Reasons for my husband's cheating
Often a wife, having learned about the betrayal, does not understand her husband’s actions. After all, everything was going well in family life. It is worth noting that there are many reasons for a husband to cheat:
- routine (does not experience new sexual sensations with his wife);
- an attempt to assert oneself (if a man fails to move up the career ladder, he receives reproaches, but for his mistress he is strong and skillful);
- accident (one-time infidelity with a single woman on a business trip is not uncommon);
- revenge (if the wife cheated earlier, and the husband found out about it);
- social status (there are families in which cheating is considered the norm);
- cooling in relations with his wife (if there is no mutual understanding in the family, the man looks for it on the side);
- walking friends (men are often influenced by friends who cheat on their wives);
- temptation (perhaps he did not intend to cheat, but another woman seduced him).
Whatever the reason, it is not an excuse for cheating. If a woman finds out about such an act by her husband, she begins to look for a way out of this situation. Is infidelity a clear reason for divorce?
What should a woman do next?
To preserve human relations, both parties should speak out (even before divorce). And try to find out the reason for what happened.
Serious conversation
If the partner is ready to break contact with his mistress, the marriage can be restored. It is necessary to talk calmly, understand the reasons for the betrayal, and try to eliminate them together. The partner must learn to trust the chosen one.
You will have to honestly discuss feelings. Often, a lack of communication pushes one of the halves to betrayal. Spouses need to avoid conflicts and hysterics, although this is not easy in the early stages.
If this is a long-term marriage, it is worth remembering its best moments. It is necessary to come up with new rules according to which relationships will be built. You will have to forget about the betrayal and not remind your partner about it, manipulating with guilt. This page should be closed. If it doesn’t work out, it’s better to break up with the traitor.
If a couple has children or pets, it is important to have a lot of fun together in order to realize the advantages of a happy, friendly family. Travel, walks, and holidays are suitable for this.
If it's a divorce
It is important to disperse in a civilized manner and protect children from stress. Girls do not need to panic and think that this is the end of their lives. The body of many people is adapted to such crises, so it will gradually recover from the stressful state. It is important not to dwell on bad thoughts. There is a serious advantage to a quick breakup: you don’t have to spend decades marrying a cheater.
And if a mature woman gets divorced, she will have time for her desires. It’s worth finding a hobby, taking care of your appearance, and starting to study. This will strengthen your self-esteem and meet interesting people. Among them there may be a new great love. Many mature ladies claim that 40 years is the beginning of life.
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Divorce, or is there another way out?
Most couples file for divorce due to infidelity. For some spouses, this is the best solution. But, as statistics show, many women tolerate their husbands’ infidelities in order to save their family. And this is not surprising. Every mother wants her child to grow up with a father. Perhaps the reason for this behavior lies in love, which persisted even after many years of marriage. In this situation, the reason that prompted the man to such an act is of no small importance. If this is a momentary weakness, you can forgive. As for constant betrayal, it’s hardly worth putting up with. There are often cases when it was a man who filed for divorce, having become seriously interested in another chosen one.
Forgiveness
It is not easy to forgive such humiliation as betrayal. Not every woman is capable of this. It happens that she says that she has forgiven, but in fact in her soul she feels resentment, anger and even hatred. As a result, the relationship with my husband will still not work out. If a wife forgives after cheating, it should come from the heart. Otherwise, nothing good will come of it. The relationship will still not work out; it is possible that the situation will repeat itself or it will turn out that the man himself could not stand it and filed for divorce.
Neutral solution
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Not every woman will be able to pretend after her husband’s betrayal that nothing is happening. But sometimes such cases occur. According to psychologists, such behavior is unacceptable. Resentment will still accumulate in the soul and one day it will spill out in the form of reproaches and, as a result, divorce is inevitable. In addition, if you constantly keep emotions to yourself, this is fraught with mental disorders. To improve the situation in this way without harming yourself, you need to have great patience and courage.
If you think about it, you can come to the conclusion that there is no betrayal in happy families. Perhaps you should think about divorce. But it is also worth remembering that a man, although he belongs to the stronger sex, is essentially weaker than a woman. If he sincerely repents, he should be given a chance and not rush to file for divorce. A wife should definitely consider this option if she wants to stay with her husband.
Stages of awareness of betrayal
Psychologists call the stages of awareness of betrayal “post-traumatic disorder.” There are five such stages:
- The initial shock is when a woman thinks that what happened is a stupid fantasy. Even seeing obvious signs of betrayal, the woman denies them.
- Denial continues. The girl acts rashly when trying to get her partner back.
- There is an awareness of betrayal, which is why the girl becomes more emotional and aggressive. Trying to throw out aggression, she blames her partner and creates scandals.
- Gradually the victim becomes depressed. She begins to live with memories of a cloudless past. Many begin to non-stop look through family photo albums and respond aggressively to advisers.
- Humility comes. The victim begins to analyze the problem and thinks about the possibility of forgiving the traitor. At this stage, it becomes possible to calmly analyze what happened. In previous stages this was not easy to do.
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The duration of the post-traumatic period depends on the characteristics of the person’s psyche. Psychologists advise going through all the stages first, and then making decisions. If such a disorder lasts for a long time, it is worth visiting a psychologist (and sometimes a psychotherapist is needed).
A cheater is not worth losing years of your life. For most affected girls, these 5 stages last 3 months. It is better to take them far from the cheater. This will help you cope with the shock faster.
My husband doesn't leave
There are situations when it turns out that the husband himself filed for divorce after cheating.
But the opposite cases are also common. The wife finds out that she is betrayed by her husband, but he does not leave the family. He is satisfied with this situation, especially when the wife does not create scandals, but pretends that she knows nothing. This kind of attitude will not lead to anything good. The husband continues to go outside, at home he receives care and food, and his mistress has sex. If the husband did not file for divorce himself, in such a situation the wife must do so. She will have to go through separation, because it is not worth putting up with betrayal, especially when your significant other does not realize the seriousness of her own act.
It happens that a man leaves, but is in no hurry to get a divorce. This is not a reason to celebrate. This state of affairs will probably result in him returning and reconciling with his wife when he quarrels with his mistress. This is definitely not worth tolerating. Thus, if the husband does not leave, the woman must act on her own. Divorcing your husband is the best solution in such a situation. You need to survive it, start life from scratch, meet someone who is able to appreciate and love.
Spouse's infidelity - can a faithful spouse receive financial compensation?
Russian law does not provide for any material consequences for the breakdown of a family. For example, this in itself will not allow you to receive most of the jointly acquired property when it is divided.
If you expect to recover moral damages, unfortunately, you will not be able to do this either; this is not provided for by the law.
Family law does not allow one to force one to a particular way of life or moral beliefs, nor to punish for violating moral standards. On the one hand, this may seem unfair, on the other hand, it is unlikely that anyone will like the interference of a judge or anyone else in their personal affairs.
How to tell your husband about divorce?
When the decision to divorce has been made, there is no point in delaying it. First you need to talk frankly with your husband, sort things out, talk about your feelings and intentions. It is necessary to explain why there is no point in saving the family. However, you shouldn’t throw tantrums and insult your spouse, because in such a state it won’t take long to quarrel without agreeing on anything. Most likely, after a frank conversation, the man realizes his mistake, but visits to his mistress are unlikely to stop.
If the first method did not help get rid of your husband, you will have to survive him using other methods. Of course, you shouldn’t burn your shirts or indulge in other similar trifles. It is enough to experience his presence. He must understand that the old relationship will no longer exist. From now on, food is prepared only for children, cleaning is done in all rooms except the one where the man lives, and his things are not involved in the washing process. Let the betrayed man feel like a tenant and understand that since he has chosen a different life for himself, his wife also has the right to organize her personal life.
When this method doesn’t work, all that remains is to put his things out the door. However, it is worth noting that such measures are drastic. In addition, there are many nuances. For example, a spouse is the owner of an apartment, then such actions are punishable by law. And, of course, scandals with your husband cannot be avoided. Thus, it is recommended to resolve everything amicably without making life difficult for each other.
How to keep your husband?
The opposite situation cannot be ruled out. The husband cheated and wants a divorce from his wife, but she, even considering his betrayal, is unable to let go. At the same time, the woman is ready to be humiliated, she herself comes up with reasons for which she herself is to blame. Of course this is wrong. But what to do if it is impossible to survive separation from your husband after cheating?
In this case, there is only one way out - to become a better mistress. It was not for nothing that the husband became interested in this woman; something attracted him to her. Perhaps he admires her image or hairstyle. It's also worth looking at yourself in the mirror. Maybe everyday problems left their mark on your appearance? In this case, you must definitely visit a beauty salon and update your wardrobe. It is likely that, seeing his wife in a new look, the husband will be inflamed with his former passion.
How to survive your husband's betrayal?
Sometimes, after the betrayal of a beloved man, life seems complete, nothing pleases and a woman has no idea how to survive separation from her husband after a divorce.
First of all, you need to calm down and put your thoughts in order. With hysteria it is impossible to adequately assess the situation. When a husband neglects his wife, it hurts. But you should also analyze your own actions; perhaps the reason lies precisely in them. When the initiative is taken by the husband, after the divorce the wife should not blame herself for all mortal sins. Only time will help you survive it. It is likely that this will be the one that will put everything in its place. It may turn out that the relationship with your husband has already cooled down after ten or twenty years of marriage, and the family “idyll” lasted only out of habit. In this case, there was no point in continuing it anyway.
To survive a divorce, you need to unwind, not shut down and cry alone. Good options would be meeting with friends, moving to your parents, or traveling abroad. Perhaps time will pass and the spouse will decide that he made a mistake, he was better off with his wife and will ask to return to the family. Or maybe the woman herself will not want to return to previous grievances, so as not to experience betrayal again. One way or another, you need to remember that divorce is not a reason to be discouraged and stop enjoying life.
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