How to get your wife back if she doesn’t want a relationship or her feelings have cooled down: how to establish contact with your spouse, what words to say, techniques and free advice from a psychologist

The statistics are disappointing, the number of divorces is rapidly increasing. Even the strongest couples are not immune from breakups and crisis situations. If a woman initiates the separation, the man may wonder how he can get his wife back. There is no single recipe, since each case is individual.

But psychologists and family relationship specialists are ready to share recommendations on how to rekindle old feelings, even if she is categorically against it. There are some tips for those who have a child together. Using the example of typical mistakes, you can prevent your own. And even if the family is reunited, the man needs to know how to behave in the future. More on all this below.

Reasons for wives leaving their husbands

No advice on how to get your wife back will be effective if the man does not analyze the situation to find out the reasons for this behavior. Not all women directly state their motivation, and this makes it difficult to further work on changing themselves and relationships. Statistics and experts give the most common reasons for leaving:

She became a housewife . If lately you've only expected her to cook, clean, and perform other household tasks, don't be surprised why she's tired of all this.
No understanding. Due to busyness and other reasons, men may not show attention to their spouse, not listen to her problems, and underestimate the need for help. While she is waiting for mutual understanding, sympathy, support.
Routine . Relationships are often immersed in such everyday life that they completely extinguish romance, passion and emotions. All this routine sooner or later leads to depression, and maybe even disappointment.
Lack of sex . The stereotype that only men need sex is wrong. A woman has the same needs, but tenderness and initiative on the part of her partner are important to her. If everything is monotonous in bed, intimacy happens less and less, this leads to disharmony.
Criticism, reproaches. Even small remarks, but in large quantities, can leave their mark on mood and feelings. She wants to hear compliments, praise, gratitude from you, but instead she hears criticism? This will sooner or later lead to irreparable decisions.
Bad habits . Abuse of alcohol, beverages, and harmful substances radically changes a man and the attitude of his significant other towards him. Alcoholism is the most common cause of divorce today.
Assault . It can be both moral and physical. No matter what situations occur, a man should not do this to his wife. Sooner or later she will decide to leave.
Treason . Infidelity is also a common cause of divorce; men are usually found guilty of such sins due to their polygamous nature. Only a few girls are ready to forgive this; most leave once and for all.
Financial insolvency. If most women are ready to accept temporary difficulties, helping their spouse provide for the family, then constant inaction and failures incline them to search for a more reliable companion.
Marriage at an early age . In youth, thinking is significantly different from what comes with age. Most couples who got married at 18-20 years old, after 30 years, come to the realization that they have outgrown each other.

Despite the fact that any reason can be understood and corrected, not in all cases the desire to return the wife to the family is advisable. For example:

betrayal - if she left for someone else, and you can never forgive the betrayal, you shouldn’t even interfere in her new relationship;
lack of respect - if in attempts to reunite you have completely lost yourself, and she openly demonstrates her disrespect, you should not fall even lower;
lack of trust - if someone has fundamentally undermined it, no matter how hard they try to fix the broken cup, most likely it will be to no avail;
no love - if at least one of the partners no longer experiences any feelings, the relationship is doomed to failure;
uncompromising behavior - only a policy of compromise helps to improve relationships, and if one of the partners is not ready to make concessions, no expert advice on how to get your wife back if she doesn’t want a relationship will help.

If your wife falls out of love because of insults

Inflicted insults and insults become a serious reason for the destruction of the love idyll. Constantly insulting and humiliating his wife, in this way, an insecure man tries to completely subjugate her will to himself. Often an offended woman loses self-esteem and is no longer able to live independently, simply not believing in her strength and attractiveness. A bag and a small cart of complexes imposed over the years do not allow you to leave the offender. But most women who have endured this situation for the time being suddenly pack up their things and leave.

By insulting another person, you first of all humiliate your dignity and show your weakness. A weak person, dissatisfied with his life, appearance, financial situation, etc., will always assert himself at the expense of others, insulting and humiliating them. Think about what pushes you to do this - maybe your wife earns more than you or, on the contrary, “sits” on your neck. A frank conversation will help clarify and resolve the situation without loss.

If you have certain complaints against your wife, find the appropriate words and explain yourself without the help of rude and unpleasant statements. It is much easier to achieve what you want with affection. Unflattering criticism of your wife about her appearance, figure, culinary and other talents can destroy all the wonderful feelings.

It only takes a couple of minutes to insult a loved one, but sometimes even a lifetime is not enough to bring back old feelings!
Only real actions and efforts on your part will help you get your wife back if she has fallen out of love due to insults.

How to get your wife back

Getting your wife back is a difficult task, but having children together makes the task much easier. Even if she left for someone else, few people will be able to love and accept the child as their own. This is the main advantage of a husband. To change the situation, listen to a few basic tips:

Forget about bad habits . Show how capable you are of change.
Find a good job . This is especially true if the cause of the breakup was financial difficulties. Show that you are a promising, self-sufficient man.
Show your thriftiness . Surely, in marriage, all responsibilities lay on her fragile shoulders. Let her now see that everything will be different in a new relationship, you will be ready to help her.
Show love and care for your child . Give him gifts, ask about any events in his life, go for walks in interesting places. Help her with her upbringing, take her to school or kindergarten, clubs, and to the doctor.
Give attention to your wife too . Congratulate her on the holidays, help in difficulties, give small gifts, but do not put pressure on her so as not to scare her away.

Expert opinion
Elena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.

The main task is to establish live, emotional communication. There is no need to be embarrassed to tell her about your feelings, but in a timely manner when she has cooled down from the divorce. Later, when a confidential conversation has built up between you, you can ask the reason for her leaving, and then show your readiness to change.

If she doesn't want a relationship and her feelings have cooled down

It will not be easy to return to a relationship if the wife’s feelings have cooled. But if you have a strong desire to fight for it, you can listen to an effective technique from a specialist. The plan to win her feelings consists of the following steps:

Start with big gestures . You can use flowers and a note to apologize for your mistakes and ask for forgiveness. It’s good if the flowers are received at work in front of the team, it will please her pride.
Write a letter, confess your feelings . It’s good if she answers them, this will allow you to start a correspondence. Be romantic, give her compliments, remember some touching moments from your relationship.
Invite on a date. Nothing refreshes feelings more than romantic encounters, like in youth. Imagine that you are rebuilding a relationship.
Be confident. In any decisions, show firmness and persistence, but do not confuse these qualities with importunity. Women love the strength of a man's word.
Don't change yourself. Transformation for the better should not be accompanied by the fact that you will adapt to it. There is no need to squeeze out of yourself something for which you are not suited.

Do you think you will be able to remarry after a divorce?

Not really

If she is categorically against

Restoring relationships is much more difficult if the wife does not make contact and categorically refuses communication. In this case, the instructions for conquering it will be supplemented with the following actions:

Make her fall in love with you – girls tend to fall in love with their attitude. Wrap her in care, attention, and small pleasant surprises.
Establish communication - find common topics so that she has to communicate with you. Take an interest in her life, show repentance for wrongdoing, keep in touch one-on-one, through phone calls, correspondence on the Internet.
Do eloquent actions - you know her secrets, weak points, weaknesses. You can show banal concern by topping up your phone, sending lunches to work, taking care of your child together, and solving problems in your everyday life.
Make her dream come true - think about what she has long wanted, for example, to visit another country, learn a new business, relax at a resort, receive an expensive item as a gift.
Eliminate the reason for the separation - it’s not enough to promise to improve, you need to show it in practice.

After assault

It will be much more difficult to return your spouse if she left due to regular assault. There is no single solution to what to do in such a situation. But you can try the following steps:

give her time to calm down, let go of grudges and simply cool down;
find a reason to meet;
show calmness and a friendly attitude;
do not be assertive or pressure;
do not remember old grievances, do not blame her for anything;
admit your guilt, let her know that you repent;
show dramatic changes in yourself, let her see your seriousness of intentions;
establish trusting, sincere communication;
if there is no contact, you can visit a psychologist together;
Be prepared for the fact that it may not be possible to get your wife back into the relationship.

Have you ever used assault on your spouse?

Not really

If you left for someone else

Not every man can get back into a relationship after his wife leaves for someone else. But if you are determined to get her away from her lover and restore the marriage, then the following recommendations may come in handy:

Forgive her . This method will clear your mind and understand whether you are ready to take her back. Agree with yourself, accept her betrayal as the inevitability of a damaged relationship. If he decides to return, you must forget this situation and never reproach her.
Work on your appearance . Did you manage to stop loving her even after leaving for another guy? Then change yourself, this will give you self-confidence and will help her look at you in a new way. Let her see an impressive, stylish man who looks impressive, looks brand new, smells nice, and takes care of himself.
Get ready to win. Show her that you can exist perfectly well without her, but that you intend to achieve her again. A woman will never return to someone who was broken by a breakup.
State directly your intentions to return her to the house . If you manage to talk openly and sincerely, be honest that you are ready to give the relationship a second chance. But don’t put pressure on her to make an appropriate decision. Giving her freedom of choice will give her extra points.
Change your lifestyle . Let her see that the breakup was good for you. Give up bad habits, find new hobbies, develop your career. This will allow you to be respected more than before and improve your opinion of you.

Don't chop too hot

Your first instinctive desire after a breakup is to get her back by any means necessary. This is the main mistake that all lovers make when trying to return to their previous relationship. The fear of losing everything forever requires immediate action from us, but, unfortunately, the other party, in this case - your ex-wife - will perceive this as an attempt to violate her personal space. She will actually be suffocated by your all-encompassing attention.

No matter how much you want to get your ex back, that's not the right thing to do right now. First, you need to cool down and give the woman time to rest from a problematic relationship. This may all drag on, but nothing can be done, otherwise you will only make the situation worse.

Figure it out for yourself for now. The advice in the article How to survive a divorce from your wife if you still love him will help you cool down, organize your thoughts and try to look at life from a different angle. This is a painful but good time to heal emotional wounds. If you rush to the front line now, you will only make things worse. Your ex-lover will only be frightened by such pressure, but she has not yet moved away from those negative manifestations of your character, because of which she decided to break up with you. The expression “you can’t be nice by force” fits perfectly here.

Your ex needs personal space to evaluate the situation and live without you. This will help her understand her feelings. You won’t believe it, but it is a change in everyday circumstances, when a partner leaves, and with him a good part of everyday responsibilities, that makes a woman miss her husband again. That is, even without your active participation, a woman may have a desire to return you. But only if you do not put pressure on her at this moment.

Pressure in itself never brings any benefit, and in the circumstances of separation it even more closely resembles trying to run on a broken leg. Now the relationship needs peace, give yourself and your ex-wife time to come to their senses. When the time comes for the next stage, you will understand it.

Possible mistakes and how to avoid them

The psychology of relationships will teach partners not only the right actions and methods of restoring relationships, but will also help prevent mistakes. This will not have such an impact on the return of the spouse, but will not aggravate the situation. The most valuable tips in this case are the following:

do not try to look like an ideal man in her eyes, she knows you well and will quickly see through the pretense;
do not be pathetic, literally begging for her forgiveness, women do not tolerate whiners;
do not shift the decision-making onto her fragile shoulders, on the contrary, show your readiness to take responsibility for the two of you, a common future;
do not shower her with valuable gifts, otherwise she will decide that you are simply buying her;
don’t neglect your appearance, let her see a neat, pleasant man;
do not lean towards threats, pressure, manipulation, this will cut off all the paths upon her return;
do not arrange a showdown with her new boyfriend, this will show your lack of self-confidence.

Expert opinion

Elena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.

An important rule is to change, but remain yourself so that the new you looks natural and not fake. Having lived with you for some time, your ex-spouse has probably learned to distinguish between your real and insincere behavior.

How to understand that your wife has fallen out of love

If a loving wife stops:

“look” into your mouth, anticipating your slightest desire, do not spend hours at the stove trying to surprise with a culinary masterpiece,
no longer greets you from work, as before, fully armed - with a strong kiss and hug,
no longer tries to seduce you with sexy lingerie, and intimate life has become insipid and very rare
your body does not evoke its former admiration and sexual exploits in bed leave her indifferent
does not respond to your gentle hugs and ignores intimate hints
no longer satisfied with a romantic dinner and erotic massage
there is no former comfort and harmony in the house
prefers socializing with unmarried girlfriends over weekends and shared vacations
no detailed questions about how your day went
your hobbies and interests no longer arouse interest and support from her
does not pay the same attention to your appearance
does not like small scenes of jealousy over an accidental glance towards a beautiful woman./li>

All these factors eloquently say that the time has come for you to think and understand that your wife has stopped loving you.

Note! If your beloved begins to treat you with irritation and finds fault with little things, there is definitely no need to talk about love. A loved one with all his shortcomings does not irritate; between loving people, shortcomings are not noticed.

How to behave after reconciliation with your wife

If you still managed to restore the relationship, the cold, piecemeal marriage needs “resuscitation.” Both should work on building a new model, but take most of the responsibility on yourself. Here it is very important not to relax, but to rely on the experience of previous mistakes.

What to observe:

forgive each other for any misdeeds, never reproach them;
do not lead relationships to scandals, learn to calm down;
during emotional outbursts, be able to calm each other down;
discuss a policy of compromise so that both partners follow it;
support passion and feelings with romantic actions;
help each other in any problems, life tasks;
participate equally in the lives of children without shifting responsibility;
don’t look back at the past, respect each other, value marriage.

All points need to be discussed at the initial stage of the relationship. Let each spouse bring in their wishes, show flexibility and readiness for change. Family and living together should be comfortable for both.

Why do women leave their husbands?

For most women, family is the meaning of life and the main purpose. But even this fact does not stop them from divorce if the husband:

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How to forget your wife after divorce: effective methods

suffers from addiction (gaming, alcohol, drugs);
hits his wife;
cheats on her;
stops paying attention to her;
does not provide for the family.

Everyone wants to relax after a hard day or week. There are various ways to do this: bathhouse, shopping, reading books, going out of town, gatherings with friends. Many people will prefer to drink a bottle of beer or a glass of wine after work, which is completely acceptable. But when this process occurs systematically, the husband stops going to work, he smells of fumes - it is unpleasant for the wife to watch this. A drunken husband provokes a woman to leave the family. The same applies to drugs and gambling. In this case, it is almost impossible to return your wife.

Domestic violence is also a common problem. A large number of women endure bullying while their husbands raise them and assert themselves. Spouses who understand that it is impossible to change the situation leave their partners. They either leave for another worthy man or are left alone.

Every girl, when she gets married, imagines herself as the only lady in her partner’s heart. She wants to be loved, needed and always be near her husband. But suddenly she finds out (either herself or from strangers) that he has a mistress. This news greatly hurts, offends and shocks her. Then the emotions are released, she forgives her beloved, remaining to live with him. There are real stories of how husbands got their loved ones back after cheating. But besides this category of women, there is another one: ladies who are not going to put up with cheating, pack their things and leave. It is important for them that their partner is loving and faithful.

At the beginning of a relationship, men pay a lot of attention to the girls they love. They are affectionate, gentle, give flowers, take them to cafes, parks and theaters, and take care of them. The ladies believe that this will always be the case and accept the marriage proposal. After years, husbands relax, they become confident that their wife will not go anywhere, especially since they have children. The wife is ready to put up with the lack of attention, because the husband brings money into the house and does not have a mistress. But then she begins to receive more love and attention from another man. There is a high probability that a woman will not see the point of staying with an indifferent partner and will leave him.

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How to get your ex-husband back: solution options taking into account the reason for the breakup

Again, when a relationship begins, people are in love with each other and practically do not see any shortcomings. Let them live in a rented apartment, but they are so young, everything is ahead of them, they will earn money, their husband has a promising profession. Everyone has ups and downs in life. Likewise, a spouse’s career may stagnate. His wife understands and supports him, trying to earn more to feed the family. Some men like it, they stop striving for better. The woman has neither time nor money left for herself. She wants to feel weak with another partner, she is looking for a more reliable person.

How to cope with your wife's departure and move on with your life

If the spouse has never made an attempt to return to the family, there is no point in persuading her, much less begging her. You need to try to cool down in her the same way as happened to her, and then forget this bitter experience. The following expert advice will help with this:

Don't blame yourself for everything that happened. Any problems in family relationships are the result of the actions of two people. Not everything depends on a man, and any man is capable of mistakes.
Don't blame her for everything that happened. Let go of any grievances, forgive her weaknesses. Any actions hide motives. Finding guilt only reinforces the emotional attachment.
Let your thoughts run wild. You can get rid of unpleasant emotions if you only abstract from the past. Live communication, new acquaintances, friends help to forget a girl. By going about your business as before, you will be able to get used to your new marital situation.

Psychologist's advice

If the efforts made are not enough and the wife does not want to return, you should consult a family psychologist

. His advice on how to get your wife back can help at the most crucial moment:

Surround her with attention and care - a restaurant, flowers for no reason, gifts - will help rekindle old feelings. But do this carefully so that the woman does not feel as if her love is being bought rather than won.
Remember significant dates for her and arrange a celebration on this occasion - women attach a lot of importance to the first meeting, the first kiss, etc.
Pleasant surprises in the form of a sudden trip to the sea and a personally prepared romantic dinner and breakfast in bed will melt the ice in the heart of your beloved.
Divide the responsibilities around the house and, like a real man, put most of it on your strong shoulders.
Give your beloved the opportunity to rest more and pay attention to herself in order to delight you with her beauty.
Don't limit her social circle. Women are emotional creatures - girlfriends and the opportunity for someone to cry are very important to them.
Become her friend, lover and assistant all rolled into one.

These are a number of standard rules that can help if your situation is not critical. However, each family situation is individual and in some such situations it is simply impossible to do without the help of a professional psychologist. Don't neglect help, sometimes it's simply necessary.

Men, remember, it is very important for a woman to feel unique, unique, desired and very close to you. Give her this confidence and you will be richly rewarded. A happy woman means a happy family.

Conspiracies and rituals to return your wife

If attempts to return his wife to the family are unsuccessful, a desperate man may resort to the use of special conspiracies and rituals, and this does not exclude the chance of a positive outcome.

With photo and ring

To perform this ceremony you will need a new ring, a photo with your wife, and a thin white candle. First of all, you need to sit in front of the candle and put a photo behind it. It is very important to focus on your own feelings, experiences and desire to return your wife.

Next you need to put the ring on the candle and light it, then say:

Married in the church, united forever! We will never know separation from (wife’s name), we will never be apart. Where should she go, where should I run after her, where should I stop, there should she find me. Our souls are united forever, they will never be separated, we will be together forever, we will never live without each other.

As soon as the candle burns out, take the hot ring and wrap it in a photograph of your wife, and hide the package itself in a safe place until you can restore your relationship with your wife.

With a lock

To perform this ritual, you need to cover the table with a tablecloth that does not have any designs or patterns. After this, place a mirror on it, and behind it place 3 small church candles, which will need to be lit immediately. The next step is to lean the wife’s photo against the mirror so that the front side of the photo looks at the husband through the mirror, and it is important that the eyes are clearly visible.

Take the key in your right hand and the padlock in your left and say the following words when opening it:

Just as no one will open the lock now, so now no one will separate us.

After performing this ritual, you need to go to bed without talking to anyone. When morning comes, the lock must be thrown into the river, and the key must be carried until the wife returns.

Love spell on sprouts

To perform this ritual, you need three types of beans: white, black and red. Soak one bean of each type in holy water and after it has sprouted, plant it in a beautiful pot in the bedroom.

Wait for the waxing moon and after midnight, lower the beans into the ground, while saying the following:

The earth is omnipotent, the grain will sprout. As the plant grows, so let mutual love awaken.

Cemetery love spell

A love spell in a cemetery can help bring your wife back to the family and restore the relationship. To perform this love spell you will need the following: candy, any clothes of your ex-wife, a church candle.

You should go to the cemetery and look for the grave of a woman with the same name as your ex-wife.

Light a candle at her burial site and say the following:

The deceased woman sleeps and dreams - not about the cold land, not about a barren life, not about a dry bone, but about (wife’s name), who left me, who abandoned me. Just as a deceased woman sleeps in a coffin, so does (wife’s name) miss me, just as a deceased woman feeds worms, so does (name) love me forever, just as a deceased woman cannot leave here, so does (wife’s name) never part with me. Let (wife’s name) come back to me, come to me, open her heart to me, let her not want to take a single step without me, never turn up outside the door, unless it’s my will, if I don’t say such words to her.

Collect a small amount of grave soil and wrap it in your wife’s clothes, and leave sweets at the grave for the farmer, then say:

I take (name) not for myself, so that she will love me, so that she will come back to me.

The lit candle should burn out completely, and the bundle of earth should be kept at home for ten days, after which you should go to the cemetery and bury it under a living tree.

What to do if it comes to divorce ↑

To prevent divorce, you need to take action quickly

Try to stop her. Be assertive. Let her understand the seriousness of your intentions.
Tell us several options for getting out of this situation.
Offer to radically change your life (move, have a child, etc.).
Convey to your wife the importance of her presence in your life.
You may be able to manipulate with the help of children. Convince that for their sake it is necessary to save the family.

Read statistics on betrayal in marriage here.

How to make peace with a girl if you offended her very badly? The answers are in the article.

If the divorce does take place, pay attention to the following points:

Who knows, maybe your wife, having lived alone, will decide that it was better with you after all and will agree to recreate a family with you again.

If the wife left with the child

Often a woman forgives her husband a lot in order to preserve the marriage in a family with a child. She knows that a new man may appear in her life. But will he want to become a father for her child? Will she be able to tolerate his whims when he is sick or not in the mood? Will he react correctly to his bad behavior, complaints from neighbors, school teachers? Not every man is ready to overcome the daily difficulties associated with growing up and raising someone else's child.

However, for an ex-husband, a common child is an excellent opportunity to restore relations with his wife. To do this, you need to use your connection with your baby wisely.

It is naive to believe that it will be possible to establish contact only with material support and rare phone calls. You must find time for personal communication with your child. Agree with your spouse about when and where your meetings will take place. Go to her terms, don’t argue, even if you don’t agree. We need to act very carefully now. If she demands that communication take place on her territory, so be it. Ask what products, things, books you need to buy. If your baby is already in school, take part in preparing homework, goes to extra classes, to the sports section, then discuss with your wife when you can give him a ride home. Even though you no longer live together, find out his routine in order to be aware of the child’s life. He must understand that you care about him. Encourage success, encourage him when he needs it. Be strict and adamant when trying to manipulate.

If you and your wife work on the upbringing and development of your child, your wife will sooner or later appreciate such help. Be patient, try to understand that now she feels alienation and pain, so she makes claims against you, “bites”.

If, instead of showing patience, you decide to threaten a woman with taking away her child, this could be the collapse of your relationship. You will be first on her list of enemies. Any mother turns into an angry tigress when someone tries to encroach on her children.

During a divorce, it is very easy to lose the trust and respect of a child. Try not to let this happen. Mother and father must remain an unquestioned authority for him. Don’t start a showdown in his presence, don’t humiliate each other so that he doesn’t stop appreciating you. Otherwise, you will lose much more than a relationship. After all, you can find happiness with other partners. But it will no longer be possible to turn a complete egoist and hypocrite, who grew up in a situation of permissiveness, into a decent person.

Tips to help you get your wife back after divorce

The first thing you need to do after a breakup is to stabilize your psycho-emotional state. Ex-spouses need to calm down. The stress they experienced was quite strong. If a man wants to get his woman back, he should under no circumstances take any action during a period when she only feels negative towards him: resentment, disappointment, anger. Both need to cool down and think: the woman about how correct her decision was, and the man about the mistakes made in the marriage and his future tactics.

About 30% of women who leave their husbands regret leaving. However, none of them can be convinced at the moment of making a decision. Therefore, the most correct thing that an abandoned spouse can do is to respect her choice and wait for the right time.

What do psychologists advise on how to act to get your ex-wife back after a divorce?

After establishing the reasons for the breakup, you should not seek meetings with your ex-wife for about a month.
This is the time to start working on your own changes. A man should try to become attractive to his soulmate both in soul and body. Perhaps he needs to pay attention to his appearance: get a stylish haircut, choose a fashionable wardrobe, accessories. A confident and self-sufficient man will easily interest any woman. These qualities are integral attributes of a successful representative of the stronger sex. Let problems in your personal life motivate you to achieve important goals. Engage in self-education, a career, express yourself in creativity, sports, find a hobby, passion. She will not pass by such changes.
Contact with her loved ones is very important: relatives, friends. Use their support to restore communication with your ex-wife.
Show interest in your children's lives. The disagreement should not affect them.
Offer her help in solving problems.
Show her signs of attention: flirt, give compliments, flowers, surprises. Invite her on a romantic date, for example, to memorable places where you experienced strong emotions. Remember how your relationship began. You have to go through this period again. But now the advantages are in your hands: you know her strengths and weaknesses.