I broke up with my wife - how to get through a difficult period

1. What methods of divorce are there?
2. In what ways can you file for divorce from your wife?
3. Package of documents
4. Sequence of actions for divorce through the registry office
5. The procedure for resolving the issue through court
6. Benefits section
7. Can a man claim to raise a child?
8. Conclusion

Divorce is undoubtedly an unpleasant situation in which both spouses suffer. Firstly, the procedure is associated with intense emotions. Secondly, the issue of division of jointly acquired property is acute. If a baby appears in the family, the situation becomes much more complicated. Often the husband initiates the divorce. In this case, the woman may be against the dissolution of the union. How then is it right to divorce your wife and what is required for this?

Don't rush into the decision to leave your family.

You will always have time to leave. You need to think things over and see if the situation can be improved. And is a breakup the only correct and best solution?

To do this, imagine your life without your wife.

Yes, you will get rid of what you don't like about your marriage now. But a lot of other sides will be added. Like the lack of normal communication with children (if you have them) and the need to independently take care of your new bachelor home.

Leaving your wife, of course, seems easier to you than working on a shaky relationship and investing in it.

But is this right?

Remember that love does not go away over the years, it strengthens. You become even closer and dearer to each other over time, because you have already experienced a lot of things together.

But, if you do nothing and take each other for granted, the feelings will dull and fade away.

Benefits section

The division of valuables acquired during marriage is the main issue on which partners go to court. The assets subject to division include movable property, real estate, debts, and financial assets.

Valuables purchased before the registration of the union, things (objects) received by one of the parties under a gift agreement, inherited goods, personal items (cosmetics, underwear, shoes, jewelry, etc.) are not subject to distribution between spouses.

If there is a marriage agreement, property is transferred to the spouses according to shares predetermined in the document. It is worth remembering that if there are minor children, the court may decide to distribute benefits contrary to the provisions of the paper. Most often, the party with whom the baby remains receives the majority of the property. In addition, all items that were purchased for the development and education of the child, as well as gifts that the latter received, are transferred to the guardian.

If partners have children and a mortgage, then the issue is resolved with the participation of the guardianship and trusteeship authorities, as well as the credit institution that issued the loan. After the representatives speak in court, a decision is made according to which one of the spouses can take custody of the child and divide the property with an advantage in their favor.

Important! Uneven distribution of benefits is typical for situations where a spouse is subject to an obligation to pay alimony. He can reduce their size by transferring expensive real estate or a vehicle to his spouse. Indivisible assets are transferred to the sole ownership of one of the parties. The second, by decision of the authority, receives compensation corresponding to its share.

Take a candid look at the state of things.

Most likely, you miss your single life. You remember how cool it used to be to walk and not worry about anything. The thought that youth will return after a divorce pushes you towards it.

But let's be honest. With myself.

Admit it, while you are in the family, it seems that if your wife were not around, you would be wooing dozens of young ladies. You would be basking in female attention, and only a fucking ring would stop you.

But is it? It's easy to talk about seduction strategies when watching from the outside. Agree that you have long lost your grip, if you had it at all. And in reality, everything may not be as rosy as it seems. And you already left your wife.

Time will pass, you will try to communicate with women. And you realize that the girls have grown up a long time ago.

And you can’t get them with sweets/flowers, as it was during your youth.

The girls grew up and became smart, cunning and treacherous. They have already been traumatized by other men, and now they are not so gullible.

No matter how hard you try, you can’t just use girls anymore. They grew teeth, tails on their butts beaten by someone, and horns to boot.

If you are so very drawn to others, then it’s better to just try. Allow yourself to go and flirt with women. Try to seduce them, interest them. Remember the game of seduction by taste.

Perhaps you will be satisfied and can again enjoy one beloved wife. Or maybe you will finally understand that you like freedom more.

Preparation

The social status of a divorced man and a divorced woman is very different. It so happens that for the fair sex this is a much greater blow to self-esteem and general position in society. There are, of course, exceptions, but they are connected with the attitude of a particular person towards divorce. As a rule, men tolerate it more easily. This is why it is important, when you decide to separate, to prepare your spouse for this.

First of all, you need to discuss your joint problems as a family. This must be done without quarrels and shouting, so to speak on a sober head. Sometimes omissions spoken out loud no longer seem as big as they initially seemed. Of course, before deciding to divorce your wife, it is important to consider the consequences of such a decision for both of you. After all, this is the person with whom you once decided on a future together.

If the situation or reasons for separation do not allow you to even think about maintaining the relationship, then plan your next steps in advance. In particular, a number of points need to be taken into account.

What to do if you are in doubt?

Situations are different. But it often happens that after a divorce, nothing really changes, except for the woman next to you.

If you are unsure whether to get a divorce, you can give your relationship a trial period.

For example, offer your wife to live separately for a couple of months. You kind of broke up, but not completely. Look at your life without a family and make sure that you are better off this way.

Or, on the contrary, you will begin to get bored and realize that it’s good at home. And you could make a mistake.

Your wife will also look at life without you and will slowly begin to get used to it. If you ultimately decide to leave, the adjustment period will help her accept the breakup more calmly.

If you decide to stay, you can reconsider your marriage and realize what problems you really have. And think about how to remove them.

I am sure that your wife also does not speak of you as an impeccable husband.

By trying to change and become better for each other, you will save the relationship and upgrade it.

How to divorce your alcoholic husband without a scandal and why you shouldn’t doubt your decision

Alcohol addiction is a serious problem. An alcoholic husband is a tragedy for the whole family. Over the years, he becomes indifferent to his wife and children, and ceases to have interest in everything. The only way out is to get a divorce. And there are convincing facts for this.

• Personality degradation

An alcoholic is interested in only one thing - where to get alcohol. Such a person has no goals, no energy, he does not grow as a person, does not take care of himself, his behavior does not correspond to moral standards. And that's not all.

• Moral pressure

There is no peace in a family where a drunkard lives. Everything revolves around one person. The situation in the house depends on what mood he is in now.

• Aggressiveness, violence

An alcoholic is capable of violence. In a drunken stupor, a man becomes uncontrollable. He can insult his household, beat them, and destroy everything he can get his hands on.

• Material difficulties

You can forget about material well-being! A man spends not only his salary on alcohol, but also his wife’s money. If they are not enough, he begins to steal and borrow.

• Terrible consequences for children

Children forced to observe conflicts between parents have various mental disorders. They become unsure of themselves, tense, and learn poorly. In the future, their behavior may become aggressive and uncontrollable. Or, on the contrary, children stop communicating with peers and become isolated.

• Wife codependency

After some time, the woman begins to look at the situation differently. She thinks that she is responsible for ensuring that her husband gets rid of alcoholism. She believes that she should push him to overcome addiction, infect him with enthusiasm. The feeling of guilt for not being able to help makes the woman feel sorry for her husband, and she no longer prevents him from drinking.

• The risk of becoming addicted yourself

If a woman has a dependent, weak character, a drunken husband can easily persuade her to fall into a bad habit.

Psychologists are often asked about how to get a divorce without a scandal if the husband is an alcoholic. Most likely, conflicts cannot be avoided. But this is not the most important thing. It is important to leave the man as quickly as possible. The woman who made this decision needs to understand some points.

It is not your fault that your spouse drinks. He chose this path himself. In this way he fights his difficulties.

Maybe your departure will affect your husband, he will rethink what is happening and cope with alcoholism. It happens that a person who is in severe addiction suddenly pulls himself together and defeats the disease.

Don't listen to others, make your own decision. Realize why you are doing this. Even if you feel like you're ready to leave, don't say it out loud. Give yourself a week or two to figure out if you really want this. Then warn your husband of your intention to divorce if he does not stop drinking. Do not threaten him, but set a condition: either treatment in a clinic or divorce. You need to talk about this 1-2 times. If it doesn't help, leave.

To keep you, your spouse may make promises. Don't listen to him, do as you decide. Drunkards always resort to manipulation and persuasion. But they don’t keep their words. These are people who are afraid of loneliness and do not want to be responsible for their lives.

At first, you will be haunted by fear for your future. Pull yourself together and don't give up. Do you feel sorry for your spouse whom you left alone with your problems? Better take pity on yourself and your children. After a while, when you begin to live a normal life, you will shudder to remember the hell in which you lived.

When exactly should you get a divorce?

It's really worth getting a divorce when you both are sure that it's the right thing to do. When you both want to break up and forget about each other.

It may also be that your wife will be shocked by your decision. But you have long ceased to be afraid of losing her and have no doubt that you want a free life. If you are firmly convinced, then her opinion no longer matters.

Then just go ahead and don’t look back.

If you are leaving because of a new young lady, then think about what exactly attracts you to her? And, most importantly, can you get this from your wife?

If this is beauty, a cheerful mood and a burning look, then, believe me, all this can be rekindled in your wife. The right approach, pleasant words and constant work on mistakes in the family will re-ignite your love.

Package of documents

If there is a mutual desire to get a divorce and there are no children under the age of majority, the issue is resolved at the registry office. Partners will need:

• application in a strictly prescribed form;
• passports;
• document confirming marriage registration;
• a receipt indicating payment of the duty.

In some cases, the wife cannot come to the body and participate in the divorce. Then she has the right to issue a notarized power of attorney to a third party. The representative will act on her behalf and perform all actions required by law.

Application for divorce - Form No. 9

A unilateral divorce order is applied in court. The application is submitted by either the husband or the wife. If it was not possible to reach an amicable agreement with his wife, then the man must prepare a package of documents, including:

• passport;
• a paper indicating that the partners have entered into an official union;
• document issued at the birth of the baby;
• a certificate showing the applicant’s income level;
• documents confirming ownership of the property subject to division;
• a receipt or check confirming payment of the state duty.

In addition, the judge has the right to request other information necessary to make a decision. It is worth noting that the court does not issue a divorce certificate. After the authority makes the corresponding decision, the spouses will have to visit the registry office, taking with them the judicial act. The authority, on the basis of the designated document, will carry out the procedure and make an appropriate entry in the book.

What is the right way to separate from your wife?

The woman who married you has every right to a calm and peaceful separation. And know why you decided to get a divorce.

Therefore, do it only in person. Leave all notes, messages or silent escapes from home to assholes.

Remember also that the most terrible behavior for a girl will be your hesitant tossing around.

The situation when a man leaves and then returns is the most stressful and painful for a woman.

Girls need certainty. If you decide to leave, then leave forever.

Sequence of actions for divorce through the registry office

As noted earlier, this method is the simplest and most painless for spouses. Legally significant actions are carried out at the place of residence of the partners or in the body that registered their relationship. In the latter case, it is not necessary to have the paper on joining the union in your hands (it may get lost or damaged). The registry office that accepted the application for marriage registration has all the necessary information.

After the documents are accepted by the authority’s specialist, the spouses will need to wait a month. After the expiration of the specified period, the registry office will issue a certificate. You must come for it in person.

What reaction from your wife should you be prepared for?

Women feel everything subtly and understand the emotions of others. It is likely that she has long suspected something was wrong and noticed changes in your behavior.

In this case, her reaction may be more or less calm. After all, if she still hasn’t raised this topic, it means she’s ready to break up.

In the second case, your decision will be a shock and a blow for her.

Family is the most important thing for a woman. This is what she lives for.

And the understanding that everything that has been done is crumbling greatly hurts any girl. Therefore, be prepared for tears, hysteria, and anger. This is an emotional outburst that will ultimately calm her down. And you can have a normal conversation.

Now you are the one who is ruining her life. And, most likely, divorce for her is not a new life, but the collapse of her entire life.

Future housing

You also need to think about where you will live when you divorce your wife. It is good if the apartment or house in which you live together is your personal property received before marriage. Otherwise, you will either have to agree with your spouse about the place of residence, or wait for a court decision. In the latter case, it may take a long time. Be prepared to search for temporary habitat. It is better that it be ready by the time the decision to divorce is communicated.

The divorce process will be much easier for both of you if there are no minor children, no jointly acquired property, or any other claims against each other. Unfortunately, this is rarely observed. Therefore, it is better to carefully study all aspects of your life together and think about how to behave with your wife so that she does not complicate the situation. The latter largely depends on how you communicate your decision to her.

What should you do when separating from your wife?

Be sure to speak without witnesses. Choose a suitable time and place. Please note that your conversation may last for several hours.

The most important thing you have to do is convince your wife that everything will be fine .

Convey to her that she will be much better off without a husband who does not want to be her husband. Open up divorce to her as an opportunity to meet a truly loving and ideal man who will make her the happiest person in the world.

Make sure that the divorce does not cause any financial problems or conflicts with children.

You can promise financial support for the first time. The woman will feel much calmer this way.

If you have children, convince your wife that you will take care of them after the divorce.

You will no longer be a married couple, but you will forever remain the parents of your children.

Discuss how much time they will spend with you and how much time they will spend with her. Give guarantees of material and moral support in any situation.

In general, discourage your wife from all fears of a future life without a husband.

How to get a divorce without scandal if you have children

By law, the amount of alimony is determined as one-fourth of the official income if there is one child, and one-third of the salary if there are two. Often this is a small amount of money. We recommend that you resolve this issue without going to court. Just agree with your spouse how much he will pay you each month. Here, a lot depends on the generosity of the man, on whether he understands that the woman will spend this money not on herself, but on the child. Discuss all expected expenses for children: buying necessary clothes, lunches at school, paying for kindergarten. Who will bear these costs? Both parents? Does your spouse pay everything by check?

Let the father see his children. Let him pick them up on the weekend or at any other time that you agreed in advance. For example, he can meet them from school or kindergarten. Not only his financial support, but also his moral participation in raising children is of great importance. He should be interested in the events taking place in their lives and help them cope with difficulties.

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EvgenS | September 4, 2021

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The best option is to part ways amicably, i.e. talk without insults, resolve all financial and legal issues, determine who will live where, how to raise and provide for the younger generation. But this, unfortunately, rarely happens. In real life, a wife treats her husband and/or a husband often treats his wife as property, a thing. And therefore, the husband’s decision to divorce shocks his wife: she doesn’t want to lose him, because it’s her property! She is afraid: how will I live alone, who will solve all the questions and problems, etc.? At such moments, life flies before your eyes in a few seconds... Resolving such issues takes time, you need a conscious dialogue with your wife, sometimes turning into conviction and upholding your principles. Divorce proceedings can be compared to running a long distance. But there is no winner in it, since all participants in the process suffer psycho-emotional trauma. Such a dialogue may not work out the first time. It may not work out the fifth or twentieth time. But if a man is patient and clearly explains his motives, over time he will succeed. It is difficult to hold a person by force... In such cases, they remember the phrase “from love to hate - one step.” But to be precise, there is only one step from not love, but from falling in love to hatred. Falling in love is not love, it is based on sexual attraction and mutual benefit. You should not make decisions about divorce based on resentment or revenge, since in the future, but with other people, these feelings may return. After a divorce, you should not immediately create a new marriage, because emotional wounds are open, and they also take time to heal. The ways to separate from your wife can be different, it all depends on the type of man. Here are the main ones: 1. A man consciously, of his own free will, decided to divorce his wife. He clearly knows why and why he is doing this, and, as a rule, he does not need psychological support. 2. A man provokes a divorce. He is afraid to admit to his wife that he does not want to live with her anymore, so he acts on the principle “she left me herself, but I tried for this too.” For example, he cheats on his wife so that she, in a fit of rage, sends him to all four directions and says, “I’m tired of it, we’re getting a divorce.” In the future, the woman will most likely regret what she said, but it will be too late... Such ignoble behavior of a man, unfortunately, is common. 3. A man, under pressure from his mistress (her pregnancy, blackmail), makes “his own” decision to break off relations with his legal wife. But since in life you have to pay for everything, and the husband left his wife unfairly, then, as a rule, in the future he is faced with the fact that he, too, is rejected by the one for whom he left his family (usually a younger woman). 4. The woman independently decided to divorce her husband. But the husband is ashamed to admit to others that he was put out on the street, and he often passes off his wife’s decision as his own. So, in the world of illusions, it is easier for him to live. 5. Other options (death, illness, etc.). Based on psychosomatics and esotericism, I will give my version of an explanation of the nature of divorce. A man and a woman, by signing marriage documents, create a common family program. Western psychoanalysts say that any life program can be described in the language of numbers, like in a computer. And the family is a generalized program that grows in volume with the advent of children. Probably, quick (short-lived) marriages are nothing more than the incompatibility of the life programs of husband and wife. That is, failure of digital files. What if, for example, a man decided to “leave” the family program, but feels that some incredible force is holding him back? He cannot understand what it is that keeps him in the family? It can be assumed that this force is an unconscious energy that guides many people. After all, a family is “seven selves”, it is a common energy divided among all family members. This is what keeps many couples from getting divorced. It often happens that a husband and wife decide to divorce. But for now they just separated and did not legally formalize the divorce - i.e. did not sign the divorce papers, did not terminate the family program. Many of them, although they live separately, “get together like family,” as if they had never separated, and continue to live each other’s lives. Conclusion: if you consciously decide to get a divorce, then do it to the end in order to free up the field for new relationships - both for yourself and for your ex-wife. I will give a general algorithm for divorce (everyone may have their own order): - analyze your goal and motivation for divorce - imagine in your mind that you have already fully lived your life together in marriage - prepare in advance for a conversation with your wife and talk about what you want and what you are concerned - if it is possible to hire a lawyer, do so to exclude everyday issues. You will also have enough emotional experiences - at such moments it is better to “pull yourself together” rather than deal with minor problems - solve financial and economic issues - determine who will live and where. Sharing spoons and forks is unmanly, don’t forget that. If it is possible to leave housing for your children (and, accordingly, the wife who will raise them), do it. You'll get credit for this! - if you have difficulties making decisions related to divorce, seek help from psychologists - maintain faith in yourself that your decision is correct - and then you will succeed And the main thing: remain a Man both for your ex-wife and for your children , no matter what reproaches and insults you hear addressed to you. Be generous, because no one likes being abandoned and carrying the trauma of betrayal.

How to avoid mistakes after your wife leaves

After divorcing their wife, most men, in a fit of anger, resentment and disappointment, make various mistakes. To prevent them, you need to know them in advance. Here are a few of the most common:

1. Against the backdrop of stress and anxiety, a man is protected from friends and relatives. Engaging in self-flagellation can lead to the development of feelings of self-pity, which develops depression, complexes, and lack of self-confidence.
2. Full focus on problems. All this will have a bad effect on the performance, moral and physical condition of a man. Guys are also prone to analysis and spinning negative thoughts, just like girls. In case of divorce, it is better to refuse this.
3. Intentionally provoking the spouse in order to enter into conflicts with her. If a man finds it difficult to deal with negative emotions, he can bring them down on the culprit, every time he meets her. The situation gets worse when the former couple has children together. They become bargaining chips and suffer from their parents’ hostility towards each other.
4. Hasty new relationship. Trying to prove her own importance, especially if a woman has left for another man, her ex-husband makes a big mistake. First you need to get rid of any feelings and emotions from your past relationship, relax, work on yourself, and only then build a new relationship.