How to tell your child about divorce without causing him psychological trauma?

No longer together

Adults have the right to make any decisions. Sometimes it is really difficult to imagine that any conflict and rejection towards a person can be miraculously transformed into trust and intimacy. Sometimes it is clearly seen that further relationships are impossible in any form. And not now we will discuss the female-male aspect of divorce. We have a different task now. Given: this man and woman are someone’s mother and father. Find: what children should do to survive when mom and dad are no longer together.

Survive... Namely survive. It has long been known, scrupulously tested and convincingly proven in a whole series of experiments and studies that parental divorce has a negative impact on the development of children, as a destructive factor. This is the main condition of our life task.

We know that no divorce is like another. We see that people are different, and they get divorced in different ways. But there is always a danger that children may receive a “gift” in the form of complexes, decreased self-esteem, feelings of fear, loss of trust in themselves, in people and in the world in general... And various sad consequences of divorce can affect a child’s life for a long time and painfully, like an ugly echo .

Divorce in the presence of a child under three years old, on the initiative of the mother

Unlike her husband, a wife has the right to apply for divorce at any time, and this is not affected by the age of the child or the consent of the spouse. Even if the child is not yet one year old, this in no way limits the mother from ending family relations with the baby’s father. Under these conditions, divorce takes place, according to the articles of the RF CK. It is understood that if a woman who is on maternity leave and financially dependent on her husband still wants to end the marriage relationship, then there are good reasons for this.

In this case, the wife does not lose the right to receive alimony payments from the child’s father. Moreover, the funds will go not only to the baby. Alimony for the maintenance of a spouse is provided until the child reaches 3 years of age (Article 90 of the RF CK).

How to survive

It is important to help the child survive the event of divorce itself. But it is also difficult for the parent(s) to survive this painful and extremely difficult event with dignity. Coping with new tasks, accepting a different life, expanding your functions and learning a lot - these are the few things parents will have to do. And divorcing parents will have to do all this for the sake of their children.

And divorce is not just an event, it is a process with its own specific stages, where each stage has its own goal, and reaching the next level is determined precisely by how the previous task is solved.

Children react differently to the divorce process . It is influenced by age, individual characteristics, and the nature of the environment. But in any case, it is important to understand that changing the content of relationships, lifestyle and the nature of interactions in a child’s family is potential stress for him.

A small participant in a big divorce often experiences conflicting feelings. The kid, on the one hand, lives in the hope that the departure of dad (or mom) from home will put an end to discord and disorder, and at the same time desperately wants this parent to stay. It is difficult for him to look into the future, understand and accept the irreversibility of divorce. It is not easy for a child to imagine what will happen next week, let alone next month or year. The child may be confused and not understand what caused the divorce and what his new relationship with his parents will be like. He may feel as if torn in two by his parents, sometimes angry and impudent, sometimes begging and pleading, not knowing for sure who is to blame, if there are any to blame at all. Many children firmly believe that their mom and dad will eventually reunite again after the divorce is final...

And more problems... The child does not know how to tell his friends, teachers and other close people about everything. He doubts whether to tell anyone about this at all. Imagine how terribly helpless the child feels! This is perhaps the most painful and overwhelming event of his life, and there is absolutely nothing he can do about it.

Grounds for divorce if there are children under 3 years of age

Applying Art. 16 CK of the Russian Federation, it is possible to dissolve a marriage when the common child is not yet 3 years old on the basis of:

• Applications, spouse or both.
• Petitions of a guardian in case of incapacity of one of the parties to the case.
• Death or official recognition by the court of the fact that one of the participants in the marriage has died.

The mere presence in the family of a child under 3 years of age is not an obstacle to ending a marriage, except in one case.

Attention

If the child has not reached one year of age, then the man does not have the opportunity to file for divorce without the written consent of his wife (Article 17 of the RF CK).

Advice from professionals

Every divorce is unique in its own way, just like every family. If you want to get a divorce, you need to carefully select and structure the evidence base. The more facts are provided and proven to the court, the greater the chances of getting the desired result. You should not pay attention to only one side of the problem. This may subsequently lead to unexpected results.

For example

Svetlana Ivanova filed a statement of claim against Ivan Ivanov, indicating in her demands a desire to get a divorce and retain the right to raise Igor Ivanov for 5 years. As evidence, she provided witness statements and papers confirming that the spouse has little contact with the child and does not pay attention to him.

The court made a decision to set a time limit for reconciliation. After 3 months, Svetlana Ivanova received divorce papers.

After six months, the ex-wife again went to court. It turned out that her ex-husband no longer wants to see her in his apartment, but does not prevent her son from living there. The court refused the request to assign compensation for the share owned by Igor Ivanov for 5 years. The plaintiff was forced to look for a new place of residence. It is necessary to take care of resolving such issues when a divorce is filed.

There are many similar situations that lead to unpleasant consequences due to carelessness or unwillingness to consider the problem as a whole. Therefore, it is necessary to seek professional help. A good lawyer will be able to competently review and present a divorce case in court. The lawyer will not have emotions, which often cause undesirable consequences.

Attention! Due to recent changes in legislation, the legal information in this article may be out of date! Our lawyer can advise you free of charge - write your question in the form below:

Typical mistakes of married couples

What mistakes should not be made in communicating with children during the period of divorce:

• you should not pretend that everything is fine, because children feel changes and irritation in the relationship between mother and father;
• rush from abstract explanation into details and details;
• turn the baby against the father or mother;
• You should not constantly talk to your children about your divorce.

It is extremely important to remember that you should never manipulate your children in an attempt to get your spouse back. To make divorce less painful for them, experts advise following certain rules. One of them is to try to rid your child of guilt. As soon as the child begins to ask the first questions, do not dodge and always try to answer him. Often adults avoid such conversations, thereby complicating the situation.

It is imperative that the relatives of both sides begin to adhere to neutrality and find the strength not to set their children negatively towards either side. Adults think that children understand the specifics of the situation and will be able to maintain a neutral relationship, but in most cases, although the child will try, he will still succumb to the influence of adults.

On many sites and forums dedicated to this topic, you can arm yourself with articles and comments that will help reduce the traumatic situation. With the help of love and an adequate approach to the situation, you can maintain a good relationship with your children even after a divorce.

Divorce with children under 3 years of age and mortgage

The Family Code states that debts created during marriage are also the joint property of the spouses. Including a loan taken for housing, it is considered common, and in the event of divorce, it is subject to division between husband and wife in equal shares (Article 39 of the RF CK). But as noted earlier, if there are young children under 3 years of age, the court, during a divorce and distribution of property of the spouses, may deviate from the principles of equality and give the parent with whom the child will live the majority of the mortgage when dividing the apartment. At the same time, the ex-husband and wife remain equal in repaying the loan debt (clause 2, article 39 of the RF Civil Code; clause 1, article 323 of the RF Civil Code).

Attention

If a marriage between spouses is dissolved and they have a child under 3 years of age, a one-room apartment with a mortgage is not subject to division, since it is impossible to allocate shares in kind (Clause 4, Article 5 of Federal Law No. 102 “On Mortgage”)

After a divorce, the spouses must notify the credit institution of the committed act (Article 46 of the RF CK). It is the bank that must offer the most optimal conditions for mortgage payments. It could be:

• Splitting payments between former spouses.
• Selling an apartment to pay off the total debt.
• Refusal of one of the spouses to own the apartment and, as a result, exclusion from paying the debt for it.

All conditions for a mortgage in the event of a divorce are specified in the mortgage agreement.

In difficult life situations, when a parent with a young child is left in a difficult financial situation, the court has the right to reduce the amount of the monthly mortgage payment with the consent of the bank (according to Article 451 of the Civil Code of the Russian Federation).

Filing a claim

Divorces are filed in magistrates' and district courts. The first, in accordance with their name, consider cases where there is no dispute about which parent the minor child will remain with. Second, they sort out cases if the divorce is more controversial. If it is impossible to agree amicably on with whom the child or children under the age of 18 will be raised, it is necessary to file a claim with the district court.

We fill out the claim form correctly

A properly drafted claim must include the following information:

• full name of the court to which the application is submitted;
• information about those divorcing (full name, registered addresses and actual places of residence of both spouses, if known);
• a short summary of the essence of the application (reason for filing for divorce, main points regarding marriage registration, data on the birth of a child or children under the age of 18);
• a brief listing of controversial issues, if any, and justification for one’s own position on each of them;
• the essence of the plaintiff's claims. This point is the main one for which the statement of claim is being filed. It may reflect only one divorce requirement or list all the controversial issues point by point. As an example, a sample application is provided.

Based on the above facts and in accordance with Articles 21/22/34/35/36/37/38/39 of the RF IC, I ask:

1. The marriage between (full name of the plaintiff) and (full name of the defendant), which was registered (full information about the time, place and registration authority, indicating the certificate number) is dissolved.
2. Oblige (full name of the defendant) to transfer to the plaintiff the right to raise (full name of the child) 5 years old, born (dd.mm.yyyy).

(or)

Establish the procedure for my communication with (full name of a child) 5 years old, born (dd.mm.yyyy).

1. Divide the jointly acquired property, transferring to the plaintiff the right of ownership of (a complete list of what is the items requiring division) and/or compensate the plaintiff for the value of the property (list the property for which the plaintiff wants to receive compensation) in the amount of: (amount of compensation for part of the property) .

Russian legislation establishes a statute of limitations for the division of marital property. It is 3 months. Therefore, it is necessary to indicate property claims immediately in the statement of claim for divorce.

Additional documents

In addition to the statement of claim, the following documents will be required for the trial:

1. A copy of the marriage registration certificate;
2. Payment (receipt) for payment of state duty;
3. Copies of birth certificates (or one) of children whose age does not exceed 18 years.

Lawyers recommend sending along with the claim a list of property that requires division and compensation.
It should be noted that the court may require documents confirming ownership of the property. Therefore, it is necessary to find supporting documents (checks, bills, receipts, certificates) in advance. When submitting an application to the magistrate's court, it is necessary to attach in advance an agreement that determines the future place of residence of the child or children. This helps to avoid misunderstandings during the consideration of the case.

Methods for filing a claim

Attention!
The articles describe typical ways to resolve legal issues, but each case is unique. If you want to find out how to solve your particular problem - and get a free consultation: or call the hotline right now:

8 For regions of Russia

8 Moscow and Moscow region.

8 St. Petersburg and Leningrad region.

It's fast and free!

Having filled out two copies of the application (for the court and the defendant), attaching all the accompanying papers, you can file a claim. To do this, you can use one of the permitted methods. An application can be submitted:

1. in the office, secretariat of the court;
2. by sending a registered letter to the court;
3. using the service of a representative (using a power of attorney certified by a notary).

Which court should I file for divorce if the child is under three years old?

Depending on the circumstances, the divorce of a husband and wife if there are small children under 3 years of age in the family takes place in a magistrate or district court. Let's take a closer look at each option.

1. Divorce in the magistrate's court
   - occurs in the absence of disagreements among the married couple regarding children, and regarding the division of common property acquired during the marriage, in the amount of <50,000 rubles (Article 23 of the Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation);
2. Divorce in a district court is carried out when a husband and wife have disputes about the future fate of their common offspring (namely: alimony, place of residence, order of meetings, etc.), as well as during the division of property (the amount of claim for which is > 50 thousand . rubles) (Article 24 of the Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation).

Attention
When choosing a judicial body to consider a civil case of divorce, if there are children under 3 years of age, spouses also need to take into account the territorial jurisdiction of the instance. In view of Art. 28 of the Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation, the statement of claim is filed at the defendant’s residential address. But the plaintiff can apply for divorce to the judicial authority at his place of residence (if, for example, a minor child under 3 years old lives with the mother initiating the divorce), or if the applicant does not have the physical ability to file a claim at the defendant’s place of residence ( Part 4 of Article 29 of the Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation).

Is it possible to get a divorce in the registry office if there are children under 3 years old?

According to the law of the Russian Federation, cases related to the termination of marital relations, if there are minor children under 3 years of age in the family, are considered in court. But there are also exceptions. You can file a divorce at the registry office, even if the family has a small child under 3 years old. This happens under the following circumstances (Article 19 of the RF CK):

• the husband or wife is declared incompetent;
• one of the spouses is serving a prison sentence of more than 3 years;
• the party in the case was recognized by the court as missing.

However, in the first two cases, all disagreements concerning minor offspring under 3 years of age will be resolved in court ( Article 20 of the RF CK).

The court's decision

The court can make only two possible decisions.

1. Divorce.
2. Setting a deadline for reconciliation.

When there are children in a couple, the first decision is rarely made. This happens if the facts are proven:

• child or spouse abuse;
• presence of addiction (alcohol, drugs);
• separation and lack of child care from one of the spouses.

In other cases, the courts retain the opportunity for reconciliation for the couple. A period of three months is assigned. After it expires, the spouses can withdraw the divorce documents if they cannot resolve the conflict.