A man lives with his ex - should he let him go or return him? ⇒ Blog of Yaroslav Samoilov

How do ex-lovers behave after breaking up? Usually they stop living together, communicate and even avoid casual meetings. However, every fourth man returns and lives with his ex-wife if he believes that the relationship can still be saved or renewed.
From this article you will learn:

Why do men decide to divorce?
Why do ex-spouses live together after divorce?
Why do husbands return to their ex-wives?
Is it possible to return a man if he returned to his ex-wife?
Which stars got back together after breaking up?

Why do men leave their families?

Men often give in to the difficulties that arise in relationships. There are many reasons why representatives of the stronger sex of humanity decide to break up. Let's look at the most common of them:

Mistress. Men pay attention to women who take care of themselves. If the one with whom he lives does not take care of herself and does not attract his attention, he will look for connections on the side and may leave the family forever.
Lack of sex life. Husband and wife must constantly maintain sexual connection, otherwise the relationship will fall apart.
The desire for freedom. Some men cannot choose one woman for themselves and prefer to conquer a new one all the time.
Boring family life. If not a trace remains of the former idyll, and the relationship has developed into constant disagreements and disputes, the man will want to escape from them as quickly as possible.
Too jealous wife. Even if her man is an exemplary husband who never cheats, she will still provoke quarrels with her constant doubts, speculations and questions.

Can he come back and what should I do about it?

All men return one day, but not to every woman, but only to the one whose image is imprinted on the soul and lodged in the heart. Even after a difficult breakup, a long separation and across distances, he will return if he truly loved.

How to behave when meeting your ex-husband so that he wants to return to you? Friendly but cold. There should be no tears, hysterics, threats, scandals or claims. A man will never return to a crying, humiliating, hysterical or blackmailing woman. He will regret that he lost only the one who is dazzling and interesting, self-sufficient and balanced. Become a treasure and then he will want to have it again. That's all, goodbye.

Reasons why ex-spouses live together

The divorce was fictitious. Many couples get married in pursuit of certain goals without having a relationship. But there are also situations when ex-spouses live together after a divorce, since their breakup was fictitious and the relationship has not yet ended. For example, if the receipt of various benefits and other types of social assistance is prevented by the total income of the spouses, which does not fall within the framework established by law. Usually, friends and acquaintances of such a couple do not even suspect a divorce, because from the outside nothing has changed in this family. For children, the relationship between parents also remains the same. However, former spouses must keep in mind that according to the law they are not related to each other in any way and do not have any guarantees, although they live together.
The divorce was thoughtless. This situation is typical for young and impulsive people.
Not yet having serious obligations to each other, in a fit of scandal they often throw around words about divorce. Not wanting to give in, the spouses confirm their words with actions, although in reality they do not want this. As a result, even after an official divorce, the man lives with his ex. They continue to build family relationships when emotions subside. In some cases (for example, women become pregnant) they remarry. This attitude towards divorce is practically never found among couples who have been married for a long time and are raising children together. In this case, divorce is possible only in court, and the view of family values becomes more reverent over the years. In addition, during the time given by the judge to reconcile the parties, spouses often change their decision, withdraw the application and continue to live together.
Divorced spouses have no place to live separately. A man lives with his ex-wife in the same apartment if he or his wife does not have the opportunity to buy separate housing or divide the existing one. It is possible that the apartment in which the couple lives does not even belong to them, but is rented. Renting a house together is much more economical than renting alone.
If the apartment is registered in the name of a common child, then its division between the former spouses is impossible by law.
When nothing prevents the division of jointly owned housing, except for the lack of voluntary consent of one of the spouses, the other party should go to court to resolve the situation. If you constantly put off resolving this issue, you will have to live with your ex-spouse for a long time.

Divorced spouses do not want to advertise their new marital status for some reason. A situation may arise when a man or woman has a relative for whom the news of their divorce may be dangerous due to age or health status.
Former spouses live together so as not to harm this person, although their relationship is more like neighbors than family. Such a neighborhood can be quite painless for both parties, since their interests hardly touch each other. However, if the ex-spouses have a child, it will be difficult to hide changes in the parents' relationship from him.
The appearance of the family is maintained for the sake of the child. A man lives with his former family, and a woman does not advertise a new relationship because of the child. Parents decide to maintain the appearance of family for the benefit of their children, but they often underestimate them. The child understands much more than mom and dad imagine: he sees all the quarrels and misunderstandings, feels changes in the parents’ relationship. And most often, children begin to analyze the situation and take the blame for it upon themselves, which can lead to serious problems with their mental health. So you should think seriously before you try to live with your ex-spouse and show your child a warm family relationship that actually does not exist.
Living together meets the needs of a joint business. If over the years of marriage a man and woman have a common business, it will be difficult for them to divorce without damaging it. A man lives with his ex-wife even after separation, if the common business is based in their place of residence (shop, hairdresser, beauty salon). The former spouses continue to be partners and resolve all business-related issues together. Moreover, each of them can start a new relationship without harming their business or losing money.

Be that as it may, there are many reasons to continue living with your ex-spouses.

The Benefits of Relationships on the Second Try

If there are no compelling reasons for refusing close contacts, then it makes sense to think about the benefits that relationships with exes provide.

If, after breaking up, the partners realized that they cannot exist without each other, they continue to experience feelings and do not find satisfaction in other relationships, then you can try to restore the union.

The spat was far-fetched and stupid

In some cases, the couple understands that the reason for the separation was pride, resentment and unfounded claims. And with age, this becomes less relevant to destroy relationships. Any issue can be resolved with mutual desire.

Do men return to their ex-wives after divorce?

A man's desire to live again with his ex is often condemned in male company. Therefore, the possibility of resuming the relationship depends on how serious it was and what feelings you now have for your ex-wife.

Most men still give in to their desire to return to their ex-wife. Over time, they realize what mistakes they made in this relationship and want to try to correct them. And living without the woman you love becomes difficult and uncomfortable.

How long after a divorce does a man start living with his ex? The right time to return depends on a variety of circumstances. For example, if he left his wife for another woman, and after a while he got tired of his mistress. A man wants to live with his ex-wife again. This usually happens about a year after the relationship with another woman begins. Of course, in each specific case this moment can come either earlier or later.

Why is this happening?

It is difficult to understand all the reasons that guide men when returning to their ex-wives. The most popular of them can be identified:

A man does not find a response from other women. They are not interested in him, and being alone becomes very difficult. At this moment, he remembers his ex-wife, who appreciated and loved him.
Another look at the situation that caused the divorce. In a fit of emotion, spouses have little control over their words and may rashly declare their desire to separate. After some time, having calmed down and looked at the situation sensibly, the man realizes that he made a mistake and wants to return to his ex-wife.
General affairs. Typically, spouses who have a child or a common business are more likely to start living together again than those couples who have nothing in common.
Love. If the ex-spouses still have feelings for each other, then separation will help them realize that they cannot live without each other.
Eliminating the causes of divorce. For example, if a woman left her husband because he did not bring money to the family, then the man can start earning money in order to live with his beloved again.
Changes in ex-wife. In order not to fall into depression, women like to take care of themselves after a divorce: change their hair color, update their wardrobe, go to a beauty salon. They usually become more interesting and seductive than they were in marriage. The man notices these changes and wants to live with his ex-wife again.
Ex-wife has a new relationship. Representatives of the stronger sex are very jealous of the appearance of another man with his woman. Now getting her back is a fundamental task.

If the marriage was long, the man in most cases begins to live with his ex-wife again. It is difficult for him to build a new relationship with someone else; it is much easier to resolve all misunderstandings with the woman with whom he lived most of his life.

My boyfriend returned to his ex: summary

Your partner has returned to his ex, but you already know what could be the reason and what you can do about this situation.

If you have exposed his unfair behavior towards you or simply do not want to enter into a relationship with him on the terms he offers you, it may be better to forget about him and move on to having a chance in the future to meet someone who really wants will give you happiness, will respect your feelings and take your relationship seriously.

What to do if the man you love leaves and lives with your ex again

Having recovered from the shock of such news, look at the situation rationally and decide how you see your future life. Maybe you want to forget your ex-man and build a new relationship? In this case, you will have to resolve all legal issues and try to start a new life. Or can you not imagine your existence without your loved one and want to return him? Then you need to analyze the character of your man and understand the reasons that guided him when he decided to live with his ex-wife again.

1. Didn't finish the job

If repeated quarrels with his wife brought a man to the point that he decided to divorce her, this does not yet indicate that his feelings for his ex-wife have passed. When such a separation is followed by a quick marriage to you, this most likely means that he wants to convince himself of the following:

he can do without his ex-wife;
he is an attractive man and an eligible bachelor for other women;
he is confident in his actions and decisions.

As time passes, the man realizes that he still loves his ex-wife, that he got excited and made a mistake when he divorced her. Now he is faced with a choice: continue to live with you or return to his old lover.

Do not build false illusions about the preservation of your relationship if your ex-wife is still not married and is not even dating a new man. It is likely that she also has feelings for her ex-husband and will happily live with him again.

But the situation will play into your hands when the wife is still angry with her ex-husband or she has long since started a new serious relationship. Most likely, your lover will not achieve anything and will come to you. Try not to reproach him for this wrong step, but to continue building your family on the basis of patience and understanding. At first, you may not expect fire in your relationship. But you will get a man who will look at you with gratitude and warmth, protect you and pay attention to you. The relationship will be reliable and durable.

Another pitfall awaits you: a man may begin to look at his ex-wife through rose-colored glasses, embellish and romanticize her image. In the absence of contact with her, he will forget about everything that did not suit him about his ex-wife. The man will begin to compare you or even suggest that you become like her (for example, change your hair or makeup). And even if you fulfill all his requirements, you will still always fall short of the perfect image of your previous wife. The man seems to live with his ex, and not with you. Think about it, do you want this?

2. Boomerang Man

A man leaves his wife and starts living with you. The relationship at the initial stage gives him unforgettable emotions, but after the first disagreement he abruptly packs his things and returns back to his ex-wife. At the same time, he reminds her how wonderful she is.

Naturally, you are in a stupor and do not fully understand what happened. The man is living with his ex again and ignoring you.

Before you know it, you see him on the threshold of your apartment. He comes back in an attempt to make peace and does not forget to mention that his ex is still the same scoundrel, and you are loving and understanding, and he thought only about you all the time. And now the man lives here again, and his things are already on their shelves.

Such dashes can occur constantly, and this is due to the character of the man himself. He is not in the mood for a serious relationship, with its problems and development. This man prefers to always remain at the stage of falling in love, when the partner is idealized. And when all sides of the beloved are revealed, including the bad ones, he goes in search of new emerging relationships. After a while, he will look for them from you again.

If you agree to this format of relationship, then continue it. You just shouldn’t marry this person to avoid formal problems. He will always be on his own wavelength.

3. Looks for easy ways

With the birth of a child, many families cannot stand the test and fall apart in the first year after his birth. Why does this happen, since the man and woman deliberately did this, waited and prepared for the birth of the baby? The answer lies in the inability to build relationships around the baby. You are not used to the fact that your baby constantly cries, that he does not let you sleep at night and that he always finds himself in dangerous situations, requiring constant attention and control.

A wife, tired from the day, is waiting for her husband to catch her breath, but he comes home from work exhausted, and he doesn’t know how to handle a child at all. In this situation, a woman should:

ask for help without conflicts and unnecessary emotions;
be nearby;
show what to do with the baby, how to care for him and entertain him;
do not interfere without reason, even if your husband behaves differently with the child than you do. Since he's not crying, there's no reason to worry.

It takes physical and mental energy to carry out all these actions. But by the end of the day it becomes less and less, the couple lives in constant stress, and accumulated fatigue makes itself felt in emerging disputes and conflicts.

In addition, anticipating the arrival of a child, future parents imagine him as quiet and calm, and also touching and funny. They remember other people's children, whom they saw for a short time and did not have time to learn all the nuances associated with caring for the baby. But this is not only a cute picture, but also hard work.

In addition to inexperience in dealing with children, other difficulties may arise in family life. Common reasons for divorce include money problems, serious illness of a man or woman, or the constant involvement of a relative in their relationship.

Instead of solving these problems, a man prefers to escape from them to another woman. However, the same difficulties overtake him in a new relationship, be it the birth of a child or financial instability. While in the former family everything worked out: the illnesses went away, the child matured, the wife protected relatives from family affairs. The opportunity to live with his ex-wife again seems to be a very good prospect for the man.

Although when problems overtake this family again, he will prefer another, where they do not exist in the present time.

4. Tug of war

You started a relationship with a married man and wanted to remain the only woman in his life. To achieve this, you made every attempt, and finally, he divorced his wife and became your legal spouse. What more could you ask for?

However, many wives prefer not to give up so quickly and fight to the end. They meet their ex-husbands, have sexual relations with them, and communicate their desire to live together again. After some thought, the man leaves you for her.

Of course, you can also pull off such a scheme, but the other woman will not stop there. You will be in a tug-of-war until someone gets tired of it. The man takes on a passive role and delegates the resolution of all issues to the female discretion.

How to make a man jealous?

It is important to understand where such questions arise in your head? Because you're confident? Because you have good self-esteem as a woman, adequate? Or vice versa, because you are insecure, you are afraid to be alone, you are afraid of losing him and therefore you are looking for some ways to influence this man. And it seems to you that this is one of the ways. This does not work. If a man has low self-esteem, yes, this will work for a while. Even if a man has normal self-esteem, at first it will work, but then he will get bored of it. And it is important to understand that if you make a man jealous, that is, manipulate, are you ready for the same response to come to you? It is not necessary that he will make you jealous too. In his eyes you will behave strangely. You will cause discomfort in his eyes. And whether you like it or not, he will also cause you discomfort with his behavior.

And you will ask later, why is my man acting strange? Or why is he already acting strange? I can ask you a question in response: tell me, aren’t you behaving strangely? Are you sure he understands you? If we begin to unravel this tangle, we will come to some kind of root where it all began. Because in the beginning everything may be fine. But where did these entanglements and games begin? The more you continue to confuse this tangle, you do not bring it closer to happiness, the more difficult you complicate life for him, and for the most valuable person - yourself. Therefore, if you want to be more valuable to a man, and it seems to me that you want to make him jealous, to be more valuable to him, more significant, to receive more love, more attention from him, you need to start with yourself. And ask yourself the question: do I even love myself? Am I valuable to myself? Or am I really bad at being with myself? Or I feel so bad with myself that I urgently need a man whose life I will still ruin so that he loves me more.

Your key task is to become valuable to yourself. Work on yourself as a woman, work on your condition, perhaps your childhood complexes, work on past grievances. Perhaps you need to understand the psychology of men. Do this together. Then you will feel yourself differently.

Do you want to know what a man needs to make you happy? Sign up for a free online course Man: honest instructions

How to get your beloved man back who lives with his ex

A woman’s pride is hurt when a man leaves her for another woman. But if this woman is his ex, it becomes much more difficult to survive such a blow, since you begin to think that you have not reached her level. Don’t despair right away, because all is not lost. You can be reunited with your lover if you act correctly.

Try to understand the reasons why a man lives with his ex. Perhaps it’s all about her: he still has strong feelings or they are connected by common children. Or the reason for leaving lies in you: maybe the relationship lacked patience and understanding, the manifestation of warm feelings? Remember your actions and think about whether you were the woman the man wanted you to be.
Make an appointment and calmly discuss these questions with the man if you cannot find the answer to them yourself. Ask him about the reasons for this behavior, but do not blame him for living with his ex, and do not suggest getting back together.
Try to remain friends with your ex. Stay in touch with him and respect his choices. At the same time, be an independent person, do not harbor bad intentions, respect yourself.
If you can't keep in touch with your ex and can't become friends with him, don't pursue it. Don't be intrusive, but don't hide either. A man will show up and be surprised at your calmness, because you are not trying to get meetings and renew the relationship.
Take care of yourself: go shopping, go to a beauty salon, do procedures that you didn’t have time for before. Your ex may have offended you with some words about your appearance, but try to analyze them and, if flaws really exist, eliminate them. Accept compliments from other men who will admire your transformation. All this will give you pleasant feelings and slight euphoria.
Fulfill your man's long-standing desire to become more desirable to him. For example, he always wanted to open his own business, but did not dare. Research this issue and try to do it instead of your husband. He will probably be interested in your achievements.
Do not reproach your ex-husband and do not blame him for leaving. When he tries to make contact, do not reject him, but act friendly. Give the impression that you are happy with your life, but do not deceive in details: just say that you are missing a man’s hand in the house. And if he wants to help, agree.
When a man begins to frequent visits to your home and finds various reasons for this, you should not immediately take everything into your own hands and try to seduce him.
Flirt with a man, but do not show excessive initiative.
Eventually, your ex-husband will give in to his attraction to you. At first, he will not say directly that he wants to get back together, but he will clearly show it. At this moment, be firm and say that nothing will happen between you while he lives with someone else. Position yourself in such a way that you do not intend to be in second place, and want to build a serious relationship. He will accept your terms, break up with his ex and live with you again.

What will your future be like with your ex-spouse?

Answer this question. Now ask yourself how you will live without him. Maybe the answers will open your eyes to the reasons for the desire to renew your marriage.

Don't isolate yourself: constantly thinking about how to get your spouse back can poison your life. Play sports, take an art course, go for walks more often, or spend time with friends.

Arrange a consultation with friends who are well aware of all aspects of your family life and the circumstances of the divorce. Perhaps their honest opinion will help you take a fresh look at the situation.

The desire to return a spouse may mask the widespread female fear of being alone in our country. Remember: your worth is not determined by the presence or absence of a stamp in your passport.

Celebs who live with exes after breaking up

Elliott Gould

Surely everyone knows Elliott Gould for his role as Monica and Ross's father in the series Friends, although his career developed rapidly back in the 1970s. After his acclaimed marriage to Barbra Streisand, Elliott Gould married again in 1974. This time his chosen one was Jenny Bogarde. They separated a couple of years after their marriage, and a few years later they formalized their relationship again and began to live together, but this time not for long. A year later the couple divorced. Despite such short marriages, Gould and Bogart have two children.

Jean-Claude Van Damme

At a time when not everyone could afford a VCR and people came to watch films in video stores, actor Jean-Claude Van Damme was especially popular. Many remember him for his love: Jean-Claude was married five times, including twice to the same woman. She was an actress from Puerto Rico, Gladys Portugues, better known as a bodybuilder. The couple lived together from 1987 to 1992, and during this period managed to have two children. Seven years after their divorce, they remarried in 1999 and live together to this day. Although in 2015, Jean-Claude and Gladys filed for divorce, but later changed their minds and took it away.

Paul Hogan

Australian actor Paul Hogan, who starred in the adventure comedy Crocodile Dundee, was married to Noelle Hogan for 32 years. Of course, such a long marriage had its problems - the couple separated in 1981. This divorce was short-lived: Paul began living with his ex-wife again just six months after the separation. The real breakup came in 1990, when Paul met Linda Kozlowski on the set of Crocodile Dundee. This meeting turned out to be fatal - the actor chose a new hobby over his long marriage with Noelle.

Larry King

The host of the famous American talk show Larry King was successful not only in his career, but also among women. Although during his work he conducted a huge number of interviews with people famous in various walks of life, Larry King never learned to understand women. He married eight times, including two times to actress Shawn Southwick, who was much younger than him. After breaking up with her, Larry married and divorced several times, but began living with Shawn again and married her in 1997. In 2010, their relationship almost cracked, and the couple even filed for divorce, but soon withdrew it and still live in harmony.

Kit Harington

Very often, actors meet on the set and fall in love with each other. Kit Harington and Rose Leslie, who met during the filming of the famous series “Game of Thrones,” were no exception. Since its launch, fans have “married” the actors because they looked good together. Keith and Rose started dating in 2012, although they hid their relationship from the public for a long time. A year later, the couple broke up, and Leslie even focused on a new relationship, which ultimately did not work out. In the end, the girl returned to her ex: in 2021, Rose and Keith appeared in public together. To the delight of fans, the couple got engaged in 2021, and in the summer of 2018 they had a wedding, which was watched by all the actors from the famous series.

Justin Bieber

They met when she was 14 and he was 16, but Hailey admitted that she was in love with Justin as a child. At the time they met, the guy was in a relationship with Selena Gomez. When the couple broke up, Haley showed concern for Justin's feelings and supported him at the right time. The guy noticed her, and they began an affair, which, however, did not last long - he left the girl for his ex. After a while, Justin and Selena separated again, and Haley was close again. Fans began to consider such dashes as a game and stopped believing in the sincerity of feelings between a guy and a girl.

Imagine their surprise when Justin and Haley got engaged in the spring of 2021 and got married in the fall! She was quiet and modest, but a solemn ceremony, public vows and a luxurious dress are just around the corner, which fans of the couple will discuss for a long time.

Brian Austin Green

Brian met Megan Fox in 2004 on the set of a film and, without thinking twice, the young people began a relationship. They even thought about getting married, but at some point they realized that they were in a hurry and broke off the engagement, although they had been together for five years. The girl considered herself too young for such an important step, and the couple chose to separate. However, Megan and Brian could not live without each other and soon got back together, and in 2010 they got married. It would seem that this is happiness: a long-awaited marriage, the birth of two sons. In 2015, Meghan filed for divorce. The couple decided to maintain friendly relations, but everything changed with the news that the girl was expecting another child. Brian and Megan withdrew their divorce petition, and after some time their family was expanded with another boy.

Thank you for reading this article to the end.

Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!