How to forget your ex-wife forever: the best advice from psychologists

Divorces in the modern world have long become commonplace. But, despite this, even after dissolving the official marriage and dividing the acquired property, a man may unexpectedly face the problem of how to forget his ex-wife. The time spent by the former spouses together will forever be preserved in their memory. But how to get rid of memories that traumatize the soul?

In appearance, many men look quite stern.
And, although they are more restrained than women, they also worry and get nervous if their family life collapses. Their memories of the children left with their ex-wife are especially disturbing. Now you won't have to see them as often as before. Articles on the topic

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How to Stop Loving a Wife Who Doesn't Love You

A woman stops visiting fashion boutiques, beauty salons, and does not watch her figure. She completely lacks the desire to interest, seduce, and charm her husband.

Then, behind the external transformation, internal discomfort appears, the girl’s unpredictable behavior. She can instantly become irritable and aggressive for no apparent reason. The husband's life, his actions and actions become indifferent, not arousing interest.

How to stop loving a wife who doesn't love you? (read more…)

Reasons for divorce

Every family is unhappy in its own way. But the human psyche is structured in such a way that all the prerequisites for performing any actions can be classified and divided into several groups. As a rule, the reasons for divorce are certain life circumstances.

It happens that people getting married are too young and inexperienced. They mistake the first feeling that flares up for true love.

And sometimes at a young age, mutual attraction between the sexes occurs only under the influence of hormones. And this is not yet a true feeling, but only a chemical reaction of the body.

Young people do not yet know life and do not know how to correctly navigate their goals and preferences. External characteristics: a beautiful face, a pleasant voice, good manners - can play a decisive role in marriage.

The young man and the girl do not have time to understand each other’s characters. And already at the beginning of family life they may be disappointed. This is especially true for representatives of the fair half.

For example, if a daughter was spoiled in the family, and her husband began to treat her as a domestic servant, then there is a high probability that the woman will be indignant and go back to her parents, and the marriage will break up.

People in adulthood also commit unconsidered actions without first understanding the habits and hobbies of their future spouse.

The dissimilarity of life principles or temperamental characteristics, which people learn about only after getting married, is the most common cause of divorce.

In addition, even a submissive and loving woman decides to separate from her husband because of her husband’s infidelity or fleeting affairs. Her wounded pride prevents her from continuing the relationship, even if the man repents and asks for forgiveness.

Domestic tyranny: constant oppression by the husband, petty nagging, unreasonable jealousy, restriction of the wife’s freedom, beatings are a classic reason for the wife’s discontent, leading to the breakdown of the family. A woman in love can endure for a long time, reassuring herself that hitting means she loves, but at one fine moment she decides to leave.

In recent years, a common cause of divorce has been the drunkenness of one of the spouses. But if a person tries to replace part of his life with constant drinking, then he is not the only one to blame. Most likely, for some reason he is not satisfied with life.

A wise woman will be able to call her husband to openness, prevent the emergence of painful dependence and create conditions for him that will return happiness to the family.

Anyone can fall in love. If he feels that he has found the most desirable soul mate, then no obstacles in his way (even family and children) will prevent him from reuniting with her, and the previous marriage breaks up.

How to quickly forget your ex-wife?

Advice from psychologists Psychologists say that following the above advice will lead your spouse to the main thread - the realization that everything in life is temporary, and nothing can be eternal.

You need to find yourself, characterize your situation in marriage, and draw conclusions. In this case, positive thinking will help, awareness of changes for the better, a new stage of life, liberation from shackles. Eliminate meetings, calls, any reminders of your ex-spouse. Change your usual environment and lifestyle.

How to fill the void?

She's not the only one. There are thousands of women who are ideally suited to your characteristics. But in order to meet the greatest love of your life, you need to understand yourself, understand your desires. Apply those properties that, instead of being realized, caused a painful attachment to your ex. For example, instead of constantly going over the past in your memory, start learning. Learning ability and memory are properties of the same series. What did you need to succeed? What knowledge, skills? It's time to engage in self-development.

When you realize your talents, you achieve success. You don't need to prove anything to anyone, you feel confident and self-sufficient. Women are drawn to such men. They are not mercantile people. They just have an unconscious desire, cemented by thousands of years of human experience, to feel protected next to a man. After all, they need to give birth and raise a child. When a man is able to feed her and the child, then he becomes desirable to her.

Or your attachment to people, which fills life with meaning... You like to be with people, feel their warmth, take care of them. You can continue to do this: participate in the child’s life, rejoice in his successes, help overcome difficulties, help elderly parents, look for like-minded people in a business that you like.

Feelings should find a way out precisely in connections with other people. It heals the soul. It takes time to get through the pain, but this is not the time to be alone.

We need to reconsider our past experience. See the potential for personal development and future relationships. There is no one to blame for what happened. You can justify everyone, including yourself. When there is no understanding of the human soul, then we are all mistaken. But everything can be corrected as soon as knowledge of how it works appears. Our tragedies are not fatal, they push us to a new outlook on life.

Strong experiences make us happy. It is normal that we feel sad when we experience loss. But this empty space, where there used to be an emotional connection, should come with a feeling of enormous gratitude that these feelings existed, that the person gave us the opportunity to experience them; for the gift of happiness. Yuri Burlan

You must understand who you are, and then it will become clear what kind of woman you need:

How to help a man forget his ex-wife

To prevent the illness from prolonging, come to the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan.

...At the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan, I met my wife and I consider the creation of a family to be the main result of the training... Now 1 year and 3.5 months have passed since we met. We are married and continue to love each other. Every day our feelings only intensify and become more conscious. I want to fill her life with happiness, I want her to enjoy every day of our life, and like in a fairy tale, I want to die on the same day as her, only in a hundred years! And now I want to live!.. [2]

Registration for free introductory classes of the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan here.

Author Marina Alekseeva Proofreader Tatyana Orlova

[1] - words from the song “Romance” by the group PIZZA [2] - Alexander E., St. Petersburg

The article was written using materials from Yuri Burlan’s online training “System-vector psychology”

How to Stop Loving Your Wife: Advice from a Psychologist

The final factor that will help not only stop loving your wife, but also change your own life is to completely change your daily routine, find an exciting hobby. You shouldn’t rush things and think that a new relationship can save the situation.

How to stop loving your wife while living with her

As a rule, women cannot hide their inner experiences and surging emotions for long. There may be many signs indicating that a wife’s feelings have cooled. It is not difficult to notice them; the main thing is to correctly analyze the situation that has arisen.

How to stop loving a wife who doesn't love you? (read more…)

Mistakes to Avoid

Let's remember Oleg again. Try to re-read his story right now and highlight the mistakes he made. Which one did you pay attention to first?

Right. Return to ex-wife. Why didn't his new relationship stop him from taking this step? Because the past remained unclosed, unlived. How would events have developed if he had stayed with that girl?

When a person enters into a new relationship too quickly, it often ends up “ricocheting.” Old feelings and attachments have not yet been released, old pains have not been lived through, and lessons have not been learned. And with all this burden we go into new connections. And we project them onto the new partner. And then we suffer even more and make another person suffer.

Authors of the book “Love. Reboot” suggests that people most often turn to a psychologist for help not after the first breakup, but after the breakup of a secondary “rebound” relationship.

If you feel that attachment and resentment towards your ex-spouse is still strong, do not use other women as a substitute. First, calm your emotions and put your inner state in order.

What else you should not do after a breakup:

follow your ex-wife on social networks;
humiliate himself in front of her and try to win her back;
seek “salvation” in alcohol.

This will only make things worse. And then, you have self-esteem, don't you?

Frequency

There is such a thing as a vicious circle of thoughts - the harder you try not to think about something, the more often you are visited by memories of it. Try to relax and not think about anything at all, let your brain choose the circle of images itself. Trust your head so that reducing the frequency of thoughts about your ex will happen naturally. You should also understand that all objects around evoke certain associations. Therefore, before you forget your ex-wife, you should remove all objects from your environment that remind you of her.

Basic rules of conduct

Next, you should adhere to the following tips:

Don’t shy away from counter questions, answer them clearly and specifically. Don’t shout that you’ve decided to get a divorce; you shouldn’t pack your things and leave right away either. And even more so, ignore your wife’s attempts to talk to you. Don't run from the problem, but solve it.
An ideal place for a conversation is an embankment, a bench in a park, a clearing by a river. In this case, you will, on the one hand, be alone, and on the other, the place will be crowded, which can protect you from violent scandals. Think about where your wife will be more comfortable. You should not have a conversation with her at work, in a restaurant, or in front of children.
The optimal time for conversation is lunch. It is during this period that a person is most ready to perceive information. There is no need to do this in the morning, so as not to ruin the whole day; also, the evening is not the best option, since your wife is unlikely to be able to sleep.
Whatever one may say, your wife is not a stranger to you, you have been together for many years, so do everything to maintain friendly relations.
If your wife reacted adequately to your decision and agreed to a divorce, then you can immediately begin discussing the details of the division of property and raising children. If there is hysteria and denial, then you should give your spouse time to cool down and return to the conversation later. Consult with a divorce lawyer to determine the best course of action for you.
Do not share this information with friends or relatives. First, talk to your wife, it will not be very good if she finds out about your intentions from someone else.

If the wife does not want to agree to a divorce, start the process unilaterally. There is no way around this without lawyers.

How to get rid of mental pain

After a divorce, disappointment and pain remain in the soul. Memory constantly brings up memories of happy moments, beautiful words or actions of a former lover. At such moments, you just want to hide from the outside world and cry. But it is impossible to return the past, so you need to learn to come to terms with the fact that now everything is different. It is worth turning on a sober mind, throwing away dreams of your former life. It is recommended to try to perceive the breakup as a chance to meet new love.

You should not seek a meeting with your ex-husband. But if such communication is inevitable (for example, there are children together), you need to agree on the format of communication and relationships (for example, it can be friendly or official communication). And both must adhere to this format.

A Deeper Understanding of Sensational Attachment

Many people become attached to the feelings of intimacy that their partner gave you in bed.

Your memories are associated with the sensations that your partner gave you:

tactile pleasures;
touching;
tenderness and warmth;
energy.

Feelings are not the most important thing in life, don’t attach much importance to them. They are all temporary and give only temporary pleasure.

All people blindly chase after sensations and fall into an endless wheel of suffering. Then worries begin about how to stop loving a person who doesn’t love you.

Look soberly at reality.

The psychological side of dependence on a person

Psychological dependence on a loved one is not always noticeable at first glance; most often its vivid expression appears after separation.

This condition is characterized by the suppression of personal interests for the sake of the well-being of a loved one. The most common type of dependence is one-sided, when the weaker partner puts his goals in the background.

In marriage, lovers literally share interests between two, trying to meet their partner’s expectations.

Most often, this is done unconsciously. After a divorce, the state of dependence manifests itself most clearly. A person does not understand what to do with a large amount of free time, the realization of long-forgotten desires and goals. Awareness of this condition comes after a loved one abruptly decides to get a divorce.

The first step to solving a problem is recognizing it. It is important to position yourself as an individual, expand your range of interests and define your personal space. This will help get rid of the unpleasant feeling of dependence on a person who is not nearby. Otherwise, you need to contact a professional psychologist.

Useful tips

To make it easier to say about your decision, do not resort to threats and scandals. Speak calmly, try to tell your wife how dear she and the children are to you, but there is no turning back. That everyone deserves happiness. Be sure to mention that you will not abandon your offspring and will help them in every possible way. Divorce does not mean the destruction of the family as such. After it, many continue to communicate, albeit not immediately.

Explain to the child that it is not her fault. Parents have chosen their own path, which should not upset the kids.

Just in case, change passwords on your websites, social pages, etc., codes on your bank card, and make copies of documents in advance. Some girls can do stupid things out of anger or despair.

Regardless of whether the wife gives a divorce or not, the list of required documents is as follows:

original marriage certificate
child's birth certificate (a notarized copy is sufficient)
statement of claim with attachments (in several copies)
passport
original receipt for state payment. duties of 400 rubles

If the wife agrees to divorce her husband, the court also provides:

agreement on division of property (if any)
previously drawn up agreement on children
statement of consent to dissolve the union

How loved ones can help

There's no need to grieve. During a divorce, a person is faced with going through several stages of letting go. All of them are quite painful and require a lot of endurance. Relatives can help you get through difficult times. When everyday affairs become a burden and you don’t want to do anything, it’s wise to ask for help from those around you. Support and understanding are the most healing feelings. Only loved ones can console and not demand anything in return. If there is an opportunity to turn to your father, mother, brother, sister or friend, then it should be used and appreciated.

Reasonable behavior will help you successfully go through a divorce. We must learn to control ourselves, pay attention to our feelings, and follow the voice of reason. You should never be guided by limiting attitudes.

Tips for those who can't cope with feelings

It is important not just to get a divorce, but to preserve yourself. Having lost their personal characteristics, people become unnecessary.

The following recommendations will help you get rid of anxiety and overcome mental pain:

You need to give yourself time. Sometimes you need to be alone with yourself even longer than prescribed by some standards. You cannot demand behavior from yourself based on stereotypes.
Put photos away. Images of the woman you love can make you feel sad and hopeless. If a breakup occurs, you need to give yourself time to recover. You should not tear up the photo. It is useful to put them in a separate folder and put them in a dark place.
Interesting thing. It’s worth finding a new hobby or returning to your old hobbies. Only in this way will there be an opportunity to experience inspiration and find an individual path. If a person works on himself correctly, then divorce can be the greatest blessing.

How to deal with sad memories?

First of all, for the first time, it is necessary to remove from your sight and surroundings everything that reminds you of your life together with your wife: photographs, gifts, common things.

You should “close all gestalts”: draw up documents, receive divorce papers, resolve financial issues, remove property, settle in a new place, or fill empty shelves with your things if your wife has moved out.

If an attack of acute melancholy and sadness occurs, then you should not run away from it. Gradually, you can try to withstand these negative experiences longer and longer without falling into depression or alcohol.

In cases where you need to see your ex-wife, it makes sense to prepare. The joke “You should meet your ex well-fed, shaved, stroked and sexually satisfied” contains a wise truth of life.

Stop Negative Thinking

Finally, after reducing the intensity and frequency of thinking, you can stop unpleasant thoughts altogether. The easiest way to do this is by diverting your attention to something else. For example, find yourself an interesting hobby and devote your free time to it.

To break out of the negativity in which you find yourself thinking about your ex-wife, you need to exclude everything connected with her from your environment. Don’t communicate with her friends and relatives, try not to meet her on the way home or to work; if she works in the same place as you, change jobs. In addition, you should remove from your home all items that remind you of her, including gifts, dishes, clothes and even furniture. Delete all photos on your phone and computer, correspondence, and contacts. The main thing is to understand that any object that makes you think about your ex-wife must be removed from your life, otherwise you will not be able to stop negative thoughts.

Forgetting forever means moving on

In fact, a person cannot forget important events, but he can stop considering them important. Significance is implicated in emotions that will be renewed every day. It is not time itself that heals, but time invested in new experiences. There is no way to stop suffering while sitting on the couch. To fall out of love means to move forward with body, emotions and thoughts.

Stop loving a girl in 7 steps

First of all, load your body. Tired muscles help you sleep.
Be sure to eat well - exhaustion increases negative emotions.
Be angry with yourself: she lives, and you are rummaging through old stuff.
Change your surroundings, travel, get new experiences.
Admit that the woman no longer belongs to you.
Make a decision - no humiliation in front of your ex.
Stop monitoring and dispose of all reminders.

Help comes to those who are willing to work

The higher the density of events, the faster a person leaves the prison of the past and moves on. You will have to work, but after a week you will feel: it is better to be exhausted by trying to move forward than by trying to hide from the situation under the covers. Later you will understand that the emotions of parting gave you a kick and helped you change for the better. This is not a paradox: we grow only through trials, only when we work on our lives day after day.

More often than not, abandoned guys make a different choice: they hide in a corner and cover themselves in self-pity like mosquito repellent. But you cannot avoid the painful stings of the past. Stand in front of your favorite mirror and look into your swollen eyes: did you imagine yourself like this as an adult when you were a boy? You cannot prevent a person from feeling sorry for himself, but the position of a victim inevitably makes a man pitiful. It’s not just women who feel sick from a sour muzzle and drooping shoulders: colleagues, boss, clients, passersby - everyone will feel this weakness and will treat you accordingly.

To be stronger than pain to stop loving

A man who is burning with the desire to return or forget his ex in a couple of days is doomed to suffer. I understand the desire to avoid pain through magical manipulation. Only everyone will have to go through the agony of separation. Breaking up with a loved one is not a walk in a forest clearing. Also, ignoring is not magic, and a strong position is not playing cool. The consultation and the entire Maxim Verdict project was created for men who are ready to overcome pain. Together it will be easier for us, but without the determination to leave your ex in the past, nothing will work out for you.

What not to do

After a fight, as you know, you don’t wave your fists. If everything has already happened, there is no need to sort things out.

Scandals, shouting, mutual insults, abuse will not help correct the situation and will not bring relief. Be stronger than your emotions, try to show restraint. If you can't do this, stop communicating with your ex-wife.
Don't try to get her back. Don't run after her, don't follow her, don't humiliate yourself. Women value men who have self-esteem.
Blackmail with material benefits and children will only complicate your already difficult relationship. You should not resort to them.
Daily flowers and gifts will not melt her heart. Do you really want to please her, and not appease her and demonstrate your belated generosity? Then your gifts should be appropriate, valuable and desired. Present gifts on occasions, for example, on holidays, sincerely and without hints of her return. Don't be intrusive. If your ex-wife made it clear to you that everything is over between you, her decision will not change in a short period of time.
Sometimes it happens that a man begins to look for solace at the bottom of a glass. This is the path to nowhere, to the bottom, to hopelessness. It will be incredibly difficult to get back and return to normal life. This requires enormous inner strength, which is extremely rare. It is stupid to blame a woman for the fact that a man takes this slippery slope. This is the choice of a weak person who does not know how and does not want to solve his problems.

What needs to be changed in life

Life should be changed in all its areas. For example, like this:

Find another woman - your new beloved will distract you from sad thoughts, and most importantly, provide you with sexual intercourse, and you will not be drawn to your ex.
Finding a hobby, new hobbies - this will provide you with thoughts in a completely different direction and will significantly distract you.
Have fun with friends - go on the weekend to places where you have not been before since you were married, relax with your friends the way you wanted to relax when you were married.
Work more - take on overtime work, then you can not only earn good money, but also take your mind off bad thoughts.
Go to a resort or another city where you can entertain yourself by meeting old or new acquaintances.

The best way to avoid depression is to spend the time you might spend in torment doing good things: work, hobbies, recreation.