Rudeness at work is an unpleasant but common situation that causes discord in relationships within the team, worsens the psychological climate and interferes with work activity. Inappropriate behavior, personalization and rude statements will deal a strong blow to the employee’s self-esteem and cause worries that can distract from work and reduce performance. How to resist rude people and put boors in their place without losing dignity and saving face? There are a number of protective techniques and ways to prevent inappropriate behavior.
Signs of an unhealthy team
Rudeness at work in many cases is a consequence of poor management. People in a team unite into a single organism. The behavior of one employee affects the work of others. To respond to rudeness, determine the reason for its occurrence. You need to start with an analysis of the working climate.
Rudeness flourishes where business ethics are forgotten. It’s easy to identify an unhealthy team. Its main features:
Indifference of employees to work, relationships among colleagues, events in the business life of the team. It is easy to say rudeness if a person does not respect and value colleagues, subordinates or superiors. Nervousness and irritability. Appears in teams with ineffective organization of work and rest. Stress reduces the level of self-control and rudeness breaks out. Envy of other people's successes. In a group of envious people and gossipers, whispers behind your back and obvious rudeness in your face are commonplace. Rejection of new team members. Stagnation turns out to be a guarantor of stability. A new employee is a headache and a harbinger of change. It’s easier to crush a newbie with rudeness. Shifting responsibility. In case of trouble, team members blame each other, awakening aggression in their ranks. Difficult relationship with the manager. The boss sets the vector of business communication. If he is rude to his subordinates, then an unfavorable psychological situation will develop among the employees.
In such a situation, the only effective way out is to treat the team. You won’t be able to resist the crowd alone; it will demolish and crush the daredevil. If you value your job and position, you will have to accept animal laws and start strengthening your nervous system. When you have nothing to lose, act: transfer to another hotel, start looking for a new job.
Learn to relax
To make routine duties and boring actions cause you less irritation and rejection, try to disrupt the usual course of things, at least in small ways.
Otherwise, communicating with people, especially with visitors to your establishment or clients, can turn into real torture for you. Their unpleasant manners and last-ditch actions will suddenly break your patience. Then from a friendly person you can instantly turn into a neurotic. And the consequences can greatly damage your career. Therefore, we will immediately agree that annoying routine little things can seriously interfere with proper communication with people.
Let's say, if you are a seller, start laying out goods from different shelves. And during the prescribed break, either drink tea or just go outside and breathe some air. And if, for example, you are a taxi driver, try to choose different routes to the final destination. In general, figure out what and how you can change to make it psychologically easier for you.
When you come home after work, take off, like a uniform, other people’s worries and problems that you were burdened with at the workplace. To do this, be sure to change your outfit to home clothes - comfortable and cozy, take a shower or at least wash your face. Then take a break of 15-30 minutes to be alone with yourself and relax.
Do some special relaxation exercise
. For example, this:
- Sit in a chair, take a comfortable position, place your hands on your knees and close your eyes.
- Gradually relax the muscles from top to bottom, starting from the forehead, cheeks, lips, neck and ending with the calves and feet.
- At the same time, imagine, for example, that you are warmed by the rays of the gentle spring sun. You feel warm, calm and pleasant.
- Breathe evenly, and when you feel better, inhale deeply, then hold your breath and exhale vigorously.
- After this, immediately open your eyes.
Reasons for rudeness
Rudeness is rude, harsh and inappropriate behavior. Each person has his own evaluation criteria. An experienced warrior will accept a harsh remark as the norm, unlike a sensitive young lady. Before you commit rash acts, take a closer look at the rude person. Determine what hidden motives drive him.
Desire to stand out
A person suffering from attention deficit tries to win it in any way. It does not matter whether he receives support and approval, or is condemned by the team. Attention is the only goal of rude behavior.
Self-affirmation
By humiliating a person with a rude statement, a boor tries to raise low self-esteem. He perceives boorish dialogue as a battle for the right to be the strongest. The driving force of this person is an inferiority complex.
Stress
Rudeness is an outlet for tension. The nervous system wears out, self-control weakens and negativity spills over onto others. One sharp attack is not worth close attention. But a person who cannot cope with aggression constantly poses a danger to the team.
Heightened self-esteem
When self-esteem is inadequately high, rudeness becomes the norm. A narcissistic person does not take into account the norms and values of the team; he does not care about the feelings of other people. He is ready to go over his head and trample on someone else's self-esteem, without thinking about the consequences.
Natural roughness
Excessive directness of statements is often perceived as rudeness. It is customary in society to smooth over unpleasant truths and present them in a correct form. When a statement goes beyond the boundaries established by a person or society, it is perceived as rude and inappropriate.
Aggression
When a person perceives others as enemies and suspects conspiracy at every corner, he takes a defensive position. Rudeness is a way of self-defense from imaginary problems.
Clings and finds fault with little things
It happens that a colleague does not give you peace. He constantly finds fault with little things - and such a colleague can be either a man or a woman. You ask yourself why he does this... and you don't find an answer. Here are some tips.
- Behave as naturally and casually as possible : as if nothing is happening. Do not arrange intrigues, do not set other workers against your enemy. Hating your co-workers is the worst thing you can think of.
- Be emphatically polite and courteous . This makes the offender very angry, but at the same time he has nothing to show against you, because you are behaving so nicely! And you can also show that stooping to petty squabbles is absolutely not your level.
- Learn in advance a few simple phrases that can be said automatically: for example, “Are you unhappy with something?”, “Yes, I absolutely understand you,” and others. This will help you pay less attention to another meaningless dialogue.
Boss's rudeness
Openly fighting with your boss, getting into a fight, or trying to make him laugh is not an appropriate option if you want to keep your job. Rude management stems from incompetence. Think about what motivates your leader. If he is a tyrant by nature and is accustomed to controlling any movement of his subordinates, not allowing anyone to say a word against him, it will not be possible to fight him openly. Public actions are especially dangerous.
A common cause of rudeness is misunderstanding or incompetence of the employee.
Rudeness of a subordinate
Rudeness on the part of a subordinate is a dangerous situation. By leaving things to chance, you risk losing authority, without which the boss cannot manage the team. You cannot show weakness and follow the lead of a boor. By responding to rudeness with rudeness, you risk losing respect from other subordinates. To get out of such a situation, you need to use tactful methods that indicate your superiority.
Constantly makes fun
Humor is great because with the help of a joke you can solve many problems and contradictions. But everything has a limit. Endless jokes about your appearance, habits, and behavior are a great start to conflict.
Sometimes people simply don’t know how to stop in time: having seen that their colleagues responded well to the previous joke, a person begins to generate the same jokes, only less successful.
ADVICE . Stop responding to your colleague's remarks. Don't smile out of politeness, don't keep up the conversation - give a signal that it's time to change the topic of conversation.
Options
Break the script
Whatever the boor’s motives, he already has a scenario in his head. Your task is to destroy it. Use a distraction. Say something the rude person doesn't expect to hear. Ask about the reasons for his conclusions and suspicions. Ask why he cares about your personal life, doesn’t he have his own? You will achieve your ultimate goal if the boor begins to make excuses. The skirmish will quickly subside.
In a conversation with your boss, words of gratitude will be an unexpected move. Calmly say that you appreciate the time and effort spent on you. Thank you for the “valuable advice.” The main thing is to remain serious. Such a situation will confuse the boss, and he will calm down.
Give a clear fight back
Your task is not to cross the line of rudeness. A couple of well-aimed barbs are enough to put a person in his place. Don't engage in active dialogue. An unexpected answer after a theatrical pause will sober up the rude person. To finish off the offender, say that you had a better opinion of him. Please note that rudeness does not suit him.
Hit the weak spot
He is convinced that rudeness protects his inner coward. Dispel illusions. Show that you saw the true face of the offender, hint to him about it.
A coward chooses the target of attacks from among those who do not foretell danger. By convincing the rude person otherwise, you will insure yourself against further attacks from him.
Ignore
If you understand that you don’t have enough strength to give a decent rebuff, try not to pay attention to the boor. Ignoring sudden attacks is difficult, but effective. This method will work great with attention-seeking bullies. Without receiving the expected reaction, the boor will feel uncomfortable.
Play the role with dignity: sad sighs and rolling your eyes will not do. Convince yourself that the offender is an empty place, he is not worthy of attention.
Silence can be the calm before the storm. You will observe the rude person and collect the necessary information. If the boor does not calm down, use the information received by stepping on the offender’s sore spot.
Talk
When rudeness becomes a consequence of misunderstanding or life difficulties, talk to the person. Find a common language, show participation in his life. Solving problems through constructive dialogue is the pinnacle of business communication.
If the reason for rudeness is problems in your personal life, there is a high probability that the person will stop and apologize.
Make a joke
A joke will put a boor in an awkward position, especially in public. Sneeze demonstrably, apologize and say that you are allergic to rudeness. Don't use this technique with your boss. By joking with management, you risk completely ruining the relationship and leaving the workplace.
Fantasize
Use this technique when communicating with your boss. If he is being rude and trying to put you down, take your mind off his words. Imagine your boss as a participant in a comical situation. Why does he take it out on you? Maybe at home he is a small and quiet henpecked man, bringing slippers to his formidable wife?
Don't take rudeness to heart. The boor is looking for your pain points. Don't show that his goal has been achieved. Understand that the words of a rude person are guesses and provocations. You are not responsible for someone else's mood and upbringing. Boors sense people with low self-esteem; they subconsciously choose the victim who is most susceptible to harsh attacks. Work on your weaknesses in advance. Build self-confidence.
Control yourself. Being rude in response to rudeness does not make you a hero. Consider it a test of endurance. Inhale and exhale slowly. Count to 10. Think of a delicious dinner and a loving spouse at home. Take a break from the irritating actions of the rude person. The solution will come by itself.
Speak only after a pause. Don't stop the boor. Let him speak out.
Focus on the situation. Hasty conclusions will work against you. There are no universal actions in the fight against rudeness. You'll have to think about it. Don't be afraid of procrastination. Make the pauses theatrical and exciting. Develop sensitivity. The more subtly you feel about a person, the more accurate the answer will be.
Don't forget to be positive. A smile is disarming.
Instructions for employers: how to fire a boor
IMPORTANT! A sample report on committing a disciplinary offense from ConsultantPlus is available here
To exclude the possibility of challenging the dismissal and the forced reinstatement of the rude person in his position, the employer is recommended to comply with all points, documenting each step:
- Establish the normative behavior of employees in a local act, employment contract, job description, Regulations on internal labor regulations - document disciplinary norms.
- Familiarize all staff with the rules of conduct for a personal visa.
- If unacceptable behavior has led to an impact on the work process, it is necessary to draw up a report documenting the violation of the disciplinary norm. The basis may be a review from a dissatisfied client, information from a “complaint” book, a memo from a line manager, etc.
- If you experience rudeness, abuse, scandal or other unacceptable behavior from an employee for the first time, you can limit yourself to a verbal remark (strict reprimand).
- A written complaint or repeated incident of rudeness is grounds for disciplinary action (Article 81 of the Labor Code of the Russian Federation).
- The management must request an explanatory note from the offending employee. If he does not provide it within two days, a statement of refusal is drawn up, which is certified by two signatures.
- Having written evidence of inappropriate behavior and the employee’s own explanations (or refusal of them), management issues a reprimand order. The culprit should be familiarized with the order, and his signature should be obtained. The refusal to sign is also documented in an act - this is evidence of the good faith of the employer who familiarized the employee with the order.
- An employee who has a valid disciplinary sanction has the right to be dismissed if he receives at least two more: not necessarily for rudeness, the offense can be anything that violates the requirements of regulations. Even a few delays are enough.
- A repeated reprimand for rudeness is equated to repeated violations of labor discipline, which is a legal basis for saying goodbye to an unsuitable employee.
IMPORTANT! The order should mention the troubles or damage caused by the employee’s rude behavior: loss of a client, disadvantages to the company’s reputation, damage to the production process, etc.
Don't forget about important nuances
The first thing a manager should remember when formalizing such a dismissal is the timing of the reprimand. A penalty can be imposed no later than a month after the violation was committed. If during this time the culprit went on vacation or sick leave, the terms are slightly delayed, but not longer than six months.
The second important circumstance is that punishment for an offense cannot be double. If you have reprimanded a brawler, he can no longer, for example, be deprived of bonuses, and vice versa. You also cannot fire an employee who has already been punished for misconduct in another way.
Question: Is it legal to provide in an employment contract with a remote worker who directly serves clients via the Internet the following grounds for dismissal: “The employee may be dismissed by decision of the employer for inappropriate behavior and rudeness towards clients”? View answer
