“Is it possible to remove the psychological block after my husband’s betrayal?”

After the betrayal of a loved one, an emptiness appears in the soul, confusion and confusion settle in the heart, and one question beats in the head: “how to survive betrayal” so as not to do things that you will later regret for a long time.

It is quite difficult to regain peace of mind after such an event; besides, you need to decide how to live further, understand yourself and understand whether it is worth trying to restore the family.

What to do when you find out about cheating

If the news has caused anger and resentment, try to calm down. To do this, you can drink a sedative or give vent to tears by locking yourself in your room.
Physical exercise is a good way to let off steam. Go to the gym or pool and give yourself maximum exercise. The main thing is to free yourself from hatred and anger, because they will begin to destroy you from the inside, and this will only get worse.
You don’t need to listen to the advice of friends and acquaintances on how to survive your husband’s betrayal; you have an individual situation that you need to think about on your own.
To do this, take the children to their grandmothers and leave home for an indefinite period of time, let your husband wonder where you went.
Live alone for a few days, put your feelings in order and decide how to live further.

You have two options: leave your husband forever or stay and try to forget what happened. Think about whether you are able to forgive your husband and live with him after his betrayal.

To make a decision, it is important to know whether the husband has stumbled once or whether he has a permanent mistress to whom he can leave. If your spouse repents, hangs up the phone and asks you to forgive him, you need to ask yourself: “how to survive betrayal and forgive your husband?”

Ways to calm down

When there is still love in your soul and the thought of separation is unbearable, you should try to save the relationship. After all, both partners are often to blame for betrayal.

Maybe you stopped paying enough attention to your spouse, you were too busy with work and friends, your husband felt lonely and stumbled. Therefore, when you are ready to talk, explain to your husband and find out what did not suit him.

While you understand yourself, you should not cry and suffer around the clock, such behavior will not lead to good.
When you are in a lot of pain and you don’t know how to survive your husband’s betrayal, take care of yourself. This will distract you from unpleasant thoughts and give you confidence.
Go to a beauty salon, change your hairstyle, dye your hair.
Update your wardrobe, change your clothing style. These experiments will distract you from constant thoughts about betrayal and will not allow you to turn into a tearful martyr.
It's good to go on vacation. If possible, go to the seaside for a few days or visit another city. A change of environment will calm the soul and give strength.
Try to forget for a while about your husband and his betrayal, this will restore your inner harmony.

Important conversation

When you have the strength to talk with your spouse, return home and amaze your husband with your beautiful appearance and self-confidence. Most likely, he expects to see you broken and depressed and will be discouraged when he meets a dazzling beauty who does not sob or cry.

If before this he had thoughts of leaving you, seeing a gorgeous woman in front of him, he will understand that you will not be left alone either, and will most likely change his plans.

Sit down together and figure out the reasons that prompted your spouse to cheat. Let him explain what didn’t suit him in the relationship and discuss the possibility of reconciliation.
When betrayal has not entered the system, the husband sincerely repents, and you do not want to part, forgive your spouse.
If you decide to restore your family, an important condition for how to survive your husband’s betrayal is sincere forgiveness.
Don’t bring up the past, don’t remind your man of betrayal, start your life from scratch. This is the only way to count on a happy marriage, in which there will be no mutual reproaches and insults.
When you can’t immediately find a common language, don’t dwell on the problem. Better find something you like that will take up all your time. This will not allow you to constantly think about betrayal and breed resentment in your soul.
Don't chase your husband and don't beg him to come back. Let him see that you can live without him and remain happy. When a wife does not attach herself to herself and does not make a scene, most men begin to understand what they have lost and they themselves try to return to the family.

Stages of psychological trauma

When your husband cheats, this is a strong blow to the girl’s psyche. It doesn’t matter how the news came to the house: friends told him, the husband himself admitted everything, or his wife personally caught him in the arms of his mistress. In any case, the soul will begin to tear into pieces, and further life with the traitor will be in question.

Psychologists divide living and understanding betrayal into several stages. But each case is individual and depends on the character and temperament of the person. Some people suffer from psychological trauma for several years, while others pretend after a week that everything is fine.

READ I cheated on my boyfriend: what is the reason and how to maintain love

Shock

This stage is inevitable in the first hours. It is difficult to believe what happened; the fact of treason is denied even with clear evidence. The brain tries to justify the partner. This is a kind of defensive reaction of the psyche. The woman will feel that all this is not true, a dream, a hoax, a stupid joke.

Negation

After the initial shock wears off, the “This is not happening to me!” period begins. A person refuses to believe his own ears or eyes, because he understands that this is how his hidden fears regarding loneliness and the loss of a loved one are realized.

Aggression

When the denial trick no longer works, the brain tries to find an explanation for what is happening in order to build a logical chain. Often the search for its links turns into a search for the culprit. At first, a woman tries to find the reasons for her husband’s betrayal in herself: appearance, behavior, life position, sexual problems. Self-flagellation begins. At the same time, an erroneous model appears in my head: “If I find the reason in myself, then I am also responsible for what happened. And if I’m responsible, it means I can change something.” When soul-searching does not bring consolation, internal aggression breaks out and attacks the cheater.

This is a natural result of suppressed experiences. It protects the psyche from overload. But here too we must not lose control. The husband's screams, hysterics and accusations can give the mistress an advantageous advantage, and she will set her husband up for a final break. If the goal is to save the marriage, then you need to let off steam carefully in order to save face and not look like a hysteric.

Often the stage of aggression towards the husband and mistress can last for years. If the relationship has been preserved, then it contains humiliating and painful jokes, scandals, and irony. If there are children, a woman forms a negative image of the father in their minds

Depression

This is a natural result of the experiences we have passed through. A woman is faced with the unknown when all her plans go to pieces. When trust is lost, the next step is separation.

The understanding comes that it will never be the same as it was before. Life is clearly divided into “before” and “after”. This turn of events, combined with self-flagellation and low self-esteem, drives the lady into depression. She feels sadness, loss, world-weariness, apathy towards everything that is happening. At the physical level, depression manifests itself in lack of appetite, tears, and insomnia.

This stage is inevitable during the period of experiencing betrayal. In case of prolonged depression, the help of a psychologist and drug therapy will be necessary.

Disappointment

At this stage of experience, the emotional bottom comes. The woman is already indifferent to the fact of betrayal, she is aware of it and understands what pain she has experienced. But it seems to her that everything is not so scary, so she can continue to live as before. The brain tries to spin events according to the usual pattern and calm itself down on its own. The state of uncertainty has not gone away, but the subconscious wants to build an illusion for reassurance under the auspices of “Everything is fine!”

READ How to force your husband to admit cheating on his own: advice from a psychologist

Humility

The final stage, which comes a few months after the incident, is humility. The woman accepts, understands and realizes the fact of betrayal. She comes to terms with him and tries to move on with her life. By this time, the man either left for a new partner, or repented and stayed with his wife, and she clearly realized how important it was for her to maintain the relationship.

You can freeze at any stage, so it is impossible to predict how long each of them will last.

What absolutely should not be done

After betrayal, irritation and rage do not go away for a long time. The woman suffers, worries, and gradually the tension begins to destroy the body. Insomnia occurs, blood pressure rises, and headaches occur.

Diseases of the stomach and other organs develop from nervous stress, so it is very important to pull yourself together and extinguish hatred. After all, your husband’s misconduct is not worth your well-being. Think about your children and yourself. You need health to move on with your life, raise your children and become happy again.

When there are children in the family, the breakdown of relationships is much more painful, because the child loves his parents equally and suffers greatly during their quarrels.

If dad and mom do not temporarily live together, do not demand that the child not communicate with his father, do not turn the baby against him. No matter what happens between you, he will always remain the dad for the children that they need. The child's psyche is delicate, the child can get sick due to nervousness, so do not drag him into your squabbles and never say that the father is bad.
Drive away the desire for revenge. This feeling will not bring satisfaction if it is realized. Do not try to spite your husband to cheat with the first person you meet. After this, shame for oneself will be added to the resentment and bitterness. You can calm down by changing your surroundings and completely occupying yourself with something.

Alcohol and pills

It is important not to become addicted to alcohol. A glass of wine is not much, but after it you feel light and pleasant in your soul. But in an attempt to relieve internal pain, you can start taking such medicine constantly, and this is very bad. Even the most beautiful man is not worth your health and such suffering.

You should also not get carried away with sedative pills. You can drink them once or twice to recover from the news of betrayal, but you cannot build this into a system. It is difficult to get rid of such an addiction. Every day you will need more pills to get your nerves in order. And in a few months you can turn into a drug addict.

When to give a second chance

When realizing that a loved one has cheated, women are prone to rash, drastic actions under the influence of emotions. Breaking a relationship is always easier than rebuilding it. In some situations, you should pull yourself together, because a man can be forgiven if:

He sincerely repented. The husband is tormented by his conscience, he bitterly regrets his action and realizes that he acted vilely.
He honestly admitted everything himself and swore that this would not happen again. But it’s worth remembering whether the husband keeps his promises and how high a degree of responsibility he has.
One time mistake. Before this, the husband’s reputation was impeccable, he is a caring father and a wonderful family man, but at the same time he repents of his actions.
Strong feelings. When a woman loves her husband immensely and is very afraid of losing him, only she can decide how worthy the man is of forgiveness.

Psychologists say that under no circumstances should you forgive husbands who have deceived their wives again. They do not consider their action to be something bad, and therefore will not repent of it. If the meaning of a man’s life lies in endless sexual victories on different fronts, then nothing good awaits a lady married to him. Often, such husbands themselves accuse their wives of being “girlish,” arguing their position by the unattractiveness of their spouse or her difficult character.

Nervous stress

Some women experience nervous stress after betrayal. And they even have thoughts of killing themselves. This is the worst thing that can happen. Try to understand that everything in the world is interconnected and this test was not given to you by chance.

Perhaps it was sent to appreciate the new life partner who will definitely appear to give joy and happiness. If it’s difficult to get rid of bad thoughts and you don’t know how to get out of depression after your husband’s betrayal, visit a professional psychologist. A specialist will help restore peace of mind.

Remember that divorce will not save you from pain. It takes time to heal.
We haven’t yet come up with a way to survive betrayal quickly.
You can try to speed up the process in yoga classes. They relax well and return peace and tranquility to the soul.
If your current situation is like a terrible dream, and you dream of waking up and returning to your past life, you need to forgive all the insults to your husband and start all over again with him. When he wants the same thing, restoring the family is not difficult. You just need to be honest with each other and explain yourself directly. Listen to your spouse’s wishes, voice yours, and try to make family life such that the thought of cheating never enters a man’s mind.

What not to do

If your loved one has cheated on you, you need to act wisely, maintaining dignity and logical actions. By avoiding typical female mistakes, you can survive the infidelity of your significant other without unnecessary stress.

Martyrdom. Sometimes women take on the role of martyr. That is, she knows about the fact of betrayal, with whom exactly it happened, but at the same time remains silent. By not saying anything to her chosen one, she humiliates herself not only in her own eyes, but also in the eyes of her partner.
"Well-wishers." Often, women learn that their beloved is having an affair from strangers. To understand what to do next, you need to go over the situation in your head if this turns out to be true. Are you ready to forgive a cheater? If you are ready, then you don’t need to pay attention to the gossip of “good people.” If you are not ready to forgive such an act, then before lashing out with accusations, clarify some points that can confirm the veracity of the denunciation. If someone mistook their spouse’s colleague for their mistress, this does not mean at all that this is really the case.
Forgiveness must be earned. If you immediately forgive your husband for his affair, then he understands that he is very significant to you, which means he can do anything, and you will still forgive him. Therefore, it is necessary to behave in such a way that the man fully feels his guilt. But this must be done quietly, without hysterics.
Panic. Often the first reaction to news of betrayal is panic. The awareness that things will no longer be the same prevents you from thinking soberly and making rational decisions. Trying to cope with the situation and solve all the related problems at the same time leads to stress. Therefore, it is necessary by an effort of will to drive away gloomy thoughts and talk with your life partner in a calm environment.
Search for the reason. Many factors lead to a “leftist”, which a woman cannot influence in any way. The stereotypical opinion that the husband was looking for adventure on the side because he lacks sex, care, and love at home may not be the reason for betrayal. Sometimes they do this because they want something “spicy.” There is no need to torture yourself by searching for reasons.
Scandals. If your spouse returns home after a stormy night with a new passion, there is no need to throw tantrums and break dishes. A woman who has just found out about cheating is very vulnerable and incapable of taking adequate action. Most likely, the husband has already thought out a line of behavior and will turn everything in his favor, making his wife guilty.

Betrayal is a strong shock for any person. It is very difficult to forgive and get over her. Analysis of the situation, support from loved ones, switching attention to hobbies, work and communication with people around you will help you cope with the shock.

How to behave after reconciliation

To do this, you need to devote more time to your appearance. Lose excess weight, get a beautiful hairstyle and always greet your husband with a smile.
Try to scold your spouse less. Let him relax after work in your company with an interesting conversation or movie, and not listen to his wife’s grumbling or complaints.
In intimate relationships, it is better to relax and try everything your husband wants, otherwise he may go looking for what he wants on the side. This is how their nature works.
Try to share your husband’s interests, be cheerful, beautiful, satisfied with life, and you will succeed.
The main thing is that the desire to restore the marriage is mutual. If the husband does not have it, and he agreed to return to the family out of despair, then the situation will repeat itself again. And again pain, disappointment, tears...
Every woman who has gone through betrayal has her own recipe for how to survive her husband’s betrayal, but the basic rule remains the same - the ability to forgive mistakes. This is the only way to start a new happy life.

Reasons for male infidelity

Cheating is a sign of a problem. If betrayal has occurred, it is worth analyzing the relationship. Many women ignore obvious signals in order to maintain the illusion of marriage. The partner feels impunity. Cheaters rarely change, so you shouldn’t hope that your loved one will “work up.” Even an ideal partner cannot replace the feeling of novelty that comes with lovers.

If the reason is a lack of feelings, such a union is short-lived. Sometimes a man’s betrayal is an attempt to take revenge for a woman’s infidelity. And men also like to justify their infidelity with boredom and intimate dissatisfaction. But this is an attempt to make the partner guilty. The root of the problem is a lack of feelings and respect. If a man stops respecting his chosen one, he will find a reason to cheat on her.