Psychology of family relationships: stages of development and crises

1. Marriage and family relations Concept, sources and basic principles of family law
2. Family legal relations: subjects, grounds for emergence and termination
3. The procedure for concluding and ending a marriage

Infantile-adult relationships

Such relationships most often occur in couples where one partner is 15 or more years younger than the other.
Usually this is a tandem of an older man and a very young girl. Very often, such a family lives according to the principle “dad works, and mom is beautiful.” The husband earns money while the wife does housework. This family model is the earliest. Once upon a time it was a great honor to marry young daughters to wealthy and at the same time very old suitors.

Such a family is united, as everyone does their own thing. Children of such parents, as a rule, are always fed, their clothes are always washed, and their lessons are checked.

But if the woman is older and the man is younger, then these relationships exist according to the “mother-son” principle. Such bonds are often short-lived. Sooner or later the “son” will grow up. Slamming his fist on the table, he will loudly slam the door and leave once and for all.

The reason for this “maturation” can be called intolerance to eternal criticism, misunderstanding on the part of the more mature chosen one. The catalyst for this action can be either a new hobby in the form of an interesting peer, or simply fatigue from constant dissatisfaction.

Clinical psychologist Veronika Stepanova about the advantages and difficulties for a woman when she is in a relationship with a man much younger than herself.

Such marriages are not always failures. It happens that the wisdom and life experience of a more mature partner combines perfectly with the carefreeness and childish naivety of the younger one. They may have common interests and hobbies that make them a family. The main thing is to be able to find compromises.

Marriage, matrimony and legal representation

Having analyzed the structure and types of family legal relations, we should move on to characterizing specific examples from the Family Code. The normative act contains 8 sections, only 5 of which are devoted to specific groups of legal relations.

Section 2 deals with the formation and termination of marriage. According to Article 10 of the RF IC, a marriage is registered in the Civil Registry Office - the civil registry office. As a result of registration, the obligations and rights of the spouses acquire full legal character. Divorce is the reverse procedure and is also carried out in the registry office or in court.

Section 3 of the RF IC talks about the rights and obligations of spouses. They, according to the law, are of a personal nature, associated with the legal property of the subjects, implemented in a contractual manner and secured by liability. Section 4 deals with the responsibilities and powers of parents and children.

Patriarchal or matriarchal relationships

Such relationships in families are not uncommon.
In such marriages, the desires of only one of the partners are satisfied. The desires of the other simply do not exist, because the second “always agrees” with the first. This type of family can often be found in those marriages where either the man is a high-ranking military man or the woman occupies a leadership position. They love order, so there should be order everywhere and always. Read more: Carlson syndrome in children: causes, symptoms, treatment

Sometimes such unhealthy pressure on the ideality of one family member provokes others to rebel. Children, especially in adolescence, do not want to obey anyone, so this kind of upbringing is often accompanied by running away from home or some other antics.

Often such a partner is a tyrannical woman. She is usually unsure of herself and those around her. She needs to be in control. She can't trust anyone.

Such a wife reads her husband’s personal messages, checks clothes and other things to confirm her husband’s infidelity. Such a parent almost with binoculars accompanies his daughter on a date. Therefore, the daughter wants to get married as soon as possible and reduce communication with such a mother or father to a minimum.

Family traditions

To strengthen the institution of family, it is important for people to have traditions. Previously, they were an obligatory part of family relationships in society, demonstrating moral views on life. In a home where there is a culture of family relationships, children realize the importance and value of marriage.

Family traditions include bedtime lullabies and shared dinners on weekends. This helps the child feel like a significant part; he considers himself more protected and confident.

An important tradition includes birthday celebrations - the child must invite close friends and be surrounded by attention and care. You can create a special ritual on this day - measure height and mark it on a special ruler, set aside a place for annual photographs of the birthday person. If family relationships are in harmony, parents can even make a game out of household chores, which will help instill in the child important skills such as cooking and cleaning.

Codependency as a family model

This type is typical for marriages where one of the partners has some kind of physical or moral dependence.
Often, alcohol, gaming or drug addiction brings people together. Members of such a family have a “headache” when saving their relative. People like to be needed, indispensable. And this sick man gives them just such an opportunity. In fact, the fact that such a disease helps people to assert themselves at the expense of the dependence of others is scary. Such a family exists due to the fact that all its members like to scold and educate their close relative, that is, everything revolves around such a person. And everyone else, without changing anything in their lives, continues their suffering around him.

If the patient recovers and begins to truly live: finds a job, brings money into the house, then this form of family may simply fall apart. This happens because his relatives now have no one to blame and no one to shift the blame to for all the bad things that happen to them. It's good to be good when everyone around you is bad.

Read more: The complex psychology of the relationship between a mother and an adult son: tips

Clinical psychologist Veronika Stepanova on the nature of codependency in the video:

Codependency in this form of relationship is manifested in the fact that all family members are “sick”. And in fact, the person who is really dependent on alcohol, gambling or drugs creates another problem himself. All his relatives accept this misfortune with him.

Classification

The famous American psychotherapist Muriel James shares the following types of family relationships:

• Marriage of convenience;
• Open marriage;
• Romantic marriage;
• Marriage-Partnership;
• Love-match.

1. Marriage of convenience. Family relationships in this form help one person, with the help of another, to cope with certain circumstances. These could be political problems, monetary, psychological, dynastic. Sometimes such marriages develop into true love and become strong.
2. Romantic marriage. M. James believes that such marriages are based on passion and love. Family relationships in this case can be based on these feelings, but do not always move into the stage of true love. After going through the stage of falling in love, this couple often has nothing left; they complain that the romance has disappeared.
3. Marriage-companionship. Family relationships in this case are based on friendly ties. In this case, people do not consider romantic feelings obligatory, there are no sexual desires for certain reasons. This is typical for older people.
4. Open marriage. Family relationships in this form exclude the concept of “treason.” They are normal about a variety of sexual relationships outside the family, while sharing the real feelings in their couple and the passion that arises for other people.
5. Love-match. Family relationships in this case are based on mutual interest in each other. Marriage consists of bursts of passion, sensual experiences, common interests, and strong friendship. The unity of people is created, but the possibility of privacy is not excluded.

In the law of content, family relations are personal non-property and property. According to the subject composition, family relationships are divided into:

• Marital;
• Parental;
• Between the rest of the family.

There are harmonious and non-harmonic types of family relationships. The first includes the traditional, partner and harmonious family. An example of a non-harmonious type of family relationship is the third wheel family (“childfree”). In this case, the couple fundamentally does not want to have children. Read more about the psychology of family relationships and conflict resolution in this article.

Despotic relationships

They are best known to social service workers.
Violence does not solve any problems. It usually makes the situation even worse. Sometimes it is simply impossible not to slap a child on the soft spot for minor offenses. But when a child is literally beaten half to death, it is difficult to agree that this is the norm. People who use violence in their own families, in most cases, were themselves subjected to it in childhood. Some heads of families beat everyone at home and regularly. In this way they “settle” problems at work, conflicts with friends and neighbors. By throwing out all the negativity on their family, they calm down until next time.

No matter how strange it may be, many women like to be victims. They carry this “cross” all their lives, using tons of decorative cosmetics, covering up the next beatings.

Naturally, children see everything. From an early age they observe this situation, and then, growing up, they think that this is how it should be. That if dad hits, then he loves. “This is how he expresses his love for us,” they often hear from their mother, who has been crying bitterly for an hour and a half.

Therefore, if a woman is not indifferent to the fate of her children in the future, then it is best to leave such a despot. A story that happened once has every chance of repeating itself again, but in the family of her children.

How to achieve an ideal family relationship

Marriage is hard and regular work of both partners, and it is the unwillingness to work on the relationship that most often leads to divorce. Ideal relationships, a strong harmonious marriage union is based on the following principles:

• psychological compatibility - spouses must love each other and experience mutual sexual attraction;
• preparedness for marriage - both partners must be psychologically prepared to start a family;
• participation in the life of society - in addition to marriage, there is also work, friends, hobbies;
• material preparedness - a person must be ready and able to provide for himself and his children;
• duty and responsibility for all family members - every act must be performed for their benefit;
• reliability and fidelity, constancy and high moral qualities should provide confidence in the stability of the marriage;
• hard work - a positive attitude towards any work must be cultivated in children;
• general worldviews;
• family life is those values ​​and traditions that bring together and unite all members of the union.

As you can see, to create and develop a family union, you need not just two people who love each other. A marriage union can be successful in all directions only with conscious participation in its development. This is the ability to adapt, find compromises, sacrifice oneself and one’s interests for the benefit of loved ones. In such a union everyone is happy: both parents and children. A child who grows up in such a family will involuntarily adopt the parents’ behavior model, principles and traditions, and in the future will adhere to them in their own marriage.

Independent family

This is a form of family where the husband and wife live separately, both literally and figuratively. Not wanting to “shackle” themselves by the close bonds of marriage, these people prefer to be separately, but “together” in spirit.

They can live together, but in different rooms, for example. Their lives practically do not touch. Sometimes they may be citizens of different countries or residents of different continents. Marriage doesn't force them to move in together. How they manage to raise children remains a mystery.

Read more: Five ways to overcome depression

Such a family is a bit like an ordinary married couple after a divorce. Mom and dad are separated, but everything is fine. Such marriages most often occur among introverts who value their own space and do not want to reduce it under any pretext.

Simple rules for building good relationships: advice from a psychologist

The psychology of marriage and family includes some general recommendations, following which you can save your marriage even in times of crisis. To do this you need:

• respect your partner and his relatives;
• regularly show gratitude and attention;
• be able to forgive, give in, compromise;
• not to notice the minor shortcomings of a loved one;
• be ready to engage in dialogue;
• be able to listen to your partner and try to change.

Common goals, developed the same system of values, and tolerance towards a partner will help strengthen the union and survive even difficult periods.



Family friendships

Natural for couples where husband and wife are together in everything.
Such a relationship is reminiscent of two good old friends. But there is no place for passion here. They see each other so often that they don’t have time to miss each other. A woman ceases to be an object of passion for her man. The family begins to resemble the friend zone. To harmonize such relationships, they need to try again to become an object of passion for each other.
For example, you can stay away from each other for a while or change your interests. Otherwise, one fine (or not so) day, such “friendship with a stamp in the passport” will end in divorce. And all because one of them or both at once will fall in love with other people.

Crises of family life by year

Every couple experiences difficult periods at some stages of their life together. Psychologists have identified several important periods when the risk of crises increases.

First year crisis

In the first year of marriage in the family, it is determined who will take the leadership position. The newlyweds get to know each other better and discover new sides of character in their partner. The idealized image is destroyed, and a person with his inherent advantages and disadvantages takes his place. This period is easily experienced by those couples who entered into marriage consciously and deliberately. A hasty decision to start a family often leads to divorce.

Crisis after 3-5 years

After 3-5 years, children appear in the family. The lifestyle to which both partners are accustomed changes greatly. The man experiences the greatest difficulties in adapting to a new way of life. He suffers from such inconveniences as a constantly crying baby, a nervous wife, the presence of helpers in the house, such as grandmothers, lack of money, etc.

At this stage, it is important for spouses to understand and support each other. Only through compromise can difficulties be overcome and relationships strengthened.

Crisis of 7 years

Family and relationships after living together for seven years are tested by routine and monotony. By this time, the partners had studied each other well. The family structure is organized, the material base is stable, responsibilities are distributed, educational methods are agreed upon, etc. Every day is similar to the previous one. Boredom can make a husband or wife unhappy.

If the manifestation of dissatisfaction and attempts to add variety to life on the part of the husband or wife do not arouse enthusiasm, the partner suffering from routine may begin to look for satisfaction of his needs on the side. Most often, men leave their family after 7 years of living with a woman.

Crisis of 14 years

The most difficult psychological problems in a family arise in the 14th year of marriage. This period marks the transitional age of the child, while the parents are approaching the crisis age of 40.

Not all parents are ready to accept the changes happening to their children. They do not understand their child’s isolation, gloominess, his new hobbies, and do not accept his views on life. Attempts to somehow influence the younger generation often remain unsuccessful, which leads to misunderstanding and conflicts.

Spouses also experience difficulties of an intrapersonal nature. They begin to rethink their career achievements and often come to the conclusion that their successes are small because their family took up a lot of time and effort. Dissatisfaction with oneself and the child leads to discord in the family.

Crisis of 25 years

Family psychology shows that after 25 years of marriage, men often leave their wives. This is due to physiological processes that are observed in women. The onset of menopause, which affects hormonal levels and a decrease in sexual activity, creates many problems in intimate terms, because for men the sphere of sex becomes especially important. They are trying to prove that they are young, strong and full of energy.

The desire to assert themselves forces men to look for a partner for sex on the side. The situation may worsen if by this time the children have grown up and left the parental home. To save the family at this stage, spouses need to be especially attentive to each other and try to satisfy emerging needs. If this crisis period can be overcome, the partners will enter a new spiritual stage of development.