Divorce with three children: women’s experience and legal advice 2021

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Divorces with children are one of the most complex categories of cases in family law. Such cases are complex not so much from a procedural point of view as from a legal one, since they require solving several problems at once: divorce, respect for the rights of children and the rights of parents, and sometimes the division of property. Often the divorce process is complicated by resolving all sorts of disputes between spouses. Therefore, such marriages are dissolved only in court - the court takes into account all the circumstances and characteristics of family relationships.

How divorce occurs in a large family, what its procedure and legal consequences are - the article is devoted to these issues.

How does divorce happen with three children?

If there are children, divorce is possible only in court - such a restriction is justified by the need to protect children's and parental rights.

Exceptions (divorce administratively through the registry office) are allowed only in the following cases:

children - not joint (born in previous marriages of the husband and/or wife) or already adults (clause 1 of article 19 of the RF IC). If there is a mutual desire to dissolve the marriage, a married couple may divorce in the same manner as a childless couple;
the husband or wife, by a court decision, was declared dead, incompetent, and sentenced to imprisonment for a term of 3 years (clause 2 of article 19 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation). These circumstances must be documented (court decision, sentence, certificate from the Federal Penitentiary Service or the police) - then you can divorce unilaterally, regardless of the presence of children and the consent of the spouse.

As for the standard divorce procedure through the court, procedurally, a divorce with three children is almost no different from a divorce with two children or one small child. Read more about the procedure below.

Features of divorce with children

If you have children, you can only get a divorce through the court (Article 21 of the RF IC). Both spouses—husband and wife—have the right to file for divorce.

The number of children does not matter, only the age of the children is of fundamental importance. If at least one child is under 1 year of age, or if the wife is pregnant, the husband cannot file for divorce without first obtaining the wife's written consent. Divorce will not take place without the wife's consent. Thus, the law takes care of protecting the rights of the most vulnerable and unprotected social groups - pregnant women, women with small children . It is noteworthy that the wife’s rights to divorce her husband are not limited - she can initiate divorce proceedings both during pregnancy and during the first year of the baby’s life.

Simultaneously with the divorce, the court must consider related issues, such as...

Child support;
Place of residence of children;
Division of property acquired over the years of married life.

At the same time, the law allows spouses to resolve these issues independently: by signing an agreement - by virtue of paragraph 1 of Art. 24 IC RF. An oral agreement or a written document that contains the agreements of the husband and wife on all controversial issues is submitted to the court for consideration. If the court does not find any violation of the interests of the husband, wife, or children in the document, it will approve it, and the document will acquire the legal force of a court decision. Spouses can agree on everything they deem necessary, for example, with whom the children will live, how often the children will meet with the one who will live separately, what amount of money is needed to support the children, how the children should be raised, etc.

If no disputes arise between husband and wife, the court will dissolve the marriage quickly, without additional proceedings.

If all these issues cause conflicts between the spouses, and it is not possible to reach an agreement, they will have to be referred to the court . During the trial there will be...

decided where and with whom the children should live,
alimony was collected for children and for the mother (if the children are under 3 years old),
The joint property of the spouses is divided.

Expert opinion

Semyon Frolov

Lawyer. 7 years of experience. Specialization: family, inheritance, housing law.

Dividing joint property in divorce proceedings is not necessary unless it is urgent. It can be done …

peacefully (without trial)
in separate proceedings - before or after a divorce, thereby reducing the duration of the divorce process.

Likewise, no one prohibits the spouse with whom the children will live from filing a lawsuit to collect alimony after the divorce. The second spouse can challenge the place of residence of the children, the amount of alimony payments, the order of raising children, even their own paternity. All of these issues can be addressed after the divorce.

Property disputes, along with disputes about children, are one of the main reasons for the long and grueling process. If the spouses have the goal of a quick divorce, it is advisable to agree on all controversial issues before the start of the trial. Or postpone it - for quality preparation and consideration in a new trial. An experienced family law attorney can help them with this.

Divorce procedure with children

The divorce procedure in court is provided for by the provisions of the Family and Civil Procedure Code of the Russian Federation.

To begin the divorce process, spouses need to follow the following sequence of actions:

Preparation of a parental agreement on the place of residence of children, on the procedure for paying alimony, on raising children (if the divorcing spouses can resolve these issues peacefully);
Preparation of a statement of claim;
Collection of documents;
Notification of the second party (defendant) - innovation from October 1, 2021;
Filing a claim in court (choosing a judicial body - according to the rules of jurisdiction);
Waiting for a summons with the date and time of the first court hearing;
Attending court hearings;
Waiting for the court decision to come into force;
Registering a divorce with the Civil Registry Office and obtaining a divorce certificate;
Execution of a court decision (in terms of payment of child support, change of place of residence of children).

Where to file a claim?

The choice of the judicial authority in which to file a claim for divorce depends on several factors:

Presence (absence) of disputes between husband and wife:

To a city or district court - if, simultaneously with a divorce, it is necessary to resolve controversial issues (about the division of jointly acquired property worth more than 50 thousand rubles, about choosing a place of residence for children, about paying maintenance for children);
To the magistrate's court - if you only need to dissolve the marriage, and all controversial issues are resolved by the spouses in a contractual form;

Place of residence of the spouses:

The plaintiff spouse must file a claim at the defendant’s place of residence (Article 28 of the Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation);
The plaintiff spouse can file a claim at his place of residence if, simultaneously with the demand for divorce, he makes a demand for payment of alimony, and also if he lives with minor children or is sick (you need to present a supporting document to the court), and for this reason cannot visit the court at the place of residence of the defendant spouse (clauses 3-4 of Article 29 of the Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation);
Spouses can agree on the choice of a judicial body (Article 32 of the Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation).

State duty

To file a claim in court you need to pay a state fee:

600 rubles – for divorce (paid by the plaintiff);
from 400 to 60,000 rubles (calculation of the exact amount is based on the price of the claim) - for the division of joint property;
150 rubles - for collecting alimony for children, or 300 rubles - for collecting alimony for children and a mother on maternity leave (paid by the defendant if the court satisfies the request).
300 rubles – for determining the place of residence of children.

For state registration of divorce in the registry office:

1300 rubles (both parties pay 650 rubles).

Additional expenses: notary services (certification of power of attorney, divorce consent, other documents) or legal consulting services.

Payment is made strictly according to the details provided by the judicial authority or the registry office. You can make a payment at the cash desk of any bank or post office. The receipt must be kept and attached to other documents - without it, administrative and judicial services will not be provided.

Where to apply and what is the procedure

If there are children, spouses cannot divorce through the registry office, only through the court. This rule was introduced in order to maximally protect the interests of children and the parent with whom they will remain.

There are also a couple of exceptions to this rule:

Divorce in the registry office is possible if the children were not born in marriage and they are already 18 years old. This is what clause 1 of Article 19 of the country’s IC says. If a couple has no complaints against each other, and both express a desire to divorce, they can resolve this issue peacefully through the registry office;
The second spouse has died, is serving a prison sentence of at least 3 years, or has been declared incompetent by a court decision. To dissolve a marriage without the consent of the second spouse and common children are not taken into account, the plaintiff will need to prepare supporting documents. Namely: a court decision or sentence, a police certificate, etc.

In other cases, the issue of divorce is resolved exclusively in court.

Statement of claim

The statement of claim cannot be drawn up in any order. If the claim contradicts the rules established by Art. 131 of the Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation, the court may refuse to accept the document to the plaintiff and return it to correct the deficiencies.

A properly prepared claim must be legally competent, accurate, written in an official business style, with a concise statement of all essential circumstances. The structure of the claim should be as follows:

Name, address of the judicial authority;
Plaintiff's details: full name, address, contacts;
Defendant's details: full name, address, contacts, INN, SNILS, etc.;
The price of the claim (indicated if the claim contains property claims that are subject to monetary valuation, for example, for the division of property acquired during marital life or debt obligations);
Title: “Statement of claim for divorce, for the choice of place of residence for joint minor children, for the collection of alimony for the maintenance of joint minor children, for the division of joint property and debts”;
Descriptive part: date of marriage, circumstances of married life, reasons for divorce (reasons for divorce can be specified at length, without intimate details, for example, the impossibility of living together due to disagreements, loss of trust, alcohol abuse);
Information about children: full name, date and place of birth, place of residence;
The justified position of the plaintiff (or the agreed position of the parties) regarding the children: the place of residence of the children after the divorce, the procedure for maintaining the children;
List of disputed property (indicating the estimated value) that is subject to division, the position of the plaintiff (or the agreed position of the parties) regarding the division of joint property;
Petition part: claims for divorce, choice of place of residence for joint children, collection of child support, division of joint property;
List of attachments (documents confirming each of the above circumstances);
Date of;
Plaintiff's signature.

The sample presented for review is suitable for a simple, fairly typical divorce situation. But in practice, divorce is often complicated by abuse, disputes over children, savings, debts, real estate documents, etc. Spouses who do not have a legal education and experience in litigation will find it difficult to prepare a competent claim and collect a strong evidence base to defend their interests in court. That's why we offer you help. Consultation with our lawyer is free. Write or call the hotline to get advice on your divorce case.

Documents for divorce

Art. 132 of the Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation contains a rule for the formation of a package of documentation. According to this rule, every circumstance that is indicated in the claim as an argument or evidence must be documented. Based on this, an approximate list of attachments to the divorce claim will look like this:

Copies of the statement of claim (according to the number of participants in the process);
Copies of passports;
Copies of children's birth certificates or passports;
A copy of the marriage certificate (if the certificate is lost or hidden, you can obtain a certificate or a duplicate from the registry office);
A copy of the marriage contract (if concluded);
Parental agreements on place of residence, maintenance of joint children, division of property (if they were concluded in writing);
List of joint property that must be divided, title and valuation documents for each property;
Written consent for divorce (may be required if the wife is pregnant or gave birth to a child less than 1 year ago);
Other documents: police reports, court decisions, medical certificates, characteristics, income certificates, bank statements of expenses, promissory notes, loan or deposit agreements, etc.
A document confirming payment of the state duty.

Will the children be left with their mother?

When deciding on the place of residence of children, the testimony of employees of guardianship authorities, educational and social institutions is taken into account.

Based on judicial practice, we can conclude that most children remain to live with their mothers unless they:

not declared incompetent;
do not abuse alcoholic beverages;
do not undergo treatment at a drug treatment clinic.

The second spouse has the right to demand that the order of communication with minor children be determined. Such requirements can be indicated by the spouse initiating the divorce, including, for example, the wife who demands that the court determine the order of communication between the children and the ex-husband.

You can demand that the husband communicate with the children only in her presence, to which the ex-husband has the right to object.

Who will the children stay with?

In most cases, after a divorce, children live with their mother. But this does not mean that fathers cannot claim to live together with their own children - such cases are also known in judicial practice.

Expert opinion

Dmitry Nosikov

Lawyer. Specialization: family and housing law.

If the parents themselves have agreed with whom the children will remain, there will be no proceedings on this issue. It is enough to indicate this in the statement of claim or attach to the claim a separate written agreement on the place of residence of the children. The court will review the parental agreement in a court hearing, and if no violations of the rights of children or parents are found in it, it will be approved by a court decision.

If parents cannot voluntarily decide who their children will stay with, they will have to sort it out in court. The court takes into account the following factors:

Children's attachment to mother and father;
Financial situation of mother and father;
Housing and living conditions of parents;
Lifestyle, moral qualities of parents;
The opportunity to provide children with all the conditions for development, upbringing, and education;

All of the above factors are considered by the court as a whole; none of them is decisive for the court. For example, if the father’s income is higher than the mother’s income, this does not guarantee him an advantage, but if the mother is characterized negatively (does not care about the children, leads an immoral lifestyle, suffers from alcohol addiction), the father has a greater chance of receiving a positive court decision (see . “In what case can a child be left with his father during a divorce”).

When making a decision, the court is guided not only by the documents submitted by the spouses (certificates, characteristics), but also by the conclusion of the guardianship and trusteeship authority - it is drawn up based on the results of a study of the living conditions of the mother and father.

The court also asks the children which parent they want to live with? The children are interviewed in the presence of a teacher. Children can express their point of view, and if they are already 10 years , it will definitely be taken into account by the court in conjunction with other factors.

Since there are three children, the court can divide them between the parents, but only taking into account the children’s attachment to their parents and to each other.

Example After a divorce, the court left her 5-year-old twin sons with their mother. An adult 16-year-old daughter expressed a desire to stay with her father, since his apartment was located next to a college and a sports club, and her mother changed her place of residence and moved to the suburbs.

If the court finds it difficult to accurately determine the degree of attachment and closeness of children with their mother or father, it may order a psychological examination . Its result is announced at the court hearing and serves as one of the factors, and in some cases, the decisive factor for making a decision.

Young children (under 3 years old) will most likely stay with their mother; children over 14 years old can decide for themselves which parent they want to live with.

How to divorce?

A written application for divorce must be submitted to the court - either unilaterally (if the second spouse objects to the divorce) or jointly (if both spouses have come to the conclusion that it is impossible to save the marriage and restore family relationships). If a spouse submits a joint application in the absence of the second spouse, then the signature of the second spouse must be notarized.

The application must indicate:

Time and place of marriage registration,
Presence of children and their dates of birth,
The requirement to dissolve the marriage with justification for the reasons for such a decision is the main requirement,
The requirement to determine the place of residence of each child,
The requirement to determine the procedure for communicating with each child and participating in their upbringing,
The requirement to determine the procedure for taking children abroad,
The requirement to determine the order of support for each child and, possibly, a needy spouse.

It is also necessary to attach a receipt for payment of the state duty to the package of documents. The receipt can be obtained from the court office or downloaded from the official website of the court. You can pay it at a branch of any bank, through the account holder’s online bank, or through other payment systems.

In addition, the process may consider issues of restriction of parental rights or deprivation of the defendant’s parental rights.

The court may limit the parental rights of a parent if he

Suffering from mental illness
Suffering from a severe chronic somatic disease,
I found myself in a difficult life situation - I was left without housing, without work,
Got into other circumstances that prevented the proper performance of parental responsibilities.

It is permissible to deprive a parent of parental rights in the following cases:

He evades parental responsibilities - does not support the child, does not care for him, does not participate in his upbringing and education,
He refuses to take the child from a medical organization, boarding school, sanatorium, or other institution where the child is placed due to his state of health, his mental or emotional state,
He abuses his parental rights, for example, preventing the child from attending school, not seeking medical help for a sick child, forcing him to engage in illegal activities,
He abuses the child
He committed a crime against the person against one of the family members, about which there is a corresponding court decision (conviction),
He suffers from chronic alcoholism or drug addiction.

Reasons for divorce may include the following:

Marital infidelity
Family violence
Child abuse
Spouse's antisocial behavior
Pathological dependence of the spouse on alcohol, drugs, games,
Anti-family behavior of the spouse.

Video, photo, audio evidence, written documents, witness statements and other acceptable materials can be used as evidence.

Your demands for determining the place of residence of each child must be justified primarily on the basis of the interests of the children themselves. Please note the following:

Housing conditions offered to children
Psychological atmosphere in the house,
The opportunity to provide children with adequate care and supervision,
The opportunity for children to freely and within a reasonable period of time reach an educational organization and additional children's education organizations,
The number of people living in the house and the quality of their relationship with the child,
Child's relationship to parent.

It is unacceptable to use the right to live with children as a lever of influence over the ex-spouse and to prevent children from communicating with the second parent out of feelings of revenge, hostility towards the ex-spouse and other personal motives.

When determining the order of meetings with the children of a separately living parent and the extent of his participation in raising children, one must also proceed from the interests of the children and the quality of influence on them from the separately living parent. The personality of the parent and the characteristics of his relationship with each child must be taken into account. In some cases, the court will allow the second parent to have contact with the children only in the presence of the first (cohabiting) parent and for a limited amount of time. But in normal parent-child relationships, a separately living parent often takes children to his place on weekends, holidays and vacations, goes on vacation with them, comes to the children for family holidays or invites them to his place, communicates freely with them by phone and the Internet, and the same is done by close relatives of the separated parent - the children's grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and so on.

Alimony is collected for each minor child from the separately living parent. They are also exacted from an adult disabled child who is unable to work. In addition, a spouse who is left with a child under three years of age or with a disabled child in need of care can apply for alimony.

The following documents are attached to the application for divorce:

Copies of spouses' passports,
A copy of the marriage certificate,
Copies of children's birth certificates,
Evidence of the circumstances that caused the divorce
Evidence - justification for the choice of place of residence for children (documents on the right of ownership or possession of residential premises, an act on the inspection of living conditions, documents from educational institutions indicating their addresses, an extract from the house register, etc.),
Evidence – justification for determining the order of meetings with children of a separate parent,
Copies of the statement of claim according to the number of persons participating in the process,
Other documents that the spouses consider should be included in the materials of the divorce case.

Interested people can come to the court and participate in the process as third parties. For example, grandparents can come and make their own demands on determining the order of meetings and the conditions of communication with their grandchildren.

The court gives the spouses a month to reconcile and establish family relationships. In some cases, the court dissolves the marriage on the day of the first court hearing, for example, if one of the spouses is socially dangerous, aggressive, inadequate, and continued presence with him is dangerous for the physical and mental state of the second spouse and/or children.

Alimony in divorce with three children

The parent with whom the children remain has the right to demand child support for three children. You can also collect alimony for yourself, for example, if the mother (less often the father) is caring for a child under 3 years old or a disabled child under 18 years old).

For the maintenance of three children, 50% of the official income is required to be paid (Article 81 of the RF IC).

If the parent’s income is unofficial or unstable, the court assigns a fixed amount of alimony. Its size must be a multiple of the subsistence level in the region in which the children live, and must ensure the same level of financial status of the children. A fixed amount is also assigned to the disabled parent.

Amounts of money must be transferred monthly , in the form of cash (with the obligatory execution of a receipt) or by wire transfer to the bank or postal account of the parent with whom the children live.

The amount of alimony ordered by the court may subsequently be increased or decreased in the event of changes in the marital or financial situation of the parents. As practice shows, such a claim can be brought to court...

mother - if the father got a job with a higher salary, but continues to pay a meager amount of child support;
father - if a child was born in a new family, if he lost his job or his financial situation worsened.

Life after divorce from husband

Divorce is a stressful situation and it is very difficult to survive. You will have to go through stages of denial, anger, possibly depression, and only then will you be able to accept what happened. This will take time. If you feel that you are entering a prolonged depression, then it would be useful to seek the help of a psychologist. Try not to dwell on what happened, communicate more with friends, your loved ones, burden yourself more with difficult tasks.

Your most important task will be to provide for yourself and your children financially. Now it's up to you.

What will help solve financial problems after divorce?

Make the most of all rights and benefits provided by law.
Make the most of financial assistance from your ex-husband.

Regardless of how you broke up with him, it is in the best interests of your children. Especially if your ex-husband loves them. After all, alimony cannot solve all financial problems. When solving other problems, also do not neglect his help.

Perhaps you need to take some courses to get a new job, take a little break, undergo a course of treatment, go to your parents, go on a business trip, your child gets sick, etc.

In this case, do not hesitate to ask for insurance and time with the children.

Solve the problem of common debts incurred during marriage

The question is not easy, but it will have to be solved:

~ Know your rights and responsibilities well. For example, for which debts of your “ex” you are required to be jointly responsible, and for which you are not. What property and finances you have a legal right to (in business, real estate or securities).
~ Try not to bring controversial issues to court, but resolve them together, in a gentle and diplomatic manner.
~ In difficult situations, be sure to consult a lawyer. Even a small nuance can be decisive, and you may not know it.
~ Considering that you are left alone, it would not be a bad idea to make a will for your property and finances.
~ Try to complete all existing debts and payments as quickly as possible. This can be done with the help of bonuses, bonuses, gifts, vacation money, etc. d.
~ You can sell valuables or property you don’t need and use them to pay off debts
~ Get rid of assets that lead to increased expenses (for example, an expensive car)
~ If necessary, find additional income

Don't cling to luxury or large real estate

In cases where a luxury apartment or a large house requires a lot of money for maintenance, and you do not have such income, then the only way out is to refuse such real estate. Choose housing according to your income.

Learn to live in a new way

Learn to plan your family budget. Sit down and write down all your income and expenses. There are inevitable expenses - utilities, study, transportation, food, clothing, communications and some others. All other expenses must be carefully planned.

You will have to change your lifestyle, habits and eliminate unnecessary expenses, that is, shrink your budget. List all your expenses according to the items of this budget - for housing and communal services, food, transport, communications, for children, etc. Planning your budget in this way will teach you to live within your means in a new reality of life.

Avoid creating new debt and avoid using credit cards.

Division of property if there are three children

The division of marital property is a process that is not necessarily related to divorce, since it can occur both before the start of the divorce process and after its completion. There is time for this: the statute of limitations for the division of disputed marital property is 3 years , and this period is counted not from the moment of divorce, but from the moment of violation of property rights (Clause 1 of Article 200 of the Civil Code of the Russian Federation).

Expert opinion

Semyon Frolov

Lawyer. 7 years of experience. Specialization: family, inheritance, housing law.

The number of children also does not in any way affect the order of division of property between spouses, since children do not have the right to claim the property of their parents, just as parents do not have the right to claim the children's property. Everything that was purchased for the children during the marriage remains the property of the children and is transferred for use to the parent with whom the children will live. This can be not only children's clothing and toys, but also furniture, sports equipment, musical instruments, as well as funds in accounts opened in the child's name.

What is subject to division? Everything that was acquired during married life (except for gratuitous transactions - donation, privatization, inheritance), regardless of whose money this or that property was purchased with, in whose name it was registered. This could be real estate, cars, cash savings, land, household items, jewelry, and debts. The shares of the spouses are equal, regardless of his contribution. Even if one of the spouses did not work at all, but raised and raised children, ran a household, and made other contributions, he has the right to claim half of the joint achievements and bears half of the joint debt obligations - by virtue of Art. 38 RF IC.

Example After marriage, the wife quit her job and devoted all her time to housekeeping and then caring for a newborn child. A few years later, two more children were born into the family. Only my father worked. The family purchased furniture, household appliances, and a car on credit. After the divorce, the wife filed a lawsuit for the division of household furniture and household appliances. The court divided the joint property into equal shares, and the car loan debt was also divided equally.

A fair exception may be made to the rule of equal marital shares. The spouse with whom the children will live may demand an increase in the share in the interests of the three children - in kind or in the form of monetary compensation. In contrast, the share of one of the spouses can be reduced if misbehavior in the family, dependency without good reason, or unreasonable expenses contrary to the interests of the family are established (Clause 2 of Article 39 of the RF IC).

Lawyers often advise dividing property in separate court proceedings in order to dissolve a long-term marriage, or even better, without a trial, on your own, by preparing and signing (in the presence of a notary) a voluntary agreement on the division of property.