How to Persuade Your Husband Not to Get a Divorce
Often, women in moments of crisis are in a state where they do not understand whether they need to fight for marriage at all, whether they themselves want a divorce or not. We need to analyze the past and present and sincerely answer two questions:
“I’m leaving, I can’t and don’t want to live with you anymore!” It is difficult to be prepared for such a statement from a husband, so many women make fatal mistakes and hammer the last nail into the lid of their marriage, although the relationship can still be returned to normal. Why men decide to divorce, when this should not be prevented and how to behave correctly in order to save the family, psychologist Elena Syur
2. Decide for ourselves whether we need to fight for marriage at all? (read more…)
The couple wants to save the family
If a couple is on the verge of divorce, what to do will tell you the answer to the question “Why is it necessary to preserve the family?” When there are constant scandals in the family and the spouses do not want to compromise, it seems that the only solution is divorce. Try to calmly discuss the problem with your significant other, to understand what is really missing in order to save the relationship.
A conversation will help save a marriage from divorce only if both spouses want to save the family. Try to remember together the best moments of family history. Talk and discuss what you expect from your soulmate, what you dream of seeing in the future of the family.
What to do if a family is on the verge of divorce, so as not to miss the moment to resolve the situation? You can’t hush up problems if they arise. It is better to discuss the situation immediately to avoid the accumulation of grievances and misunderstandings.
Calmly talk with my husband about what happened
From the point of view of quantum psychology, a woman is the nucleus, a magnet, and a man is an electron that revolves around it.
Therefore, it is very important what kind of energy a woman gives, whether she is an attracting magnet. To properly save relationships, you should think about whether you really need them. There is no need to fight for toxic men who made you suffer, physically, emotionally, around whom you may even have been sick. Toxic men are those who beat, humiliate, constantly set up, betray. You cannot forgive if a man raises his hand against you. It’s better to run away from this immediately and away.
When my husband announces a divorce, we don’t get hysterical and don’t make a scandal!
5. Catch your zen, love yourself, remind your husband about the woman he once loved 1. At the moment when the relationship began, was there love? Is your family built on love or were there other reasons: did you want to get married, have a child, did you want financial gain? If the marriage was based on strong, warm feelings, there was love, then you definitely have to fight for the relationship.
You can file for divorce if the husband is against it and get a court decision, but it is better to try to peacefully resolve the issue and divorce by mutual consent.
Submitting an application
- The husband is addicted to alcohol, drugs, and gambling;
- Physical or psychological violence;
- Husband cheats on his wife;
- The husband does not support the family.
Before filing an application for divorce, you need to weigh the pros and cons, all the positive and negative aspects of the relationship. Is the desire really justified and not an emotional outburst or a minor offense? Only then can a final, informed decision be made.
My husband said he wants a divorce, what should I do?
Most girls dream of getting married once and for all. As a rule, at first, newlyweds create a family and life through joint efforts, share roles, and enjoy the existing idyll.
But after a while, quarrels, misunderstandings, jealousy often begin, and one day a man demands a divorce. The woman is scared - will she really be left alone, but what about all that she has acquired through joint labor?
Analysis of the situation
Life has taught people that trouble does not come alone. It would be much easier if the spouses wanted a divorce for certain reasons. Often this happens according to the “accumulated” scenario, when omissions and ignorance begin, in which conversations trying to find out what went wrong no longer help.
In this case, if the spouse demands a divorce, the woman should not panic. Saying immediately “as you say, dear,” is naturally not an option. If the husband himself does not make contact, then the wife should look at the situation from the outside and try to deal with the difficulty that has arisen.
How to save a family on the verge of divorce - advice from a psychologist.
First, try to answer a number of questions: can such a statement from a husband be dictated from the outside - by a mistress, by unfriendly friends? How long ago did the discord occur? Maybe you have been living according to the principle “everyone for himself” for a long time? Do you yourself feel love and affection for your husband? And finally, are there ways to start over with a clean slate if your husband demands a divorce, but you don’t want such a development at all?
Don't give in to emotions and make harsh conclusions. It is necessary to carefully check and confirm all the arguments, and also decide how to correct the problems that have arisen if you want to preserve the family hearth.
You should reconsider your family life - was everything right before, were there any snags from the beginning? Remember how you decided to start a family with this particular person, what connected the two of you, does this connect you today?
After all, in fact, if a family already has long-term boycotts, sleeping in different rooms and trying to avoid each other, then this is no longer a family, but a simple neighborhood. Living in a family and the habit of living next to someone are completely different concepts, so divorce here may be a good option in order to avoid stagnation in the flow of life.
The spouse needs to be honest with herself. You must truthfully answer a number of questions: what do you feel for your husband today? Maybe you can already cope quite well without it? Throw away self-pity and think soberly.
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Sometimes a woman herself is quite tired of the current way of life; she has long wanted changes. Think about it, what if you yourself have been wanting a divorce for a long time, but you just can’t decide to take this step?
At such a moment, a woman begins to rebel - she spent so much time and effort on her husband, and he dared to try to leave her? I dared. And yet, think about it, maybe you left each other a long time ago, you just continue to live under the same roof out of habit?
However, if a woman really wants to save her marriage and continue to live with the man who wanted a divorce, then she will have to stock up on willpower in order to take control of the situation into her own hands and restore family harmony.
Possible reasons
Men and women have different logic and ways of thinking. The former make decisions much faster, while the latter need to weigh all the pros and cons, and according to the “measure seven times” principle. But paradoxically, a man may be offended if he tells his wife about divorce, and she immediately agrees.
The reason for 5 out of 10 divorces is unjustified expectations
Quite often during a marriage, the husband realizes that he imagined the family idyll differently and thought that his wife’s behavior would be completely different. At such a moment, he is ruled by disappointment, which he wants to drive away by returning to the origins of his lonely life, where he was responsible only for himself, and not for the deceptive image of his wife.
Additionally, in modern society, many women are quite independent. A man is raised in such a way that he should be the head of the family, and his wife will only help and support him. But in reality it turns out that the wife can do everything herself, as a result the man feels unnecessary. Often he finds himself a more pliable person who gives him the desired feeling of power.
Today, women have become so independent and successful that they have excellent careers, and they often contribute much more income to the family budget than men. This state of affairs humiliates a man; it is unbearable for him to realize that the breadwinner in the house is his wife. And then he decides to leave.
Another terrible event for a man is betrayal by his wife. Statistics show that women are still able to forgive infidelity, but husbands most often cannot stand betrayal.
It is important for a man to feel that there is mutual understanding in the family. Often he needs to speak out and be understood. And if such understanding is not found, this may cause a man to want to separate.
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There are also situations when a spouse often drinks alcohol, which sooner or later becomes unbearable for a man.
And finally, another woman - her husband could find more understanding, care, and even beauty in his new passion. Mistresses often demand that married men leave their families, and the latter often agree because they readily believe that a carefree and beautiful mistress will forever remain so tender and understanding.
How to behave
Much depends on the reason for which the man wanted a divorce. It would be a good idea to have a calm conversation and ask your spouse to give clear reasons for his decision. However, this is not always so simple; a man can simply brush it off, firmly insisting on his own.
If a woman knows what the reason for the discord is, and especially if such a reason lies in herself, but the lady is determined to save the marriage, then she should take the situation into her own hands.
You can ask for some time to think, convince your spouse that everything can still be fixed. And you need to start correcting yourself - to become more caring and attentive, playful and friendly. It is important for a man to be not just a wife, but a friend and ally.
However, if a husband leaves because of another woman, then you should just let him go, not humiliate yourself and try to play races with someone else.
In general, when giving each other a second chance, spouses often use it incorrectly - in the end they can aggravate the situation. But everything can be fixed; this will require attentiveness and a special approach. The main thing is the desire to meet halfway, and not stubbornness and expectation of a catch.
Watch the video. My husband has lost interest and wants to leave, how can I prevent this?
Joint leisure
A family is considered harmonious if it knows how to organize time so as to spend it together. Joint walks or home activities are very important - from watching a movie to cooking food together.
When planning such a pastime, you need to consult with your spouse, showing that his opinion interests you.
Even men's activities, such as fishing or football, should be accepted by the wife. It is important for a man to know that his beloved shows interest in things that he likes. Even if you don’t go fishing with him every weekend, it’s worth doing it a couple of times, showing curiosity about certain issues in the process.
But there is no need to be intrusive, besides, a woman is more sensitive, she is given by nature to feel when her husband is inspired and when he is irritated. And this instinct needs to be used more often.
On top of everything else, a woman is able to captivate her man in any activity, and she needs to make an effort to interest her husband. This way he will feel needed, realize that he has an important place in your life, he will know that you need him.
A wife is not only a housewife. To maintain a happy relationship, a woman can become a good friend, interlocutor, and even business partner for her husband. The main thing is to be able to make a man realize that he can rely on you in any way - both domestic and social.
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The effect of surprise
Spouses who have lived side by side for more than one year can predict each other's reaction and behavior in a particular case. Everyday life becomes routine, even meetings with friends take place according to a certain scenario.
In order to add color to family life, you need to make pleasant surprises for each other. You don’t need a holiday or occasion for this, the main thing is the desire to please your loved one.
Surprises do not have to be global in nature. The condition of the spouse should be taken into account, in case the husband does not want to go out after work. Then it’s worth having a special dinner at home, starting an interesting conversation, and offering to spend time together doing some unusual activity.
Family life should not turn into a routine with division of responsibilities. Try to fill every day with variety and positivity, because if harmony reigns in a relationship, then the spouses will not even think about divorce.
Intimate life
Sometimes women allow themselves to deny intimacy to their husbands because of resentment or wrongdoing. Yes, this can work, but only at the dawn of family life. In the future, this is dangerous because the husband will begin to satisfy his physical needs on the side.
Family life can be a little scary because sooner or later sex will become commonplace, become a habit, and should be avoided.
Spouses need to completely trust each other.
Try to diversify your intimate life through experiments. In order to rekindle a fading attraction, you can turn to special videos, as well as show interest in specific literature.
Any activity in the family - whether domestic, social or intimate - should not be addictive. You need to be diverse in everything, from cooking to bed. And both spouses are capable of this. The main thing is not to think that “someone should,” but to dilute family life with new elements.
Mutual help
Many people are still of the opinion that everyone should have a certain role in the family. More often the scheme is as follows: the man is the breadwinner, the woman is the keeper of the hearth. And yet, this state of affairs causes that same destructive habit.
Thus, a married woman, especially if the couple has children, takes on more than the limit. She plans every minute of her day, devoting it to children, cleaning and cooking, devotes a little time to herself, and the rest - not so much to her husband as to caring for him, but completely ignoring him.
Watch the video. How to maintain passion, love and interest in marriage?
It looks like this: the husband comes home from work, the wife sets the table, almost without noticing him. She washes his clothes, prepares new ones, but does not speak to her husband, does not pay attention to him. And that's wrong.
It is worth doing nice things to each other, trying to surround your other half with affection and warmth. The dishes in the sink will not run away, but the husband, deprived of communication, will go to bed offended, and in the morning he will gloomily go to work. This situation clearly does not contribute to strengthening the marriage.
80% of couples are built on mutual understanding
Family is harmony, where spouses can rely on each other, ask for advice without fear of being rejected, talk about events that have happened without fear of remaining unheard.
Personal space
Despite the fact that in order to maintain a family idyll, a husband and wife should pay attention to each other more often, we should not forget about the need to be alone with themselves.
A happy family is the result of hard work not to be too pushy or too distant.
It is important to learn to understand that the spouse retired to the newspaper or silently stared at the monitor not because he is offended or preoccupied with something, but simply because he needs time to be alone with himself and his thoughts.
How to improve your relationship with your husband?
You shouldn’t ask every time to go fishing or go meet friends with your husband; sometimes you should let him go alone.
What to do is not necessary
If the husband has stated that he wants a divorce, there are a number of things that should not be done. So, you should not raise your tone, aggressively demanding to name the reason for the divorce.
Do not try to hold a man against his will, neither with tears, nor with pleas, nor with all sorts of arguments why he should come to his senses. Don't resort to manipulation or trying to make yourself or him a victim.
On the contrary, you should let your husband go - this does not mean that you need to immediately sign all the necessary papers, but you should simply give him freedom without terrorizing him with calls, messages on the Internet or messages through mutual friends.
Statistics show that women's attempts to keep their husbands in all sorts of terrible ways lead to nothing. Some ladies threaten to kill themselves, others scare them by telling them some secrets, while others actually do something from which they physically suffer - they end up in the hospital. Yes, your husband will take proper care of you, but in the end he will still leave, despite your helplessness.
Some women are ready to forgive a man for any offense, even betrayal. This may deter the husband, but not for long. Most likely, he will continue to take sides, and soon he will leave you completely.
A man can expect hysterics and scandals from his wife, which would confirm his desire to leave. So don't even think about doing that.
Show that you have dignity and you will not sacrifice it so that your husband stays.
Don't promise something you can't deliver, it will make the situation worse in the end. Try to look understanding even in such a situation, this will give your spouse time to reconsider his decision, and you will have a chance to save your family.
Psychologist's advice
Whether the couple is happily married or the relationship is failing, remember, only you can take care of yourself. If your spouse comes demanding a divorce, take care of yourself - immediately pull yourself together, try not to get nervous.
If your husband sees that you cannot control your emotions, are falling into hysterics, crying and screaming, he will want to leave even faster.
If a man encounters an adequate reaction from you, he may think about whether he is doing the right thing by leaving you.
Thus, the optimal behavior scenario for the wife is as follows:
- Remaining calm, steadfastly accept such blows of fate, because in addition to the departing spouse, both pity and accusations from relatives and friends will soon fall on your head,
- If a divorce is inevitable, the husband stands his ground, and there are children in the family, take this step with the condition of a peaceful separation in order to maintain good relations in the future for the sake of the children,
- Give your spouse freedom while working on yourself at this time if you seriously want to get him back. He will see what he is missing.
Regardless of the outcome of the event, adequate perception is a must. If the husband does leave, the woman urgently needs to occupy herself with something, for example, sports, so that she gets tired in the gym.
If hysterics keep coming, turn to your best friend to cry, talk it out and move on with your life.
If your husband remains, then under no circumstances allow yourself or those around you to be reminded that he almost left you. Guilt can play a cruel joke, and the spouse will take this step again.
Preparation of documents
Consideration of the case in court After the claim is satisfied, a court decision is issued, which indicates the fact of termination of the relationship. You must contact the registry office to obtain a divorce certificate. The original certificate is issued to each spouse.
In the latter case, a man, even if he has a mistress or a second family (often with children), is unlikely to agree to divorce. My husband doesn’t want to get a divorce because he doesn’t like sharing apartments, cars, dachas, yachts! But it will have to. Because there is a court, and it is always on the side of the woman as the initiator of the divorce.
Reasons for divorce
- financial difficulties. In order for a family to exist normally, significant investments are required. Living space (rented, purchased or built on credit), the birth of children, various everyday issues - all this requires financial investments. If there is not enough money, then the spouse often initiates the divorce;
- alcohol abuse. Many married couples separate due to alcoholism;
- betrayal of one of the spouses;
- birth of a child. Some couples cannot withstand the difficulties associated with caring for a small child.
If frequent scandals occur on domestic grounds, then couples rarely file for divorce. Relatives help maintain family relationships.
