I stopped loving my wife. How to save a marriage or better let it go

Signs of extinguished love for your wife

Psychologists say that a lack of feelings can always be noticed because a man’s behavior and his attitude towards his wife changes. There are several signs, in the presence of which we can conclude that the husband has stopped loving his wife. These include:

• A man loses the desire to consult with his woman, talk about problems that have arisen, and seek support from her.
• A woman ceases to feel behind her husband as if behind a stone wall. That is, the former reliability of the spouse disappears. At the same time, the husband himself loses the feeling that the family is his rear.
• The husband often reproaches his companion, and finds fault with all sorts of little things, points out any of her mistakes and oversights. Reproach can be heard even in a minor situation.
• The spouse no longer tries to do something nice for his significant other, does not say kind words, or even gives small gifts. He also does not try to spend more time with his wife, to relax together from the drabness of everyday life.
• A man loses respect for his wife. This can manifest itself in the form of humiliation and insult to the spouse during a quarrel. You can also hear ridicule of a woman’s appearance, her actions, and behavior.
• My husband starts cheating. Psychologists say that sex with another woman does not always mean that a man no longer loves his wife. But if he has feelings on the side, then in most cases the family comes to an end.
• The spouses do not spend time together, they do not have common interests and hobbies.
• The man behaves indifferently, maintains complete neutrality, as if he does not notice everything that is happening around him. He does not respond to a woman’s requests for help or does so reluctantly so as not to be disturbed further. Often such men prefer to spend more time at work; they never initiate divorce.
• Touch disappears in relationships. A man will become irritated and dissatisfied if he is hugged by a woman he no longer loves.
• Every man has a sense of ownership. If he loves, he will always be afraid of losing his chosen one. If jealousy disappears from the relationship, then most likely the feelings have cooled down.

Psychologist's comment

— Recently, many changes have occurred in your life: you and your husband officially got married, you had a child. Both men and women need time to adapt to various changes.

The speed and degree of adaptation is very different for everyone. And if the husband needs to readjust to the new composition of the family and understand that now he alone needs to provide financially for all three, then in your case colossal physiological changes are also taking place.

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The fading of female libido and complete switching to the child are normal processes after childbirth, because the body undergoes a strong hormonal change, and up to a year, the child is completely dependent on the adults who are nearby.

Gradually, the child will become a little more independent, begin to walk and talk. Everything you wrote contains many signs of postpartum depression. There is a test on the Internet called the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale, take it and you will understand whether this is your problem or not.

But in any case, it is very important for a mother on maternity leave to find time for herself: to leave the house not only with the child, but alone - at least several times a week, to devote time to herself, to find favorite activities, to meet with friends, to take care of herself. If you don’t do this, your internal supply of strength and resources is depleted; it needs to be replenished with activities and activities that bring you pleasure.

As for your spouse, it was not clear from the letter whether he knows about your worries about finances? What does he think about this? What are his plans regarding work and money? All this needs to be discussed, but only calmly and not aggressively. Even if your financial situation is not the best, you and he have the opportunity to simply leave the house and take a walk, visit the places where you started dating when you first met, and chat.

You don’t have to travel far: just take yourself out of town, on a picnic, or on an excursion to cities in Belarus where you haven’t been before. You always have the opportunity to say pleasant words, compliments to each other, and support each other, despite any difficulties, especially since you have a desire to save your family. All of the above problems can be overcome provided that you and your husband are mutually sincere with each other and support you. Remember that a family is a team, not two opponents. I recommend reading the books: “Mom is at zero. A Guide to Parental Burnout,” “The 5 Love Languages.”

Divorce

If a husband stops loving his wife, then the easiest way is divorce. However, this is a very unpleasant way out of the situation. Before deciding to divorce, you should think carefully. If there is no other way out, then you should direct all your efforts to disperse peacefully. This is especially important if you have common children; their interests must be taken into account.

You will also have to go through the procedure of dividing jointly acquired property. It is best to think about this issue in advance and discuss it with your wife. This will allow you to avoid conflicts and litigation in the future. If you cannot do without a trial, then you need to first think about protecting your interests.

The decision to divorce should be made only when there is confidence that there are no more feelings for your spouse. After all, it may be that there is still love, but it is muffled due to routine life, family problems, work, raising children and other matters. Perhaps another way out of this unpleasant situation can be found. If no ways to restore feelings are successful, then it is better to get a divorce.

Things get a little more complicated if the wife is in an interesting position. After all, once the couple was planning a child and was happy. Many men are in no hurry to leave in such situations, waiting until the baby is born and grows a little. This is the right decision, since children often bring spouses closer together. Perhaps thoughts of divorce will go away forever.

If the relationship is so bad that living with a pregnant woman is unbearable, then you need to calmly talk to her. The main thing is to convince the wife that she will not be left alone, she can always count on support, both moral and material. For the sake of the future child, it is worth maintaining friendly relations after a divorce.

How to stop loving a wife who doesn't love you

The most difficult life situation is the divorce of spouses, especially if there are children in the marriage. To stop loving your ex-wife, you need to make every effort and clearly understand that this will be better for everyone, including kids.

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A change of familiar surroundings will help; it is best to go on a short trip, where there will be no reminders of your past family life.

At first, do not meet with your ex-wife, keep conversations to a minimum.

It’s a good idea to try to occupy your thoughts with pressing problems and their solutions. When talking with children, it is better to omit questions related to the breakup. Psychologists recommend speaking out; this can be done by keeping a personal diary.

The main thing is to give up alcoholic beverages; it has long been known that being intoxicated only aggravates the current situation.

The final factor that will help not only stop loving your wife, but also change your own life is to completely change your daily routine, find an exciting hobby. You shouldn’t rush things and think that a new relationship can save the situation.

Most often, a man makes comparisons and associations with a past life. You need to spend time having fun and relaxing.

Return of feelings

If a man feels that he is still not indifferent to his companion, then you can try to restore the old relationship. Due to everyday troubles, the personal relationships of spouses can become increasingly tense, as a result of which love disappears. To return feelings, you need to try to make changes in family life, spend more free time together, walk with your children. You need to make it a rule to go somewhere with your family at least twice a week.

In addition to everyday worries, feelings can become dull due to the fact that a man does not receive the former love and care from his chosen one. The woman has not spoken kind words to him for a long time, does not show any kindness, and even in her sexual life she behaves differently than before. Because of this behavior of the wife, the husband stops enjoying life together, harbors resentment, and misunderstandings arise.

In this case, it is best to have a frank conversation with your wife, telling her about everything that you don’t like in the relationship. If family is important to the chosen one, then she will try to change her behavior and pay more attention to her husband. Otherwise, love will completely fade away and the relationship will end.

What to do

Many women are familiar with situations when they are absolutely sure that their spouse no longer feels anything for them. Perhaps he himself said so and suggested a divorce. Psychologists say that the pain of betraying a loved one can be compared to the bitterness of losing a loved one. What to do if the husband does not love his wife?

Experts give recommendations on how to behave in such a situation:

1. Let go of your lover and move on with your life. Letting go of a partner for whom you have strong feelings is not easy. But there is no need to keep a lover close to you who plainly says that he no longer has feelings. Sooner or later, the spouse will leave the family nest.
2. Cut off all contacts with your chosen one. Even chance encounters will open up emotional wounds. Change the situation, go on vacation with your friends - this will make it easier for you to get over the breakup.
3. Communicate with other representatives of the stronger sex. At first, making new acquaintances will be difficult, but over time, communication can develop into something more than friendship.

Inaction

Some men, losing interest in their wife, do not try to change anything. They do not want to get a divorce because they are afraid of everyday difficulties, they do not want to start a new family, share property and children with their wife. Such men are simply comfortable living in a family, even if there are no feelings there for a long time.

Husbands may also be afraid to talk with their companion, they do not want to express their dissatisfaction or try to change something. As a result, the couple continues to live together, tolerate each other, and put up with a monotonous life. This often leads to men becoming addicted to alcohol.

Why do you have to break up with your loved one?

Often women fall in love with men with whom they can never be together. Here are a few reasons that prevent a woman from being close to the man she had the misfortune of loving:

1. The man decided to break off the relationship, and has already admitted that he does not love you. Or he's on the verge of breaking up and you know his intentions. There is no way to stay close to this person unless you are willing to accept unrequited love. This is not worth doing. It’s better to leave right away and figure out a way to stop loving the man who left you.
2. When you realize that only you love, and he only allows himself to be loved, receiving exclusively physical pleasure.
3. Too stringent demands in exchange for the opportunity to be close to him, for example: ultimatum demands to abandon his career and devote himself entirely to his family; do not get involved in financial matters, deal exclusively with the kitchen and children; do not communicate with friends, etc. To submit to such harsh pressure means to voluntarily destroy oneself as an individual. Sooner or later, your obedience will be taken for granted, the slightest protests will be brutally suppressed. A man gets tired of a submissive, faceless wife very quickly - he loses interest in her. In addition, you will have to endure his fits, attacks of jealousy and discontent all your life. Sometimes such men become a real threat to your health, and maybe even your life. Not many people can withstand this total patriarchy. It is impossible to continue a relationship with such a man, despite the fact that he is still deeply loved.
4. Men in whose lives the main woman will always be their mother are not that uncommon. If your chosen one belongs to this category, then get ready for the fact that you will have to obey her, constantly please her, coordinate all your actions with her... The mother will have the decisive voice in the family, as well as the dominant position. Practice shows that few brides sought to overthrow their mother from the throne. Don’t waste the best years of your life on useless confrontation - leave your son to your mother. And leave yourself.
5. The man you love has a bad character, he is a real tyrant. Living next to him, you will have to adapt to his whims all your life, fulfill all his requirements. He will not tolerate any other behavior from you. And vice versa, when a man is weak-willed, he happily leans on your shoulder at every opportunity. With it, you will turn into a mother who must help and protect “her child.” In both cases, it is impossible to be close to them for a long time. It is easier to force yourself to stop loving such a man.
6. You understand the meaning of the words “love” and “fidelity” differently. His actions defy explanation. He can cheat without feeling guilty. It’s easy to show increased interest in the lady at the next table in the cafe where she invited you for a romantic dinner. And to your justified indignation, I am sincerely indignant. He can do a lot of things that make you nervous. It's up to you to decide - either slowly go off the rails, or find a way to stop loving a man who loves you but doesn't appreciate you.
7. The most hopeless case, but at the same time the most common, is that you love a married man. You want to believe that he will leave the family and you will build a strong relationship with him. This is an illusory hope. The maximum you can count on is the status of a mistress. The longer this relationship lasts, the further your own happiness will be from you. It will float by, and you won't even notice it. Know that the man will not change anything - everything suits him. Only you can firmly decide to end this farce. There are many practical tips on how to stop loving a married man. There is a particularly difficult form when you need to stop loving a married man if you yourself are married. The advice here is clear - switch to your husband. Use these tips to ease your suffering after a breakup.

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We invite you to familiarize yourself with the system, which contains detailed “instructions” on how to stop loving a man. It will help you undergo “rehabilitation” quickly and painlessly. Using the system, women sometimes get completely unexpected results - they manage to return their beloved man, who, seeing the changes that have taken place, again shows interest in them. However, it often turns out that it is no longer needed.

Is it worth saving the family?

If a man is cowardly or overly responsible, then even after his feelings fade, he will remain in the family.
Many women rejoice at this, but not for long. In a family where there is no love, there is no happiness, so it is pointless to maintain the relationship and keep the husband even if there are children. The child will feel that the parents are cold towards each other, and in the future he will make many mistakes when creating his own family. The family should be saved only if the woman knows how to correct the situation and is ready to do it. If there was once love, it can be revived. The ways in which you will do this depend on the reasons why your husband stopped loving you. Some people need dramatic changes in appearance, others need to try to change internally, and others just need a little patience. After all, perhaps there are still feelings, they’ve just cooled down a little and will soon flare up with a new flame (read below how to save a family if they don’t exist).