vacation in the summer or during school holidays (if the child is in school).

Note that Art. 57 of the Family Code contains a requirement according to which a child who has reached the age of ten must be asked for his opinion on issues affecting his interests, including regarding communication with his father.

In practice, everything turns out to be much more complicated. Therefore, if the father’s rights to communicate with the child are violated by the mother, then he has the opportunity to resolve the conflict pre-trial by contacting the guardianship and trusteeship authorities.

To do this, he must submit a corresponding application, which is considered at a meeting of the commission for the protection of children's rights in the presence of both parents. When developing a schedule of meetings and communication between the father and the child, the commission takes into account the position of the two parties. The accepted and approved schedule is binding on both parents.

If the mother does not comply with the decision made by the guardianship service, then the father has the opportunity to exercise his legal right to appeal to the judicial authorities (Part 2 of Article 66 of the Family Code).

Cases involving disputes regarding a child are not within the jurisdiction of the magistrate. Therefore, the statement of claim is filed with the district court at the place of residence of the defendant (mother) and must contain requirements for the timing, frequency and place of meetings.

Example

Citizen R.'s wife left him, moving with his minor son to his mother in another city, from where six months later he received a court decision on divorce and alimony. Now R. wants to demand in court the right to meet and communicate with the child. Due to the distance, he cannot personally file a claim in the city where his ex-wife lives, so he is interested in what is the right thing to do in this situation. Since the issue concerns a child, the district court has jurisdiction over the matter. The claim is filed at the place of residence of the defendant, that is, the ex-wife. To do this, the plaintiff does not have to travel to another city. The application can be sent by post and indicate in it a request so that the case is considered without his presence. However, citizen R. should be interested in a positive outcome of the case for him, namely in choosing the place and time of meetings with his son, so we recommend that he attend the court hearing in person, or send a representative in his place by issuing a notarized power of attorney for him.

In this case, you will not need to pay the state fee when filing a claim, since according to clause 15, part 1, art. 333.36 of the Tax Code, when considering cases on the protection of the rights and legitimate interests of a child, the plaintiff is exempt from paying the specified fee .

In the judicial process, in addition to the parties to the case, a representative of the guardianship and trusteeship authority as a third party. A court decision, as a rule, is based on the schedule of meetings and communication between the father and the child approved by this body, and also takes into account such factors as:

the reputation and moral qualities of the father, confirmed by a reference (certificate) from the place of work (residence), testimony of witnesses;
the need for such meetings and the impact of communication on the full development of the child;
the conditions in which you plan to spend time with the child.

By establishing the order of communication, the court warns the parties of the consequences of non-compliance with their decision. As for the mother, in addition to the fact that moral damages may be recovered from her for systematic failure to comply, as well as a fine imposed by the bailiff, the court has the right to consider the issue of transferring the child to the father.

How to limit communication between father and child?

A man's right to communicate with his own child may be limited. Article No. 73 of the RF IC specifies the reasons that explain this decision:

Meetings with a parent have a negative impact on the mental state of the minor;
When visiting children, the father turns them against their mother;
Visits disrupt children’s daily routine and interfere with their studies;
The child is in danger due to the inappropriate behavior of an adult.

Expert commentary

Gorbunova Olga

Lawyer

You can change the order of communication even if, during the divorce, the spouses drew up an agreement about the children and approved a visitation schedule. The child's mother must apply to the court with a written statement. The document indicates the reasons for the appeal, and also attaches evidence confirming the plaintiff’s words. Evidence may include testimony from witnesses or certificates from medical institutions.

Limiting contact with a minor child does not relieve the father of his responsibilities for his maintenance. The decision that the court will make will prohibit the man from raising his offspring on his own. The father will be able to restore full communication through the court, provided that the reasons for the restriction have disappeared and the child expresses a desire to see the parent.

Communication schedule with your child: time and hours

One of the attachments to the statement of claim may be a schedule of communication with the child. This document contains an approximate or exact schedule of meetings between parents and the child, their time and duration, place and method, as well as other forms of communication (telephone calls, correspondence) .

Parents will have to draw up a schedule for communicating with their child on their own, depending on the circumstances and characteristics of family relationships. If serious difficulties arise, you should seek help from a lawyer.

It must be said right away that the law does not provide any restrictions on the amount of time a father or mother spends with a child. Restrictions are established in exceptional cases, for example, if the mother is categorically against it, and the father has to seek meetings with the child in court, or if the mother has good reasons to limit the father’s time together with his daughter or son.

It is important for both mother and father, if they are not deprived of parental rights, to fulfill the role provided by law in the life of the child, maintain relationships with him, educate him, and take part in his development and formation.

At the same time, it must be taken into account that the father’s possibilities are not limitless, taking into account work, workload with other matters, distance, and sometimes a new marital status. On the opposite side there may also be reasonable restrictions. Therefore, the schedule of meetings between the parent and the child is formed taking into account all significant circumstances, such as the parents’ employment, separation, as well as the age of the child, his capabilities and wishes, and the degree of attachment between the parent and the child.

Expert opinion

Dmitry Nosikov

Lawyer. Specialization: family and housing law.

For example, the regularity and duration of meetings between a father and a one-year-old baby may differ from meetings between a father and a teenager. In the first case, half an hour a day may be enough, in the second, you can arrange for the child to visit his father for the entire weekend. The ways you spend time together will also be different. In the first case, meetings can take place in the presence and accompaniment of a nursing mother, in the second, the father can be given complete freedom to communicate with his daughter or son.

It is advisable to include in the schedule the possibility of spontaneous, unplanned meetings. After all, even the most organized mother may suddenly need help with her child, or the busiest father may have free time to meet with his child.

Judicial practice in cases of this category is based on the fact that the order of meetings between parents and children must be extremely specific and clear . Uncertainty, the lack of an exact schedule of days and hours makes the court decision unenforceable, allows for the possibility of manipulation and mutual claims, puts parents and children in a dependent position, and prevents planning and compliance with the child’s full-fledged regime.

So, the schedule of communication with the child should contain a specific schedule:

days of the week and hours (on weekdays and weekends, holidays);
time, place of meetings;
duration of meetings;
ways to spend time;
the possibility of presence and accompaniment (for example, mother, maternal or paternal relatives - grandparents, siblings and half-brothers);
procedure for joint school holidays and parental leave.

In this case, the individual circumstances listed above must be taken into account.

What to do if your ex-spouse prohibits you from communicating with your child

Conflicts between parents and mutual insults can lead to the ex-wife hiding the child and interfering with his communication with his father. If the visitation order was not voluntarily agreed upon during the divorce, the man has every right to resolve the problem in court.

The application must provide evidence of attempts to arrange meetings with the child’s mother. Strong evidence will be the testimony of neighbors, teachers, and mutual acquaintances. They may tell the court that the father:

Was actively involved in raising the child before the divorce;
Children need communication with their other parents and are emotionally attached to them;
The mother prohibits meetings and turns the children against the father due to personal hostility towards her ex-husband.

Psychologists participate in the court hearing and conduct a conversation with the minor. Based on their conclusion, the judge determines the order of communication between the father and the child. If, after the court’s decision, the mother continues to prevent visits, the authority may transfer the children to the care of a man.