How do you know when it’s time to divorce your husband and is it worth it?

When family life brings more suffering than comfort, divorce is not far away. And such a difficult decision has been made, but the initiator of the divorce procedure begins to be tormented by the question - what to do and where to start, especially when there are children in the family?

The procedure for divorce without children and with them varies quite significantly, and it is difficult for a person who does not have some experience in family law to immediately navigate both the necessary actions and the composition of the documents.

Let's take a closer look at where to start the divorce process with and without children.

What should you think about?

Russian women, for the most part, are very patient in matters of marriage and are ready to put up with many negative traits of their husbands, even those that have an extremely negative impact on interpersonal relationships.

This is due to the stereotypes that live in society, and to individual life values, and to the presence of psychological dependence on the husband.

Therefore, not all women find it easy to decide on a divorce, especially if they have lived with their husband for more than one year and have children together.

But, if a woman feels that she can no longer endure the difficulties associated with her husband, and she already has an extensive list of complaints, it’s time to get a divorce. If it is difficult for her to decide on this, it is important to visit a psychologist.

Reasons for urgent divorce:

• violence (physical, mental, sexual) from the husband;
• the spouse has severe addictions (alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction) that seriously poison the life of the family, the fight against which has been unsuccessful for a long time;
• the husband’s lack of desire to change , despite repeated attempts to convince him to do so (some husbands can promise with an oath, but do practically nothing, while others simply ignore the slightest attempts to discuss problems, devalue the wife’s experiences, threaten her, beat her, ridicule her, and this already point one).

If at least one of the above reasons is present, you should start resolving the issue of divorce : living together with such a husband will never be happy, no matter how much you hope.

Before filing for divorce, you should think about the following things:

1. Is my decision truly informed and not impulsive? Some people, especially young people, find it difficult to make informed decisions.
   They are not fully ready for responsibility, they do not know how and rarely want to solve problems in a joint discussion, therefore many of them, having entered into a marital relationship, strive to break it off when inevitable difficulties arise. If you are not sure of the wisdom of a decision, wait a while, calm down, take a closer look at the situation and then draw conclusions.
2. How will I support my family after divorce? Consider whether your financial capabilities are sufficient to live and raise children, who will most likely remain with you after the divorce. Consider what options there are. Maybe you should turn to your parents, friends, colleagues for help, or find a part-time job.
3. Are there other options that I haven't tried? Perhaps it makes sense to try to talk with your husband again (however, it is better not to talk to a tyrant husband) in a calm atmosphere, discuss options for action, and suggest that he go together to a family psychologist.
4. Can I change so that my family can be saved? In some cases (not all), a woman’s behavior affects how a man will behave with her. If she regularly accuses him, provokes quarrels, uses psychological violence, he is unlikely to feel happy. If you notice yourself being excessively aggressive and, having thought it over, remembered that you regularly initiate scandals (even if it seems to you that it is advisable to behave this way), it makes sense to change something in yourself, talk with your husband in a calm atmosphere, ask him , what problems he sees, suggest visiting a family psychologist together.
5. Do I love him now? This question is not about love in the ordinary sense, but about love in a broader sense.
   Do you want to take it? Listen? Trust him? Do you enjoy being with him? Do you have the feeling that you could live your whole life with him and it would be good? Are you comfortable talking to each other? If you answered no to many of these questions, start getting a divorce.
6. What's the best way to tell him about the decision? Every woman knows her man well enough to better understand how to convey certain information to him.
7. What can I do to make future relationships more successful? And do I need a new relationship in the near future? If you feel that you absolutely do not want to think about your next relationship, put this question aside for later.
8. What prospects and opportunities will divorce give me? Think positive. This is most important if you are not confident in your decision and are afraid of the consequences. Imagine what life would be like without a husband. It will probably be much easier to maintain everyday life and generally easier to live. And if your husband was violent, then think about how good it will be to live without fear, without constant thoughts about how to avoid his anger, criticism, and bullying. This will help you make the right decision.
9. What can I do to better understand what I can expect? Think about your capabilities, make an action plan. For example, you may decide that you need to learn more about the legal side. To do this, you should study information on the Internet, contact the registry office employees, and lawyers. When you are information savvy, deciding what to do next will be much easier.

If you and your husband have children, be prepared to tell them about the decision and help them cope with the pain.

You're about to get a divorce, and you have:

• no minor children;
• no property disputes;
• there are no disagreements regarding the division of jointly acquired property;
• there are no joint obligations (loans taken during marriage or shares in a business),

then your case is relatively simple - it is possible to get a divorce through the civil registry office, an application to which can be submitted either in person or electronically (through the State Services portal). You will be given a month to think about it, and if none of you changes your mind, you are divorced.

The absence of difficulties also includes the consent of both spouses to the divorce. Although this seems self-evident, you may be surprised to learn how many ex-spouses shy away from simply coming to the registry office together for a divorce. Especially if they no longer live together or one of them has even moved to another city or country.

Where to start?

How to competently divorce your husband?

The best place to start is by searching for information about the divorce: if you know enough important information, it will be easier for you to make further decisions.

Read legal articles on the Internet, contact a lawyer, consult with friends who have divorced.

If your husband is not aggressive and there is a chance that he will not be against the divorce, be sure to discuss all the details with him: this will make life much easier.

But it is better not to start a conversation with your spouse if you are not sure that he will react adequately. Talk to him later, when you have already thought through and prepared everything.

When you know everything you need, start preparing documentation. It is best to place it so that if your husband tries to interfere with you, it can be saved.

You can, for example, place it in a safe deposit box or give it to relatives or friends for safekeeping. It is better not to store it in your own apartment if you are not sure of the adequacy of your husband.

The divorce process will be easiest if you and your husband do not have minor children or valuable joint property. Otherwise, you will have to get a divorce through the court . If your husband is definitely against it, remember that you can get a divorce without his consent.

Alimony in divorce with three children

The spouse with whom common minor children remain living has the right to demand alimony for himself and his children. For three common children, if they all live with one spouse, he may require at least 50% of the earnings and (or) other income of the spouse obligated to support the children (Article 81 of the RF IC).

The court may increase or decrease this share depending on the interests of the common children and the financial situation of the family in which the minors remain to live.

Important! A needy ex-wife can also demand maintenance during her pregnancy and until the child turns three years old.

A former spouse who is caring for a common child with a disability has the right to demand maintenance for himself until he reaches the age of 18. Separately, child support can be requested for a common adult disabled child, regardless of the total number of children.

The law provides for the opportunity to receive child support not only in part from earnings, but also in a fixed sum of money (TDS).

In practice, this is relevant when:

• the spouse liable for alimony does not have a permanent job;
• he receives wages in products;
• his income changes seasonally;
• he is an entrepreneur.

But even if there is a permanent income and place of employment, the court may oblige the spouse to pay alimony for three children in a fixed amount, if this meets the interests of the minors and maintains the same level of their material support.

The amount of alimony can be indicated in shares and TDS. The amount of the amount is determined based on the financial support of the child, the spouse with whom the minors live and other circumstances.

Important! If the children remain to live with both husband and wife, then alimony is paid only for children who live with a more needy ex-spouse. The amounts are transferred to the card or bank account of the parent with whom the children live, usually on a monthly basis.

The amount of alimony awarded during divorce proceedings can be changed at the request of one of the spouses. In practice, such a demand is often made by someone obligated to pay - for example, a father, if another child has been born in his new family and the man’s financial situation has worsened.

The mother also makes a request to change the amount when the children’s father deliberately got a job with a meager salary and receives most of the income unofficially.

Along with alimony for himself and children, the spouse (legal representative of the child receiving the maintenance) has the right to demand that the former spouse provide the minor and himself with comfortable housing for ownership, permanent or temporary use.

Such an issue must be resolved in court, taking into account the provisions of Art. 31 Housing Code of the Russian Federation.

How to tell your spouse about divorce?

These tips are designed for situations where the husband does not pose a serious threat to the woman and a constructive dialogue with him is possible .

Basic recommendations:

1. Before the dialogue, try to calm down. During the discussion, you should not behave aggressively or rudely. Conflicts will no longer lead to anything: everything has already happened, and you need to go through the stage of divorce in such a way that it is the least painful for both.
2. Choose a convenient moment. It is best to start the discussion at a time when you both have enough free time. For example, it is better not to start a conversation before work.
3. Make sure the man is sane.
   You should not discuss divorce in the following cases: the man is drunk, under the influence of drugs or drugs that can affect cognitive abilities and sanity, angry, irritated, not getting enough sleep, tired, or feeling unwell.
4. Choose a good phrase. Do not use expressions that can create the appearance that you are not sure of your decision, such as “maybe”, “probably”, “it seems to me”, “apparently”. Use categorical options that leave no choice like “I decided to divorce you,” “I filed for divorce yesterday.”

Be polite to him and let him know that you need to discuss details related to the divorce.

Let him know that you are ready to discuss them later, when it is convenient for him.

If a man is an abuser and you are unable to fully talk with him out of fear for your life and health, you should either not notify him about the divorce, or inform him about it using methods that do not involve a personal meeting (phone call, chat on social media). networks, Skype call, email).

Of course, in this case you should stay away from him, in a safe place.

Psychologist's advice

What to do if you want to divorce your husband? Answers to common questions:

1. How to painlessly separate from your husband? Divorce, in principle, is not a painless process, especially if you have lived with this man for a decent amount of time.
   If he is categorically against divorce, you have children and valuable property, prepare yourself mentally for the fact that it will not be easy and painless.

   Psychologists and psychotherapists will help you cope with stress, and constructive conversations with your husband will help make the divorce process easier, if he is, of course, ready for them. Agree on how you will divide the property and who will have the children, discuss your own relationships after the divorce, decide not to quarrel in the courtroom - and the divorce will go quite smoothly.

2. How to calmly divorce a tyrant husband? There can hardly be peace with tyrant husbands either, that’s why they are tyrants. The most important thing is to get out of a toxic relationship, and any divorce, even an extremely painful one, is better than no divorce. Remember that you made the right decision. Try to take care of yourself, hire a lawyer, do not hesitate to accept help from relatives and friends, avoid personal meetings with your husband, especially if no one is nearby.
3. My husband earns little, so I want a divorce. What's the best way to proceed? In any case, you need to make a decision based on your personal situation.
   Some people will be able to tolerate a husband who earns little and supplement the family budget with their own earnings, while others are sure that they need a husband who earns a good salary. The only thing that is important is to make sure that the man really does not agree to change anything and will continue to work where he works, and only after that get a divorce.