Out of habit
“Pavlov’s Dog”
40-year-old Vitaly left his family a year ago, but all this time he maintained friendly relations with his wife. She brought him to see a psychologist. He made excuses that his mistress, of course, is better... but his wife is his own, like a sister or mother, and that he cannot erase her from his life. And most importantly: he is so used to her food and evening tea with lemon! The unlucky husband resembled “Pavlov’s dog”, which is connected with its owner only by instincts. In such situations, most often, wives do not give up and strive with all their might for further growth and self-development. Therefore, they will think 100 times: am I ready to take back “this good”?
Anatoly Pliev, Gestalt psychologist:
— At first, husbands who have left for their mistresses are held back by passion. And then an irrepressible longing for their former home awakens in them. No matter how much effort the mistress puts in, she will always be second and will never be able to create for her husband exactly the same living conditions as his previous wife! And old favorite habits are a very powerful argument!
What should a woman do to get a man to come back?
Often, it depends on the weaker sex whether the chosen one will return back. A woman can simply push her lover to reconsider his decision. But it is necessary to act competently, wisely and extremely carefully.
- Try to see him. The meeting should take place in a friendly, calm atmosphere. Under no circumstances should you start interrogating a man. Just remember pleasant little things and interesting events together. At the same time, try to open up to a man from a new, better side. It is necessary to simply push him to the idea that he has lost such a wonderful and beautiful lady.
- It is not uncommon that after her lover leaves, a woman rushes to show him who he has lost. To do this, she goes to a beauty salon and radically changes her image. And it works well. But, by the way, you shouldn’t forget about your appearance during a relationship, you need to constantly take care of yourself.
- After leaving a woman, a man has two options. He can remain lonely. In this case, he would very much need the warmth, attention, understanding of the one he had recently left and “accidentally” met on the street. This may well push him to renew the relationship.
How to survive a breakup with your loved one
But men often leave for another woman, and this is especially painful to realize. Having calmed down, you need to weigh everything and think it through carefully. You should take into account the fact that the candy-bouquet period will sooner or later end, problems will begin to appear, conflicts will arise.
This is where a meeting with your ex, a calm and sweet conversation with her, can ultimately lead to the fact that the guy begins to regret the decision he once made to break up. Then the abandoned woman must turn on all her charm, intelligence and again interest the man.
If everything in such a situation ends well, then it is now important to ensure that the reason that prompted them to separate once again never arises.
By calculation
"There's nowhere else to go!"
Volodya and Svetlana got married as soon as she turned 17. Not by chance. He was just bored at the distant Voronezh school without his family and friends, and Svetik was the only “vest” where he could cry. After the wedding, they had boys the same age. And a year later, the husband realized that apart from ensign shoulder straps and drinking companions, he had nothing. His wife, who had not completed culinary school, could hardly have accompanied him for a philosophical conversation. And Volodya suffered... He was carried for 2 years. He spent the night with some friends, at work, rented apartments, changed girlfriends. At the same time, he did not forget to periodically throw money at the family. And then I realized that no one in this city needed him except his own wife. But for what reason did she take him back? He says that he’s some kind of guy, but still a husband. And he takes care of the children. The spouses do not want to admit that 37-year-old Volodya has nowhere else to go! And they maintain some semblance of marriage. For some reason they even gave birth to a daughter. But, alas, the family lives by the law of the jungle: “Everyone for himself!”
Opinion FOR:
Igor Bazelyuk, 42 years old:
- I witnessed how my best friends diverged and converged. I don't want to blame anyone. Psychologists say correctly: “In a divorce, both are always to blame!” Why do they want to get back together? Apparently, after so many years of living together, they become some kind of family, “grow together,” and if you “cut off” it’s like cutting off a part of yourself. It hurts! It especially hurts children. So, it’s better to at least come to some kind of agreement. A bad peace is better than a good quarrel.
Opinion AGAINST:
Svetlana Belova, 33 years old:
- A bad marriage that has already cracked is like a broken cup. You can, of course, glue it together. But when our dishes break, we usually throw them away and say: “Fortunately!” I am a supporter of throwing out used shards and buying new sets.
Reasons for leaving
Firstly, it is necessary to talk about the reasons that prompted the man to make such a decision. They are usually similar for many:
- found myself another;
- he was never really in love;
- tired of everyday life;
- you cost him too much;
- your friends or parents scare him;
- realized that it was with this woman that he felt uncomfortable;
- the passion disappeared, the spark died out.
The woman, having calmed down after the hysteria and tears, begins, reasoning sensibly, to blame herself, which means she did something wrong. Then she tries to scroll through her head about ways to get her lover back, and there are no limits to her imagination.
For love
“I looked around and realized: it’s real!”
Sergei Valerievich, 32 years old:
“The history of our family is quite banal, but leaving it with a bunch of “shoals” behind us is very painful. My wife and I lived happily for 5 years. Then I was promoted, and away we went: hotels, foreigners, saunas, hotel staff... I disappeared from the family for 3 years. True, I gave money to the children (my wife refused alimony). In the last year, everything possible has come at me: setups started at work, my car license was taken away, I ended up in the hospital with cirrhosis. Then, out of the blue, he broke his ribs, injured his eye, and almost drowned. Apparently, this was the Universe’s way of putting me in my place. And when I called home at random, I heard the calm, familiar voice of my wife: “Well, how are you?” When I arrived, she didn’t scream, didn’t interrogate, didn’t check my phone - she just said that the children were bored without their father, and she was ready to take me back. Now I’ve decided for sure: I’m coming back! Only after losing everything did I realize what a happy person I was... I don’t know if I can get everything back. I hope she forgives me!
Only numbers!
According to statistics, in large cities of Russia about 50% of families break up. According to statistics, 70 men out of 100 will soon marry again. Every fourth divorcee gets back together with his former wife, and every third would like to do this.
Anna Viktorovna, head of the civil registry office in Voronezh:
“One couple visited us three times”
- The fact that men return to their ex-wives years later actually happens quite often. Some “come” to us as if they were going to work. We easily recognize such couples. They are almost becoming “family”. They come to the registry office even when the children are already adults. One couple, I remember, registered their marriage with us three times. As they say, God loves a trinity.
Why men return to their exes. 13 true reasons
Why men return to their exes. 13 true reasons. Exes always come back - just like herpes
