How not to divorce your wife: how to prevent divorce and save your family

A happy marriage is often destroyed by everyday problems, grievances, regular quarrels and emotional cooling between partners. Spouses begin to doubt the need to be together, stop communicating and start relationships on the side. It is not surprising that this behavior leads to divorce. How to restore a relationship with your husband or return the love of your wife, so that in a fit of irritation you do not completely destroy your family life, but make your marriage reliable and strong? Both men and women will have to work on reviving the family.

Signs of discord in a relationship

The main signs that a tandem is on the verge of breaking:

insincerity, concealment of details, lack of trust, desire to isolate oneself from a partner with a wall of personal space;
a feeling of distance from each other, giving rise to lies and hypocrisy;
lack of passion in the intimate sphere, reluctance to physical intimacy and sensual contacts;
frequent quarrels, disagreements with all the ensuing consequences - from unpleasant words in calm tones to breaking dishes in angry outbursts;
reluctance to be one whole, the desire for independence and loneliness - not just for a day, but in the long term;
regular rivalry, desire for leadership in the union;
neglect of the feelings of a loved one, disrespect for his feelings and interests, lack of understanding in basic matters.

Reasons for divorce

A woman's life changes dramatically if her husband wants a divorce. It seems that the world has collapsed, hopes for a bright future have disappeared in the ruins. The wife is the keeper of the home, so she blames herself exclusively for the upcoming divorce. However, this opinion is initially incorrect.

How prosperous and happy a marital relationship will actually be depends on both the woman and the man. The main foundations of a happy marriage are:

mutual understanding and care for each other;
the ability to ignore the shortcomings of the spouse;
regular sex life;
community of interests;
confidence.

According to statistics, about 40% of first marriages end in divorce. Families living without quarrels and disagreements for decades are becoming increasingly rare. Many try to maintain a semblance of a family for the sake of their children, but such a marriage is more reminiscent of painful coexistence and does not bring happiness to either partner.

What are the most common reasons for divorce?

Lack of love and attention.
Cheating on your wife or husband.
Constantly imposing your interests on your partner, trying to shift all the problems, lack of interest in his opinion.
Dissatisfaction in intimate life.
Inability to support a spouse in difficult times.

Separately, it is worth noting that often the reason for separation is a financial issue. When is divorce inevitable? If a man cannot provide for his family financially, sits without work and makes no attempts to improve the situation, the fair sex is forced to either work hard and a lot, or look for a husband who can arrange a decent standard of living for his chosen one and children.

What to do before taking action?

Before starting an operation to save a relationship, you need to:

Find out from your partner the reasons why you wanted to leave . Admit to yourself that not everything is so smooth and do not try to manipulate, encouraging you to be with you against the wishes of your loved one.
Take a break, don’t force your communication right away . Cut off contact at least until there is a real chance to fix everything.
Ask for help - a close friend or a specialist . Any person who will help to adequately analyze the situation, understand it, overcome difficulties and, finally, start a new life.
Turn the emerging hole in your personal life into new opportunities - learn something new, go on a trip, etc. Remember that life goes on and does not end with the end of a relationship.

Useful advice from psychologists

To help spouses who have decided to file for divorce, techniques are available that can either save the relationship or get through a difficult moment easily. A psychologist’s advice can become “magical”; after applying it in practice, the effect is immediately visible.

Get away from boredom

Family relationships can turn into a routine if you do not periodically introduce variety. Invite your wife for a romantic dinner at your favorite restaurant or for a picnic outside the city. If you both like active activities, choose a trip to an amusement park or spend a weekend rafting down a mountain river. It is important that spouses spend time together and communicate, despite the conflict.

Carrot and stick

If you can come to an agreement, spouses can introduce a useful skill into everyday life. A method that allows you to reward actions, but express dissatisfaction if necessary. The main feature of this habit in relationships is the absence of “mirroring”: if the wife did not like that her husband did not wash his plate, she calmly expresses the reason for her dissatisfaction. In response, the woman does not hear insults, resentment or dissatisfaction. If the husband makes tea for two, the wife expresses gratitude. Voicing emotions helps to understand each other, and also teaches you to clearly formulate the reasons for your bad mood.

Don't mix home and work

When spouses return from work, they forget that they have come to a place where there are no enemies, so they do not have time to adapt to a friendly and calm mood. Because of this, aggression and unexpressed grievances to colleagues “pour out” on family members. To prevent this from happening, psychologists advise performing a simple exercise: stop for 10-15 seconds in front of the front door of the house, take a deep breath and exhale deeply. This will free you from negativity.

The marital bed is sacred

Spouses who have been married for more than three years, in order to maintain normal relationships, agree on a schedule for their sexual life. According to statistics, this age of the family corresponds to the crisis. In order to prevent negativity from entering the marriage and save the union, the couple finds out the number of evenings for playing together that is acceptable for both. Regardless of the events that occurred during the day, the agreement is respected. If your wife feels that she is not ready, offer a new scenario or item that will add spice to the upcoming event.

Respect for your spouse's parents

Divorce statistics show that in 35% of marriage dissolutions, disrespect for the partner's parents was cited as a contributing cause. If this happens in the union, change the situation. It will not be possible to rewrite the past, but it is within human power to start with the present. Stop insulting, don’t mention third parties in scandals, even if you want to say something offensive. If opportunities allow, make peace with your spouse’s parents and ask for forgiveness.

READ How to forget your wife after a divorce: advice from psychologists

Division of labor

In 95% of couples who file for divorce, the trend is for the wife to work and perform household responsibilities. If there are children, then checking lessons also falls on fragile shoulders. To understand how to avoid divorcing your wife, help her by taking on some of the responsibilities. Wash the floors and dishes, sweep, peel vegetables for soup or side dish. Even a little support will be nice.

If both want to save the relationship

If both spouses in a couple are opposed to divorce, there is a 99% chance of saving the relationship, because in this case the wife and husband are ready to compromise. Sit down at the negotiating table, discuss what you don’t like, make a decision. Sometimes one heart-to-heart conversation is enough to find the root of the problem. If you can’t do this on your own, seek help from a psychologist or sexologist.

If one spouse wants a divorce

A unilateral divorce is possible in Russia, but if the second spouse is against it, the court will compromise, allowing time for reconciliation. However, this needs to be communicated openly and directly. The child is also considered an important circumstance. If the marriage produces common children, the divorce process will take longer. During the time allotted by the authorities for reconciliation, do everything to prevent her from making a mistake.

There are several ways to avoid divorce, but each will require sincerity, a bit of perseverance and determination. Otherwise, ending the relationship cannot be avoided.

What to do if the other half wants to break up?

Let's try to figure out what is special about active actions for both sexes.

To a woman

The main tips are:

The main tool for resolving any disagreements is an honest conversation.
It is necessary to prepare for honest revelations - this is the only way the desired results will appear.
Here's what you need to understand:
1. What do we think is not working in a relationship and how does it manifest itself?
How does personal character and behavior influence this?
How does the character and behavior of a loved one influence this?
What exactly is the most difficult thing to accept in your case?
What concessions are you willing to make to prevent separation from happening?
Why do you want to improve family (partnership) relationships?
What effects do you expect to see and feel?
By preparing honest answers to the above questions, you will be able to provide a basis for a conversation in which it will be easier to control your emotions and express your feelings.
If you notice that in your relationship with a guy something has ceased to work out, and “everything is not the same as it was before,” you definitely need to make contact, but always taking into account the desired method of communication. Men usually expect a problem to be presented to them clearly and legibly so that a concrete solution can then be found.

To a man

The main advice of a psychologist:

It is easier for women to talk about their feelings and show them, including negative ones. If you often quarrel, hear numerous accusations from your chosen one, and you get the impression that the conflict is growing, taking the initiative and offering to talk will definitely be appreciated by a woman’s heart.
Try to show closeness, tenderness and understanding to her. Keep in mind that in addition to solving your problems, it may be very important for her to let go of accumulated emotions and receive support from you.
Announce specific changes, because non-empty promises are an important guarantee for her. When telling her your expectations, emphasize what you value and like about her. If a conversation becomes dangerously tense, break it off and return to it later.

Stages of relationship restoration

If a wife wants to save a family that is on the verge of divorce, three simple rules should be followed:

A man needs some time to be alone with his thoughts. The husband’s silence does not mean that he is ignoring his partner, he just needs to calm down and understand himself.
Avoid reproaches. You should not provoke or rush things by taking an accusatory position.
Leave the past in the past, do not manipulate guilt. If you start to remind a man of events that happened before the current conflict, this will only cause irritation, as a result he will withdraw into himself even more.

When a man doesn’t know how to save a family that is on the verge of an inevitable divorce, a psychologist’s advice will help him:

Since a woman is more emotional, first of all you need to talk about your feelings, and also listen to your wife’s experiences. Thanks to this, in the process of communication, you will be able to deal with the conflict situation together and find out the true reason for the desire to get a divorce.
You need to start working on yourself, changing your behavior. It is important for women to feel proud of their man: try to surprise and conquer your wife again.
Most often, the husband’s ordinary inattention can cause the accumulation of many grievances and negative thoughts in a woman. Bring positivity: say nice things, pay more attention to your partner's desires. Even if the wife says that she doesn’t need anything, don’t believe it - there is clearly some kind of dissatisfaction or grief behind this. Try to figure it out gently and then implement it.

What should not be done to protect the union?

So, what not to do:

Take action and don’t put off dotting the i’s for a long time.
Try not to beat around the bush and pretend nothing is happening.
Don't use empty words - use exactly those examples that best illustrate true feelings.
Don't attack, but communicate and demonstrate your willingness to work on your relationship.
Avoid arguments and keep the conversation going in a way that makes both of you feel at ease and that external environmental factors do not cause disturbance.
Remove the high-pitched tone and pretension in your intonation: the more specific and gentle you are, the more likely your partner will be to work with you, inspired by the common goal of preserving the relationship.

Nothing helps - how to save the family?

Ask your wife what she wants and give it to her. The reason may be lack of attention, constant gatherings with alcohol and friends, mistrust and jealousy. Think about what is more important to you and if you want to save your marriage, give up the moments that ruin your life.

Remember the trade-offs. Learn to admit mistakes and work on them.
Hear each other.
You don't need to tell everyone about your problems. Think with your own head. No one but you can fix the situation.
Don't give up and fight for your happiness.

Remember, true love is not given to everyone. Let's remember the main stages of a relationship. Choose the stage that suits you.

Consequences of keeping a family on the verge of breaking up

In the further preservation of a relationship on the verge of divorce, much depends on what were the reasons for the failed separation. Understanding them, in fact, is the key to adopting the right strategy to restore the former union.

Problems that can arise include a lack of trust and one party being too involved. Remember that mistrust, excessive control and conflict are the first steps to betrayal, which usually begins with you telling the other person about it.

On the other hand, if you see that your partner is less interested than you in maintaining the tandem, perhaps you should admit to yourself that further “cooperation” does not make sense .

Reasons that keep people together

Often unhappy couples continue their relationship and are constantly on the verge of breaking up. What are the reasons for this behavior:

they do not see more attractive options for themselves with other partners;
a lot of time and effort was invested in this relationship, so it’s a pity to ruin it;
people are actually satisfied with the relationships they have.

Tips for passing relationship tests

Falling in love - harmony guides you. Duration – one and a half years. A marriage entered into at this stage may collapse from disappointment and broken hopes.
Saturation - hormones have subsided, you soberly assess your partner. Adjustments in everyday life, problem solving, discussions, looseness. All sides of the partner are visible: strong and weak. The relationship begins to become a habit. The person is close to you.
Dislike. Strong feelings fade away. Fantasies and purple glasses are left behind. Romanticism is gone, you are afraid to connect your life with this person. Stage - testing. Everyone pulls the blanket over themselves, conflicts, quarrels, showdowns. To save your family and not get divorced, stay calm.
Harmony, patience. There is an understanding that everyone is different. You become more tolerant. No one is perfect - finding compromises. You study, read books, work with a therapist, move in that direction. This is the first important stage to save the family.
Respect and care for your partner. Now you are together, developing, moving in the same direction, making plans, achieving goals. The birth of true love.
Partnership, friendship. You bond a lot, you got to know each other well. Mutual respect and understanding is the beginning of the birth of true love.
The last stage is true love. Understanding each other perfectly, trust, spiritual closeness. You have learned to smooth out corners, look positively and believe in your partner.

Learn to listen and understand, then it will be easier to save your family from divorce.

What relationships don't make sense to preserve?

Unfortunately, there are also situations when an attempt to save a partnership or marriage is doomed to failure. If all your dreams of a wonderful and bright future together are crumbling in a series of delusions, you should not put off the final breakup for a long time. You need to be able to say goodbye to a person forever in time.

This should be done without hesitation in cases where the other party:

subject to bad habits and addictions;
often uses physical and moral violence, exerts psychological pressure;
refuses to take on responsibilities, such as working and providing for a child, or parenting;
regularly has sexual relations on the side.

What is a family unit based on?

A married couple must make concrete efforts to learn to understand each other. If this is not done, the situation will inevitably lead to divorce. A family union is impossible without finding a compromise and solutions that would satisfy the needs of both partners. It is impossible to become happy if one constantly sacrifices for the benefit of the other and gives up his desires. It should be understood that love does not arise on its own.

It needs to be constantly nourished, to create the necessary soil for the formation of well-being.

If both want to save the relationship

There are times when people simply cannot be together and decide to file for divorce.
One loves the other, but the situation in the relationship leaves much to be desired. They don’t know how to avoid divorce and improve relationships, but they understand why it’s needed. The help of a family psychologist can solve the problem. In the West, it is customary to consult such specialists regularly, but in our country few are in a hurry to talk to a doctor about “personal matters.” A psychologist will be able to quickly find all the hidden problems of the relationship, give the necessary advice, and dissuade them from divorce. It will be much easier to make peace if the couple is helped by an expert in his field.

If you don’t talk to each other, you won’t be able to make peace and restore the relationship. If your husband wants to divorce you, do not remain silent, but do not rush at him with reproaches, but try to find out the reason for such a decision, listen to everything he said, speak for yourself.

During periods of crisis, nothing good comes to mind. Therefore, you need to literally force yourself to remember the best moments in this marriage: the first date, wedding, birth of a child, vacation together. During conflicts, it is forgotten who loves whom, and anger and aggression come to the fore.

Important! Often, when it is decided to file for divorce, spouses discuss this process with friends and relatives, who may have a subjective opinion about the situation and give incorrect advice. To resolve family conflicts and put an end to it, it is necessary to discuss problems with each other, ask only the husband (wife) and yourself. Spouses themselves know best how to avoid divorce.

Many argue that prayer can save a marriage. Indeed, if one of the couple has left, then you can ask God for his return. If you don’t know how to avoid divorce and make peace, then turning to the Almighty will help to positively influence the development of relationships. This can be done any day of the week, both at home and in church.

You shouldn’t go to fortune tellers - it’s not a fact that they know how to save your marriage. To cast a love spell, to dissuade and to speak is not the same as prayer. In addition, there is a fairly high chance of stumbling upon a charlatan and losing a large amount of money - it is better to spend it on an appointment with a family psychologist.