According to ancient tradition, after the wedding, a woman goes to her husband’s family and takes his surname. According to the current laws of the Russian Federation, women are not required to change their last name after registering a marriage and can even choose to keep their maiden name or take a double one, combining their own and their husband’s last name.
In the article we will consider the issue of changing a surname upon marriage, what is important for newlyweds to know about the possibilities of choosing it, taking a common surname or staying with their own, the nuances of getting a double surname.
Is a common surname necessary in marriage: all the pros and cons
A common surname in marriage is just a tradition that supposedly brings spouses closer together. There are various arguments for and against a joint surname for a family. We invite you to familiarize yourself with them.
The main advantage of a common surname between spouses is that a child born in the family will have the surname of both the father and mother. If the child is registered under the mother's surname, the father will have to prove his paternity. Similar problems arise for women with a preserved maiden name, whose children are registered in their father’s surname.
The disadvantage of changing your last name after registering a marriage is the bureaucratic red tape associated with changing documents. What documents and when to change after marriage when changing your last name can be read here.
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Story
Since ancient times, when a girl left for another family, it was believed that she was leaving her clan and becoming part of another clan. Therefore, she always switched to her husband’s surname, that is, she took the name of this new family. But even then it happened that the husband was from a less famous and respectable class. Then he could take his wife's surname, becoming a member of his wife's more famous family. If this happened before, now the husband’s transition to his wife’s surname, although it raises questions, does not particularly shock anyone. According to the law of the Russian Federation, newlyweds have several options for changing their last name. According to Article 32 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation, spouses can switch to any of the surnames, remain with their premarital surname, or take both. The choice is theirs. Of course, when a husband chooses his wife's surname, it is interesting to know the reasons for this decision.
How does a surname change upon marriage?
The assignment of a new surname to one of the spouses or a couple who has chosen the dual option occurs at the time the marriage certificate is issued, immediately after the couple signs in the civil register.
Within 30 days after registering a marriage with a change of surname, you must change your civil passport. To make changes to personal data, you need to provide the FMS with a marriage certificate and an old passport. You can read more about when to change your passport after registering a marriage and changing your last name here.
After receiving a new passport with an already changed surname, it is necessary to replace other documents where the old surname is preserved, otherwise they will be invalid.
How to talk about changing your last name
No one is required to change their last name. But if people in a couple are determined to take such a step, then this can be an excellent solution. As well as doing without changing your passport. To avoid unnecessary hassle, it is worth clarifying this point.
In advance
By default, future spouses may have different thoughts on this matter. If this becomes clear when filling out the marriage registration application, the reaction on both sides may be excessive. Therefore, it is better to discuss this issue even before you decide to get married. Firstly, it’s more honest than later manipulating your partner by threatening to cancel the ceremony. Secondly, if the issue of last name is really that important to you, you can end the relationship at an early stage and find someone with a similar worldview.
With a cool head
The very movement towards marriage is stressful, even if you are very happy. Emotions are overwhelming, and it’s not always easy to understand and structure them, even for yourself. And this must be done in order to conduct a constructive dialogue.
Often, irrational fears can be transformed into something simple and understandable. You may be surprised at what truly motivates you. For example, you are a guy and your fiancee does not want to change her last name. You give out the usual (and toxic) arguments: “I want you to belong to me entirely,” “I take responsibility for you,” “If the last names are different, this is not a family.” But in reality, you’re worried: what if she doesn’t take her last name because she doesn’t love you enough? But love is not proven by how much a person is ready to bend for you.
Or are you worried about what people will say. If a wife keeps her last name in marriage, this poses new challenges for her husband. Research What's in a name? How Taking a Spouse's Surname can define power in marriage shows that people with high levels of hostile sexism react negatively to gender role violations. And it goes to both spouses. Husbands who “allow” their wives to keep their last names are perceived as less powerful and dominant. And to resist society, you need stronger balls than to force the bride to make changes to her passport details.
But there is also good news Russian family. Traditional ideas about the husband as the head of the family and the need to change the surname are characteristic mainly of rural residents, people with a low level of education and the elderly. So there is a chance that your environment will not judge you.
The situation is similar with girls. If you formalize your fears and talk them out, perhaps the situation will cease to frighten you and the bride will happily accept her new surname.
Willing to compromise
Both parties should at least be willing to listen and understand each other. If you can't do this, the problem is not the last name. Both sides deserve respect and careful attention to their position. Try not to become irreconcilable enemies who are looking for a way to force your opponent to lay down his banners. Sum up all the arguments and decide together who is easier and more painless to renounce their claims.
Why don't women change their last names?
There are both rational and emotional reasons.
Red tape with documents
MFC and State Services have significantly simplified the replacement of documents, but you still have to spend a lot of your time (and nerves, we are talking about government agencies) to complete the process. It's always easier to do nothing.
The passport was made before the wedding. That's why I didn't change my last name. The registration was informal, and somehow it didn’t matter. Then a mortgage appeared and a bunch of other paperwork. There was an idea to change the last name on the tenth wedding anniversary, but somehow there was no time for that.
Maria
I left it as a girl. The amount of paperwork that needs to be changed after a last name change scares me. The number of organizations to visit is the same. And in general, I don’t understand why the last name should be changed. This point in the psychology of marriage passed me by. But it’s unlikely that I would marry a man who would demand that I take his last name. For me, this would be akin to moral terrorism: even the law allows you to leave yours, but your husband doesn’t?
Maria
Surname recognition
Let's say your passport and driver's license can be changed. But there are still many places where this cannot be done.
My last name is a brand: three academic degrees and publications. Moreover, I have a rather rare last name (which is good for the brand), but my husband does not. He didn't insist. He's Korean, and Korean women don't take their husband's last name.
Ksenia
Established self-identification
The average age of marriage is growing. Marriages and divorces in the Russian Federation. Over the many years of life before marriage, a person gets used to his surname, as well as his first name. Some people painlessly change both the first and second. For others, it's like giving up a part of themselves. The consequences can be quite devastating.
My husband really wanted me to take his last name. I thought: is it difficult for me, or what? But it turned out to be difficult. After I agreed, I literally felt sick every day and I understood: I couldn’t do it. My parents are namesakes. So my immediate family all have the same last name, and I like it. It was like sawing off a hand - some kind of unreasonable sacrifice.
Natalia
The cacophony of the husband's surname
In order not to offend anyone, we will do without examples. But not every surname is a gift of fate.
Not understanding why to do this
If you are happy with your last name, but do not care about traditions, it is difficult to explain to yourself why you are starting all this.
I didn’t change it and I don’t understand why I should do it. Well, except for those cases when you are Urodova, and he is Rumyantsev-Zadunaisky. Or you hate your father and want nothing to do with him. But in both situations, you can change your last name without marriage, and to any name. My arguments: why? My husband doesn’t call me by my last name, so the argument “he’s pleased” is irrelevant. And more fuss with documents.
Oksana
I didn't change it. My husband's ex didn't get his girlfriend back. And I laughed it off and said: “He’ll return it, then I’ll change it.” But in reality, of course, this will not happen. I would take a super beautiful surname, but I don’t see the point in changing one ordinary one to another.
Natalia
GuruTest
Often, ladies who are completely involved in the pre-wedding fever do not even think about whether to take their husband’s surname: the answer is definitely positive. Those who, for some reason, have time to think about this, as a rule, reach a dead end. On the one hand, taking your husband’s surname means paying tribute to the family and being accepted into this family. On the other hand, all this paperwork, changing all existing documents, standing in endless lines... It doesn’t sound very tempting. So what should you choose?
We have found out how your decision can affect your marriage: find out in advance what the reluctance to take your husband’s surname (or, on the contrary, a zealous desire to legalize the relationship at least now) may result in - these are the possible scenarios for the development of events.
How will your decision affect your relationship with your husband?
Theoretically, no way. If earlier the tradition of taking your husband’s surname was unwritten, but nevertheless clearly and unquestioningly carried out, today different times have come: an adequate man will definitely respect your desire to leave everything as it is, if you bother to at least somehow argue for it.
And here there are possible options: it’s one thing if you want to keep your last name at all costs because you’re worried that your family will be interrupted (for example, you are the only child in the family, and there are no other relatives), and completely different , if you openly tell a man that you will not take his last name because it is stupid or dissonant. Even the most adequate and balanced person can be offended by the latter to one degree or another, so it’s better to come up with some plausible excuse. Take care of this in advance: then your decision will not affect your marriage with a man.
But men themselves, as a rule, have a positive attitude towards a lady’s desire to take her husband’s surname. But don’t expect that you will be carried in their arms for such a decision: after all, taking the surname of a loved one is not a feat.
Beware: relatives! How will your choice affect your relationship with them?
If we are talking about marriage, then what would seem to be the connection between your choice of what to do with your surname and the man’s relatives? We answer: the most direct one, if your future spouse is overly attached to them, relatives.
Of course, people are different, but you need to understand that it is much more difficult for the older generation than, for example, for your fiancé to get used to the fact that traditions can change. Your man’s grandmother or mother, for example, may react negatively to your decision not to take your husband’s surname only because she simply has not yet encountered such a scenario: in most cases, we first reject everything unusual and new.
However, sometimes it happens that even the decision to take the surname of the future husband is not accepted very well by relatives. And here it’s worth thinking about: most likely, people who react in this way to a completely common phenomenon, for some reason, do not want to accept you into their family, believing, for example, that you are unworthy. Perhaps before the wedding you should think about whether you are ready to tolerate bad attitude towards yourself from your husband’s relatives, and whether you are ready to make efforts to change this - especially if it is assumed that you and your future husband will live in his parents’ apartment.
As you can see, the answer to the question asked at the beginning of the article is ambiguous: it will largely depend on the character of your future spouse, as well as on how important it is for you to maintain good relations with his relatives. If a man makes a scandal because you don’t want to take his last name, it’s worth thinking: if he can’t make concessions even on such a minor formality, what will happen when you have to make a more serious compromise?
But, oddly enough, it is not at all necessary to sympathize with relatives: we have previously talked about why your man’s parents should not like you: we hope that our arguments will convince you to make the right decision, which does not depend on anyone.
Tell us what you think about this: can, in your opinion, the decision to leave your last name (or, on the contrary, take your spouse’s last name) somehow affect the marriage? Why?
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27.01.2019 01:21
Is it possible to take a double surname when getting married?
If you don’t want to change your last name, and this provokes a conflict, you can compromise and take a double one! This tradition was adopted by us from the West and is gradually taking root. Already in Russia, 5% of girls have a double surname.
If you want to keep your last name and not change it after registering your marriage, indicate this in the application. From a legal point of view, this is quite acceptable. If you are denied, go to court.
In some cases, paradoxical situations occur - they require that the husband also take a double surname. This is also quite possible, but not necessary. There is no point in agreeing to such conditions.
Important. Nevertheless, the law regulates the arrangement of surnames. The first is for the husband, and the second is for the maiden.
