Responsibilities of husband and wife in the family

Even in ancient times, it was believed that a woman was the keeper of the hearth, and a man was the breadwinner in the family. But life in the modern world is changing, and the list of women’s responsibilities has expanded significantly. In addition to maintaining home comfort, raising and caring for children, the fair half of humanity has to contribute to the family budget.

But is it worth taking on so many responsibilities, and how to distribute them correctly so that it is fair? Let's take a closer look at family roles and the distribution of responsibilities.

Family and spouses in Orthodoxy

God created man in his own image and likeness, and created woman (Genesis 1:27). And if you study the Bible in more detail, God created woman for man as a helper (Genesis 2:18)

A married couple in the Orthodox Church is viewed as a piece of themselves, created to demonstrate God’s love to the world. The couple binds themselves on earth with the Sacrament of Wedding and continues their journey in Heaven. Spouses are considered as a single whole, while in Orthodoxy the duties of a wife to her husband and vice versa are clearly defined.

According to God's order, spouses have common responsibilities to each other:

Loving each other with God's love
Respect each other
Be faithful to each other
Honor your parents husband and wife
Raising Children According to God's Word

The Church regards family marriage as a difficult path, which must be based on true love and reverence for the Church, then the family will be strong.

The role of wife and husband in the family

A man is the head of the family, just as Jesus is the head of the church. A man must take care of, value and respect his soul mate, as well as provide her with everything she needs.

A woman in the Orthodox Bible is called a vessel, that is, a valuable, fragile vase that must be kept and protected by her husband. A woman in family relationships acts as the keeper of the hearth, a kind of spark, protecting which the man will be warm and comfortable.

A man’s status should be the head of the family, like Jesus Christ, and not a cruel exploiter of a woman.

Duties of a wife to her husband in Orthodoxy

So, the main duties of a wife to her husband in Orthodoxy:

Love and respect your husband
Be submissive to your husband
Raise children
Create warmth and comfort

If we look at it in more detail, then each item of responsibilities can be divided into smaller ones, but we will not analyze this issue in such detail, but will move on to consider the next item.

She shows patience if the husband takes a second wife

Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen said: “My advice to women is that they should not be overly jealous if their husbands marry others! On the contrary, they should be patient and hope for the reward of Allah, even if it is difficult for them, since this difficulty will only be at the beginning of marriage, and then it will become a natural matter.” Sl. “Fataawa Nurun 'ala ad-darb” (an-Nikah).

If a woman does not control her jealousy, this will have a bad effect on her relationship with her husband, and if the husband ceases to be satisfied with his wife, and this may well happen if excessive jealousy becomes a nature of this wife, then such a woman is depriving herself of one of the reasons , which can lead her to Paradise through any eight gates!

What rights do spouses have?

Before talking about the rights arising in connection with marriage and marriage, it is necessary to learn to distinguish between property and personal. The first require clear definitions of material issues related to the property of family members. The second applies to the non-material sphere of life.

Personal rights of husband and wife

If we interpret the personal rights and responsibilities of the spouses briefly, the husband and wife, after registering the union, share all powers between them, in equal proportions, or according to another agreement fixed in the contract.

Personal rights are understood as subjective rights in relation to intangible goods that do not have economic content. The personal rights of wives and husbands cannot be taken away due to their intangibility and close connection with the personalities of the spouses.

Article 31 of the RF IC establishes the principle of equality of personal rights in marital relationships.

The Family Code regulates the personal legal relations of spouses, highlighting the types of freedoms:

Choosing a place of residence and stay, regardless of whether the spouses live together on a permanent basis. If the husband or wife decides to leave, the partner is not required to leave the place of residence with the spouse.
Definitions of professional activity, choice of occupation in accordance with Art. 37 Labor Code of the Russian Federation. There is no need to legally agree on the choice of procession with your partner.
Choosing and changing a surname as part of marriage registration. The right to take the surname of the second partner is established in the Family Code (Article 32).

Property

Not only ownership of property is established by property legal relations, but also obligations to support each other (alimony).

The property of spouses is determined by law according to 2 regimes:

legal, according to Chapter 7 of family law;
contractual, on the basis of Chapter 8 of the RF IC.

If you follow the legal regime for determining property rights on the basis of Articles 33-34, all property acquired during marriage is considered joint, i.e. general The exception is the facts of donation and inheritance of real estate and other property.

Joint property involves division into equal amounts for husband and wife, regardless of income level, having a job or running a household.

Items for personal use are not subject to division, i.e. husband and wife will not have to share shoes, clothes, and hygiene items. According to Art. 36 a similar principle is adhered to when determining rights to the achieved results of intellectual activity.

It is allowed to transfer personal property into joint ownership in accordance with Art. 37 only when providing evidence that the property has increased in value through common efforts.

Do not forget that along with rights, spouses also share responsibility for debt obligations.

If equal distribution is not satisfactory for some reason, a contractual regime is used, when spouses independently determine the conditions for the distribution of property within the framework of the marriage contract (Article 41). The document may concern one of the properties, or the entire property of the spouses, including future acquisitions of the family, as follows in Art. 42 IC RF.

If the need arises, the parties have the right, by mutual expression of will, to refuse to follow the agreement, or to unilaterally protest its effect in court on the basis of Art. 43 RF IC. The reason forcing the court to invalidate the contract is the establishment of the fact that less favorable conditions have been created for one of the parties, or within the framework of the reasons described in Article 44 of the RF IC.

The role of the wife in the family

Being a wife is not an easy task. You need to know a lot and be able to do a lot. And to live for many years with one person and not get tired of each other is generally the height of skill. After all, you have to go to bed and get up in the morning alone with him. Go to work, solve the same household tasks - buy groceries, cook, wash, iron. And so on day after day.

Some people get tired of this monotony and try to diversify their lives on the side.

How can you paint such a routine with bright colors for your husband and yourself? How can I prevent him from being drawn to seek happiness elsewhere?

According to ancient Vedic scriptures, a woman in a family should fulfill 5 roles. What are these roles?

Wife

She should be with her husband in sorrow and in joy, wealth and poverty, sickness and health. A wife is a man’s colleague and ally, his assistant, like-minded person and right hand. It is she who reminds him of his purpose in life, that he is responsible for his children and is obliged to teach them to live according to the laws of life.

Mother

A woman should take care of her husband even more than her children. She must create a rear where a man could come after work, relax and unwind.

Daughter

If in the role of a mother the wife dominates, in the role of a sister she is an equal, then in the role of a daughter she submits.

If the wife copes well with the role of mother, the husband becomes calm and confident. If he succeeds well in the role of a sister, he becomes responsible. And for the sake of his daughter, he is ready to move mountains, just to fulfill her whims.

The daughter knows how to be weak, but she also knows how to obey, because if she is disobedient, she will not be able to achieve protection.

She will not add fuel to the fire if her husband is angry. The main thing is to be silent at this time so that he calms down.

Adapt

The distribution of responsibilities will sometimes have to be revised. One of the partners may get sick, go on a business trip, or simply stay at work until the night. And if a woman becomes pregnant, it will be difficult for her to bend over to wash the floor. Therefore, a family should be like a team, whose members always support and are ready to back each other up. For example, if your husband took over the cooking, but came home from work tired, you don’t need to wait until he rests - you’ll have to go and cook dinner yourself.

The daily routine of each family member must also be taken into account. If the husband’s working day starts later, that means he can get the children ready for school: wake them up, prepare breakfast. Schedules can also change sometimes, and you also need to be prepared for this.

If one of the partners does not like the way the other fulfills his duties, there is no need to criticize him: this will not make the person try harder, but rather, on the contrary, will make him want to give up everything

If something is fundamentally important for a person, and a partner does it poorly, it is easier to take on such responsibilities. For example, if a husband likes there not to be a crumb on the floor, and his wife, in his opinion, does not wash the floor often and thoroughly enough, let him do it

Ksyusha and Anton, 3 years of marriage

Anton: Ksyusha and I not only made a list of household chores, but also added columns for “importance” and “frequency”. When we compared these lists, a lot of interesting things emerged

For example, according to my wife’s list, the floors need to be washed every day, and all the lampshades need to be wiped down once a week. I asked Ksyusha why do this so often. It turned out that she thought it was important for me. Therefore, we agreed that we would wash the floors and lampshades as they become dirty. It would seem that these are only two things from our huge list, but even they made life much easier.

Ksyusha: We also agreed to speak specifically. It infuriated me that, for example, I ask Anton to take things out of the washing machine, and he replies: “Now!” and continues to do his own thing. Anton never refuses me, but he rarely does anything. So I got angry and did everything myself. Now, if Anton is busy, when I ask him for something, he says: “I need 15 minutes to finish the project.” So I understand that he didn’t give up on my request, but is just busy right now.

We also established a five-minute rule: if something takes less than five minutes, we don’t put it off, but do it right away. For example, Anton has eaten and immediately washes his plate. Or, when the laundry is dry on the dryer, I immediately remove it and put it away for ironing. The five-minute rule is used by whoever is free now. Small tasks don't take up much time and help keep work responsibilities from piling up.

Anton: Ksyusha doesn’t like to get up early in the morning. I’m also not a fan of early rises, but they come easier to me. That's why I walk the dog in the morning and take out the trash at the same time. At the same time, I can’t keep everything in my head, like Ksyusha does, I don’t notice when I run out of liquid soap, sugar or bread. We quarreled because of this. For example, I poured the remaining coffee into a cup and went to work. Ksyusha was waiting for me to bring home a new can of coffee in the evening, but I didn’t even remember that it was over. Now we keep general notes on the phone: Ksyusha notes what needs to be bought, and I always check this list before I go home.

I didn't pay much attention to household chores until I started taking responsibility. He took Ksyusha’s work for granted. Once, when she started talking to me about sharing household responsibilities, I joked: “Why did I get married then?” It was a bad joke.

Ksyusha: And I waited too long for Anton to figure out that he should wipe the table after himself after eating or bring dirty socks to the laundry basket, and not throw them by the bed. I often got angry and offended instead of talking about the matter. With the list, it became easier for both of us to understand each other, and it also helped us develop a system - now it’s clear what each of us does on a given day.

Carrying out household duties cannot be absolutely comfortable for the wife and husband, but you need to strive for this and make compromises - it simply won’t be possible to save the relationship any other way.

Happiness exists Happiness can be different, sometimes it is a delicious dinner in a warm company, and sometimes it is your own apartment, to which it is pleasant to invite guests. If you want one, come to the Airplane. Look at this happiness

What is "empty nest" syndrome?

One of the stages of family development is the departure of adult children from home. Parents are left alone and face difficulties caused by the need to adapt to life together.

The unusual environment is oppressive and deprives you of comfort; a feeling of loneliness and emptiness appears. It’s not clear what to do next and how to build your life. The situation is complicated by the need to come to terms with the following factors:

decrease in physical strength, appearance of signs of aging;
retirement, decreased income;
adaptation to new family roles of grandparents;
narrowing the circle of contacts, reducing social significance;
building relationships with new relatives.

The problem of the “empty nest” is relevant for parents who saw the meaning of life in their children. The departure of children into independent life is perceived as the destruction of hopes, the disappearance of the meaning of existence. Parents feel abandoned and betrayed. They try to maintain the same relationship, consciously or unconsciously interfering with the children’s independence. Parents can use psychological violence, manipulate, blackmail, children cannot break the psychological connection and create their own family.

Normally, parents overcome the “empty nest” syndrome and come to terms with the new distribution of roles. If the relationship develops unsuccessfully, children remain dependent on their parents for the rest of their lives, even if they live separately.

Pregnancy

Very often people are interested in how a husband should treat his pregnant wife. After all, during this period, a woman’s body is rebuilt. Some become calm, others become unbearably hysterical. How to behave?

The following tips will help a man maintain harmony during his beloved’s pregnancy:

Pregnancy is not a disease. This should be remembered. But, as many people say, it’s easier to go to work with a cold. It should be remembered that during pregnancy a woman is most vulnerable. Therefore, it is recommended to be patient and not react violently to emotional changes. Again, pregnancy is not a disease. There's no need to worry about your wife like she's over a crystal vase.

But it’s worth listening to the requests of pregnant women. Support and attention are what a pregnant woman needs. If the wife asks to go for an ultrasound and look at the baby, the husband better agree

And show interest in the unborn child. The woman will be pleased. The wife's hysterics and strange desires are a temporary phenomenon. As has already been said, they need to be endured. Do not threaten divorce under any circumstances, or leave the girl “in a position” alone. Less stress. The woman whom a man loves must be protected from any troubles during pregnancy. After all, the baby’s health depends on it!

All these tips will help a man show himself as a loving and attentive person. Of course, you shouldn’t forget about all the other features either. In principle, the key to success is:

respect; attention and understanding; equality; ignoring some women's emotional outbursts; showing concern.

Taking care of the home or seeking knowledge

It is obligatory for every Muslim woman to make every effort to understand the religion, but taking care of the home, husband and children is also an important obligation. She should set aside time for daily learning. Or she should allocate time for reading and the remaining time for daily work.

In this way she will both learn and do her housework and childcare, and there will be no need to hire servants. It will be enough for her to strike a balance, setting aside time for studying and time for caring for the home. Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan in al-Fataawa al-Jaami'ah li'l-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, part 3, p. 1085

Distinctive features

The main feature of couple marriages was that the spouses actually had no common property.

At the same time, they were prohibited from using each other’s property without obtaining permission. To make it clearer, a specific example should be given.

A husband and wife could work on the same territory, but each of them cultivated their own land, trees, etc. The harvest was not shared, shared equally or “fairly.”

Each one took back what he produced himself. This is due to the nature of the relationship. The people in them did not become relatives, but formed a formal union to achieve a specific goal.

Also, many tribes had certain rules. For example, there were taboos according to which men were forbidden to eat food that had been prepared by a woman.

Another important distinguishing feature of paired marriages was the method of uniting couples. Couples were formed exclusively from people who were able to provide themselves with resources that were sufficient to support their own lives

Over time, the family accumulated an excess amount of food. They, in turn, were passed on to each other as gifts. These usually included food and tools.

But the transfer had to be carried out exclusively on a voluntary basis. Until then, the partner, according to the rules, did not have the right to own these benefits.

The ritual of marriage has always involved a mutual exchange of some kind of value.

Hostess on duty and “eternal workaholic”

If you are no longer able to single-handedly carry the burden of household chores on your fragile female shoulders, apparently it’s time to talk to your spouse about a different distribution of household responsibilities. Of course, you will have to take into account the fact that your husband works intensively outside the home, so dividing household chores strictly in half is unlikely to be reasonable or feasible for him.

Recommendations

For some reason, many husbands believe that only they get tired. Since he has worked the required hours, he has the right to have a delicious dinner at home, and then lie down or sit in his favorite chair in front of the TV or with a newspaper. The wife's fatigue is not taken into account. In any case, your proposals to your husband should be presented in the form of arguments and a clear plan laid out on paper. This is already half the success for your negotiations. The main thing is not to put pressure on him and not to confront him with a fact. Both the tone of your voice and your mood are important here. Be positive and present all innovations easily, with a willingness to compromise, with a desire for cooperation, not war. Don't be afraid to tell your man, "I want you to do this for me!" If it is not too burdensome for him, he will respond to your request. Just don't use it. He wants you to appreciate his efforts and benefit from his talents. You need to maintain a balance between what he does for you and what you do for him.

Obligations of a wife to her husband in a marriage contract

Since the State proposes to distribute family responsibilities independently, when entering into a marriage, all responsibilities can be specified in the marriage contract. However, this should be done by agreeing on each item and being as accommodating as possible regarding changes to the clauses of the contract.

For example, you can take the following list of duties of a wife to her husband:

The wife is obliged to run the household, cook food, clean the house and keep it clean and tidy. If there is hard work during cleaning, then she asks her husband for help, who should not refuse her
The wife is not obliged to work and support the family, however, if she wishes, she can engage in activities that she likes and that bring in some money
The wife should be involved in raising children
A wife should help her husband become a spiritual leader for his family. It has already been proven that women have greater emotionality, sensuality and intuition. She should tell her husband the right way to guide him
A wife must give birth, raise and raise at least 2 children
The wife must take care of her husband's relatives as if they were her own, and, if possible, provide them with assistance.
The wife must remain faithful to each other. That is, keep a distance when communicating with men, and protect your husband from excessive attention from women
A wife must be a great lover for her man, so that he does not have thoughts about other women
The wife is obliged to be both a mother to her husband when he gets sick, to take care of him, and a sister when the husband is busy or not in the mood, to show understanding and not demand more at the moment
The wife is the keeper of the hearth. To maintain her husband's interest, a woman needs to regularly change her image, be well-groomed and beautiful. Being attractive is also a woman's responsibility. Yes, a wife has many responsibilities, and not just washing, cleaning and cooking. A wonderful wife not only has order in the house, but also in family relationships, not only clean dishes, but also a clean reputation. A wise wife will not allow everyday life to become an obstacle to family happiness.

In any case, we are willing to compromise and try to help and support each other in family relationships.

Mistakes that lead to divorce

All people make mistakes. Some get married and, although they make mistakes, continue to live happily ever after. And some people make mistakes that lead to the breakdown of relationships.

What mistakes do women make that will sooner or later lead to family breakdown?

Unjustified expectations. When choosing a partner, choose the person who meets your ambitions. And if you choose someone else, then do not have any complaints against him and do not try to make him the way you want;

Children come first

When children appear in the family, many women stop paying attention to their husbands and take care only of the children. And it can put a marriage at risk.

Marriage is a relationship between a woman and a man, and children are the fruit of their love. If a woman turns all her attention and care to children, gradually two lovers turn into people simply living next to each other;

Constant reproaches and criticism. The husband perceives criticism from his wife as disrespect for himself. Moreover, he painfully perceives reproaches expressed in front of strangers. You can't compare him to other men. Be tolerant, do not offend each other. Before you say anything, think about how to hurt your significant other less;

Total control. A wife makes the mistake of controlling her husband in everything. She checks his phone, social media pages. If he went to see friends, he calls every 10 minutes and finds out when he will come home. Constantly trying to control your husband can result in divorce;

Silencing problems. Although women are more emotional than men, they do not always prefer to express their grievances out loud. Over time, they accumulate, and as a result, the woman dumps them on the man’s head in the most derogatory form. You need to talk about your problems, because a man does not know what you are thinking about and cannot read your thoughts;

Challenging dominance. The wife makes a mistake when she starts to find out who is in charge in the house. Perhaps she thinks there is nothing wrong with it. But in this way she undermines her husband’s authority;

Solving financial issues. When a couple enters into a relationship, they should immediately discuss their approach to finances: how the money earned will be spent and how much of it should be saved. Problems can arise due to abuse and excessive spending by one of the spouses. To avoid financial conflicts, it is worth discussing in advance how much money will be spent on the needs of the family and how much you can spend on yourself;

Avoidance of intimacy

It is important for a man to feel loved. If he lacks the affection of his wife, he will look for her on the side

And if he finds what he needs there, he will leave the family. You can't punish him by not having sex. Over time, this may become a reason for divorce;

Wrong choice of partner. Some women, when making their choice, deliberately choose a man who is not suitable for them. They naively believe that they can re-educate him and make him the way they want him. It will not happen. We must understand that the main condition of marriage should be mutual love.

Ways to solve family problems

Following the principles of well-being in partnerships will help you avoid most mistakes that lead to a break in relationships:

Get rid of illusions. To avoid disappointment, you need to learn to see and understand your partner, and not try to make a real person fit your fantasies.
Understand the psychology of your partner. Accept your spouse, adapt to his characteristics.
Don't avoid difficulties. Overcoming problems together helps you not to be afraid of difficulties and develop the ability to come to compromises.
Be able to forgive. The ability to forget past grievances and mistakes helps to avoid mutual reproaches and dissatisfaction with the marriage.
Satisfy your partner's needs. The ability to understand the desires of a spouse helps to increase cohesion, the emergence of warm feelings, and emotional attachment.
Develop emotional involvement. Show tact and focus on the positive qualities of your partner.
Welcome differentiation of needs. Temporarily living separately (for example, spending separate holidays) helps to strengthen the feeling of attachment and increases the value of marriage.

Marital responsibilities

The family responsibilities of husband and wife are inextricably linked with legal relations. The rights of one partner are secured by the obligations of the second.

There are responsibilities of an intangible nature and property ones, where financial issues are at the forefront. The law equalizes the responsibilities of spouses.

The RF IC declares the principles of a strong family based on love and respect, as well as mutual assistance of partners, establishing in paragraph 3 of Art. 31 the following responsibilities:

Help strengthen favorable relationships in the family, leading it to prosperity.
Participate in the education and development of wards, take care of children and their well-being.
Respect the partner and his personal rights determined by family legislation, including non-opposition to the second partner’s choice of place of residence, work, and occupation.
Accept your partner's opinion when making important decisions affecting family members.

The law obliges you to make a choice if the spouse decides to keep or change his last name.

Property responsibilities of husband and wife

The absence of direct mention in the legislation does not exclude the primacy in property responsibilities of budget management and the resolution of economic issues as integral measures to take care of family well-being.

The obligation of each partner to have earned income and make an equal financial contribution is not established. The scope of the requirements is limited by the principles of feasibility. If a wife runs a household, her contribution to the family well-being cannot be diminished.

Property responsibilities include the following:

alimony payments for mutual maintenance;
joint response to creditors;
performing the role of a parent.

Responsibilities for mutual maintenance

Spouses are obliged to support each other, psychologically, morally, financially, as well as from a legal point of view. If the second partner evades alimony obligations, the victim has the right to bring the spouse to justice in court. Alimony is assigned through the court if it was not possible to previously resolve the issue through a peace agreement.

Divorce is not necessary for partners to request alimony payments in family life. Payments are collected for financial support of a disabled partner or spouse expecting the birth of a baby, or raising common wards under 3 years of age.

Alimony will be assigned to support the second spouse who is caring for a common child with the first group of disabilities.

Liability for debt obligations

After that. As the newlyweds sign at the registry office, a special time begins for family relationships, with a division of responsibilities and in relation to the financial demands of creditors. In other words, property and debts during marriage are recognized as common, with an equal distribution of the volume of claims. Based on Article 45, the family is liable for financial obligations within the limits of common property.

If the debt exceeds the value of common property, the spouses bear joint liability, which gives the right to demand repayment of the balance of the debt with property owned personally by each partner (premarital, gifted, inherited property).

If it can be proven that the spouse borrowed money for personal needs, he will have to repay it personally, and in case of refusal to fulfill obligations, liability does not extend beyond the share in the jointly acquired property.

The obligations of each spouse include obligations arising from debts:

appeared before marriage;
taken for the personal needs of the husband or wife;
inherited by the spouse;
arising as a result of damage caused by the spouse, and so on.

Parental Responsibilities

When children appear, a new layer of obligations is added to marital responsibilities - parental ones. The responsibilities of a parent are only indirectly related to marital ones, because many children are born outside of marriage.

If the marriage ends, the responsibility for the child is not removed from the spouse. The children are left to be raised by the first parent, when the second must regularly pay child support. In addition to financial responsibility, a parent must remember his basic responsibilities to the minor.

Proper conception of a child

The Messenger of Allah said: “Marry loving and childbearing women, and truly, I will be proud of your numbers on the Day of Resurrection!” Abu Daud, 1754, Ibn Hibban, 4028, Al-Bazzar, 6456, etc., called authentic by Ibn Hibban, Ibn Hazm, Ibn Kathir, Al-Iraqi, Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani, Albani, Ahmad Shakir, etc.

We suggest you familiarize yourself with: How to carry out land surveying without agreement with neighbors and what to do if the act of border approval is not signed by a fellow countryman?

Abu Umama reported that the Messenger of Allah said: “Women who are pregnant, giving birth, nursing, and merciful to children, if they are not unkind to their husbands and perform prayers, they will certainly enter Paradise,” reported by Hakim, 7331, At-Tabarani, 898, Ahmad, 22227, and others, and in its isnad there is a gap between Salim and Abu Umama, however, for this hadith there is a lot of supporting evidence, thanks to which it reaches the degree of reliability by the sum of the chains, insha Allah, and the imams Az-Dhahabi called it reliable , al-Hakim, As-Suyuty

Imam Al-Manawi said in the sharh: “Those who give birth, those who feed, are merciful to their children” - that is, as long as they remain like that, then they are the best, the blessed” see “Faydul Kodyr”, 3-486

In the Vedas there is a whole section of knowledge called “Kama Shastras”, it is devoted to all issues of properly building relationships, creating a suitable environment for conceiving a child who will have good character qualities, and other related things.

This world needs good people. Good people cannot be created through hypnosis, programming, cloning or other artificial means. Good people are born into legal marriage as a result of the right frame of mind at the time of conception, as well as the right upbringing.

Parents must plan for the child. This means that before conception you need to imagine its image: what it should be. You need to meditate on the best qualities that you want to develop in him. The wife should find out from her husband what kind of child he wants, what qualities he should have, and, having learned this, she should place this bright image in her heart.

This is the right approach to conception, and this topic is worthy of careful study - do not limit yourself to this short summary. It is better to spend a month or a year studying and preparing for proper conception than to then suffer for at least 18 years from a bad relationship with your child.

With milk and songs, the mother should instill in the child the highest taste and good qualities. Those women who knew how to do it correctly were called “vesta”. And those who didn’t know were called “bride.” Nowadays there are many brides, and from this the world receives unwanted offspring - people who do not have good qualities.

Therefore, the dissemination and study of ancient knowledge about building correct relationships in accordance with the responsibilities of husbands and wives in the family is a very important step towards a bright future, the importance of which is difficult to overestimate.

Love as the main motive for raising a family

Psychologists call love as a special type of interaction between spouses the main criterion necessary for creating a family. Researcher I. Kon offers a classification of love consisting of 6 types:

Hedonistic. It is expressed by light flirting, making advances, and enjoying the interaction. The partner’s personality is neutralized; only the ability to satisfy the need matters. Feelings are superficial, separation occurs quickly and does not cause traumatic experiences.
Erotic. It is typical for this model of love to experience a high intensity of passions, to strive for complete fusion with one’s partner, submission, unity, and sensual physical contact.
Pragmatic. An alliance based on pragmatism and sober calculation. For this type of marriage, feelings fade into the background; the main role is played by obtaining benefits. When spouses get what they need or find an option that helps them get more, the marriage ends.
Selfless. Altruistic love, with unequal division of marital responsibilities. One of the spouses becomes a conditional parent for the other, fulfilling the needs of the “child.” Such relationships lead to complete social unfulfillment of the supervised partner, emotional and physical inequality.
Love-friendship. A strong alliance built on equality, mutual respect and sincerity. Love-friendship is characterized by a high level of spiritual intimacy, communication, and exchange of emotions.
Love-mania. Represents an unhealthy fanatical obsession. The lover depends on the object of worship, deifies him, strives for complete possession. If the object of love commits an act that the lover regards as bad and does not correspond to the image, love disappears.

Women, according to Kohn, tend to choose altruistic relationship options, men prefer erotic love and hedonism.

According to Sharia

Most peoples of the world have special instructions regarding how a husband should treat his wife. This is normal. What can, for example, biblical stories and Muslim traditions offer?

According to Shariah, a man should follow the following advice:

Communicate with your wife on an equal basis and do not prohibit everything that Sharia allows. Tolerate the insults that a woman says. Don't react to her aggression. Treat your loved one condescendingly during quarrels. Delight your wife, make you laugh and entertain

But at the same time, it is important to maintain harmony and remain an authority for the girl. Support a woman. It is necessary

A husband who does not support his beloved is a disgrace to the family. At the same time, the money that the wife earns is her money. She has the right to spend them as she sees fit. A disobedient woman (who does not follow Shariah) is worth educating. It is allowed not to hit hard, in extreme cases and not in the face. Treat all wives the same. This applies to both provision and attention. Protect and take care of the woman who is the wife. Protect where it is not prohibited by Sharia. If a husband does not love his wife, then he should not show his disdain. Humiliate, offend, insult, beat - too. Muslims tend to treat women with respect.

She seeks her husband's pleasure.

Umm Salamah (may Allah be pleased with her) reported that she said: “The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whichever woman dies while her husband is pleased with her, she will enter paradise.” »

The Messenger of Allah said: “Shall I tell you about your women from among the inhabitants of Paradise? These are loving ones, who give birth a lot, who benefit their husbands, who, if their husband is angry, they come, put their hand in his, and say: “I will not close my eyes until you are pleased with me” An-Nasai in “As- Sunan al-Kubra", 9139, At-Tabarani, 5648, Al-Beyhaqi, 9139, Tamam Ar-Razi, 1212, was named authentic by Imam Ibn Hazm, Hafiz Al-Ishbili, and Sheikh Albani by the sum of the chains

Legal relations of cohabitants

One should not rush to call cohabitants irresponsible individuals who avoid accepting obligations to close family members. In addition to insoluble obstacles to marriage, the reasons for refusing to marry are the understanding of the seriousness of the step and its consequences.

From a legal point of view, the cohabitation of a man and a woman does not give the right to consider the relationship a marriage, called a “civil” marriage. In fact, such relationships are defined as cohabitation, which does not entail vesting partners with rights and responsibilities towards each other in accordance with Part 2 of Art. 1 family law.

The only similarity with registered relationships is the conferment of parental rights and responsibilities if children appear in such a family. If in an official relationship the child is immediately registered as the mother’s spouse. The same procedure is provided for the birth of a baby within 10 months after the divorce. As for the care of the partner and the obligations to morally and financially support the spouse, cohabitation does not imply such regulations, nor does it imply the right of all family members to live together in accordance with Art. 292 of the Civil Code.

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What is the problem?

If you want to change the world, start with yourself. This rule also works great in family structures. Everything is simple here: if the husband sees that his wife has begun to cope with her responsibilities much better, he, even on an automatic level, feeling gratitude and involvement in what is happening, begins to correct his mistakes. The same applies to the reverse situation.

The problem here lies in the fact that no one wants to start with themselves. And this is logical, because it is much easier to blame another person for all the problems, just remember that this only aggravates the current situation, but does not help in solving it. You will never be able to improve your relationship if you blame each other for all the deadly sins.

A woman is not allowed to let anyone into the house without her husband's permission

Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a woman to fast in the presence of her husband unless he has his permission, and it is not permissible for her to allow anyone into his house, if he does not have his permission, but for everything that (the wife) spends without receiving the command of (the husband), he will receive half the reward.” (Sahih al-Bukhari)

It is reported that Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, said that the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: “A woman has no right to fast without the permission of her husband, unless he is away.” This hadith was narrated by al-Bukhari and Muslim, and the text of the hadith belongs to al-Bukhari. And Abu Dawud’s version also says: “...except for fasting in Ramadan.”